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Have you ever been in a Teresa-no-mates situation?
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HeavySaurus
20-12-2016
I'm very much an introvert and not very good at senseless chit-chat, so tend to stick to the people I know even a little bit at parties or work conferences etc. I don't mind someone else coming up to me to start a conversation, but will rarely be the person to introduce myself to stranger first.

Unfortunately it seems to be at least a little bit expected that it's the lone person's responsibility to wedge themselves into a group and try to fit in, than it is the group's responsibility to take in a stray.
GloriaSnockers
20-12-2016
I know there are a few times I've felt a bit sidelined because I can remember the feeling, but I honestly can't remember the details. Mostly I have no trouble chatting to people I don't know, but it helps if you have common ground, even if it's only that you're in the same place and have much the same interest in being there.

I went to a football match without the people I usually go with for the first time the other week, and the prospect of going alone felt so weird that I almost turned the free ticket down, but I was glad in the end that that I got out of my comfort zone and did it anyway. From the old bloke I got chatting to when I asked for a look at his team sheet before kick-off to the guys I dissected the match with on the bus stop afterwards, I was never without someone to talk to the whole time.

The only occasion when I've felt REALLY Billy-no-mates was when I agreed to host an Anne Summers party years ago. Half my friends declined the invitation and the other half readily accepted and then - for reasons genuine or fabricated - failed to turn up anyway. I felt about two inches tall as the demonstrator pulled what seemed to be every item in the catalogue from her bag and showed them off one at a time to a vast audience consisting of... me, my mum and my sister. The three of us spent a small fortune that night just so the woman wouldn't feel that it had been a complete waste of her time, so I suppose I can say that my husband got a kick out of the event afterwards. It's as well for him that I bought enough stuff to last, because it put me off Anne Summers parties for life
maltshovel
21-12-2016
Two occasions for me:

A christening where I only knew the couple who were having their baby christened. I sat on my own in a pew near the back of the church and it was one of the last to be filled. A small group of ladies came into the church and I stood up to let them in. There were so many of them in that they took up the whole pew and I was left standing there and had to squeeze into a pew further down. Even at the party after I had no one to speak to - I can honestly say that I have never felt more alone in my life I was at a very low point in my life which I guess didn't help.

The other one was a large party where everyone knew each other and I went as my friend's plus one. He went off to speak to other people. I have no problem engaging in conversation with new people but when you find that the people you try to talk to are completely up their own arse and all they want to talk about themselves you soon lose interest. I ended up pretending I was ill and left the party early
Laurel1ne
21-12-2016
Originally Posted by HeavySaurus:
“I'm very much an introvert and not very good at senseless chit-chat, so tend to stick to the people I know even a little bit at parties or work conferences etc. I don't mind someone else coming up to me to start a conversation, but will rarely be the person to introduce myself to stranger first.”

I can usually go up to someone standing alone and start a conversation but I can really only do it to another woman. If I start chatting to a guy I start to wonder if he thinks I fancy him
Poppy99_Poppy
21-12-2016
When my mum died when I was 13 her youngest sister had a lot to do with my upbringing. I was very close to her, more so than her real daughter. She got remarried late in life and her husband did not like me and she quietly dropped me about 5 years ago by saying she had no time to speak to me when I phoned. I got the message and my only contact was a card on birthdays and Christmas.

She died a few months back and I went to her funeral. Apart from her daughter/grandchildren/husband I was the next closest member of her family. The funeral was well attended but I sat at the back because all the front pews were full. The funeral was personalised with flowers in her favourite colour placed on her coffin by individuals when we left the crematorium - most people were given flowers to do this, I wasn't. It wasn't deliberate, I was just invisible seemingly. Milling around afterwards outside, nobody spoke to me, I only knew a few people and they either didn't recognise me or were standing around in little social groups. I felt excluded and awkward. I was upset too because she was my closest relative and it was like a parent dying. I did not bother going to the wake. I ended up walking through the graveyard for about 20 minutes, on a dull, overcast and windy day, trying not to cry as I had to get on a train to go home. It was the loneliest and disconsolate feeling, and an extreme and upsetting version of Billy no mates.
Tether
22-12-2016
It can go either way with me, if I am going on work courses or things of that nature I find it difficult to chat to people. I am usually one of those who doesn't make eye contact or try and engage with anyone but if someone makes the first move I definitely reciprocate.

