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Old 04-01-2017, 10:56
Peach Melba
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Hi.

I am going to speak to a citizen's advice adviser when the office opens later this week but for now I thought I'd see if anyone could help. This is really painful so please be gentle and please don't judge. (We both live in England).

I was married to my late husband for 30 years until his death two years ago - I had been with him since I was 17. We bought the house I live in and own outright 16 years ago together and it fully belongs to me.

Last year a conman persuade me to marry him after only three months together (I know, please don't judge as i was still in shock from losing my husband and the con-man was very convincing and persuasive).
I put my house on the market, moved into his rented council house, the house he's lived in for over 50 years - he was brought up in it. We never lived in my house, he didn't even stay over in it. I moved in with him, had my name on the rent, paid half the bulls ect. We lived together for a month, then got married and that is when he changed - the day we were married, and became mentally abusive and controlling.

I have/had a bit of money from my late husband's death and i now believe this was the reason he pursued me. He has nothing, no assets, where I do, assets all bought years before I met the con-man who I married. We bought nothing as a couple and are not reliant on each other. Have no kids, either as a couple, or previously.

Four weeks after we were married, the day I paid several thousands pounds for home improvements to his council house, he asked me to leave. (I have kept all invoices to work carried out). We had lived together just ten weeks and were married only 4 weeks when I was asked to leave and as he become crueler and colder I felt it best to take my dogs and leave. At this point (now that his mask had fell off) i was terrified of him and his vicious dog kept attacking mine, he also threatened to set it onto my placid dogs, so I needed to get them out and back to safety.

MY QUESTION - THIS TERRIFIES ME
When we divorce in 5 years time, when I will give consent, will a judge force me to sell my house and give him half the proceedings even though I bought it with my late husband 16 years ago, and he has a council house etc etc and never ever lived here. Forcing me to sell will make myself and my dogs homeless and this scares me to death. I have not talked to the con-man since the day I left, five months ago and he is unapproachable, and in my eyes dangerous. I am scared of him.

Please, can someone advise. I made a mistake by falling for his lies and wish I could turn the clock back.

Thank you.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:14
VicnBob
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Surprised you've waited 5 months before you are seeking advice. I would make an appointment to see a solicitor, pdq, this will put your mind at rest.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:17
Peach Melba
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Surprised you've waited 5 months before you are seeking advice. I would make an appointment to see a solicitor, pdq, this will put your mind at rest.
I know, it's pretty stupid. I have been emotionally damaged by this and have tried to block it out.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:31
pie-eyed
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Why can't you just divorce him now? Get him out of your life and don't ever let him near your home.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:33
blueisthecolour
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Does the divorce need to take 5 years? I think my sister and her partner divorced in 2.

Presumably the longer you are married the better his claims on the joint assets.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:35
Keefy-boy
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Why can't you just divorce him now? Get him out of your life and don't ever let him near your home.
If he contests the divorce there must be 5 years of separation.

OP your house is highly unlikely to be regarded as an asset of your current marriage were the divorce to go to court but you should get professional advice.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:40
Peach Melba
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I have just gotten off the phone with my solicitor, and she says my house is safe, he has no claims on it, due to the fact that he never live here, but it is part of the matrimonial assets and should anything happen to me, he, as my next of kin will inherit it.

She has advised me it would be better to cut off ties and I can divorce him after one year for unreasonable behaviour, or two for a straight forward divorce, but he may be entitled to something small to 'make him go away'.

Thanks for your reply, I have been burying my head in the sand for too long.

Yes, divorcing him now will be the best plan...Yes, and the longer we are married, the more he's entitled to ...
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:50
Peach Melba
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If he contests the divorce there must be 5 years of separation.

OP your house is highly unlikely to be regarded as an asset of your current marriage were the divorce to go to court but you should get professional advice.
Thanks Keefy-boy, yes, that's just what my solicitor told me just now. She tells me he can divorce me after two, but I assume that would require my consent.

I have been reeling for 5 months but I am facing this now and glad my house will be safe. The money I have spent on his house will help to keep his 'settlement' down.

What a stupid fool I was, but at least it's a lesson leaned!
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:50
Keefy-boy
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I have just gotten off the phone with my solicitor, and she says my house is safe, he has no claims on it, due to the fact that he never live here, but it is part of the matrimonial assets and should anything happen to me, he, as my next of kin will inherit it. .
If you currently have no will he may inherit from you as your husband, not as 'next of kin'. If your solicitor told you that without telling you to make a will to cut him off from inheriting anything from you, you should find another solicitor.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:55
Paul_DNAP
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Awww Peach, sounds like a terrible thing for someone to do, sounds painful for you but getting rid of him is the only option, best of luck and hope it all comes good in the end.

