My son who is nearly 11 has been a bit anxious recently. I dont live with him, he lives with his mum a 3 hour car drive away. Although we keep in touch through skype and i see him in teh school holidays

Anyway, ive noticed recently hes sounded subdued on the phone, giving one word answers and not his normal self. I chatted to his mum on the phone in private and she said he has been feeling 'stressed'. He is a bright boy, and fairly mature and sensiible for his age. She told me he had been looking up his symptoms online....And anyway, my ex wife said that he had asked her to take him to the doctors. Sadly she has pandered to him, instead of letting it pass, its probably normal growing up type stuff. She does treat him too soft in general, but thats another story.

Anyway, my question is, do i have a right as the other parent to know his doctors surgery and have a say ?? Because i am strongly against children being given anti anxiety medication etc etc, especially as the brain hasnt developed fully. I think my ex is a big believer in doctors in general as if their word is from god, and is more likely in general to take medication of one sort or another. I would prefer the more holistic approach, although i am not against medication for diabetes etc. I just believe medication of a psychiatric nature for children is dangerous. My son has a fairly settled life, though he does go om his tabley and phone way too much and probably isnt relaxing enough after school. He needs a bike too, his mum hasnt got him one. I just think he needs to be doing more, like sports etc, he doesnt do any

My question :Do i have a say legally in what my son takes from a doctor ? Or do i have no say at all ? There is no way i want my son ever taking any of that sh.t, or anti depressants etc in teh future if he ever has the teenage blues in a few years

If you have parental responsibility (not the same as being the custodial parent), you can make a request to access your child's medical information.

You cannot prevent treatment which is deemed to be in the best interests of the child. If your child is Gillick competent, the right to the final say may be his. Ultimately a dispute could end up before the courts to determine the best interests of the child under the Human Rights Act.

If you google you can download the BMA guidelines on this issue (it's a PDF so I can't link it here).

It's your son's say that counts here. He is obviousl desperately worried about something, desperate enough to request a visit to the doctor Listen to him. Try not to impose what you see as a masculine sports regime on him if he isn't that kind of boy. Try not to tussle with your ex about it - whatever ails the boy could well be worsened if he's caught in the crossfired. Be reasonable and listen to everybody concerned before you make a judgment.

A masculine sports regime ?? You misunderstand. He does no exercise at all. Constantly on his tablet, or mobile phone. His Mum wont buy him a bike. Im trying to encourage excericse. Im not a macho sports bloke myself

Children these days are massively overstimulated by social media, texting on mobile phones etc etc, and i think some of this is contributing to feeling anxious because he is not switching off his brain after school. Sticking kids on anti anxiety drugs is not the route to go for 10 and 11 year olds

Oh, I get you now about the exercise.
Has the doctor actually prescribed your son anti anxiety medication? Or are you just worrying that he will?
Have you asked your son what he is anxious about.? Is it physical symptoms he's been researching or the other kind? I ask because this could be something or nothing. It might be some physical symptom that the doctor can reassure him about or at the other end of the scale it could be much more serious. Time enough to worry about it when you get a diagnosis. But bear in mind the boy has asked for this so he must be really scared of something. I hope the doctor can clear it up easily.

She has 'pandered' to him by allowing him to go to the doctor at his request?
That is totally the correct course of action. To not do so would be to belittle his obvious concerns.

If you think he needs a bike is there any reason why you can't buy him one yourself? Although just having one doesn't mean he will feel inclined to use it of course.

It's often easy looking in from the outside to see a simple solution to something, without fully understanding the whole picture, so I would tread carefully. You can't just 'make' a teenage boy put down his phone (that links him to his friends and that everyone his age uses). I'm sure most parents of teenagers would prefer more outdoor time and less screen time, doesn't mean you can force it to happen.

Even from your own description of your son, he sounds depressed and in need of help, and you can't just ignore that and hope it will go away. I would suggest that your best contribution would be to focus on spending time listening to him and getting him to talk about his life and understand him, rather than try and force what you think is right for him onto him.

Stress and anxiety isn't unusual in teenagers. If a doctor thinks its severe enough to require medication to help him deal with it then it would be cruel to try to deny him that.

At the moment there is no indication at all that he will be given anti-anxiety medication of any sort at all, you're just doing a Dr Google and jumping the gun here. Maybe he is anxious because of something physical and wanted to ask a doctor about it. I doubt an 11 year old boy is going to self diagnose a mental condition and request to see a doctor for some drugs.

As to your original question, are you separated/divorced in a legal sense? By this I mean are there court papers relating to your rights and obligations as the father of the child? I haven't experienced such things so sorry for being a bit vague but I'd imagine something like that may be mentioned in such papers.

He has a bike here at my house, but he is rarely here because he lives a 3 hour car drive away from me, so i see him for some of the holidays and occasional weekends when i go up there and stay in a guest house. I offered to buy him a bike and take it up there but his Mum said they havent got room for one and have a smallish back yard and no shed etc. I think he would like one, he is nearly 11, but it causes problems when i mention it, so i dont mention it anymore. Anyway, maybe i have been overthing it all with regards the doctors and potentially being offered medication for anxiety etc. My son doesnt seem that anxious, i think it might just be normal growing up worries or concerns that will pass with time. He is a smart kid and is doing well. He was made the head boy in what is his final year of primary school and is more mature than the hyper kid that i was at his age !

I will leave this thread here now, i was just curious from a legal standpoint if i was entitled to know the name of the doctors etc and could have a say in medical matters.

His mother has done exactly the right thing, pre teens are under massive stress these days and she was right to take him to see the Doctor, he should be closely monitored and may need help from CAMHS or some other organisation if things stay stressful for him, poor little mite.

When he goes to the GP next, why not go along with them? I am sure that he would love that, a 3 hour drive should not interfere with your relationship at all.

As for exercise, I am sure that he does his quota at school, some kids just arent interested in sort, none of my 3 have been, they are academic and love nothing better than fiddling with technology.

I hope he gets the help he needs as he grows, I a sure he will grow up to be a lovely young man, sounds like your ex has all bases covered, lucky him.

As his father of course you have every right to be part of the discussion re your sons health and medical care, but his mother as main carer will rightly make all the decisions with her son and the GP re his medical care.
Can you intervene ? I very much doubt it!

I told you in the first reply to your post.

You think it is pandering to a child to let him go to the doctor when he feels he needs to?

How about you let the trained medical professional decide if it's "normal growing up stuff" or not? The last thing you want is your son having a mental health problem and feeling like he cannot seek help for it.

If it is 'normal growing up stuff', it will pass as you say and no harm will come from him seeing a doctor to reassure him of this.

I think you misunderstood my intentions as you don't know the history of my relationship and certain other things

As for mental health and Depression, it is something I know a lot about. Just to reiterate, I am against children being given drugs for anxiety or moods etc as goes on in the united states. I am leaving this thread here now. I have nothing else to add

Don't hand out drugs like candy. Its only done in the event it would help. Most likely have a CAMHS assessment done if there is a problem. Doctors aren't stupid, they are aware of pressures of modern childhood and the mother is absolutely doing the right thing in speaking to a professional if she feels there is a problem.

As mentioned above, if you are concerned then ask to attend the doctors visit,