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Thinking of having a drink over the Christmas period?
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HP.80 Victor
21-12-2016
Be very careful about drinking at this time of year, as we are getting close to Christmas the Police are out there in their numbers checking on people.

Last weekend I was out with a few mates and one thing led to another. I had a few too many beers, played some silly drinking games, then went onto the whisky......not a good idea! Knowing I was well over the limit, I decided to leave my car where it was and took a bus home. sure enough, the police were in the town centre pulling over drivers and breathalysing them.

Because I was in a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.
Andrue
21-12-2016
Hmmm. I'm not sure that the humour justifies the post.
pork.pie
21-12-2016
Erm...?
Bex_123
21-12-2016
Originally Posted by HP.80 Victor:
“Be very careful about drinking at this time of year, as we are getting close to Christmas the Police are out there in their numbers checking on people.

Last weekend I was out with a few mates and one thing led to another. I had a few too many beers, played some silly drinking games, then went onto the whisky......not a good idea! Knowing I was well over the limit, I decided to leave my car where it was and took a bus home. sure enough, the police were in the town centre pulling over drivers and breathalysing them.

Because I was in a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.”

Made me smile...

Although as this is DS, I'm sure that'll mean I advocate drink driving as well as stealing buses.
tenofspades
21-12-2016
Oh if we are doing bad jokes:

Therapist: I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?
Me: Can't say I do.
Therapist: That's one of them.
--------------
I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.
andy1231
21-12-2016
Originally Posted by Bex_123:
“Made me smile...

Although as this is DS, I'm sure that'll mean I advocate drink driving as well as stealing buses.”

Me too
An Thropologist
21-12-2016
Originally Posted by HP.80 Victor:
“Be very careful about drinking at this time of year, as we are getting close to Christmas the Police are out there in their numbers checking on people.

Last weekend I was out with a few mates and one thing led to another. I had a few too many beers, played some silly drinking games, then went onto the whisky......not a good idea! Knowing I was well over the limit, I decided to leave my car where it was and took a bus home. sure enough, the police were in the town centre pulling over drivers and breathalysing them.

Because I was in a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.”

It's an old joke but none the worse for it. It made me smile.
Armi
21-12-2016
My wife's gone to the West Indies
muggins14
21-12-2016
Originally Posted by An Thropologist:
“It's an old joke but none the worse for it. It made me smile. ”

Me too (or three, I can't quite recall!)
belly button
21-12-2016
Originally Posted by Armi:
“My wife's gone to the West Indies”

Was that through choice ?
Chris Frost
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by Armi:
“My wife's gone to the West Indies”

(I'll bite )

Jamaica?
Chris Frost
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by Bex_123:
“Made me smile...

Although as this is DS, I'm sure that'll mean I advocate drink driving as well as stealing buses.”

And kidnapping any passengers, and theft from stealing the fare money unless you gave them free rides; in which case "Hurrah for Robin Hood!" or "Boo, ya big nasty anarchist", and not to mention misleading the police in the course of their enquiries. Oh, and you could add insult to injury by adding that you smoked on the bus and threw the fags ends at other car drivers/pedestrians/babies in prams/kittens etc...... Princessxxxx would have a fit if she knew that.........and that really makes me happy for some reason ha ha ha.
TheEricPollard
22-12-2016
my favourite rugby player once stole a bus.

otherwise I'd have done a self righteous post about what a terrible human being you are, obviously.
Beenbag
22-12-2016
I'm on a whiskey only diet.


So far I've lost three days😹
jra
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by HP.80 Victor:
“Be very careful about drinking at this time of year, as we are getting close to Christmas the Police are out there in their numbers checking on people.

Last weekend I was out with a few mates and one thing led to another. I had a few too many beers, played some silly drinking games, then went onto the whisky......not a good idea! Knowing I was well over the limit, I decided to leave my car where it was and took a bus home. sure enough, the police were in the town centre pulling over drivers and breathalysing them.

Because I was in a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.”

In reality you had had too much to drink and were actually playing Grand Theft Auto.
jra
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by Chris Frost:
“(I'll bite )

Jamaica?”

That's only half the joke.

'No, she went on her own accord'.
grimtales1
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by tenofspades:
“Oh if we are doing bad jokes:

Therapist: I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?
Me: Can't say I do.
Therapist: That's one of them.
--------------
I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.”



Patient: I think I'm going deaf
Therapist: What are the symptoms?
Patient: An American cartoon family, Homer is bald and fat and Marge has a lot of blue hair.
Nicola32
22-12-2016
Why did Adele cross the road?..



To say hello from the other side.

sorcha_healy27
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by Nicola32:
“Why did Adele cross the road?..



To say hello from the other side.

”



Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing

andydylan
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by pork.pie:
“Erm...?”

Its a "joke" that hits facebook this time of year, nothing original or funny.
Rich_L
22-12-2016
I'm thinking of having several...
grumpyscot
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by HP.80 Victor:
“Be very careful about drinking at this time of year, as we are getting close to Christmas the Police are out there in their numbers checking on people.

Last weekend I was out with a few mates and one thing led to another. I had a few too many beers, played some silly drinking games, then went onto the whisky......not a good idea! Knowing I was well over the limit, I decided to leave my car where it was and took a bus home. sure enough, the police were in the town centre pulling over drivers and breathalysing them.

Because I was in a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.”

As seen on Facebook a week ago.

But I hope people (especially visitors) in Scotland remember that our drink drive limit is substantially lower than in England. Just one pint of beer can put you over our limit.
Evil Genius
22-12-2016
Originally Posted by HP.80 Victor:
“Be very careful about drinking at this time of year, as we are getting close to Christmas the Police are out there in their numbers checking on people.

Last weekend I was out with a few mates and one thing led to another. I had a few too many beers, played some silly drinking games, then went onto the whisky......not a good idea! Knowing I was well over the limit, I decided to leave my car where it was and took a bus home. sure enough, the police were in the town centre pulling over drivers and breathalysing them.

Because I was in a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.”


Come on people! This is funny.
David (2)
22-12-2016
Very good....

Most buses are automatic now, so I could drive one home, lol.

On the serious side, I don't drink and drive so it's never an issue for me.
Armi
22-12-2016
So I asked the butcher, "Have you got a sheep's head?"

He said, "No, it's just the way I comb my hair."
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