Could you draw up a will that makes it clear that you do not consider him as your next of kin and leave your estate to a donkey sanctuary or such, just to p him off if something does happen to you? (If there are children from your first marriage then you ought to be provisioning for them in your will anyway as your second husband will get it all by default.)

Morbid subject I know, but these things need to be considered. We spend most of Boxing Day discussing that my mum has decided she needs to set up a power of attorney now in case she starts with the dementia because if she does then she cant' grant that as she won't be deemed fit to sign the forms. Very festive (not).
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Old 04-01-2017, 12:01
Roush
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Have you discussed pursuing annulment with your solicitor?

From what you wrote above it sounds like you were manipulated into marrying him, which would mean you did not legitimately consent to the marriage and it is therefore voidable.
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Old 04-01-2017, 12:01
eluf38
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If your solicitor told you that without telling you to make a will to cut him off from inheriting anything from you, you should find another solicitor.
This. My first thought was 'it doesn't matter that he's next of kin as long as Peach has a will specifying the money go elsewhere.' Write one and make sure your solicitor and family have copies of it. And keep the receipts which show you paid for improvements to his home.

I'm glad your house is safe, Peach.
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Old 04-01-2017, 12:58
Peach Melba
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If you currently have no will he may inherit from you as your husband, not as 'next of kin'. If your solicitor told you that without telling you to make a will to cut him off from inheriting anything from you, you should find another solicitor.
I have a will, it's on my mantelpiece - leaving everything - house and assets to charity. It was written 14 years ago, although as he is a con-man he will not doubt contest it if he knew of my demise, should it happen before his. She did ask if I had a will.
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Old 04-01-2017, 13:05
Keefy-boy
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I have a will, it's on my mantelpiece - leaving everything - house and assets to charity. It was written 14 years ago, although as he is a con-man he will not doubt contest it if he knew of my demise, should it happen before his. She did ask if I had a will.
You need to make a new one. Your solicitor should have told you that on your second marriage your will would have been automatically revoked.
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Old 04-01-2017, 13:08
Peach Melba
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Awww Peach, sounds like a terrible thing for someone to do, sounds painful for you but getting rid of him is the only option, best of luck and hope it all comes good in the end.

Could you draw up a will that makes it clear that you do not consider him as your next of kin and leave your estate to a donkey sanctuary or such, just to p him off if something does happen to you? (If there are children from your first marriage then you ought to be provisioning for them in your will anyway as your second husband will get it all by default.)

Morbid subject I know, but these things need to be considered. We spend most of Boxing Day discussing that my mum has decided she needs to set up a power of attorney now in case she starts with the dementia because if she does then she cant' grant that as she won't be deemed fit to sign the forms. Very festive (not).
Thanks for your kind words, naivety was my worst flaw.

That could be a good option, excluding him, via a will, thank you. And yes, I have a will that leaves everything to charity already..

That's a good idea of your mum's. I was given power of attorney for mine too, it's a good idea.

No children, I don't have any living relatives, that's what made me a good 'catch'. Just my beloved dogs.

I panicked just before and rang my solicitor again as I was worried he could get my savings and bank accounts frozen. It's not a joint account, thank goodness. Thankfully, he wouldn't (or a judge wouldn't) have grounds to freeze my bank and savings accounts. If that happened I would have starved, it doesn't bear thinking about.

He really did think this all out and I was stitched up like a kipper.
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Old 04-01-2017, 13:17
Peach Melba
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This. My first thought was 'it doesn't matter that he's next of kin as long as Peach has a will specifying the money go elsewhere.' Write one and make sure your solicitor and family have copies of it. And keep the receipts which show you paid for improvements to his home.

I'm glad your house is safe, Peach.
Thank you. I am safe and so are my dogs now, they are 'looking' after me.

Yes, I agree, my will should be enough to keep him off my assets. I was shocked when I realised he was my 'next of kin', it really hit home how serious this all is. But I have had my mind put at ease regarding my house and bank account. If I had been in my right mind I would never have married him. I only have myself to blame, really.

I will send a copy of my will to my solicitor, good idea.

Yes, all receipts for the £5,000 worth (this is a huge amount to me), of work to his house are safe as are all bank statements showing I was paying my way. I am hoping the home improvements will be compensation enough and I won't have to give him much more money.

