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Contacting someone you like on Facebook?
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TLC1098
Yesterday, 18:33
I have this friend and he is a very shy and quite person. He goes into his local shop everyday and there is a girl who works there that he has a crush on.
They are both very friendly with each other and would talk Everytime shes on.

However I helped him find her on Facebook recently because I know someone who once worked in the same shop but the problem is she doesn't accept friend requests and you only follow or message her.

Now he's worried incase he comes across as creppy if he contacts her on Facebook incase she wonders how he found her.
As I said he's a very nervous and shy person and would like to message her but doesn't know what to say and as I said he's worried incase he comes across as creepy and it puts her off him.

Have any of you guys advice I could give him because it's a situation I've never been in before.
PyRoMaNiAc
Yesterday, 18:44
Originally Posted by TLC1098:
“I have this friend and he is a very shy and quite person. He goes into his local shop everyday and there is a girl who works there that he has a crush on.
They are both very friendly with each other and would talk Everytime shes on.

However I helped him find her on Facebook recently because I know someone who once worked in the same shop but the problem is she doesn't accept friend requests and you only follow or message her.

Now he's worried incase he comes across as creppy if he contacts her on Facebook incase she wonders how he found her.
As I said he's a very nervous and shy person and would like to message her but doesn't know what to say and as I said he's worried incase he comes across as creepy and it puts her off him.

Have any of you guys advice I could give him because it's a situation I've never been in before.”

This"friend" is you isn't it?
shaddler
Yesterday, 18:46
I think any unsolicited message from him in that situation could be awkward. Better for him to tell her in person that he's on Facebook if she ever wants to chat and leave it at that.
Laurel1ne
Yesterday, 20:08
Originally Posted by TLC1098:
“I have this friend and he is a very shy and quite person. He goes into his local shop everyday and there is a girl who works there that he has a crush on.
They are both very friendly with each other and would talk Everytime shes on.

However I helped him find her on Facebook recently because I know someone who once worked in the same shop but the problem is she doesn't accept friend requests and you only follow or message her.

Now he's worried incase he comes across as creppy if he contacts her on Facebook incase she wonders how he found her.
As I said he's a very nervous and shy person and would like to message her but doesn't know what to say and as I said he's worried incase he comes across as creepy and it puts her off him.

Have any of you guys advice I could give him because it's a situation I've never been in before.”

Contacting her on Facebook if you have no prior-connections would definitely seem strange. I get Friend Requests from men I've never met all the time. I just ignore them

So then telling her that he saw her in the shop and then searched for her on Facebook would make it doubly creepy

I think he needs to just talk to her in the shop, if he makes going there his usual routine he should soon be able to tell if she likes him or not. If she acknowledges his arrival each day would be a good sign. If after a week she's not even noticing him then forget it
Bex_123
Yesterday, 20:11
Originally Posted by TLC1098:
“I have this friend and he is a very shy and quite person. He goes into his local shop everyday and there is a girl who works there that he has a crush on.
They are both very friendly with each other and would talk Everytime shes on.

However I helped him find her on Facebook recently because I know someone who once worked in the same shop but the problem is she doesn't accept friend requests and you only follow or message her.

Now he's worried incase he comes across as creppy if he contacts her on Facebook incase she wonders how he found her.
As I said he's a very nervous and shy person and would like to message her but doesn't know what to say and as I said he's worried incase he comes across as creepy and it puts her off him.

Have any of you guys advice I could give him because it's a situation I've never been in before.”

I think he should ask for her number, or ask if she is on facebook. Then if she is hoping to talk to him more, she will give him this.

Just adding her may well seem weird to her.
Sifter22
Yesterday, 20:49
Some women on my timeline post all the private messages they get from random guys so it could go disastrously wrong.
jp761
Yesterday, 20:49
What would be the point, what's his intention on facebook. ? If it's to chat more and ask her out. She would think that is a tad weird doing it on facebook, as he sees her in the flesh regular, in the shop.
TLC1098
Yesterday, 22:44
Originally Posted by PyRoMaNiAc:
“This"friend" is you isn't it? ”

No it's my mate.
TLC1098
Yesterday, 22:48
Originally Posted by Laurel1ne:
“Contacting her on Facebook if you have no prior-connections would definitely seem strange. I get Friend Requests from men I've never met all the time. I just ignore them

So then telling her that he saw her in the shop and then searched for her on Facebook would make it doubly creepy

I think he needs to just talk to her in the shop, if he makes going there his usual routine he should soon be able to tell if she likes him or not. If she acknowledges his arrival each day would be a good sign. If after a week she's not even noticing him then forget it”

He goes in quite regularly and she would say hello and call him by his name if she's alone but if other staff members are beside her she just says a quite hello and that's it.

As I said he's very shy and can't read girls very well so it's hard for him.
TLC1098
Yesterday, 22:51
Originally Posted by Bex_123:
“I think he should ask for her number, or ask if she is on facebook. Then if she is hoping to talk to him more, she will give him this.

Just adding her may well seem weird to her.”

See the main problem is that he's scared incase she says no and then tells the other staff members and he becomes a laughing stock in the shop.

Out of interest are staff members allowed to date customers?
SaddlerSteve
Yesterday, 23:54
Originally Posted by TLC1098:
“See the main problem is that he's scared incase she says no and then tells the other staff members and he becomes a laughing stock in the shop.

Out of interest are staff members allowed to date customers?”

