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Old Yesterday, 20:33
All_seeing_eye
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She's not wrong though. A lot of straight men would find sleeping in a bed with a gay man problematic, especially one that they've only just met. That's not to say they're right or reasonable to feel that way, but it's definitely a thing.

So, was she being offensive? Or was she just asking a fairly obvious question in a rather clumsy way?

My money's on the latter.

I'm a 'gay boy' btw. I wouldn't be particularly offended if a straight man expressed a preference to share with a fellow straight man rather than me. People have varying boundaries when it comes to personal and intimate space. It doesn't take too much effort to respect those.
What are the straight men fearful of? Being raped in the middle of the night? It's perpetuating underlying homophobia, I still think she was insulting and backtracked pretty quick when pulled up about it.
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Old Yesterday, 20:48
Dr Z
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Why does it have to be fear? Not simply respect for each other?

Let me explain - Imagine a sleep over, For simplicities sake we'll say everyone is straight, Who sleeps with who? Generally the respectful thing is for guys to bunk with guys, and girls to bunk with girls. Fair enough right? Although as a red blooded guy you are sexually attracted to girls, you do the gentlemanly thing and bunk with a guy, and let the girls bunk with girls, that way no one feels uncomfortable about the possibility of sharing a bed with someone who might be attracted to them.

So - We introduce Homosexuality to the equation, Now, if you are a Homosexual guy, does that respect of others comfort suddenly not apply? What makes you so special?

I think a straight guy is just as entitled to feel awkward sharing a bed with a gay guy, as a woman is entitled to feel uncomfortable with sharing a bed with a straight bloke.
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Old Yesterday, 21:01
AnotherPOV
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She's not wrong though. A lot of straight men would find sleeping in a bed with a gay man problematic, especially one that they've only just met. That's not to say they're right or reasonable to feel that way, but it's definitely a thing.

So, was she being offensive? Or was she just asking a fairly obvious question in a rather clumsy way?

My money's on the latter.

I'm a 'gay boy' btw. I wouldn't be particularly offended if a straight man expressed a preference to share with a fellow straight man rather than me. People have varying boundaries when it comes to personal and intimate space. It doesn't take too much effort to respect those.
Well I'm a straight asexual, and personally speaking so long as the gay guy doesn't snore or toss and turn all night I'd have no problem sleeping with a gay guy.
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Old Yesterday, 21:07
All_seeing_eye
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Why does it have to be fear? Not simply respect for each other?

Let me explain - Imagine a sleep over, For simplicities sake we'll say everyone is straight, Who sleeps with who? Generally the respectful thing is for guys to bunk with guys, and girls to bunk with girls. Fair enough right? Although as a red blooded guy you are sexually attracted to girls, you do the gentlemanly thing and bunk with a guy, and let the girls bunk with girls, that way no one feels uncomfortable about the possibility of sharing a bed with someone who might be attracted to them.

So - We introduce Homosexuality to the equation, Now, if you are a Homosexual guy, does that respect of others comfort suddenly not apply? What makes you so special?

I think a straight guy is just as entitled to feel awkward sharing a bed with a gay guy, as a woman is entitled to feel uncomfortable with sharing a bed with a straight bloke.
Why feel awkward? I really don't get it.
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Old Yesterday, 21:09
Aura101
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Well I'm a straight asexual, and personally speaking so long as the gay guy doesn't snore or toss and turn all night I'd have no problem sleeping with a gay guy.
Isn't Asexual no sexual preference so how can you be a straight asexual rather than just asexual?
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Old Yesterday, 21:10
Donna65
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Why does it have to be fear? Not simply respect for each other?

Let me explain - Imagine a sleep over, For simplicities sake we'll say everyone is straight, Who sleeps with who? Generally the respectful thing is for guys to bunk with guys, and girls to bunk with girls. Fair enough right? Although as a red blooded guy you are sexually attracted to girls, you do the gentlemanly thing and bunk with a guy, and let the girls bunk with girls, that way no one feels uncomfortable about the possibility of sharing a bed with someone who might be attracted to them.

So - We introduce Homosexuality to the equation, Now, if you are a Homosexual guy, does that respect of others comfort suddenly not apply? What makes you so special?