Thank you for all the advice - I feel better as forewarned is forearmed.
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Old 04-01-2017, 13:20
Peach Melba
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You need to make a new one. Your solicitor should have told you that on your second marriage your will would have been automatically revoked.
Right, thanks. I will get onto that. She did not tell me that.
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Old 04-01-2017, 13:33
Paul_DNAP
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Thanks for your kind words, naivety was my worst flaw.

That could be a good option, excluding him, via a will, thank you. And yes, I have a will that leaves everything to charity already..
On the will side, I was thinking that if your existing will predates your marriage then he could contest it on grounds that you didn't update it on the marriage, but if you specifically put in there that he wasn't an heir then he couldn't try that on.

That's a good idea of your mum's. I was given power of attorney for mine too, it's a good idea.
Yes, it's a great idea, just wasn't my idea of the best time of year to discuss it, and I'm not massively comfortable with me as the second son to be the first in charge as I will have the headache of my sulky older brother to content with.
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Old 04-01-2017, 13:33
Tassium
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This solicitor is terrible! Has the legal knowledge a layperson might have.
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Old 04-01-2017, 13:44
HeavySaurus
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Could you apply for annulment, as you were married for such a short time before separating and 'under false pretences' as he was pretending to be someone else and tricked you into it? I don't know anything about the legal requirements for getting a marriage annulled, but maybe worth checking if it's possible?
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Old 04-01-2017, 14:28
Peach Melba
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On the will side, I was thinking that if your existing will predates your marriage then he could contest it on grounds that you didn't update it on the marriage, but if you specifically put in there that he wasn't an heir then he couldn't try that on.



Yes, it's a great idea, just wasn't my idea of the best time of year to discuss it, and I'm not massively comfortable with me as the second son to be the first in charge as I will have the headache of my sulky older brother to content with.
It seems that my will is invalid now due to the marriage so I need to get it updated - as it stands now, I would die intestate and he would receive my assets, what he wanted all along. He literally has nothing, not one single asset. I will get everything sorted out now I have emerged from the fog. He was quite abusive, verbally - is an NLP practitioner with over 30 years' experience in NLP and hypnotherapy - he took a lot of my confidence away and I have been slowly building it back up again before I could go into all the ramifications of what I did in marrying a con-man.

Yes indeed, you will have a sulky older brother to contend with, without a doubt.

You'll be fine - it won't be needed for many, many years yet, I am sure..
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Old 04-01-2017, 14:34
Peach Melba
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This solicitor is terrible! Has the legal knowledge a layperson might have.
It seems that way, but she's better than nothing at the moment. I will of course seek better advice. The solicitors I am using are ancient - over 150 years old (the firm that is) and have the deeds to my house. You;d think they would know what they are talking about - perhaps the solicitor in question is fresh out of university as she's not named on the website.

No doubt the con-man has got everything sorted and knows exactly where he stands.
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Old 04-01-2017, 14:38
Peach Melba
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Could you apply for annulment, as you were married for such a short time before separating and 'under false pretences' as he was pretending to be someone else and tricked you into it? I don't know anything about the legal requirements for getting a marriage annulled, but maybe worth checking if it's possible?
Thank you. I have thought of that, a lot. He did indeed trick me but it would be so hard to prove as he has behaved exemplary in public and to friends and family. He made sure of that. I imagine it will be very easy for him (as a manipulative person) to flip it around and put the blame onto me, making me out to be the cause. I have to be so careful.
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Old 04-01-2017, 14:42
Paul_DNAP
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It seems that my will is invalid now due to the marriage so I need to get it updated - as it stands now, I would die intestate and he would receive my assets, what he wanted all along. He literally has nothing, not one single asset. I will get everything sorted out now I have emerged from the fog. He was quite abusive, verbally - is an NLP practitioner with over 30 years' experience in NLP and hypnotherapy - he took a lot of my confidence away and I have been slowly building it back up again before I could go into all the ramifications of what I did in marrying a con-man.

Yes indeed, you will have a sulky older brother to contend with, without a doubt.

You'll be fine - it won't be needed for many, many years yet, I am sure..
Well, I've contended with him all my life so far, so it's no big burden.

What a nasty man he is, I don't often want to thump people, but grrrrr, hope you get untangled from him as soon as possible.
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Old 04-01-2017, 14:45
Peach Melba
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Well, I've contended with him all my life so far, so it's no big burden.

What a nasty man he is, I don't often want to thump people, but grrrrr, hope you get untangled from him as soon as possible.
, ha, older brothers.

Thank you, he is indeed. I have been so traumatised by this - thinking there is a person like him about with such ill intent. This is the first time I have talked about this, to anyone - I am glad I have got it off my chest.
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