OK this series run down of Management speak and motivational speak, that'll make you cringe.

An old favourite that really should be consigned to the history book
'I'll give you a 110% Siralan'
Don't take up accountancy sonny.

'Work until we bleed'
Mind out for those paper cuts there chap.

There are other's but the minds a blank at the moment.

Yep! Thats all most british managers can do speak the rubbish they pick up on TV and courses.
Lets be honest would you follow any of them over the top....Everyone of them is a clone of the other. I certainly would not trust them one inch. All backstabbers......

the funniest thing I have ever seen on TV this week was when Jadine turned around to the camera in her little peice to camera, and said "Life's not all biscuits and sandwiches you know!"


we all laughed so hard here, who on earth says that?

Wish I had taped the show. What I remember is being astonished at Gerri's speach in the boardroom after Sir Alan asked her what she did.

Probably something along the lines of:

Identifying target groups in order to develop a strategy to maximise our selling potential,

whereas it looked to me like she parked a van, sold eleven coffees and sat on her a$se waiting for things to happen
Last edited by Socha : 30-03-2007 at 14:46

Very good. She sat back all self satisfied 'Andy's going to lose!' He's not for the 'business world' cheeky cow.

Is that because she's one sandwich short of a picnic?

The one from Janine about giving the customers the whole coffee drinking experience had us .
Look, duck, you are giving them a cup of coffee in a cardboard cup. That's it.

...for one day only. Tomorrow, you will be doing something else. So forget the stupid branding, and sell coffee!

There's a couple doing the rounds at my work -

Touching Base
At the end of the day


God it makes me cringe

Lots of people misuse language to try and make themselves sound more serious and incisive, though. My pet annoyance is when I hear news interviewers asking boffins 'how EXACTLY does this work?', when they just mean 'how does it work?'. I long for someone to give them a lengthy, tedious and precise answer, instead of the 30-second layman-friendly soundbite they're really after.

And slagging them off is what most people can do who long for such positions of authority and the rewards that go with it.

We have thought showering.

'Thought showering'? What's that?

Presumably you stay clothed?
Last edited by The Swampster : 30-03-2007 at 16:53

I thought that I had heard, if not all then most of them, but 'thought showering' is a new one on me.

What is it? is it like 'brainstorming'?

Brainstorming for people worried about offending other people that don't actually care...

"We are often asked about the word 'brainstorming' and whether its use is acceptable. Our view is that it depends upon the context: if the word is being used to describe a meeting where participants are suggesting ideas, then its use is not offensive to people with epilepsy."
http://www.epilepsy.org.uk/press/facts.html

I had to attend a 'blue sky' meeting yesterday *cringe*

and 'cutting edge' has now become 'leading edge' all of a sudden - because cutting could be seen as negative - wtf?????

and I work in the public sector!!!

Yep, that's it.
I mean - really, why not just say brainstorming
(Sniggering at the back isn't looked on very kindly )

Edited to say just seen Paul's post. If I'd know that I'd have snickered a bit louder.
Last edited by mindyann : 30-03-2007 at 18:09

Exactly! Why tell the boys off for stirring the coffee and insisting on spraying an eclipse pattern for the 'eclipse-coffee-experience'...

We need a 'cringe' smilie..........

And a puke smilie!

Oh well done, I forgot that one.
First thought was 'Oi Mrs Malaprop, you've lost the plot, you're f'in making this $hit up now'.
I hope she comes out with a few more of those, should be good giggle at the you're fired show.

Wouldn't take me long to offer her bully's special prize, silence or a dry slap.

Actually I am in such a position that I employ managers. So how exactly am I longing? What position do you hold? Finding managers who are leaders and achievers instead of talkers is the hard part.
Good leaders are born not trained. The problem with todays management wanna be's is that they watch programmes like 'The Aprentice' and think thats the way to get on and do it. They are just wrong.
Just look at the two Managers working for Alan Sugar. How far from the Aprentice's are they in manner and style?

That's dreadful.

I once had a manager who would start every team meeting by playing M peoples "What have you done today to make you feel proud?" He thought it was so inspirational. We used to get little prizes for hitting our targets, usually a bottle of wine or something, but on one occasion he handed out t-shirts with "what have you done today" on the front, and "to make you feel proud?" on the back!! This was years before David Brent. I never won one thankfully

My current manager has only been in the role for a little while and is full of management speak, bless her! "Proactive" is by far her favourite word, and I want to giggle every time she says it.

I went to a meeting last week where we were told to "understand our customers journey" and "put ourself in our customers' world"

I once went to an ideas meeting which was held in a sand pit.

The answer to this corp-speak nightmare is to bring your 'Bullshit Bingo ' card along to every meeting where such verbal crud rears its ugly head.

I think the pharse she wanted was "life's not a bowl of cherries' although one could doubt whether or not she's even heard of that one!

More generally, and I know it's early days, but I would say that this is the worst batch of applicants of all the series so far. I hope to see an improvement in the coming weeks, but first appearances are not encouraging.