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Am I over reacting? Dating advice |
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#1 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 10,410
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Am I over reacting? Dating advice
I've been talking to a man for about 4 weeks now after talking to him on Plenty of Fish. He has asked me out about 2 weeks ago but things have got in the way (a good reason) and we've yet to actually meet.
We have however been messaging everyday, and I have ended up really liking him. He's often giving me compliments and saying all the right things so I assumed he liked me too. However, it's becoming very frustrating trying to keep a conversation going with him as it can take hours and hours to even get a reply, which is fair enough if he's busy. But I've just logged onto my pof account and seen he has been online today. Am I over reacting here? I've had no interest in talking to anyone since getting to know him over texts, but clearly I'm the only one who had this idea
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#2 |
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 9,113
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He probably thinks you need to meet by now.
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#3 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,305
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Probably best to get a meet arranged asap so you can get a better idea of what he's like and how you get on face to face.
Best meet somewhere somewhere in a town or city centre and and a place that's reasonably busy for coffee, tea or a bit of lunch and time-limit it. And remember, anyone can type the right things and give compliments - it does not automatically mean the words are genuinely meant. |
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#4 |
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Swashbuckling on Melee Island.
Posts: 21,624
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You haven't even met him and you claim you like him and are getting jealous he is still using PoF?
Don't pretend you can get to know someone by texting and messaging online. You need to meet - somewhere public and on nutual ground and get to know him in person. There is nothing wrong with him still looking on pof if he is as at the moment you don't even know each other bar a few messages. There would be nothing wrong with him still looking on there after you met too until the time and if things became "official". |
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#5 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 10,410
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Quote:
He probably thinks you need to meet by now.
I don't tend to meet many people who I click with straight away, but seem to with him. Think I'm just worried he'll meet someone else and I'll become irrelevant, if it's not already happened. |
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#6 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,305
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Quote:
Was his reasoning, not mine.
I don't tend to meet many people who I click with straight away, but seem to with him. Think I'm just worried he'll meet someone else and I'll become irrelevant, if it's not already happened. |
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#7 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 10,410
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Quote:
You seem to be investing a bit too much in a few weeks' worth of messages. Take a breath and take control.
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#8 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 9,453
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There's a difference between logging in and actually having a chance to sit down and compose replies, I wouldn't read anything into it.
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#9 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,717
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I would try and arrange a meet with him once more. It could just be that he's been very busy (it has been Christmas/NY). I wouldn't read into anything just yet, he only asked you out two weeks ago.
If he stalls again though and makes excuses, I would just move on. No point wasting time on someone who won't meet you. You need to meet someone in real life to actually get to know them. |
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#10 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 20
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After chatting for four weeks i would have thought phone numbers would have been passed by now. Is there any reason he wont give you his number?
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#11 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 10,410
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Quote:
After chatting for four weeks i would have thought phone numbers would have been passed by now. Is there any reason he wont give you his number?
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#12 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: UK and Canada
Posts: 5,452
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Why texts, why no phone calls?
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#13 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 25,196
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Quote:
We've exchanged numbers a while ago, by messaging I meant texts
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#14 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: With MyAndy!
Posts: 15,178
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Quote:
Why texts, why no phone calls?
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#15 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 22,245
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Quote:
maybe he is not as he seems.
OP, I suggest that you ask him if you can talk on the phone instead of messaging if you can't meet up .As already said, that will really help you both to judge whether there maybe some real connection. And then look to meet as soon as possible if you still gel. I think most of us are unsure of the best way to proceed with this internet dating malarkey. In the real world, he probably wouldn't collect half a dozen phone numbers n a club but in this virtual world - I don't blame him for waiting until he gets a concrete sign that you and him might be really compatible before stopping checking in on the site. After all, you were also on the site again weren't you even though you have a good feeling about him? |
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#16 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: 1984
Posts: 7,098
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Phone him,but be prepared to leave a great voicemail if he doesnt answer.
If a person likes you enough they won't take long to call you back. |
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#17 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 794
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He's only after one thing. Move on.
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#18 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 20
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Quote:
We've exchanged numbers a while ago, by messaging I meant texts
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#19 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 8,419
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It is easy to fall for someone over messages because you imagine what they are like, but in person they are often different.
i know this from my many years of gaydar back in the early 2000s. Meet up quickly so you can either get to know him properly or move on to the next and not be so disappointed. |
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#20 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: London
Posts: 986
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Quote:
I've been talking to a man for about 4 weeks now after talking to him on Plenty of Fish. He has asked me out about 2 weeks ago but things have got in the way (a good reason) and we've yet to actually meet.
We have however been messaging everyday, and I have ended up really liking him. He's often giving me compliments and saying all the right things so I assumed he liked me too. However, it's becoming very frustrating trying to keep a conversation going with him as it can take hours and hours to even get a reply, which is fair enough if he's busy. But I've just logged onto my pof account and seen he has been online today. Am I over reacting here? I've had no interest in talking to anyone since getting to know him over texts, but clearly I'm the only one who had this idea ![]() Men are conditioned to appear as if they're not over keen. |
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#21 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: London
Posts: 986
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Quote:
He's only after one thing. Move on.
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#22 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: London Town
Posts: 141
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I hate just texting people on dating sites, you can exchange witty banter but it's absolutely true that texting is no substitute for actually meeting people
If a Guy I've been chatting with makes excuses for not actually meeting then I always wonder what's actually wrong with them and why don't they want to meet |
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#23 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,449
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Quote:
maybe he is not as he seems.
All the best , you sound like a really nice person. |
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#24 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gloucestershire, England
Posts: 4,782
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Quote:
He's only after one thing. Move on.
You can't really judge someone from what they say in a message though. Do some investigating? You have his number, drop it in Facebook, see if it'll bring up his profile, if it does, take a look around. No harm in doing a little research for a proposed date beforehand. |
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#25 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 6,365
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In my time I did a number of dating sites including POF. Things I learnt
1) How long has he been on the site? I found that most men worth knowing were snapped up quickly and the long term ones were either damaged goods or players. Sounds awful but it's true. 2) If possible have a real conversation via a landline. Mobiles and texting are heaven sent for cheaters. . 3) Meet sooner rather than later. Lunchtimes are better - they don't have heavy date connotations and you can keep them brief (or not). Plus daylight is better. 3) Halfway between your place and his place is ideal for various reasons. 4) Keep it brief initially. Sometimes you know within seconds of meeting that there is no connection. If you have committed a few hours, it's torture. Be careful and have fun! I did actually find someone but it was a long distance relationship and he got very clingy very quickly. Or maybe it's me and I am just a confirmed loner. ![]() PS yes you are over reacting. You don't know him like you think you know him and it isn't a relationship at this stage. He might even be on other sites as well. Have you checked? |
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