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I'm fairly skinny but obsessed with weight!? (kinda OCD/anxiety related)


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Old 28-12-2016, 18:54
max_garfield
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 231

I am probably just using this more as a place to vent my thoughts rather than a discussion but I would love to know if anyone has ever suffered similar to this.

I am 24- male and 5ft 10 (or 11..I can't remember between the two) and am currently 154lbs (according to google anyway...which I think is about 10 stone 10) and have never been overweight for my BMI. When I got to about 18/19 I shot up overnight and appeared to be a lanky looking person (I didn't realize this until someone pointed it out btw!) so then I spent a few years thinking oh I wish I was bigger (not fat but bigger so I appeared less arms and legs), I even got weights etc. I obviously didn't care that much because I never worked out a vigorous work out plan etc and stayed as I was.

Anyway, the beginning of this year I became very depressed (depression in general, nothing to do with the above) and I spent a lot of time at home. A few months went by and I began to think "If I don't get out and about properly I'm going to put on weight" and so I became obsessed with thinking that as the days were going by, I was getting fatter! This of course is not true at all and I stayed exactly the same, but my mind was just going overtime and it really exhausted my brain! I believe around June time I weighed 11 and a half stone, I immediately thought this meant "fat". So I became obsessed with checking, different times of the day etc.

Anyway cutting another long story short, the other day I checked and it said I was 10 and a half stone, I was very happy with that (even though I appeared exactly the same and relatively slim beforehand0, I checked today, I'm pushing more towards the 11!
I just feel depressed AND obsessed. I hate it, I can't even divert my brain, it just takes over. I know I am not fat to look at or that I am unhealthy etc but it's driving me mad.

What doesn't help is that through mental illness a few years ago (I am emetophobic...fear of vomiting..another long story) I developed a ton of stomach problems, with IBS like symptoms being just one of them, so I 80% of the time bloated and just feel like crap. It's all mental ilness related I know, and no doubt a few months down the line this obsession will shift to another (a few years ago it was my teeth).

The thing is, I wouldn't even say it's body dysmorphia, it's just like I have to be worried about something..all.the.time! AND yes I realize that for a guy it's somewhat rarer for these issues to be present but I can't help how my brain is wired. I am murder!

(actually just reading the post back makes me tense lol)
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