It's the big question for parents this time of year. When your child asks you the dreaded question about the progeny of the presents under the tree, at what age do you continue to embellish and at what age do you own up... as sensitively as possible?

I'm in a quandary at the moment as my oldest got to 11 absolutely convinced and was heartbroken. Second - had a chat at summer post his 11th birthday and he laughed at me. 'I've known that for years'. However, tonight, got a text from an upset mum who's son is a friend of number three. They're 9 (actually my son will be 9 a couple of days after Xmas so technically still only 8). My fella had given her fella a very clear description of what actually happens. Came as complete news to me! So what do I do? Bring it up? Wait till he brings it up? Convince him he's wrong (he's a smart little monkey so I don't fancy my chances).

At what age does it become patronising to continue?

Take the child's lead usually. My daughter was 9 when she said "there isn't really a father christmas is there?". She was a clever lass and it was pointless to lie at that point but to her credit she kept it going for her little brother and enjoyed xmas just as much.

My son on the other hand, I had to break it to him as he was at senior school (he was 11) and I thought there was a good chance that the horrible kids would rip the piss out of him if he mentioned father christmas at school. He took it well, he'd just never thought to question it!

I'd say Santa by 9, God by 14 and Corbyn by 18 - but Santa causes the least long term damage so if you have to stretch one, that's the one


Last edited by platelet : 23-12-2016 at 01:37

They're all different, aren't they? I suppose there's a bit of the parents wanting to hang onto it, too. My almost 9 year old will argue you to the death on anything you can possibly want to talk about so I can't imagine I'll win him back around. I'm mortified, though, that he would tell other kids! I hope he brings it up so I can tell him that that's wrong.

I'd definitely bring it up to stop him telling other kids who still believe because it's not nice, I don';t think you'd have a chance of getting him to believe again, maybe if he was 6 or 7 you would but any older than 8 once it's gone it's gone sadly.

That's how my daughter found out (approx 7yo iirc). Some child in her class was told by their older siblings during a squabble and of course that child blurted it out to my daughter's class. It really took a lot of magic away that day.

Oh God, I feel so bad. And this other mother is a friend of mine too. She was grand once we'd exchanged a few messages but I know she's seriously annoyed! See, much and all as they can be smart at 8/9 they're probably not 'socially smart'. At least my little monkey isn't, apparently!

Handling this would be another entry in that non-existent TRUE parenting handbook! We might have to get together and write it sometime.

Firstly, and most importantly I have no children.

But a friends daughter was at senior school and was closer to 12 than 11 and she still believed in Santa. To me personally it felt as though she was being set up as an easy target for the bullies and humiliation at such an age.

Her dad wanted to tell her before she moved up, but her mum wouldn't allow it and wanted her to make the step herself.

I do believe the dad eventually took her to one side late November and told her. He didn't want to see her asking the other kids what Santa would bring.

She doesn't have any known learning difficulties but she could be politely described as 'nieve' in a lot of things.

But as I say I don't have kids just reporting an experience.

What annoys me, is parents who tell their kids that they buy presents to give santa to give to ther children.

Its a very contrived state of affairs, if you ask me. And it dilutes some of the magic....

In Ireland children move from primary to secondary school at 12; which makes this question a little more straightforward. There's a received wisdom that you don't let a child go into secondary school without this knowledge for exactly the reason you outline. I know that my 11 year old daughter absolutely believed until my stupid drunken sister woke her up with her clattering around under the Christmas tree one Christmas Eve! Upset as I was, at least she was 11. I now have an almost 9 year old who I know doesn't believe and has deigned to tell his friends - but not me.

Now, that raises another very interesting question. My sister in law and I share Christmases (every second year). Her kids are slightly older than mine and they did this thing where the kids got two presents from Santa and one from Mum and Dad. I, on the other hand, had all of their Christmas presents coming from Santa! Again - one for the handbook!

I'd have a non-confrontational chat with him, ask him about Santa and explain that even though he may no longer believe others might. When I pointed out to my daughter just how upset she had felt by telling others she would be causing someone the same upset. It worked (well as far as I know anyway).

I had no chance with 3 brothers

I think I was 7 or 8 when I found out. I think I saw Gremlins on TV and there was a scene in it that mentioned it, something like that, but by then I was fairly sure, that just confirmed it. I also wondered before that as I saw my mum lock the front door and we didn't have a chimney so I wondered how he would get in, she said he had a magic key, but by then I smelt a rat I also remember the letter I wrote to Santa and gave to my mum to post was still on the top of the microwave on Christmas Eve. I also recollect saying to my older sister I thought he wasn't real, and she said she heard bells on Christmas Eve (bless her), and that made it last another year. I remember our teacher was Santa at primary school and we were told not to tell the younger kids.

So I guess I was 7 or 8, definitely not 9 or older for me though. The "be good or he won't come" ruse sure worked on me for years, damn those sneaky parents

I must have been a bit slow. I clearly remember having a stand up debate with someone when I was about 10 trying to convince everyone who didn't believe anymore that they were wrong. They cracked the first chink though.

I think that's the way I'll have to go. Anyway, I've told the other two that they'll still be writing their letters and leaving out milk and cake when they're in their 30s. They seemed happy enough with that.

Kids just don't think, I'm sure once you tell him to keep schtumm because some kids still believe, he will do.

Why would you even want to tell your kids lies in the first place.

Do you openly agree with telling lies then.

It's called giving your kids a magical childhood, Father christmas is a wonderful thing as is the tooth fairy who makes the blood and gore of losing teeth less traumatic. Fairy tales and nursery rhymes, make believe, fantasy it's all part of being a kid, they have great imaginations.

Of course it's entirely up to you if you choose to be a fun sponge parent who treats a child like a miniature adult.

And, as the editor of the New York Sun wrote in 1897:

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

I don't think there is a right age as such. Although a couple of Decembers ago I remember this girl about 6 trying to scare me by shouting "boo" from her window as I was walking past. I was so tempted to shout back "Oh yeah? Well Santa doesn't exist." I mean it's always good to see the baddies get their comeuppance, but sadly not that time.

My parents just let me work things out for myself

The other two I can accept don't exist, they are totally unrealistic after all, but surely Corbyn is real?

I've seen him on TV lots of times and I don't think it was in the made up part of the news that tries to make us believe they've elected someone called Trump as US President and that we're leaving the greatest economic and political creation mankind has come up with so far.

Finding out Santa doesn't exist from a kid at school who has an older brother or something is an important childhood rite of passage.

I remember a younger family friend had a cousin who still believed in Santa when he went to highschool and one time I visited overhearing my friend's parents discussing about how his mum was going to have to tell him this year and thinking how mortifying that would be. Is that more common these days? Are kids dafter than when I was at school?

I still tried the Santa thing with my 11 year old this year, he just rolled his eyes and told me straight that there is no santa. I was more upset about it than he was.

I still believed at 8.

Not sure how long after that I lost my faith in Santa, or how the great revelation occurred.