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The gay boy? |
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#101 |
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Join Date: May 2016
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She's not wrong though. A lot of straight men would find sleeping in a bed with a gay man problematic, especially one that they've only just met. That's not to say they're right or reasonable to feel that way, but it's definitely a thing.
So, was she being offensive? Or was she just asking a fairly obvious question in a rather clumsy way? My money's on the latter. I'm a 'gay boy' btw. I wouldn't be particularly offended if a straight man expressed a preference to share with a fellow straight man rather than me. People have varying boundaries when it comes to personal and intimate space. It doesn't take too much effort to respect those. |
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#102 |
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Why does it have to be fear? Not simply respect for each other?
Let me explain - Imagine a sleep over, For simplicities sake we'll say everyone is straight, Who sleeps with who? Generally the respectful thing is for guys to bunk with guys, and girls to bunk with girls. Fair enough right? Although as a red blooded guy you are sexually attracted to girls, you do the gentlemanly thing and bunk with a guy, and let the girls bunk with girls, that way no one feels uncomfortable about the possibility of sharing a bed with someone who might be attracted to them. So - We introduce Homosexuality to the equation, Now, if you are a Homosexual guy, does that respect of others comfort suddenly not apply? What makes you so special? I think a straight guy is just as entitled to feel awkward sharing a bed with a gay guy, as a woman is entitled to feel uncomfortable with sharing a bed with a straight bloke. |
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#103 |
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 696
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Quote:
She's not wrong though. A lot of straight men would find sleeping in a bed with a gay man problematic, especially one that they've only just met. That's not to say they're right or reasonable to feel that way, but it's definitely a thing.
So, was she being offensive? Or was she just asking a fairly obvious question in a rather clumsy way? My money's on the latter. I'm a 'gay boy' btw. I wouldn't be particularly offended if a straight man expressed a preference to share with a fellow straight man rather than me. People have varying boundaries when it comes to personal and intimate space. It doesn't take too much effort to respect those. |
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#104 |
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Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 1,811
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Quote:
Why does it have to be fear? Not simply respect for each other?
Let me explain - Imagine a sleep over, For simplicities sake we'll say everyone is straight, Who sleeps with who? Generally the respectful thing is for guys to bunk with guys, and girls to bunk with girls. Fair enough right? Although as a red blooded guy you are sexually attracted to girls, you do the gentlemanly thing and bunk with a guy, and let the girls bunk with girls, that way no one feels uncomfortable about the possibility of sharing a bed with someone who might be attracted to them. So - We introduce Homosexuality to the equation, Now, if you are a Homosexual guy, does that respect of others comfort suddenly not apply? What makes you so special? I think a straight guy is just as entitled to feel awkward sharing a bed with a gay guy, as a woman is entitled to feel uncomfortable with sharing a bed with a straight bloke. |
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#105 |
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Well I'm a straight asexual, and personally speaking so long as the gay guy doesn't snore or toss and turn all night I'd have no problem sleeping with a gay guy.
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#106 |
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,151
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Quote:
Why does it have to be fear? Not simply respect for each other?
Let me explain - Imagine a sleep over, For simplicities sake we'll say everyone is straight, Who sleeps with who? Generally the respectful thing is for guys to bunk with guys, and girls to bunk with girls. Fair enough right? Although as a red blooded guy you are sexually attracted to girls, you do the gentlemanly thing and bunk with a guy, and let the girls bunk with girls, that way no one feels uncomfortable about the possibility of sharing a bed with someone who might be attracted to them. So - We introduce Homosexuality to the equation, Now, if you are a Homosexual guy, does that respect of others comfort suddenly not apply? What makes you so special? I think a straight guy is just as entitled to feel awkward sharing a bed with a gay guy, as a woman is entitled to feel uncomfortable with sharing a bed with a straight bloke. |
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#107 |
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Join Date: Jul 2016
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Isn't Asexual no sexual preference so how can you be a straight asexual rather than just asexual?
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#108 |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Isn't Asexual no sexual preference so how can you be a straight asexual rather than just asexual?
Asexual means no sexual attraction Some Asexuals have romantic attraction so they can can be romanticly attracted to somebody. I myself am Aromantic Asexual which means I don't experience romantic or sexual attraction |
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#109 |
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What are the straight men fearful of? Being raped in the middle of the night? It's perpetuating underlying homophobia, I still think she was insulting and backtracked pretty quick when pulled up about it.
