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Old 23-05-2006, 08:37
Daffodil67
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I have a letter from my estranged husband's solicitor asking me to sign a 'Confession Statement' to my adultery (With an un named person) so that divorce proceedings can be started. Im going to obviously see a solicitor but just wondered how admitting to adultery can affect division of the marital assets? Should I or shouldnt I? I can certainly counter petition with unreasonable behaviour (assault, harrassment etc) but I just want a quick divorce..........

Thanks in advance. I live in Wales if that's relevant.
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Old 23-05-2006, 09:24
TWS
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Basically there are two ways to proceed with a divorce he can either claim unreasonable behaviour or adultery. Adultery is the quickest and easiest route to take, sign off on adultery it doesn't mean anything. Joint assets or still joint assets. A lot of people though can sometimes get caught up in petty things and try to counter with an unreasonable divorce petition on their part i would not suggest this.

I hope this helps you somewhat, if not feel free to ask some further questions..


Originally Posted by Daffodil67
I have a letter from my estranged husband's solicitor asking me to sign a 'Confession Statement' to my adultery (With an un named person) so that divorce proceedings can be started. Im going to obviously see a solicitor but just wondered how admitting to adultery can affect division of the marital assets? Should I or shouldnt I? I can certainly counter petition with unreasonable behaviour (assault, harrassment etc) but I just want a quick divorce..........

Thanks in advance. I live in Wales if that's relevant.
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Old 23-05-2006, 09:26
kitiskool
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Originally Posted by Daffodil67
I have a letter from my estranged husband's solicitor asking me to sign a 'Confession Statement' to my adultery (With an un named person) so that divorce proceedings can be started. Im going to obviously see a solicitor but just wondered how admitting to adultery can affect division of the marital assets? Should I or shouldnt I? I can certainly counter petition with unreasonable behaviour (assault, harrassment etc) but I just want a quick divorce..........

Thanks in advance. I live in Wales if that's relevant.

Divorce can get very nasty at the best of times. However, DON'T admit to adultery just because you want a "quickie divorce."

This link helped my daughter when she was in the first stages of her pending divorce.

Good luck.

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/wales/...lationship.htm
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Old 23-05-2006, 09:53
Purity
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What difference does it make? A friend of mine once 'did her husband a huge favour' by not mentioning his adultery or his girlfriends name in the papers, and I've never understood how that was a favour
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Old 23-05-2006, 11:01
donlothario
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If you admit to adultery then you are accepting that you are to blame for the breakdown of the marriage. This then leaves you as the evil one and your partner as the victim. In the divisionof assets being the victim can sometimes help you to get a better share of the assets than you would in a no-blame divorce. Frankly if your partner can prove adultery then you have no choice other than to admit it. Contesting will only give the lawyers a bumper pay day.
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Old 23-05-2006, 20:46
Bossyboots
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Originally Posted by donlothario
If you admit to adultery then you are accepting that you are to blame for the breakdown of the marriage. This then leaves you as the evil one and your partner as the victim. In the divisionof assets being the victim can sometimes help you to get a better share of the assets than you would in a no-blame divorce. Frankly if your partner can prove adultery then you have no choice other than to admit it. Contesting will only give the lawyers a bumper pay day.

Thank you for posting that. I was very concerned at the misinformation given above.

What actually needs to happen is for the OP to admit the adultery when the divorce papers are served but to have an agreement in writing through solicitors that the adultery will not be used as an issue in the financial settlement.
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Old 23-05-2006, 20:51
twingle
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When I got divorced I was told that there was no blame divorce any longer and it didn't matter who was guilty or innocent, finances were divided up on need. I suppose you do need one partner to divorce the other and I divorced mine on unreasonable behaviour but could have cited adultery too. It is no longer like years ago when an adulterous husband was taken to the cleaners or vice versus
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Old 24-05-2006, 09:27
Daffodil67
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Thanks for all the sometimes conflicting advice, I am seeing a solicitor next week so will update then. Im wary of them saying to contest, just so they can make more . I generally feel from the answers here I should admit to it.

My ex wont care as he has legal aid, I make almost twice as much as he does (Im employed and also work from home as self employed) so I have no chance.

