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Son who is 16 and 14 year old Girlfriend.


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Old 03-01-2017, 07:01
i love sky
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Our son who was 16 in Oct is going out with a 14 year old girl and would like some advice as we dont feel easy with it.

they have only been going out for a month and son told us she was 15 and almost 16 but we have met her and she came out that she was 14(15 in March).

so at the weekend she stay the night with us and we made sure that son stayed in another room but when she was here they spend all the time in his room apart from during the night and the whole thing just makes us very uneasy and we have said that now we know she is only 14 that she cant stay the night again but have not told son yet.

we just dont want son to get into any trouble if they broke up( he has had 3 other girls in last 8 months or so) and say he had done things while they are in his room but not saying she would as we dont know her and have only said hello to her.

are we doing the right thing?

any advice please.
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Old 03-01-2017, 10:01
gilesb
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Have you considered speaking to her parents?
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Old 03-01-2017, 10:05
jjwales
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Have you considered speaking to her parents?
Yes, that would seem sensible. Probably best she doesn't stay the night with you, but see what her parents say.
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Old 03-01-2017, 10:15
eggchen
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They are going to have sex whether you like it or not.
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Old 03-01-2017, 10:20
grumpyscot
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I seem to remember my first girlfriend was 14 when I was 16 - OK, I grew up in the 6t0s but free sex etc hadn't arrived in Scotland. Sleepover was never even considered and the age gap was never an issue (we went to school together)

But eggchen is right. They'll have sex if they want to - down behind a hedge at the local golf course! Just make your son aware of contraception and STIs, and show him (and her) some trust.
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:33
gilesb
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With him being 16 and her 14 isn't there a legal issue if they do have sex?
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:34
Elyan
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It won't last.

In the meantime, have a chat with him about not getting her into trouble.
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:39
Monkey_Moo
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With him being 16 and her 14 isn't there a legal issue if they do have sex?
There certainly is.

Both need a frank discussion having with them, no mater how uncomfortable that would be. They might be 'in love' right now, but if things turn sour and allegations were made.
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:41
scottl
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HaHa - think I had a girlfriend of that age at 16 - I was so innocent at that age, it would have been computer games, TV and cinema - with the odd kiss.
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:41
technologist
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With him being 16 and her 14 isn't there a legal issue if they do have sex?
Or sexting ... https://www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-...-safe/sexting/
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:51
mumbles26
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It's a tricky one. I wouldn't feel happy about my 14 yr old spending the night at her 16 yr old boyfriend's house, even separate rooms. I really would recommend speaking to her parents.

For the time being, I'd strongly discourage it.
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Old 03-01-2017, 12:40
muggins14
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It's a tricky one. I wouldn't feel happy about my 14 yr old spending the night at her 16 yr old boyfriend's house, even separate rooms. I really would recommend speaking to her parents.

For the time being, I'd strongly discourage it.
I agree, although I think I'd have made sure I'd have spoken to the parents before she even stayed the night, after all she is a minor and you need to know she even has permission from the adults.

OP - You don't say whether you've met or spoken to her parents at all, who should really have made a point of contacting you prior to even agreeing for her to stay the night at your house. I know I wouldn't allow a 14-year-old child of mine to stay at a stranger's house without getting to know the owners of that house first!
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Old 03-01-2017, 12:54
LakieLady
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I think you need to talk to your son, not her parents. I think he needs to understand that:

1. intercourse with someone under 16 is illegal

2. it is equivalent to rape, because she cannot lawfully consent

3. anyone who gets done for under-age sex is on the sex offenders register and that conviction will show up every time they have a DBS check (which they seem to do for practically any job these days, including car park attendants!)

4. he'd better be 100% positive she doesn't get pregnant or it will lead to the most enormous trouble, and the best way of doing that is not to shag her.

I don't think there's any point in talking to her parents. If they were the sort of parents who'd take notice, they wouldn't have let their daughter stay overnight with a family they've never so much as spoken to.
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Old 03-01-2017, 12:58
jjwales
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2. it is equivalent to rape, because she cannot lawfully consent
I suppose telling him that could frighten him, though it's not equivalent to rape in law.

I don't think there's any point in talking to her parents.
It wouldn't hurt!
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Old 03-01-2017, 13:13
acoolwelshbloke
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Someone I know has a criminal conviction for sex with a minor...

When he was 16, he had a 15 year old girlfriend. They had been going out for the best part of two years! They started having sex when she was a little over 15 and a half, at that time he was 16 and a half. Two months before she turned 16 he finished with her and she went to the police and told them they had been having sex!