I don't think it's as simple as underlying homophobia, really. There's a whole range of interweaved issues, the main one of which is personal space. There are some gay men I know I wouldn't be particularly comfortable sharing a bed with, despite being gay myself. And I probably wouldn't want to share a bed with anyone I'd only just met. |
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#110 |
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gay boy is not an offensive term in america
Again, in America, we don't call people "gay boy" unless we mean it as a pejorative. Stacy seems like a mess from head to toe. |
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#111 |
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It's as offensive as it is in Britain, hon. We don't call people "gay boy". Whether or not she has a problem with gay people, I don't know. She obviously thinks straight guys are automatically going to get bent out of shape at the thought of sleeping in the same bed as a gay guy. Coleen DEFINITELY has a probably with gay people likening them to ISIS and saying that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt. In the end, Stacy wasn't joking, being ironic, it wouldn't make sense. She got the message that her attitude was not gonna fly in the house by people's reactions so I don't think a warning was warranted. She was quick to try and do damage control.
Again, in America, we don't call people "gay boy" unless we mean it as a pejorative. Stacy seems like a mess from head to toe. |
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#112 |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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It's as offensive as it is in Britain, hon. We don't call people "gay boy". Whether or not she has a problem with gay people, I don't know. She obviously thinks straight guys are automatically going to get bent out of shape at the thought of sleeping in the same bed as a gay guy. Coleen DEFINITELY has a probably with gay people likening them to ISIS and saying that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt. In the end, Stacy wasn't joking, being ironic, it wouldn't make sense. She got the message that her attitude was not gonna fly in the house by people's reactions so I don't think a warning was warranted. She was quick to try and do damage control.
Again, in America, we don't call people "gay boy" unless we mean it as a pejorative. Stacy seems like a mess from head to toe. |
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#113 |
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She said she was being sarcastic
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#114 |
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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But she didn't 'call him' "gay boy", she referred to him, to others, as "the gay boy" meaning "the homosexual man", which is entirely accurate. If you're going to be offended then at least focus on the fact that she suggested that there might be a problem with a straight man sharing a bed with a gay man, then said she was only joking.
She's arrived in the house. There's a lot of people to suddenly remember the names of who she's never met before or probably even been aware of before. She latches onto the descriptive term that is unique to him out of the group. It's not really any different to saying 'the blonde girl' or 'the older guy'. If she spat on the ground, followed with a dry wretch to indicate disgust and then performed an interpretive dance routine to narrate her imagined journey of his to hell then that would be offensive, but then you could make 'blonde' or 'older' sound offensive with intonation or gestures. As it was, it was fairly innocuous if clumsy. If in a weeks time she's still referring to him as 'the gay boy' then there'll be something to discuss. But for now it's all a bit mountain/molehill territory. |
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#115 |
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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Yeah I don't really see the problem here. Context is everything.
She's arrived in the house. There's a lot of people to suddenly remember the names of who she's never met before or probably even been aware of before. She latches onto the descriptive term that is unique to him out of the group. It's not really any different to saying 'the blonde girl' or 'the older guy'. If she spat on the ground, followed with a dry wretch to indicate disgust and then performed an interpretive dance routine to narrate her imagined journey of his to hell then that would be offensive, but then you could make 'blonde' or 'older' sound offensive with intonation or gestures. As it was, it was fairly innocuous if clumsy. If in a weeks time she's still referring to him as 'the gay boy' then there'll be something to discuss. But for now it's all a bit mountain/molehill territory. It may have offended people because it came across as stereotyping because Austin is a homosexual male. Homosexuals are a minority that have experienced years of discrimination. Stacey is an African American woman. African Americans have also faced many years of prejudice and discrimination. If someone made the same comment about Stacey, that another person could feel uncomfortable sharing a bed with her simply because she is black then it would cause offense. It's the exact same context as what's directed at Austin simply because he is a homosexual man. |
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#116 |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Yes, context is everything. The context in this case was that she questioned whether another straight male would be comfortable with sleeping in the same bed as Austin or 'the gay boy', Insinuating that perhaps 'the gay boy' could behave inappropriately, or insinuating the straight male would be fearful of him doing so.
It may have offended people because it came across as stereotyping because Austin is a homosexual male. Homosexuals are a minority that have experienced years of discrimination. Stacey is an African American woman. African Americans have also faced many years of prejudice and discrimination. If someone made the same comment about Stacey, that another person could feel uncomfortable sharing a bed with her simply because she is black then it would cause offense. It's the exact same context as what's directed at Austin simply because he is a homosexual man. As for the "context is everything", that was referring to the use of the phrase "gay boy". Let's try not to conflate the two issues, eh? |
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#117 |
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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Where sharing a bed with somebody is concerned, sexuality and gender might be considered reasonable considerations, but skin colour is irrelevant. Ray J, a married man, didn't want to share a bed with a married woman for that very reason. The fact that he is black is neither here nor there. He felt uncomfortable because he doesn't want people assuming that something might be going on under the covers.
As for the "context is everything", that was referring to the use of the phrase "gay boy". Let's try not to conflate the two issues, eh? I brought up the issue of skin colour purely on the discrimination factor and how her comment could have been perceived as derogatory. And she used the phrase 'gay boy' in terms of why someone would maybe not want to share a bed with him. There aren't two issues here, I was simply pointing out the context she used that phrase in. |
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#118 |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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True, they are reasonable considerations. Nevertheless she implied that it could have been an issue solely for the straight male and not vice versa. Stating that it would only make him uncomfortable and not for 'the gay boy'. Maybe Austin would have an issue sleeping with him? She didn't consider that. Ray J pointed out that they were both married and it could become an issue for both of them, which is understandable.
