|
||||||||
distancing from someone |
![]() |
|
|
|
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
|
|
#1 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Siophie Land
Posts: 6,532
|
distancing from someone
whats the best way to distance yourself from a girl you have a inappropriate
crush on. basically i met this girl about 8 months ago while she was pregnant with her first child with her partner. we became friends and probably got a little to close but nothing happened she is engaged to her partner now, even thou he doesn't really treat her that well. i started having feelings for her which i told her but pointed out that she isn't single so even thou i did like her nothing will come of it while she is in a relationship. we didn't actually see, speak or text for about 2 months. then by accident i bumped into her and it was TBH awkward has hell neither of us knew what to say so it was a quick hi and off we went. i felt bad so like a idiot i pm her on FB saying that was awkward and wished her well. now she has given me her new number and started texting daily etc and asking to meet up. she pointed out the reason she stopped speaking to me is because her partner demanded no contact, he knew i liked her and is quite controlling with her. part of me is glad but i still think its not on especially when she knows i have feelings for her deep down i just think its best to leave them to it and start putting distance between us but haven't a clue how to go about it without hurting her feeling |
|
|
|
|
Please sign in or register to remove this advertisement.
|
|
|
#2 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: London Town
Posts: 143
|
Quote:
whats the best way to distance yourself from a girl you have a inappropriate
crush on. basically i met this girl about 8 months ago while she was pregnant with her first child with her partner. we became friends and probably got a little to close but nothing happened she is engaged to her partner now, even thou he doesn't really treat her that well. i started having feelings for her which i told her but pointed out that she isn't single so even thou i did like her nothing will come of it while she is in a relationship. we didn't actually see, speak or text for about 2 months. then by accident i bumped into her and it was TBH awkward has hell neither of us knew what to say so it was a quick hi and off we went. i felt bad so like a idiot i pm her on FB saying that was awkward and wished her well. now she has given me her new number and started texting daily etc and asking to meet up. she pointed out the reason she stopped speaking to me is because her partner demanded no contact, he knew i liked her and is quite controlling with her. part of me is glad but i still think its not on especially when she knows i have feelings for her deep down i just think its best to leave them to it and start putting distance between us but haven't a clue how to go about it without hurting her feeling If you would like to see her again maybe you can add that if the situation changes then you'd be there for you. But the addition of a baby is going to be an issue you will have to face, do you want to get involved with a woman who has a baby which means your chances for going out is much reduced If you think your crush is going to be a fling then just walk away now, she may see you as an escape from a shitty relationship and if you're just going to want to escape after a few months then you should definitely break off contact now |
|
|
|
|
|
#3 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,112
|
Quote:
Knowing that her Partner forbade her to contact you, you can just reply and say that her "illicit" contacting of you is really against her Boyfriend's wishes and that you don't want to be the cause of any friction between the two of them
If you would like to see her again maybe you can add that if the situation changes then you'd be there for you. But the addition of a baby is going to be an issue you will have to face, do you want to get involved with a woman who has a baby which means your chances for going out is much reduced If you think your crush is going to be a fling then just walk away now, she may see you as an escape from a shitty relationship and if you're just going to want to escape after a few months then you should definitely break off contact now Also OP, I seem to remember you posting about this friendship when it first started and you were warned by several people on here what could be the consequences of you carried on. It seems to me she likes having you for the attention when her boyfriend is being a sh**. Doesn't seem like she has any intention of leaving him. If her boyfriend has told her to stop contact with you and she has carried on and also intends to see you in secret it can only end badly. |
|
|
|
|
|
#4 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Siophie Land
Posts: 6,532
|
Quote:
I'd agree with all of this.
Also OP, I seem to remember you posting about this friendship when it first started and you were warned by several people on here what could be the consequences of you carried on. It seems to me she likes having you for the attention when her boyfriend is being a sh**. Doesn't seem like she has any intention of leaving him. If her boyfriend has told her to stop contact with you and she has carried on and also intends to see you in secret it can only end badly. i have never posted about this before thou i suppose i just don't want to hurt her feelings still but would really like to cut her out and move on |
|
|
|
|
|
#5 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: 1984
Posts: 7,100
|
Give it the elbow,she's a wrong un
|
|
|
|
|
|
#6 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 569
|
Block, delete, forget, move on...
Simples.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#7 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9,197
|
Quote:
But the addition of a baby is going to be an issue you will have to face, do you want to get involved with a woman who has a baby which means your chances for going out is much reduced What do you mean by "your chances of going out (is) are much reduced?" |
|
|
|
|
|
#8 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,307
|
OP, have you asked your son what he thinks you should do?
|
|
|
|
|
|
#9 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 5,443
|
Quote:
thx for the advice
i have never posted about this before thou i suppose i just don't want to hurt her feelings still but would really like to cut her out and move on |
|
|
|
|
|
#10 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,112
|
Quote:
If not you then someone else posted a very similar thread a few months back, they even met up for walks etc.
