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Son who is 16 and 14 year old Girlfriend.


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Old 03-01-2017, 23:18
Toby LaRhone
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They are going to have sex whether you like it or not.
In which way would the OP actually like it?
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Old 03-01-2017, 23:58
Heatherbell
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I'm just horrified that HER parents permitted a sleepover without even meeting you .
The boy could be in huge legal trouble for having sex with a minor (which is sure to happen, kids being kids). It constitutes rape as far as I'm aware . If it all goes wrong and she or her parents choose to take vengeful legal action then the boy will have a criminal record . A nasty one too. It will affect job prospects and if he ever decides to go into any job where children are involved then he has no chance because he won't get the necessary clearance after DBS checks .
It doesn't go away either . He will have that millstone round his neck forever .

OP you need to explain all that to your son , calmly .Give him the facts. Show him stuff online of cases such as this going badly wrong .Treat him as an adult and trust him to take it all in and make the right choices .
Then speak to her parents and find out what they think . Maybe they think she is sleeping over at a GIRL friend's house . They might be as genuinely concerned as you . Teenage girls will lie to get their own way , simple as that .
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Old 04-01-2017, 00:01
Supratad
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Many thanks for the advice so far.

as for taking to her mum or dad what happened was my wife said she had spoken to someone on the girls phone who the girl said was her dad and passed the phone yo my wife and the male just said to my wife is it ok for her to stay and my wife said yes but after my wife said that the chap on the phone sounded a bit young and also he did not say can she stay with her boyfriend so i am not even sure if it was her dad or someone making out that he was thr dad


also that was done about 9pm and if wife said no she would not get home as she lives 17 miles away and no buses were running.
Or you could drive her home, you know, to avoid future trouble with statutory rape charges?
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Old 04-01-2017, 09:31
henryporter
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I'm just horrified that HER parents permitted a sleepover without even meeting you .
The boy could be in huge legal trouble for having sex with a minor (which is sure to happen, kids being kids). It constitutes rape as far as I'm aware . If it all goes wrong and she or her parents choose to take vengeful legal action then the boy will have a criminal record . A nasty one too. It will affect job prospects and if he ever decides to go into any job where children are involved then he has no chance because he won't get the necessary clearance after DBS checks .
It doesn't go away either . He will have that millstone round his neck forever .

OP you need to explain all that to your son , calmly .Give him the facts. Show him stuff online of cases such as this going badly wrong .Treat him as an adult and trust him to take it all in and make the right choices .
Then speak to her parents and find out what they think . Maybe they think she is sleeping over at a GIRL friend's house . They might be as genuinely concerned as you . Teenage girls will lie to get their own way , simple as that .
In UK law it isnt rape. It is rape if one is over the age of consent and the other is 12 or under. I think in this instance it becomes sexual assault
The Sexual Offences Act 2003 provides specific legal protection for children aged 12 and under who cannot legally give their consent to any form of sexual activity. There is a maximum sentence of life imprisonment for rape, assault by penetration, and causing or inciting a child to engage in sexual activity.
http://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-s...sent-9106.html
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Old 04-01-2017, 09:32
henryporter
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Or you could drive her home, you know, to avoid future trouble with statutory rape charges?
Read what i posted. 12 or under and he would be in trouble,it isnt rape.
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Old 04-01-2017, 10:42
Supratad
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Well done for correcting my post by telling me I should have read a post you wrote 9 and half hours after I posted.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:32
dont_be_hasty
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When he started dating you probably should have set some ground rules like:
- If they are in his bedroom, door must be kept opened.
- No girls allowed to stay overnight (and if they do make sure you speak to her parents to make sure that they know and agree to it).

They are probably going to do things anyway but at least that way you can say you tried to take some measures to stop your son doing things with young girls under your roof.
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Old 04-01-2017, 15:25
academia
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I think you need to talk to your son, not her parents. I think he needs to understand that:

1. intercourse with someone under 16 is illegal

2. it is equivalent to rape, because she cannot lawfully consent

3. anyone who gets done for under-age sex is on the sex offenders register and that conviction will show up every time they have a DBS check (which they seem to do for practically any job these days, including car park attendants!)

