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Son who is 16 and 14 year old Girlfriend. |
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#26 |
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9,197
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They are going to have sex whether you like it or not.
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#27 |
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Scotland .
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I'm just horrified that HER parents permitted a sleepover without even meeting you .
![]() The boy could be in huge legal trouble for having sex with a minor (which is sure to happen, kids being kids). It constitutes rape as far as I'm aware . If it all goes wrong and she or her parents choose to take vengeful legal action then the boy will have a criminal record . A nasty one too. It will affect job prospects and if he ever decides to go into any job where children are involved then he has no chance because he won't get the necessary clearance after DBS checks . It doesn't go away either . He will have that millstone round his neck forever . OP you need to explain all that to your son , calmly .Give him the facts. Show him stuff online of cases such as this going badly wrong .Treat him as an adult and trust him to take it all in and make the right choices . Then speak to her parents and find out what they think . Maybe they think she is sleeping over at a GIRL friend's house . They might be as genuinely concerned as you . Teenage girls will lie to get their own way , simple as that . |
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#28 |
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 5,002
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Quote:
Many thanks for the advice so far.
as for taking to her mum or dad what happened was my wife said she had spoken to someone on the girls phone who the girl said was her dad and passed the phone yo my wife and the male just said to my wife is it ok for her to stay and my wife said yes but after my wife said that the chap on the phone sounded a bit young and also he did not say can she stay with her boyfriend so i am not even sure if it was her dad or someone making out that he was thr dad also that was done about 9pm and if wife said no she would not get home as she lives 17 miles away and no buses were running. |
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#29 |
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 20
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Quote:
I'm just horrified that HER parents permitted a sleepover without even meeting you .
![]() The boy could be in huge legal trouble for having sex with a minor (which is sure to happen, kids being kids). It constitutes rape as far as I'm aware . If it all goes wrong and she or her parents choose to take vengeful legal action then the boy will have a criminal record . A nasty one too. It will affect job prospects and if he ever decides to go into any job where children are involved then he has no chance because he won't get the necessary clearance after DBS checks . It doesn't go away either . He will have that millstone round his neck forever . OP you need to explain all that to your son , calmly .Give him the facts. Show him stuff online of cases such as this going badly wrong .Treat him as an adult and trust him to take it all in and make the right choices . Then speak to her parents and find out what they think . Maybe they think she is sleeping over at a GIRL friend's house . They might be as genuinely concerned as you . Teenage girls will lie to get their own way , simple as that . The Sexual Offences Act 2003 provides specific legal protection for children aged 12 and under who cannot legally give their consent to any form of sexual activity. There is a maximum sentence of life imprisonment for rape, assault by penetration, and causing or inciting a child to engage in sexual activity. http://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-s...sent-9106.html |
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#30 |
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 20
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Or you could drive her home, you know, to avoid future trouble with statutory rape charges?
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#31 |
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 5,002
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Well done for correcting my post by telling me I should have read a post you wrote 9 and half hours after I posted.
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#32 |
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 154
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When he started dating you probably should have set some ground rules like:
- If they are in his bedroom, door must be kept opened. - No girls allowed to stay overnight (and if they do make sure you speak to her parents to make sure that they know and agree to it). They are probably going to do things anyway but at least that way you can say you tried to take some measures to stop your son doing things with young girls under your roof. |
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#33 |
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 16,298
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I think you need to talk to your son, not her parents. I think he needs to understand that:
1. intercourse with someone under 16 is illegal 2. it is equivalent to rape, because she cannot lawfully consent 3. anyone who gets done for under-age sex is on the sex offenders register and that conviction will show up every time they have a DBS check (which they seem to do for practically any job these days, including car park attendants!) 4. he'd better be 100% positive she doesn't get pregnant or it will lead to the most enormous trouble, and the best way of doing that is not to shag her. I don't think there's any point in talking to her parents. If they were the sort of parents who'd take notice, they wouldn't have let their daughter stay overnight with a family they've never so much as spoken to. |
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#34 |
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 2,714
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Do not allow it. I have experience in this field which I do not want to go in on here but the amount of people being falsley accussed of things is horrendous. I have seen many a 16 year old in serious and I mean serious trouble with the police for having sex or even touching an underage girl. Yes it can be with consent but then what happens if the relationship turns sour? I could direct you to a place where you can read stories with your own eyes.
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#35 |
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Scotland .
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Do not allow it. I have experience in this field which I do not want to go in on here but the amount of people being falsley accussed of things is horrendous. I have seen many a 16 year old in serious and I mean serious trouble with the police for having sex or even touching an underage girl. Yes it can be with consent but then what happens if the relationship turns sour? I could direct you to a place where you can read stories with your own eyes.
All very well saying "Well they'll find somewhere to do it" , but there is no point in making it easy for them . If things go wrong OP then you won't have the added guilt that it happened under your roof when the finger pointing and blame game starts . |
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#36 |
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,957
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Cheers for all the advice.
after chatting to my wife today we have said that she cant stay overnight again and my wife has had a word with son so he knows how we feel and just hope now he listens to what we have said but being a teenager in love i doubt he will listen but we will see. Going by his last 3 girlfriends i doubt he will be with her very long anyway. we have also told him that he could get into a lot of trouble if they do anything so he knows that. |
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#37 |
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 766
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Quote:
With him being 16 and her 14 isn't there a legal issue if they do have sex?
