1. For the first week you must state that it's not as good as last year / needs time to get going.

2. By week 2 you are expected to have adopted a favourite and a villain.

3. On adopting a favourite you are allowed to -
a. hear only what you want to
b. see only what you want to
c. purchase rose-tinted spectacles

4. You must predict each eviction once nominations are known.

5. Should you predict incorrectly, you are expected to cry foul and blame -
a. selective editing
b. Davina
c. people scamming bookmakers

6. It is your duty to point out any real / implied / fantasied playacting, backstabbing, 2-faced behaviour by the villain.

7. It is your duty to point out any social issues / childhood incidents / educational backgrounds should your favourite display any of the traits in point 6.

8. As the series progresses you should become more extreme in your devotion / hatred of your designated housemates.

9. By week 5 anyone who disagrees with your choice of favourite must be dealt with venomously.

10. By week 6 you must have no sense of proportion.

11. By week 7 you may not tolerate any other opinion apart from those who have selected the same favourite and / or villain.

12. By week 8 you must highlight an incident / occurance that "proves" your favourite is going to win.

13. Week 9 must be spent character assasinating your designated villain.

14. Post final, should your favourite win, you must gloat and excessively rejoice. This is also allowed should your favourite not win but beat your villain.

15. Post final, should your favourite lose or, heaven forbid, villain win there are several steps you are expected to take -
a. immediately declare the whole result a fix because of -
i - Davina
ii - Davinas' outfit
iii - selective editing
iv - the tabloid press influence
v - radio 1 influence
vi - social decay in the UK
vii - your redial button not working
viii - the villains' phone number having a higher call capacity
ix - your favourites supporters suffering voter apathy
x - unusual weather patterns
xi - tactical voting amongst social demographics
b. move the goalposts. Winning the public vote and the competition is no longer the goal. Future earnings potential / magazine deals / graham norton appearances are the real barometer of success.
c. you must always declare your favourite the real winner and deride the series winner as a loser, soon to be forgotten.

16. Under no circumstances should you take big brother for being "just a gameshow" or a source of televisual entertainment.

17. Throughout the series it is your duty to develop or propagate at least one conspiracy thoery.

18. If you don't get wound up at least once on visiting the forums then you probably need to re-assess whether or not you should be here!

Feel free to add any points i've missed.

( wormy little impostor )

19, when referring to alex, please feel free to fabricate any of the above to make alex look better

Bwahahaha! Sorry, but that's brilliant

Can't think of anything that needs to be added to that just at the moment...

ontwofronts, absolutely brilliant, now I know where I have been going wrong, no one explained the rules to me

There is certainly more talent in this forum than there was in the BB House

Quality post ontwofronts. I'd maybe add the following:

For days and weeks afterwards declare that anyone/everyone else but the real winner to be 'The Real Winner.'

20. Chill out and refuse to vote unless they reduce the phone charge by half and donate a large amount of the money to charity again.......... at least some poor sole will be benefitting!

or club together with all the other forum users and buy loads of shares in Endamol/Channel 4/ which ever phone company is tagging on for the ride ££££££££

kate just has to host bblb

Yes, now wouldnt that be great......YESSSSSS!!!

19. Those with the live feeds on E4 must look down on those without. It is your duty to point out they are not seeing "what the housemates are really like"