He was prosecuted and it has caused no end of trouble for him. He even had to move out of his parents home because he had two younger sisters living there too and they were classed as at risk! I would be having a serious word with my son and her parents if I was you!!
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Old 03-01-2017, 13:41
duckylucky
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It won't last.

In the meantime, have a chat with him about not getting her into trouble.
Or getting himself into trouble
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Old 03-01-2017, 14:05
muggins14
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I think you need to talk to your son, not her parents. I think he needs to understand that:

1. intercourse with someone under 16 is illegal

2. it is equivalent to rape, because she cannot lawfully consent

3. anyone who gets done for under-age sex is on the sex offenders register and that conviction will show up every time they have a DBS check (which they seem to do for practically any job these days, including car park attendants!)

4. he'd better be 100% positive she doesn't get pregnant or it will lead to the most enormous trouble, and the best way of doing that is not to shag her.

I don't think there's any point in talking to her parents. If they were the sort of parents who'd take notice, they wouldn't have let their daughter stay overnight with a family they've never so much as spoken to.
I didn't mean NOT to talk to the son as well, but talking to the parents of the other party is surely a worthwhile venture, although it should have been done prior to even considering having the girl over for the night. I'd never allow anybody to stay over without speaking to the parents to see if they were okay with it all.

Mind you, we are assuming the OP hasn't - for all we know they have communicated with the parents of the girl. If that's the case, then - as well as obviously talking to their son - they could perhaps talk to the girl's parents, with or without the girl present.

The more communication all around the better I would have thought!
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Old 03-01-2017, 14:41
Elvisfan4eva
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I don't think there's any point in talking to her parents. If they were the sort of parents who'd take notice, they wouldn't have let their daughter stay overnight with a family they've never so much as spoken to.
Maybe they don't know. Lots of girls apparently say they're sleeping at a friend's house, even naming that friend, but instead it's a boy's.
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Old 03-01-2017, 14:45
Jason100
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Maybe they don't know. Lots of girls apparently say they're sleeping at a friend's house, even naming that friend, but instead it's a boy's.
Even the friend may have probably made several excuses as to why she can't come to the phone right now!
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Old 03-01-2017, 14:47
Elvisfan4eva
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Even the friend may have probably made several excuses as to why she can't come to the phone right now!
Yes I know a mother who grounded her daughter for a month when she found out. The friend kept saying she was in the loo. Also the mother said if she saw the lad she'd chop his d*ck off.
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Old 03-01-2017, 15:38
Maxatoria
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Chastity belts and the girls dad owning a rather large gun which he likes to polish whenever the lads around will curb all but the most horny kids
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Old 03-01-2017, 16:25
i love sky
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Many thanks for the advice so far.

as for taking to her mum or dad what happened was my wife said she had spoken to someone on the girls phone who the girl said was her dad and passed the phone yo my wife and the male just said to my wife is it ok for her to stay and my wife said yes but after my wife said that the chap on the phone sounded a bit young and also he did not say can she stay with her boyfriend so i am not even sure if it was her dad or someone making out that he was thr dad


also that was done about 9pm and if wife said no she would not get home as she lives 17 miles away and no buses were running.
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Old 03-01-2017, 16:29
Jason100
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Yes I know a mother who grounded her daughter for a month when she found out. The friend kept saying she was in the loo.
That reminds me of an episode of the US sitcom Roseanne where the daughter was seeing someone Dan and Roseanne didn't like. The funniest thing was Roseanne was calling this said friends house every 15 minutes - who called Roseanne's daughter every 15 minutes ruining the daughters night completely!
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Old 03-01-2017, 17:59
Lou Kelly
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That reminds me of an episode of the US sitcom Roseanne where the daughter was seeing someone Dan and Roseanne didn't like. The funniest thing was Roseanne was calling this said friends house every 15 minutes - who called Roseanne's daughter every 15 minutes ruining the daughters night completely!
I love that episode, it makes it more funny because Roseanne knew exactly what she was doing and was purposely ruining Becky's night with Mark!
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Old 03-01-2017, 18:16
Elvisfan4eva
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Many thanks for the advice so far.

as for taking to her mum or dad what happened was my wife said she had spoken to someone on the girls phone who the girl said was her dad and passed the phone yo my wife and the male just said to my wife is it ok for her to stay and my wife said yes but after my wife said that the chap on the phone sounded a bit young and also he did not say can she stay with her boyfriend so i am not even sure if it was her dad or someone making out that he was thr dad


also that was done about 9pm and if wife said no she would not get home as she lives 17 miles away and no buses were running.
Probably her brother.
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