He could be charged with rape as she is not old enough to give legal consent. The law says she is too young to make decisions about sex. I would try & persuade him to get someone who is over the age of consent. Young girls gossip and brag to friends. He could be reported by others or if she didn't get her own way. Very risky. |
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#38 |
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 6,798
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Yes, the age of consent is 16.
He could be charged with rape as she is not old enough to give legal consent. The law says she is too young to make decisions about sex. I would try & persuade him to get someone who is over the age of consent. Young girls gossip and brag to friends. He could be reported by others or if she didn't get her own way. Very risky. |
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#39 |
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 25,412
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Yes, the age of consent is 16.
He could be charged with rape as she is not old enough to give legal consent. The law says she is too young to make decisions about sex.. |
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#40 |
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 10,731
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The main difference from what I remember is that if the partner is 13+ the judge can take their views into consideration (doesn't have to) but 12 or below theres no room for deliberation.
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#41 |
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 20
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Quote:
Yes, the age of consent is 16.
He could be charged with rape as she is not old enough to give legal consent. The law says she is too young to make decisions about sex. I would try & persuade him to get someone who is over the age of consent. Young girls gossip and brag to friends. He could be reported by others or if she didn't get her own way. Very risky. The law says no such thing |
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#42 |
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: London
Posts: 224
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He will only be in trouble if somebody sticks their oar in and tips the police off.
Which could well be the 14 y.o. girl, if the 16 y.o. boy ends the relationship. If I was the father of the boy in question, I'd want a friendly discussion with the girl's parents, along the lines of, "My kid is no predatory monster, but he IS a normal red-blooded heterosexual boy, and being in close proximity to a normal heterosexual girl we should all as adults be aware of what is very likely to happen, neither of them are going to be content for ever with just holding hands, with the occasional peck on the lips, their bodies will incite them to go further, so let's all work together to do, and say, what we can to lessen the chances of this going bad." I have been following a similar on-line discussion on a U.S. forum, (but not contributing.) In that one, the boy is 19 and the girl 17, she is concerned with what people will think of her for being with a college freshman, while she's still in senior high. There have been a great deal of posts saying that 2 years is nothing, my husband/wife is 3 or 4 years older/younger than me, and we started going steady in High School and have now been married 30 or 40 years. But because the age of consent in most states is 18, a few being 17, even less being 16, there have been dire warnings of sexual offence indictments, the overwhelming majority of posters advising her to put the relationship on hold until she enters college herself. Naturally, she is concerned that if she takes that advice, she may lose the guy, as he'll drift off to pastures new, the thread is still ongoing, I'm on tenterhooks waiting to see the outcome. |
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#43 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 2,714
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Quote:
Yes, the age of consent is 16.
He could be charged with rape as she is not old enough to give legal consent. The law says she is too young to make decisions about sex. I would try & persuade him to get someone who is over the age of consent. Young girls gossip and brag to friends. He could be reported by others or if she didn't get her own way. Very risky. |
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#44 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 2,714
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No he couldnt unless she was 12 or under
The law says no such thing |
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#45 |
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 25,412
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Quote:
You have no idea what you are talking about.
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#46 |
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 2,714
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Quote:
The main difference from what I remember is that if the partner is 13+ the judge can take their views into consideration (doesn't have to) but 12 or below theres no room for deliberation.
Knowing what I know now and the experience I have had, people I've met through the process I just would never allow it. |
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#47 |
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: London
Posts: 986
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Quote:
.
If I was the father of the boy in question, I'd want a friendly discussion with the girl's parents, along the lines of, "My kid is no predatory monster, but he IS a normal red-blooded heterosexual boy, and being in close proximity to a normal heterosexual girl we should all as adults be aware of what is very likely to happen, neither of them are going to be content for ever with just holding hands, with the occasional peck on the lips, their bodies will incite them to go further. Sorry I can't believe young people have such a lack of willpower. I had girlfriends - and we went to the cinema - was I not normal - or was it the "you will die if you have sex" preaching of the teachers in 1981 ![]() How would boys at school who happen to be gay or bi ever get through it (other than by never associating with other boys). ? |
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#48 |
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 20
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You have no idea what you are talking about.
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#49 |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 699
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When I met my partner I was 19 and she said she was 16. Six weeks later her mum told me she was 15. 12 years later and we're still together.
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#50 |
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Hebrides
Posts: 28,130
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I am genuinely bemused by this thread. And I'm a elderly rather stuck in the mud older mother of a teen girl. My daughter last year was 15 and got a boyfriend of 17. She was invited to stay with him by his parents then he came and stayed with us for new year last year. I hadn't met his parents tho his mum and I communicated about travel arrangements etc. I saw it a a lovely first romance for my daughter, we discussed it and all the implications at length as I'm sure his parents also did.
I made them aware of the implications , the dangers both emotionally and legal and we had a very frank discussion. They didn't have intercourse,as neither felt it was right for several reasons but it was their informed decision. Dialogue with teens is bloody essential , also trust . This thread reads like uncontrollable rutting dogs that need to be chained up , controlled and who are incapable of making informed choices. Teenagers are better than is implied here, more informed, more discerning and more open to discussion. |
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