I think a straight guy is just as entitled to feel awkward sharing a bed with a gay guy, as a woman is entitled to feel uncomfortable with sharing a bed with a straight bloke.
Again, you make a very valid point Dr Z. No one would bat an eyelid about a girl who didn't want to share a bed with a guy, but a straight man who doesn't want to share with a gay man is automatically homophobic?
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Old Yesterday, 21:12
AnotherPOV
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Isn't Asexual no sexual preference so how can you be a straight asexual rather than just asexual?
I'm a type B asexual, and I find women's bodies very nice looking.
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Old Yesterday, 21:14
James Frederick
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Isn't Asexual no sexual preference so how can you be a straight asexual rather than just asexual?
There is a difference.

Asexual means no sexual attraction

Some Asexuals have romantic attraction so they can can be romanticly attracted to somebody.

I myself am Aromantic Asexual which means I don't experience romantic or sexual attraction
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Old Yesterday, 21:25
mmpfb
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What are the straight men fearful of? Being raped in the middle of the night? It's perpetuating underlying homophobia, I still think she was insulting and backtracked pretty quick when pulled up about it.
Probably just a gentle brush of a stray erection or something. I don't know, you'd have to ask them.

I don't think it's as simple as underlying homophobia, really. There's a whole range of interweaved issues, the main one of which is personal space. There are some gay men I know I wouldn't be particularly comfortable sharing a bed with, despite being gay myself. And I probably wouldn't want to share a bed with anyone I'd only just met.
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Old Yesterday, 23:34
petesbitch
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gay boy is not an offensive term in america
It's as offensive as it is in Britain, hon. We don't call people "gay boy". Whether or not she has a problem with gay people, I don't know. She obviously thinks straight guys are automatically going to get bent out of shape at the thought of sleeping in the same bed as a gay guy. Coleen DEFINITELY has a probably with gay people likening them to ISIS and saying that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt. In the end, Stacy wasn't joking, being ironic, it wouldn't make sense. She got the message that her attitude was not gonna fly in the house by people's reactions so I don't think a warning was warranted. She was quick to try and do damage control.

Again, in America, we don't call people "gay boy" unless we mean it as a pejorative.

Stacy seems like a mess from head to toe.
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Old Yesterday, 23:36
All_seeing_eye
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It's as offensive as it is in Britain, hon. We don't call people "gay boy". Whether or not she has a problem with gay people, I don't know. She obviously thinks straight guys are automatically going to get bent out of shape at the thought of sleeping in the same bed as a gay guy. Coleen DEFINITELY has a probably with gay people likening them to ISIS and saying that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt. In the end, Stacy wasn't joking, being ironic, it wouldn't make sense. She got the message that her attitude was not gonna fly in the house by people's reactions so I don't think a warning was warranted. She was quick to try and do damage control.

Again, in America, we don't call people "gay boy" unless we mean it as a pejorative.

Stacy seems like a mess from head to toe.
Thank you,
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Old Yesterday, 23:41
WhatJoeThinks
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It's as offensive as it is in Britain, hon. We don't call people "gay boy". Whether or not she has a problem with gay people, I don't know. She obviously thinks straight guys are automatically going to get bent out of shape at the thought of sleeping in the same bed as a gay guy. Coleen DEFINITELY has a probably with gay people likening them to ISIS and saying that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt. In the end, Stacy wasn't joking, being ironic, it wouldn't make sense. She got the message that her attitude was not gonna fly in the house by people's reactions so I don't think a warning was warranted. She was quick to try and do damage control.

Again, in America, we don't call people "gay boy" unless we mean it as a pejorative.

Stacy seems like a mess from head to toe.
But she didn't 'call him' "gay boy", she referred to him, to others, as "the gay boy" meaning "the homosexual man", which is entirely accurate. If you're going to be offended then at least focus on the fact that she suggested that there might be a problem with a straight man sharing a bed with a gay man, then said she was only joking.
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Old Today, 01:03
FusionFury
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She said she was being sarcastic
after she realised how awful she sounded !
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Old Today, 01:59
mmpfb
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But she didn't 'call him' "gay boy", she referred to him, to others, as "the gay boy" meaning "the homosexual man", which is entirely accurate. If you're going to be offended then at least focus on the fact that she suggested that there might be a problem with a straight man sharing a bed with a gay man, then said she was only joking.
Yeah I don't really see the problem here. Context is everything.