If it's not the same person they have a very, very similar problem to them. |
|
|
|
|
|
#11 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 5,443
|
Quote:
Yes, that's the one I was referring to.
If it's not the same person they have a very, very similar problem to them. |
|
|
|
|
|
#12 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Is there life on Mars
Posts: 5,365
|
Quote:
Snip//
deep down i just think its best to leave them to it and start putting distance between us but haven't a clue how to go about it without hurting her feeling |
|
|
|
|
|
#13 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Siophie Land
Posts: 6,532
|
Quote:
Hurting her feelings is the best way to put distance between you. If you are serious about it that's the way to go. Being nice won't work.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#14 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gloucestershire, England
Posts: 4,793
|
I think I remember this story when it came about the first time (you did post it here, right?) either way, it's best you not get involved. It's a shame that her partner is a control freak, but with any luck, their relationship will fall apart on it's own - then maybe you can reignite whatever it is you think you have/had with her.
I wouldn't advise doing anything at the moment though. Your best bet would be to message her maybe, stating that you don't want to get involved between them, yet you'll be around (as a friend) if she ever needs you following a breakup etc. Last thing you'll want is you being her rebound. |
|
|
|
|
|
#15 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 321
|
Quote:
If her boyfriend has told her to stop contact with you and she has carried on...
|
|
|
|
|
|
#16 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 5,443
|
Quote:
Yes, womenfolk should do as their man demands.
THE ROLLEYES SMILIE IS BACK!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
#17 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Dark Satanic Mills
Posts: 4,809
|
Quote:
If not you then someone else posted a very similar thread a few months back, they even met up for walks etc.
![]() (Had a similar real situation - married her, had more children and everyone lived happily ever after. Sometimes you have to take a risk in life. )
|
|
|
|
|
|
#18 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 13,311
|
Could it be that she sees you as an escape route from her partner? There's no reason why you should give her this if you aren't really keen on her. Whatever you do, don't give her false hope.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#19 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Aberdeen
Posts: 12,195
|
Why would you even tell you liked her that way to begin with, when you knew she was in a relationship, and with child. Every relationship has its ups and downs, most of us make it work and get through the downs. But by telling her you liked her you planted a seed, an opening, a potential easy way out. My advice, particularly when children are involved, in future keep your mouth shut and move on.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#20 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,112
|
Quote:
That wasn't the point that poster was making
THE ROLLEYES SMILIE IS BACK!!!! ![]() Nothing wrong with platonic relationships between men and women who already have partners. However the OP has given her boyfriend cause to be concerned about him being around her after he's told her he likes her more than just being friends. The fact she now intends to carry on seeing him and behind her boyfriends back is a recipe for trouble. |
|
|
|
|
|
#21 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,112
|
Quote:
Could it be that she sees you as an escape route from her partner? There's no reason why you should give her this if you aren't really keen on her. Whatever you do, don't give her false hope.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#22 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,112
|
Quote:
Why would you even tell you liked her that way to begin with, when you knew she was in a relationship, and with child. Every relationship has its ups and downs, most of us make it work and get through the downs. But by telling her you liked her you planted a seed, an opening, a potential easy way out. My advice, particularly when children are involved, in future keep your mouth shut and move on.
The only reason for telling her that was to try and influence something to happen (leave BF for OP), except what's actually happened is not what the OP wants (stay with BF, but see OP in secret). |
|
|
|
|
|
#23 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: London Town
Posts: 143
|
Quote:
If a man "gets involved" with a woman who has a child shouldn't he be mature enough to realise he is about to undertake an obligation to both and commit to a different lifestyle?
What do you mean by "your chances of going out (is) are much reduced?" Which brings me to your question, it's amazing how many people without kids don't realize the complexities of going out when you have kids, it's no use phoning up at 5pm of a Wednesday to say you'be just got tickets for a band who're in town tonight, really great seats ....etc. when Babysitters suddenly need to be arranged Plus the cost, going out every weekend becomes a major cost when you have to book a baby-siiter Something a friend of mine failed to appreciate, he'd started an affair with a woman in his office who had a baby. The marriage broke down and he moved affair to relationship but would moan that many night he was with her they'd just sit watching the TV and now wanted to break off the relationship because he wasn't going out as much |
|
|
|
|
|
#24 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Station Eleven
Posts: 3,474
|
Tell her it's for the best that you don't contact each other anymore. That's really all there is to it. Once you've done that, block on social media and don't respond to calls or messages.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#25 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: London
Posts: 6,346
|
Sometimes these things do lead to a relationship but bear in mind she's having a baby with her current partner so he will always be part of her life. If you start a serious thing with her then you will be expected to help with child care. Are you ready for the reality of that? Children are very demanding and the other guy will likely always be involved too and likely resentful especially if he is as controlling as you say. You need to think about all this. She comes with "baggage" which you need to be prepared for. Would you feel jealous of her previous relationship and their child? Have a really good think about your feelings for her and the possible future between you, her, the child and the other guy.
|
|
|
|
![]() |
|
|
All times are GMT. The time now is 21:48.