4. he'd better be 100% positive she doesn't get pregnant or it will lead to the most enormous trouble, and the best way of doing that is not to shag her.

I don't think there's any point in talking to her parents. If they were the sort of parents who'd take notice, they wouldn't have let their daughter stay overnight with a family they've never so much as spoken to.
She could have lied to her parents and said she was with one of her mates for the night.
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Old 04-01-2017, 15:30
marieukxx
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Do not allow it. I have experience in this field which I do not want to go in on here but the amount of people being falsley accussed of things is horrendous. I have seen many a 16 year old in serious and I mean serious trouble with the police for having sex or even touching an underage girl. Yes it can be with consent but then what happens if the relationship turns sour? I could direct you to a place where you can read stories with your own eyes.
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Old 04-01-2017, 23:21
Heatherbell
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Do not allow it. I have experience in this field which I do not want to go in on here but the amount of people being falsley accussed of things is horrendous. I have seen many a 16 year old in serious and I mean serious trouble with the police for having sex or even touching an underage girl. Yes it can be with consent but then what happens if the relationship turns sour? I could direct you to a place where you can read stories with your own eyes.
After thinking about this situation, if I'm honest this would be my reaction .No way José. End of .
All very well saying "Well they'll find somewhere to do it" , but there is no point in making it easy for them . If things go wrong OP then you won't have the added guilt that it happened under your roof when the finger pointing and blame game starts .
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Old Yesterday, 00:55
i love sky
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Cheers for all the advice.

after chatting to my wife today we have said that she cant stay overnight again and my wife has had a word with son so he knows how we feel and just hope now he listens to what we have said but being a teenager in love i doubt he will listen but we will see.

Going by his last 3 girlfriends i doubt he will be with her very long anyway.

we have also told him that he could get into a lot of trouble if they do anything so he knows that.
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Old Yesterday, 01:05
Brandy211
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With him being 16 and her 14 isn't there a legal issue if they do have sex?
Yes, the age of consent is 16.

He could be charged with rape as she is not old enough to give legal consent.
The law says she is too young to make decisions about sex.

I would try & persuade him to get someone who is over the age of consent.

Young girls gossip and brag to friends. He could be reported by others or if she didn't get her own way.
Very risky.
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Old Yesterday, 08:33
Ginger Daddy
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Yes, the age of consent is 16.

He could be charged with rape as she is not old enough to give legal consent.
The law says she is too young to make decisions about sex.

I would try & persuade him to get someone who is over the age of consent.

Young girls gossip and brag to friends. He could be reported by others or if she didn't get her own way.
Very risky.
He will only be in trouble if somebody sticks their oar in and tips the police off.
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Old Yesterday, 08:46
jjwales
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Yes, the age of consent is 16.

He could be charged with rape as she is not old enough to give legal consent.
The law says she is too young to make decisions about sex..
He couldn't be charged with rape - that would only apply if the girl was under 13. He could however be charged with the lesser offence of "sexual activity with a child under 16".
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Old Yesterday, 08:53
Maxatoria
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The main difference from what I remember is that if the partner is 13+ the judge can take their views into consideration (doesn't have to) but 12 or below theres no room for deliberation.
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Old Yesterday, 09:24
henryporter
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Yes, the age of consent is 16.

He could be charged with rape as she is not old enough to give legal consent.
The law says she is too young to make decisions about sex.

I would try & persuade him to get someone who is over the age of consent.

Young girls gossip and brag to friends. He could be reported by others or if she didn't get her own way.
Very risky.
No he couldnt unless she was 12 or under
The law says no such thing
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Old Yesterday, 09:57
razorback Tony
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He will only be in trouble if somebody sticks their oar in and tips the police off.

Which could well be the 14 y.o. girl, if the 16 y.o. boy ends the relationship.
If I was the father of the boy in question, I'd want a friendly discussion with the girl's parents, along the lines of, "My kid is no predatory monster, but he IS a normal red-blooded heterosexual boy, and being in close proximity to a normal heterosexual girl we should all as adults be aware of what is very likely to happen, neither of them are going to be content for ever with just holding hands, with the occasional peck on the lips, their bodies will incite them to go further, so let's all work together to do, and say, what we can to lessen the chances of this going bad."

