Oh Happyfeet, you have no idea how wonderful it is to hear the phrase custard tactics.

I must defend Humphrey - his ringtone will come in useful one day.

See you by the ambulance at 4pm with the superglue

Peach - fantastic to see you again.

Never will you be cold again, dearest ones. Your Lady Boz has installed a gas pipeline to you. As you know, last year my husband and moi gathered all the elephant poo and saved it for the compost heap. With all the very clement weather we have had this summer the heap is bubbling away and is producing the purest ele-thane gas. Your brazier will never go out, just like the Olympic flame.

One word of warning, do not let Tiny inhale the gas as you will need ropes to hold him down. He will sail away into the far, far distance called the Bush of Shepherd.

Hi Libby! Thank you and Good to see you too!

My Lady, thank you. Your graciousness is much appreciated. Remind me to keep Humphrey away from that gas.........

*screeches up in the ambulance*

Hey hey hey - Peach and Libby and the Lady are all here! Fantabulous. Peach do you want to be in charge of the training tent so we can do drills and formations for tonight? I have an inkling that Bill may pop by to be in the audience so we can reserve our Bill-shaped net just in case (ditto our James net).

*sniffs* so that's what that smell is! I was thinking about reconsidering Tiny's morning beauty regime. We're really getting settled here; the couples won't want to leave!

Can someone stir the custard or it'll be all wrong for kick-off in 4 hours

**gets busy stirring**

Dont fear i have stolen all the selotape from uni (and it a lot!) and sealed all the doors shut, bar one, which we will be sitting in front of with our ambulance, so they cant slip past us

I'm here and ready - with my brand new lightweight speedy wheelchair, its in sparkly purple - so will dazzle everyone with its brilliance

Yes sparkle, misdirection and illicitly gained sellotape are the keys to the kingdom my friends... the keys.

3 hours to go (keep stirring pipie )

can we not get Bill on side to help us? Of course we don't tell him we're keeping him in, too, but it strikes me that someone working on the inside would be good.

Humphrey is going to stuff the exit corridors with sawdust while they are in for the results show. I just hope we have enough.

In honour of purplecat's new wheels!

I superglued the windows shut, just in case.

I volunteer me to do that job

I'm training everyone in the tents now Happyfeet!
And we all stretch the arms out.... we vienesse waltz round and round... we stretch the arms out...vienesse waltz round and round..... (I'm thinking the spinning and then stretching (to stop them escaping) effect may work this year?)

Go Girls, keep them all in. Without question, nobody deserves to leave.

I'm positioned..... all ready to stop them.... NOBODY SHOULD LEAVE!

Ok, colleagues, are watches synchronised, everyone in position. They all must stay. Humphrey is stuffing the corridor, keep going with the viennese waltz. I have motion sickness tablets if you need them.

Let's keep em all in..............

They're about try to boot one out - action stations...

Nick will leave as it's a ITV thing.

Quick deploy nets...

Start the Viennese now....

Where's Tiny?!!! :O

no way it shoukd have defo been jimmy to go!

Devil, I'm late! And one got away...boo.

Come on people, if he hasn't left the building there's still hope. Don't give up yet

I can't bear it.... I'm in tears and it's week 1!!!!!!!!!!!

Happyfeet, I've just found Tiny asleep. Did you feed him custard in a pink bucket? I wonder if we've been sabotaged by the Dark Side...........

I think the custard was drugged. Can you test it to see?