whats the best way to distance yourself from a girl you have a inappropriate
crush on.

basically i met this girl about 8 months ago while she was pregnant with her first child with her partner.

we became friends and probably got a little to close but nothing happened
she is engaged to her partner now, even thou he doesn't really treat her that well.

i started having feelings for her which i told her but pointed out that she isn't single so even thou i did like her nothing will come of it while she is in a relationship.

we didn't actually see, speak or text for about 2 months.

then by accident i bumped into her and it was TBH awkward has hell neither of us knew what to say so it was a quick hi and off we went.

i felt bad so like a idiot i pm her on FB saying that was awkward and wished her well.

now she has given me her new number and started texting daily etc and asking to meet up. she pointed out the reason she stopped speaking to me is because her partner demanded no contact, he knew i liked her and is quite controlling with her.

part of me is glad but i still think its not on especially when she knows i have feelings for her

deep down i just think its best to leave them to it and start putting distance between us but haven't a clue how to go about it without hurting her feeling

Knowing that her Partner forbade her to contact you, you can just reply and say that her "illicit" contacting of you is really against her Boyfriend's wishes and that you don't want to be the cause of any friction between the two of them

If you would like to see her again maybe you can add that if the situation changes then you'd be there for you. But the addition of a baby is going to be an issue you will have to face, do you want to get involved with a woman who has a baby which means your chances for going out is much reduced

If you think your crush is going to be a fling then just walk away now, she may see you as an escape from a shitty relationship and if you're just going to want to escape after a few months then you should definitely break off contact now

I'd agree with all of this.

Also OP, I seem to remember you posting about this friendship when it first started and you were warned by several people on here what could be the consequences of you carried on.

It seems to me she likes having you for the attention when her boyfriend is being a sh**. Doesn't seem like she has any intention of leaving him.

If her boyfriend has told her to stop contact with you and she has carried on and also intends to see you in secret it can only end badly.

thx for the advice
i have never posted about this before thou
i suppose i just don't want to hurt her feelings still but would really like to cut her out and move on

Give it the elbow,she's a wrong un

Block, delete, forget, move on...

Simples.

If a man "gets involved" with a woman who has a child shouldn't he be mature enough to realise he is about to undertake an obligation to both and commit to a different lifestyle?
What do you mean by "your chances of going out (is) are much reduced?"

OP, have you asked your son what he thinks you should do?

If not you then someone else posted a very similar thread a few months back, they even met up for walks etc.

Yes, that's the one I was referring to.
If it's not the same person they have a very, very similar problem to them.

Yep. That other thread was the first thing that came to my mind when I read the OP.

Hurting her feelings is the best way to put distance between you. If you are serious about it that's the way to go. Being nice won't work.

That's the thing I know that's a way to do it but I ain't a nasty person so would rather some how do it without hurting her. If she ever did become single I probably would want more so don't wanna burn bridges by being nasty. At this time thou I have to put myself and my feelings first

I think I remember this story when it came about the first time (you did post it here, right?) either way, it's best you not get involved. It's a shame that her partner is a control freak, but with any luck, their relationship will fall apart on it's own - then maybe you can reignite whatever it is you think you have/had with her.

I wouldn't advise doing anything at the moment though. Your best bet would be to message her maybe, stating that you don't want to get involved between them, yet you'll be around (as a friend) if she ever needs you following a breakup etc. Last thing you'll want is you being her rebound.

Yes, womenfolk should do as their man demands.

That wasn't the point that poster was making

THE ROLLEYES SMILIE IS BACK!!!!

I recall it too!

(Had a similar real situation - married her, had more children and everyone lived happily ever after. Sometimes you have to take a risk in life. )

Could it be that she sees you as an escape route from her partner? There's no reason why you should give her this if you aren't really keen on her. Whatever you do, don't give her false hope.

Why would you even tell you liked her that way to begin with, when you knew she was in a relationship, and with child. Every relationship has its ups and downs, most of us make it work and get through the downs. But by telling her you liked her you planted a seed, an opening, a potential easy way out. My advice, particularly when children are involved, in future keep your mouth shut and move on.

Yes, I think they missed the point as soon as they cut out the rest of my post.

Nothing wrong with platonic relationships between men and women who already have partners. However the OP has given her boyfriend cause to be concerned about him being around her after he's told her he likes her more than just being friends. The fact she now intends to carry on seeing him and behind her boyfriends back is a recipe for trouble.

With what the OP has said so far I don't think she's looking to escape any time soon. She seems content to remain with her partner but still see the OP so she has the best of both worlds. I think the OP is keen on her hence his comment about not wanting to burn bridges as he thinks there might be a chance for him if she ditches BF in future.

I think you hit the nail on the head.
The only reason for telling her that was to try and influence something to happen (leave BF for OP), except what's actually happened is not what the OP wants (stay with BF, but see OP in secret).

You would think so but dating has shown me quite the opposite, though I always made it clear that I had kids from my previous marriage many men would say that it didn't bother them and they were fine with it, but would eventually start complaining if dates had to be cancelled at the last minute because child #1 had been sent home from school with chicken pox or the baby sitter didn't turn up

Which brings me to your question, it's amazing how many people without kids don't realize the complexities of going out when you have kids, it's no use phoning up at 5pm of a Wednesday to say you'be just got tickets for a band who're in town tonight, really great seats ....etc. when Babysitters suddenly need to be arranged

Plus the cost, going out every weekend becomes a major cost when you have to book a baby-siiter

Something a friend of mine failed to appreciate, he'd started an affair with a woman in his office who had a baby. The marriage broke down and he moved affair to relationship but would moan that many night he was with her they'd just sit watching the TV and now wanted to break off the relationship because he wasn't going out as much

Tell her it's for the best that you don't contact each other anymore. That's really all there is to it. Once you've done that, block on social media and don't respond to calls or messages.

Sometimes these things do lead to a relationship but bear in mind she's having a baby with her current partner so he will always be part of her life. If you start a serious thing with her then you will be expected to help with child care. Are you ready for the reality of that? Children are very demanding and the other guy will likely always be involved too and likely resentful especially if he is as controlling as you say. You need to think about all this. She comes with "baggage" which you need to be prepared for. Would you feel jealous of her previous relationship and their child? Have a really good think about your feelings for her and the possible future between you, her, the child and the other guy.