The house has been solely in my name (I owned it before we got together) therefore I stayed here and changed the locks, he now lives in a council flat. Do you think that the fact that he didnt work for 5 years and I supported him through university before we were married would be taken into account when sorting this mess out? He lived here for 8.5 years, 3.5 of those we were married....
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Old 24-05-2006, 09:34
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Daffodil i wouldn't stress too much i am sure it will be fine, are there any other assets along with the house. Make sure you go to the solicitors well prepared with any relevant documentation, and what you want out of this. Adultery in divorces are very common place and should not afffect the dividing up of the assets. I would suggest getting a clean break form completed to.

Good luck with the solicitors and keep us posted.


Originally Posted by Daffodil67
Thanks for all the sometimes conflicting advice, I am seeing a solicitor next week so will update then. Im wary of them saying to contest, just so they can make more . I generally feel from the answers here I should admit to it.

My ex wont care as he has legal aid, I make almost twice as much as he does (Im employed and also work from home as self employed) so I have no chance.

The house has been solely in my name (I owned it before we got together) therefore I stayed here and changed the locks, he now lives in a council flat. Do you think that the fact that he didnt work for 5 years and I supported him through university before we were married would be taken into account when sorting this mess out? He lived here for 8.5 years, 3.5 of those we were married....
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Old 24-05-2006, 09:49
Daffodil67
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Sorry to sound a bit thick TWS but what sort of documentation do you mean? (And what's a clean break form?)

LOL!

We dont have children by the way. There aren't any assets besides the house.
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Old 24-05-2006, 13:50
TWS
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If you are not divorced and say your granny dies and you inherit 10 thousand pounds if your hubby your hubby could try to claim half of the money whereas if the clean break form has been signed it would all be yours, it may not techinically be called a clean break form but it is worth asking your solicitor about it when you go.


Originally Posted by Daffodil67
Sorry to sound a bit thick TWS but what sort of documentation do you mean? (And what's a clean break form?)

LOL!

We dont have children by the way. There aren't any assets besides the house.
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Old 24-05-2006, 16:04
bored*student
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I hope i'm right on this, as i have an exam on it tomorrow....

A 'clean break form' would be what is known as a clean break order. It basically means that once you are divorced, that will be the end of it. Financial assests will be divided up and any payments made will just be one lump sum (unlike other orders where one party may have to maintain the other for years after the divorce) They are not always appropriate, but the main barrier to them is children, and since you don't have any, it wouldn't be a problem. The only issue that may arise is whether, if you had to pay something to your ex (and i'm not saying you necessarily will have to) you would have to have sufficent capital to pay it in one lump sum. It also means that if you come into money after the divorce he will not be able to get his hands on it.
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Old 24-05-2006, 16:12
TWS
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Sounds right to me and explained a lot better than i ever could, so kudos!!

Originally Posted by bored*student
I hope i'm right on this, as i have an exam on it tomorrow....

A 'clean break form' would be what is known as a clean break order. It basically means that once you are divorced, that will be the end of it. Financial assests will be divided up and any payments made will just be one lump sum (unlike other orders where one party may have to maintain the other for years after the divorce) They are not always appropriate, but the main barrier to them is children, and since you don't have any, it wouldn't be a problem. The only issue that may arise is whether, if you had to pay something to your ex (and i'm not saying you necessarily will have to) you would have to have sufficent capital to pay it in one lump sum. It also means that if you come into money after the divorce he will not be able to get his hands on it.
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Old 24-05-2006, 16:58
Daffodil67
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Thanks again people! As for documentation? Any ideas?

Oh and Id just like to say I am not an evil adultress, I ended the marriage verbally in August and have obviously dated since....
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Old 24-05-2006, 17:15
Barry Scott
 
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Originally Posted by Daffodil67
I have a letter from my estranged husband's solicitor asking me to sign a 'Confession Statement' to my adultery (With an un named person) so that divorce proceedings can be started. Im going to obviously see a solicitor but just wondered how admitting to adultery can affect division of the marital assets? Should I or shouldnt I? I can certainly counter petition with unreasonable behaviour (assault, harrassment etc) but I just want a quick divorce..........

Thanks in advance. I live in Wales if that's relevant.
It doesn't affect the division of the assets the court (if it went that far) is not interested in why the marriage broke down. It just deals with the fact that it did.