If he messages her she could still tell her workmates and they'll laugh at him anyway, probably more so though because of the creepiness of looking her up on there rather than just asking in person.
Leicester_Hunk
Today, 00:02
When my sister was about 16 she worked in a cafe on Saturdays and school holidays and this guy came in regularly at lunchtime and would flirt and chat and she was well into him. She wrote him a letter saying would he like to go out sometime and left it at his work across the road. He came back with the note and ripped it up in front of her and sniggered, left and never came back again. She was mortified as it was in front of colleagues and customers.

This was around 1995 before any social media.
Scorpio2
Today, 00:02
Adding people on Facebook is a strange situation. I've been added by a few people I know casually who obviously took it upon themselves to look me up. I didn't find it creepy at all but then again people think differently.

If this girl was anybody else your friend probably wouldn't care what she thought of the request but the fact he likes her the paranoia sinks it and your always scared of saying or doing the wrong thing that could mess things up.

I say the next time they talk bring facebook up and then ask her if she's on it. Do ask her straight out just find a way to bring it up in the conversation.
Bagshot85
Today, 00:05
It'll be more awkward if he friends her or messages her, and then doesn't get an appropriate response.
Why doesn't he buy her flowers, with a card on it? Or ask her if she fancies a coffee or lunch?
He has to speak to her at some point....
If he's going to act like a schoolboy, she'll treat him like one.
Laurel1ne
Today, 00:06
Originally Posted by TLC1098:
“He goes in quite regularly and she would say hello and call him by his name if she's alone but if other staff members are beside her she just says a quite hello and that's it.

As I said he's very shy and can't read girls very well so it's hard for him.”

That's a positive sign then, tell him to just ask her out. She'll just say either yes or no. Women don't mind being asked out.

Maybe she'll tell other people in the shop, but it won't be out of malice, just something that happened. If's a fallacy to think we sit there gloating at all the men we've spurned

about 15 years ago I would walk from the station to my office and would pass this gorgeous guy , we would nod progress to smile even a Bon Jour as the weeks progressed

I knew he wanted to ask, but he never would just stop me one day and ask if I'd like to go out one evening.

Eventually I got another job and stopped taking that route to work. If he'd just asked what would have been the worse what would have happened? In his mind I might have said No and that would have been that
Bagshot85
Today, 00:07
Originally Posted by Leicester_Hunk:
“When my sister was about 16 she worked in a cafe on Saturdays and school holidays and this guy came in regularly at lunchtime and would flirt and chat and she was well into him. She wrote him a letter saying would he like to go out sometime and left it at his work across the road. He came back with the note and ripped it up in front of her and sniggered, left and never came back again. She was mortified as it was in front of colleagues and customers.

This was around 1995 before any social media.”

What a pillock! Hope she got over him very quickly.



*Although..perhaps not the time to share this rather awful story. Moral and all that...
TLC1098
Today, 00:14
Originally Posted by Leicester_Hunk:
“When my sister was about 16 she worked in a cafe on Saturdays and school holidays and this guy came in regularly at lunchtime and would flirt and chat and she was well into him. She wrote him a letter saying would he like to go out sometime and left it at his work across the road. He came back with the note and ripped it up in front of her and sniggered, left and never came back again. She was mortified as it was in front of colleagues and customers.

This was around 1995 before any social media.”

God that is sadistic.
TLC1098
Today, 00:15
Originally Posted by Bagshot85:
“It'll be more awkward if he friends her or messages her, and then doesn't get an appropriate response.
Why doesn't he buy her flowers, with a card on it? Or ask her if she fancies a coffee or lunch?
He has to speak to her at some point....
If he's going to act like a schoolboy, she'll treat him like one.”

To be fair you couldn't walk into a busy shop and hand someone flowers especially if your too shy to ask her out.
Bagshot85
Today, 00:19
Originally Posted by TLC1098:
“To be fair you couldn't walk into a busy shop and hand someone flowers especially if your too shy to ask her out.”

That's true...
To be honest, I think if he started a friendship first, which if it's meant to be, should naturally progress into something else.
I think someone suggesting that asking in a conversation if she was on facebook was a pretty good idea. That way if he did add her, they'd both feel at ease.
Scrumper
Today, 00:21
You must send her cake.
CravenHaven
Today, 00:22
Believe me, I know how you feel, I mean how your friend feels.
I have this friend who can't get girls in real life to relate to him for love nor toffee, even though he's a perpetual joker and wise ass on the internet. Whoops I'd better stop this, I can see he's going to press the 'submit' button
Happy stalky!
(ツ)
Laurel1ne
Today, 00:23
Originally Posted by Bagshot85:
“It'll be more awkward if he friends her or messages her, and then doesn't get an appropriate response.
Why doesn't he buy her flowers, with a card on it? Or ask her if she fancies a coffee or lunch?
He has to speak to her at some point....
If he's going to act like a schoolboy, she'll treat him like one.”

I don't think I'd want someone I only vaguely know buying me flowers, I think it's a bit strange when someone brings me flowers on a first date

Just going up and asking would be fine
Neppy
Today, 00:26
He needs to meet her outside of the shop and talk to her. It'll be more casual and he'll be able to tell if she's interested in him.
Leicester_Hunk
Today, 09:50
Originally Posted by Bagshot85:
“What a pillock! Hope she got over him very quickly.



*Although..perhaps not the time to share this rather awful story. Moral and all that...”

I'm sure this girl isn't a w*****r like that
mistygal
Today, 10:38
Originally Posted by shaddler:
“I think any unsolicited message from him in that situation could be awkward. Better for him to tell her in person that he's on Facebook if she ever wants to chat and leave it at that.”

I agree, leave the FB out of it. Continue the cute chats find a bit out about her what she likes, interests etc. Make a suggestion in a joke way, which could be taken either seriously on quite harmless like "Maybe we should do that one day?" Just try to get a genuine feel first.
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