In different occasions for instance when my housemates and I have hosted house parties I always make a point of going up to people I've not met and chatting away to them and thank them for coming along, particularly if they look a bit lost or out of it, I've made a few new friends that way too.

I've been on a few nights out with groups when I haven't known anyone but one person but once I've had a drink or three I can chat to anyone.

At the end of the day, we have all been the odd one out, or the awkward one or the one who something embarrassing happens to at the supermarket, just part of life isn't it really?
netcurtains
22-12-2016
Weirdly when I'm indoors at an event I feel a bit awkward and can';t think of owt to say but if I'm outside smoking with the other lepers I'm the life and soul chatting away. The last gig I went to I ended up having my photo taken with a group of friendly strangers outside who thought I was fab, they were all giving me hugs.
Gordon g
22-12-2016
A few times when I was younger. I was a lot more socially awkward back then though. The older I get the less I care what others think of me.
I ended up on a date a few years ago where the girl brought her best friend along. They literally ignored me for the first 2 hours and Any attempt to break the ice was met with cold stares. Which meant lots of awkward silence for me and extended trips to the bathroom to waste time. After about her 8th Archers and lemonade she did try to talk to me, but was wasted.

I assumed that was the end of that, but she actually texted me at the end of the night asking if I wanted to do it again sometime.
PoppySeed
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by striing:
“I went to a friend's leaving do and didn't know anyone there. Everyone else knew at least one or two other people and I felt very awkward all evening. It's kind of put me off socialising at those type of things.”

I went to a friend's wedding anniversary party, we had not lived near each other for many years so in the interim she had made numerous new friends I didn't know. I went to the party alone thinking I'd know most people there but felt really awkward as I was literally standing alone a lot of the time apart from a few excruciating small talks with total strangers. I couldn't even leave as I had travelled several hours to get there and was staying at her house.
rammsteinqueen
22-12-2016
I had to do a St Johns course with work on my own. Everyone else was in pairs or groups and I did feel left out and tried to chat with other girls. It was actually the blokes that were more friendly and by the end of the week I didn't feel so left out. If someone had been on their own in a social environment for 10 mins or so I would go over and speak to them.
Soundbox
22-12-2016
I look at it as why should anyone want to talk with me, in fact I would be suspicious if anyone showed interest in being social with me. There would be a motive and I wouldn't be it.
Laurel1ne
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by Soundbox:
“I look at it as why should anyone want to talk with me, in fact I would be suspicious if anyone showed interest in being social with me. There would be a motive and I wouldn't be it.”

Sometimes people are just trying to make you feel part of the community, there doesn't have to be any sinister reason for it
Phoenix Lazarus
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by Laurel1ne:
“Sometimes people are just trying to make you feel part of the community, there doesn't have to be any sinister reason for it”

Perhaps they're an ugly and socially unskilled millionaire.
BBWorldWideFan
23-12-2016
Yes I have been the no-mates type before and it didn't bother me then. It wouldn't bother me often because I didn't like or respect any of the people who didn't want me around. I would have cringed if they invited me to any kind of social gathering.
BBWorldWideFan
23-12-2016
Originally Posted by Gordon g:
“A few times when I was younger. I was a lot more socially awkward back then though. The older I get the less I care what others think of me.
I ended up on a date a few years ago where the girl brought her best friend along. They literally ignored me for the first 2 hours and Any attempt to break the ice was met with cold stares. Which meant lots of awkward silence for me and extended trips to the bathroom to waste time. After about her 8th Archers and lemonade she did try to talk to me, but was wasted.

I assumed that was the end of that, but she actually texted me at the end of the night asking if I wanted to do it again sometime.”

God I hope you didn't
Evil Genius
30-12-2016
Occasionally, but it doesn't bother me.

However I've found from friends, people are loathe to approach me as apparently, I look a bit unapproachable. I've been compared to a Hitman before by a few people, even though I'm a pussycat usually!
1fab
30-12-2016
Yes, I never mastered the art of mingling.

You will always find me in the kitchen at parties syndrome.
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