I brought up the issue of skin colour purely on the discrimination factor and how her comment could have been perceived as derogatory. And she used the phrase 'gay boy' in terms of why someone would maybe not want to share a bed with him. There aren't two issues here, I was simply pointing out the context she used that phrase in. The bit in bold simply isn't true. While she did appear to imply or believe that there might have been an issue, she did not state or even imply that it would be solely one-sided. That's your own interpretation. For what it's worth the two separate issues that I was referring to are; 1) use of the term "gay boy", and 2) the assumption that a heterosexual man might have a problem sharing a bed with a homosexual man. For convenience I've attempted to transcribe the conversation, which is as confusing as Hell with everybody talking over each other at one point. Feel free to offer any corrections. ![]() Quote:
2:51am. Some of the housemates are discussing sleeping arrangements...
Coleen: There's no way Ray can sleep on that couch forever more. James: I've moved, I think, in with Brandon. Coleen: Ah.. And you've.. And who's he sleeping with? James: Well he can sleep with, erm... Coleen: Austin? James: Austin. Coleen: And is he alright with that? James: I think he didn't.. I mean.. For whatever reason Austin said, "I wouldn't sleep with Brandon" Coleen: Ah. James: So I don't mind. I'm okay. Stacy: So he didn't wanna sleep with Brandon? James: I like Brandon. Coleen: I like Brandon. I'd sleep with Brandon. James: I think he's cool. Stacy: So Ray didn't wanna sleep with Brandon? Coleen: He's really cool. James: Yeah. Stacy: But he would sleep with a gay boy? James: Huh? Stacy: But he would sleep with.. the boy that wants him. The gay boy. James: Say that again. Stacy: Isn't Austin gay? James: Yeah. Stacy: So he's okay with that? Coleen: Well yeah. James: Well I don't care either. I'm straight, he's gay, nothing's gonna happen is it? Stacy: Okay. Coleen: It wouldn't bother me. James: Yeah it doesn't bother me. Stacy: I know, I'm being sarcastic, alright? James: Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I. Sorry. Stacy: Everybody's so serious. Oh my God! James: [Laughs] Sorry, it's because you're an American I didn't realize you had humour. Stacy: [Laughs] |
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#119 |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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So a black woman dared to ask whether a black man would be okay sharing a bed with a white gay boy!
![]() Storm in a teacup. |
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#120 |
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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Okay, this is a pretty confusing issue so I'll try to be as clear as possible.
The bit in bold simply isn't true. While she did appear to imply or believe that there might have been an issue, she did not state or even imply that it would be solely one-sided. That's your own interpretation. For what it's worth the two separate issues that I was referring to are; 1) use of the term "gay boy", and 2) the assumption that a heterosexual man might have a problem sharing a bed with a homosexual man. For convenience I've attempted to transcribe the conversation, which is as confusing as Hell with everybody talking over each other at one point. Feel free to offer any corrections. ![]() Also I was referring to the' context' of the phrase 'gay boy' because the previous poster said it shouldn't have been deemed offensive because of the context she said it in if I remember correctly. Therefore I was pointing out why it could have been seen as offensive because of the context it was used in. I really don't understand how you could say to not conflate the two issues since they go hand in hand really. |
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#121 |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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She asked whether the straight guy was OK with sleeping the gay boy. She didn't then wonder if Austin would be OK with sleeping with him for any reason. Therefore she presumed that Ray J should be the one with the problem because Austin is gay, she didn't seem to think there would be any issue with Austin wanting to sleep with Ray J. That's the point, it was one sided -geared towards Austin and his sexuality..
Also I was referring to the' context' of the phrase 'gay boy' because the previous poster said it shouldn't have been deemed offensive because of the context she said it in if I remember correctly. Therefore I was pointing out why it could have been seen as offensive because of the context it was used in. I really don't understand how you could say to not conflate the two issues since they go hand in hand really. Coleen was actually the first to question whether Ray would be 'alright with that' (sharing a bed with Austin), and Austin, for whatever reason, has apparently told James that he didn't want to sleep with Brandon, but nobody is accusing Coleen of making assumptions or questioning why Austin refused to shared a bed with Brandon, because Stacy used the phrase "gay boy" to refer to a gay boy.
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#122 |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Perhaps she just knows Ray well enough and it's Ray that's the homophobe?
![]() Someone must be one.
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#123 |
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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or she secretly wants to bang Ray and have him in her bed.
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#124 |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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or she secretly wants to bang Ray and have him in her bed.
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#125 |
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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she's just mad he might put it up Austin's pooper and not hers..
...She's seen the vids |
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