In celebration of Louisa landing the part of Beth Green in the Bill (and apologies to the lovely little Lousia!)
LOCATION : Sun Hill police station. PC Reg Hollis is behind the reception desk when a girl approaches…
Reg: Ah, hello young lady. How can I help you? Have you lost your doggy?
Beth: Eh?
Reg: Or have you left your schoolbag on the bus? Shall I call your mummy to pick you up?
Beth: Er, no mate. I work here
Reg (looking puzzled): I’m sorry?
Beth: No need to be. I’m the new probay…probaysh…
Reg: Probationer?
Beth (shrugging): Yeah, what you said. And I was told to report here this morning.
Reg (picking up the phone): I think that there must be some mistake. What’s your name?
Beth: My name’s Ruby. No…it’s Loui…no Beff!
Reg: Begging your pardon?
Beth: Beff!
Reg: Oh, Beth. Hold on a moment. (into the phone) Hello Sarge? I’ve got a young lady here who says that she is starting at Sun Hill today. Her name is Beth…that’s Bravo, Echo, Tango…
Beth: Oh, the Tango? I love the Tango…it’s one of my favourites (starts to bounce around the reception humming the Eurythmics)
Reg: What are you doing Miss?
Beth (imitating Arlene): Sweet dreams are made of THIS!
Reg (into the phone): Oh, sorry Sarge…what?...you must be joking…but what age do you…oh, ok…but don’t you have to be a certain height….oh, right. OK, thank you Sarge. (hangs up). Well, my apologies Miss. It seems that the script…sorry Sergeant has confirmed what you said.
Beth: Told you! (looks around and points at a door) So, is that the rehearsal room then?
Reg: No, that’s the interview room.
Beth (excited): Ooh, is that where Tess is then?
Reg: Um…
Beth: Or Claudia? I love Claudia. She’s so funny. And really lovely shoes.
Reg (looking confused): Right you are then. Anyway, first thing is for you to meet your partner.
Beth (nearly exploding with excitement): VINCENT!!!! Is he here? Oh, I love him so much. Where is he?
Reg: Er…there’s nobody called Vincent here Miss.
Beth: Oh no. Have you set me up with someone else then? I don’t mind Ian, but he’s a bit tall for me.
Reg: Ian who?
Beth: Waite!
(they both stare at each other for about 20 seconds)
Reg: Well Miss?
Beth: Well what?
Reg: What are we waiting for?
Beth: ‘Ere, you’re a bit mental, ain’t you?
Reg: Anyway Miss, what I meant was your partner on the beat.
Beth: Oh, I’m really good on the beat. And off it. I’m brilliant at syncopating. Bruno said so.
Reg (even more confused): No Miss, your police partner.
Beth: Eh?
Reg: Police. You know? Old Bill?
Beth (excited): Yeah, I know him. Me and Vincent did Breakfast with him a couple of weeks ago. He’s lovely. I wouldn’t call him that old though. Not like Len or Brucie.
Reg: Miss…
Beth: Is he going to be my partner then? I didn’t know he was still dancing. Is his foot all better?
Reg (exasperated): Miss, you don’t really know where you are, do you?
Beth: Um…no…
Reg: The Bill?
Beth (after a pause): But I ain’t bought anything.
Reg (throws his pen down): Miss, you know how you love dancing so much?
Beth (grinning): Yeah?
Reg: Well, Foxtrot Off!
LOCATION : Sun Hill police station. PC Reg Hollis is behind the reception desk when a girl approaches…
Reg: Ah, hello young lady. How can I help you? Have you lost your doggy?
Beth: Eh?
Reg: Or have you left your schoolbag on the bus? Shall I call your mummy to pick you up?
Beth: Er, no mate. I work here
Reg (looking puzzled): I’m sorry?
Beth: No need to be. I’m the new probay…probaysh…
Reg: Probationer?
Beth (shrugging): Yeah, what you said. And I was told to report here this morning.
Reg (picking up the phone): I think that there must be some mistake. What’s your name?
Beth: My name’s Ruby. No…it’s Loui…no Beff!
Reg: Begging your pardon?
Beth: Beff!
Reg: Oh, Beth. Hold on a moment. (into the phone) Hello Sarge? I’ve got a young lady here who says that she is starting at Sun Hill today. Her name is Beth…that’s Bravo, Echo, Tango…
Beth: Oh, the Tango? I love the Tango…it’s one of my favourites (starts to bounce around the reception humming the Eurythmics)
Reg: What are you doing Miss?
Beth (imitating Arlene): Sweet dreams are made of THIS!
Reg (into the phone): Oh, sorry Sarge…what?...you must be joking…but what age do you…oh, ok…but don’t you have to be a certain height….oh, right. OK, thank you Sarge. (hangs up). Well, my apologies Miss. It seems that the script…sorry Sergeant has confirmed what you said.
Beth: Told you! (looks around and points at a door) So, is that the rehearsal room then?
Reg: No, that’s the interview room.
Beth (excited): Ooh, is that where Tess is then?
Reg: Um…
Beth: Or Claudia? I love Claudia. She’s so funny. And really lovely shoes.
Reg (looking confused): Right you are then. Anyway, first thing is for you to meet your partner.
Beth (nearly exploding with excitement): VINCENT!!!! Is he here? Oh, I love him so much. Where is he?
Reg: Er…there’s nobody called Vincent here Miss.
Beth: Oh no. Have you set me up with someone else then? I don’t mind Ian, but he’s a bit tall for me.
Reg: Ian who?
Beth: Waite!
(they both stare at each other for about 20 seconds)
Reg: Well Miss?
Beth: Well what?
Reg: What are we waiting for?
Beth: ‘Ere, you’re a bit mental, ain’t you?
Reg: Anyway Miss, what I meant was your partner on the beat.
Beth: Oh, I’m really good on the beat. And off it. I’m brilliant at syncopating. Bruno said so.
Reg (even more confused): No Miss, your police partner.
Beth: Eh?
Reg: Police. You know? Old Bill?
Beth (excited): Yeah, I know him. Me and Vincent did Breakfast with him a couple of weeks ago. He’s lovely. I wouldn’t call him that old though. Not like Len or Brucie.
Reg: Miss…
Beth: Is he going to be my partner then? I didn’t know he was still dancing. Is his foot all better?
Reg (exasperated): Miss, you don’t really know where you are, do you?
Beth: Um…no…
Reg: The Bill?
Beth (after a pause): But I ain’t bought anything.
Reg (throws his pen down): Miss, you know how you love dancing so much?
Beth (grinning): Yeah?
Reg: Well, Foxtrot Off!