Here is a site I visited often when I was going through it. It offers some good information

http://www.terry.co.uk/hindex.html
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Old 24-05-2006, 17:18
Barry Scott
 
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Originally Posted by donlothario
If you admit to adultery then you are accepting that you are to blame for the breakdown of the marriage. This then leaves you as the evil one and your partner as the victim. In the divisionof assets being the victim can sometimes help you to get a better share of the assets than you would in a no-blame divorce. Frankly if your partner can prove adultery then you have no choice other than to admit it. Contesting will only give the lawyers a bumper pay day.
Adultery is very difficult to prove, unless he's got proof. Counter petitioning is almost always a waste of time and money - and as mention above - only the lawyers win.
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Old 24-05-2006, 17:37
TWS
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it wouldnt even have crossed my mind that you were an evil adulterer. I am at the moment in the middle of my partners divorce and he is being divorced on the grounds of adultery with me...it wasn't adultery but is the easiest way to sort this mess out in our case.


If you ever feel the need you can always pm me for a more in depth chat!!

Documentation wise - i would take your mortgage details and stuff for the house and bank statements so you can prove what you used to pay for in the house, council tax, gas, electric etc.

Are there any savings or joint savings, any loans or credit cards, debt?

Originally Posted by Daffodil67
Thanks again people! As for documentation? Any ideas?

Oh and Id just like to say I am not an evil adultress, I ended the marriage verbally in August and have obviously dated since....
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Old 24-05-2006, 20:39
twingle
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I had a clean break divorce apart from the maintenance up until aged 21 or full time education which ever came first. I don't think it is a form but just the type of financial settlement. The financial bit is separate from the divorce and can be done before or after the divorce. Never a good idea to do after the divorce.

Actually I say clean break but i have just remembered I was awarded a penny a year for life. This means if needs be I can go back to court and ask for more if needs be, I will never do that. I have too much pride

Good luck and believe me there is life after divorce and very often better too
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Old 01-06-2006, 13:02
Daffodil67
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Well, I havent signed yet but.........

I have a solicitors appt tomorrow and have received a petition through this morning!
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Old 02-06-2006, 15:56
Daffodil67
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Hey - thanks all for the advice. I saw a solicitor today who recommended I didnt counter petition as it would cost too much to do so, not to worry about admitting the adultery as wouldnt affect the financial split etc. No problem! Thanks a lot for all your help and words of wisdom! xxx
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Old 02-06-2006, 16:13
larrysrabbit
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Originally Posted by Daffodil67
Thanks again people! As for documentation? Any ideas?

Oh and Id just like to say I am not an evil adultress, I ended the marriage verbally in August and have obviously dated since....
Hi - I'm sure you're a lovely person. No worries. I also had an affair whilst married (stupidly got married at 24) I left my husband after 18 months' marriage and a week into my affair and have now been with Mr Rabbit for over three happy years. My problem is my husband wouldn't site adultery as the Petition reason, I had to wait two years separation before I could start proceedings and I have paid all the legal costs and got nowhere because he would not respond so now I have to wait the five years before i can proceed without his consent. Well, that is by the by. I worked for a solicitors and if you admit to adultery it bears no meaning on what you would obtain from your divorce settlement. You had an affair, big deal, the Court will not be moralistic and penalise you for this by denying you what is rightfully yours. It is up to you and your husband to come to an agreement about the division of assets. If that cannot be agreed and you think he is being unreasonable or vice versa a Court Order will be drawn up and then it is down to the Judge in the Family Court as to who gets what. Most people don't like things getting to this stage as it costs time and money (unless you get Legal Aid) so hopefully you should gets what's due to you. Mr Rabbit's ex wife shagged about and then finally left him for someone else. She admitted adultery yet he still paid her a substantial settlement. Type 'divorce' into any search engine and you will find lots of helpful websites. PM me if you want to chat about any of this.
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Old 02-06-2006, 19:27
Bossyboots
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Originally Posted by larrysrabbit
as it costs time and money (unless you get Legal Aid)
Even if you get legal aid, you have to pay your legal fees from your settlement albeit that your solicitor will be getting paid a lower hourly rate.
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