I have been following a similar on-line discussion on a U.S. forum, (but not contributing.)
In that one, the boy is 19 and the girl 17, she is concerned with what people will think of her for being with a college freshman, while she's still in senior high.
There have been a great deal of posts saying that 2 years is nothing, my husband/wife is 3 or 4 years older/younger than me, and we started going steady in High School and have now been married 30 or 40 years.
But because the age of consent in most states is 18, a few being 17, even less being 16, there have been dire warnings of sexual offence indictments, the overwhelming majority of posters advising her to put the relationship on hold until she enters college herself.
Naturally, she is concerned that if she takes that advice, she may lose the guy, as he'll drift off to pastures new, the thread is still ongoing, I'm on tenterhooks waiting to see the outcome.
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Old Yesterday, 12:15
marieukxx
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Yes, the age of consent is 16.

He could be charged with rape as she is not old enough to give legal consent.
The law says she is too young to make decisions about sex.

I would try & persuade him to get someone who is over the age of consent.

Young girls gossip and brag to friends. He could be reported by others or if she didn't get her own way.
Very risky.
This is true. Even if he doesn't sleep with her he can be accussed if things turn sour or someone says something. And believe me the process the police put you through is horrendous. I know of people in your exact position. Also never forget it can be brought up years later. 20/30 years.
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Old Yesterday, 12:16
marieukxx
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No he couldnt unless she was 12 or under
The law says no such thing
You have no idea what you are talking about.
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Old Yesterday, 12:19
jjwales
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You have no idea what you are talking about.
Yes he has. He is quite correct in what he says.
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Old Yesterday, 12:20
marieukxx
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The main difference from what I remember is that if the partner is 13+ the judge can take their views into consideration (doesn't have to) but 12 or below theres no room for deliberation.
I know someone who was sent to prison, the girl actually lied about her age. Consensual. Parent reported it and he was sent to prison. Lost everything and still has to sign the sex offenders register now he's out.

Knowing what I know now and the experience I have had, people I've met through the process I just would never allow it.
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Old Yesterday, 16:44
scottl
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If I was the father of the boy in question, I'd want a friendly discussion with the girl's parents, along the lines of, "My kid is no predatory monster, but he IS a normal red-blooded heterosexual boy, and being in close proximity to a normal heterosexual girl we should all as adults be aware of what is very likely to happen, neither of them are going to be content for ever with just holding hands, with the occasional peck on the lips, their bodies will incite them to go further.

Sorry I can't believe young people have such a lack of willpower. I had girlfriends - and we went to the cinema - was I not normal - or was it the "you will die if you have sex" preaching of the teachers in 1981

How would boys at school who happen to be gay or bi ever get through it (other than by never associating with other boys). ?
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Old Yesterday, 17:41
henryporter
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You have no idea what you are talking about.
Wow, just google. You are so wrong Under 12 and its rape if she is over that age it isnt
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Old Yesterday, 17:52
lybertyne
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When I met my partner I was 19 and she said she was 16. Six weeks later her mum told me she was 15. 12 years later and we're still together.
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Old Yesterday, 18:13
benjamini
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I am genuinely bemused by this thread. And I'm a elderly rather stuck in the mud older mother of a teen girl. My daughter last year was 15 and got a boyfriend of 17. She was invited to stay with him by his parents then he came and stayed with us for new year last year. I hadn't met his parents tho his mum and I communicated about travel arrangements etc. I saw it a a lovely first romance for my daughter, we discussed it and all the implications at length as I'm sure his parents also did.
I made them aware of the implications , the dangers both emotionally and legal and we had a very frank discussion. They didn't have intercourse,as neither felt it was right for several reasons but it was their informed decision.
Dialogue with teens is bloody essential , also trust . This thread reads like uncontrollable rutting dogs that need to be chained up , controlled and who are incapable of making informed choices. Teenagers are better than is implied here, more informed, more discerning and more open to discussion.
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