hello Kate... Saucer of milk.. table for two!!!!

Alex, thinking that this all looks very unhygienic does his best impression of Sue Pollard grabs a duster and begins cleaning the mirrors in a vein attempt to curry favour with Big Brother.

picks up one of the parts and asks wonders about sausages ... meanwhile PJ ....

[... meanwhile PJ.....sits at the table scratching his head wondering if as they are all going to burn anyway he should let jade have on last go.......he bgins to unbotton his trousers but adele shouts........................

noooooo PJ not her and not here .... you know its always me you've wanted .... as the place is burning down am going to tell the truth . I ......

..... think you're sexy.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Jonny shouts, leaping over to Adele with his fireman's hat on, hose poised. "Joanne was code for Adele all the time. I can't sleep every night because I see your face and I love you so much".
Kate is watching all this happen...

kate watches all this happening.............and notices that alex is missing..............suddenly she sees him trapped in the chicken coop.....the flames getting closer.....she runs to save him.......but just at that minute spencer..............................

does nothing........ no change there....... she commando rolls thru the patio door, unfortunately landing on top of......

of the chickens ........ shes asks legs wings or breasts and you want that with chips?

Meanwhile we hear the voice of BB saying .......

... "please remember the microphones are very expensive."

so dont feed them to the chickens or any other farm animals......at that moment kate looked up and waddling out of the hen pen was...........

You cannot jump on them ..... or let them get wet
Alex sticks his tongue out and Sophie watching it on BBLB says to Dermot ....

look there coming out of the pen is...........

oops too late in my reply..... erm
a chicken minus a leg wandered out ...... did it get BBQ in the fire ...... is it a relative of Hand ...... am too pissed to remember but you know who i mean?

Someone mentions Jamie Oliver and BBq sauce receipes ....... my spelling is crap .... forgive me .....

Someone metions Pot Noodle .....

the chicken used to advertise pot noodle and bursts into song singing

I dont wanna be a soldier I dont want to go to war ...... someone but who?
sings 19 with a bullet

oh my god its the whole cast of the Flumps. They have been moved into the house to replace the dull housemates there now. BB says. would all the housemates now leave. Jade in shock shouts............

ROFL .... I dont want to be a flump .... i want popcorn

Meanwhile the fire is blazing and Adele and Alex wonder what body parts of the other housemates they should try and save. Especially as Adele has found out she doesnt have a ........

an honest bone in her body. whilst trying to rescue her second face she finds a large collection of........

soiled porn that PJ had been hiding under his matress. Upon closer inspection Adele finds that the pages that are stuck together show pictures of pigs in various poses. '' Aaah that explains it then......'' she says.

Just then the smell of burning bacon alerts adele but before she picks up Jades roasted rump..........

and takes in into the Diary Room.
She tells Big Brother that........

the smell of roast jade has turned all the hms vege and that they need quorn and soya added to the shopping list...
bb say...

sorry vegetables can't eat vegetables - its cannibalism.
Disgusted Adele stomps out and throws Jade's rapidly cooling rump at...............

..the dartboard scoring a bullseye with the sharp tip of jades calicifying tongue. the dartboard falls to the floor trapping adele underneath while jonny states that a pig sticking a bull like that's not natural and he's gonna complain to....

End Them All the famous Dutch Cap manufacturer who had the original idea of putting 14 dysfunctional self-obsessed people in a studio lot and watch them squirm.

Just then Alex tips in and says ....................