She's arrived in the house. There's a lot of people to suddenly remember the names of who she's never met before or probably even been aware of before. She latches onto the descriptive term that is unique to him out of the group.

It's not really any different to saying 'the blonde girl' or 'the older guy'.

If she spat on the ground, followed with a dry wretch to indicate disgust and then performed an interpretive dance routine to narrate her imagined journey of his to hell then that would be offensive, but then you could make 'blonde' or 'older' sound offensive with intonation or gestures. As it was, it was fairly innocuous if clumsy.

If in a weeks time she's still referring to him as 'the gay boy' then there'll be something to discuss. But for now it's all a bit mountain/molehill territory.
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Old Today, 04:02
acet19
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Yeah I don't really see the problem here. Context is everything.

She's arrived in the house. There's a lot of people to suddenly remember the names of who she's never met before or probably even been aware of before. She latches onto the descriptive term that is unique to him out of the group.

It's not really any different to saying 'the blonde girl' or 'the older guy'.

If she spat on the ground, followed with a dry wretch to indicate disgust and then performed an interpretive dance routine to narrate her imagined journey of his to hell then that would be offensive, but then you could make 'blonde' or 'older' sound offensive with intonation or gestures. As it was, it was fairly innocuous if clumsy.

If in a weeks time she's still referring to him as 'the gay boy' then there'll be something to discuss. But for now it's all a bit mountain/molehill territory.
Yes, context is everything. The context in this case was that she questioned whether another straight male would be comfortable with sleeping in the same bed as Austin or 'the gay boy', Insinuating that perhaps 'the gay boy' could behave inappropriately, or insinuating the straight male would be fearful of him doing so.

It may have offended people because it came across as stereotyping because Austin is a homosexual male. Homosexuals are a minority that have experienced years of discrimination. Stacey is an African American woman. African Americans have also faced many years of prejudice and discrimination. If someone made the same comment about Stacey, that another person could feel uncomfortable sharing a bed with her simply because she is black then it would cause offense. It's the exact same context as what's directed at Austin simply because he is a homosexual man.
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Old Today, 04:08
WhatJoeThinks
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Yes, context is everything. The context in this case was that she questioned whether another straight male would be comfortable with sleeping in the same bed as Austin or 'the gay boy', Insinuating that perhaps 'the gay boy' could behave inappropriately, or insinuating the straight male would be fearful of him doing so.

It may have offended people because it came across as stereotyping because Austin is a homosexual male. Homosexuals are a minority that have experienced years of discrimination. Stacey is an African American woman. African Americans have also faced many years of prejudice and discrimination. If someone made the same comment about Stacey, that another person could feel uncomfortable sharing a bed with her simply because she is black then it would cause offense. It's the exact same context as what's directed at Austin simply because he is a homosexual man.
Where sharing a bed with somebody is concerned, sexuality and gender might be considered reasonable considerations, but skin colour is irrelevant. Ray J, a married man, didn't want to share a bed with a married woman for that very reason. The fact that he is black is neither here nor there. He felt uncomfortable because he doesn't want people assuming that something might be going on under the covers.

As for the "context is everything", that was referring to the use of the phrase "gay boy". Let's try not to conflate the two issues, eh?
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Unread Today, 04:38
acet19
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Where sharing a bed with somebody is concerned, sexuality and gender might be considered reasonable considerations, but skin colour is irrelevant. Ray J, a married man, didn't want to share a bed with a married woman for that very reason. The fact that he is black is neither here nor there. He felt uncomfortable because he doesn't want people assuming that something might be going on under the covers.

As for the "context is everything", that was referring to the use of the phrase "gay boy". Let's try not to conflate the two issues, eh?
True, they are reasonable considerations. Nevertheless she implied that it could have been an issue solely for the straight male and not vice versa. Stating that it would only make him uncomfortable and not for 'the gay boy'. Maybe Austin would have an issue sleeping with him? She didn't consider that. Ray J pointed out that they were both married and it could become an issue for both of them, which is understandable.

I brought up the issue of skin colour purely on the discrimination factor and how her comment could have been perceived as derogatory.

And she used the phrase 'gay boy' in terms of why someone would maybe not want to share a bed with him. There aren't two issues here, I was simply pointing out the context she used that phrase in.
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