They always stand on camera with Ant on the left as the viewers see it. 'Ant and Dec'....Ant is on the left....gettit? wonder how they thought that one up

Thank goodness someone cleared that up - the previous guidelines referred to "the one with the forehead", yet when you actually put them next to each other, they both have that sub-frankenstein thing going on, so it's no help.

Which one was PJ and which was Duncan?

Bob

No, no, you just haven't being paying attention: they both have giant mutant foreheads, obviously, but on the index of mutancy Ant's forehead scores a whopping 9/10 compared to Dec's relatively decorous 3/10.

I bet you can't tell the difference between Sooty and Sweep, either.

"Index of mutancy", Cybele? Does it have special X-powers?

Sweep always looked a bit nervous to me, like he had something to hide. "Just how many notes did Sue pass you, Sweep? Where exactly are these notes, Sweep?"...

Bob

The CMI (Cybele's mutancy index) has a number of different scales, some relating to individual features - such as Ant and Dec's unfortunate foreheads, or other individual features/mannerisms that fatally draw one's attention away from what the presenter/performer is saying/doing - and one giving the OMI (overall mutancy index), for which the gold standard is Andrew Lloyd Webber.

There is also an RMI (reverse mutancy index) for those of staggering beauty/gorgeousness, eg tennis god Patrick Rafter ; try as I might, I'm unable to perform serious critical analysis on his forehand volleys because of the distraction offered by his overall gorgeousness, which scores a perfect 10 on the RMI.

Other individuals who have achieved high scores on the CMI include:

Nigel de Gruchy(sp?) -leader of one of the teachers' unions who makes a strange, and very distracting, noise at the end of each sentence not unlike a three-toed sloth having an orgasm (or what I imagine a three-toed sloth having an orgasm might sound like, to be entirely accurate). The phobia I have developed about hearing this terrible noise has forced me to abandon the Today Programme until after Mr. de Gruchy's retirement;

Jeremy Paxman - the size of his nose distracts me from world events and makes me wonder whether his other body parts are in proportion;

Sarah Brightman the nearest thing to a chipmunk ever seen outside the confines of London Zoo;

Kylie's bottom - Kylie's bottom (although in itself a fine specimen, and not all mutant) has become a much bigger star than Kylie ever was. See also Pamela Anderson, Jordan etc

But Ant and Dec are the worst because you just can't stop looking at those strange giant foreheads. They could appear on TV dressed as women, or giant bunny rabbits, and I don't think anyone would even notice as long as the foreheads were still visible...


Last edited by Cybele : 05-09-2002 at 09:32

Cybele
Can I just say thanks for your excellent posts, they always make me smile. .

If you keep having imaginings like that Cybele, you might have enough for a novelty cd by Christmas!

ROFLMAO

Brilliant Posts Cybele. The CMI deserves a thread in itself!!!!!
Long may it grace the threads on these forums!!!!!

Why, thank you, Metafis.

Cybele, you are totally mad & hilariously funny!

I don't think anyone really knows !!
Perhaps it works the same way

ANT & DEC

PJ & Duncan

Well..PJ was the one who 'never had a blow job from Jade..honest!!'.

dunno who Duncan was