And now for the lyrics spelled correctly and in the right place...
( to the tune of Travis 'Why Does it Always Rain on Me?')
(Lard's interjections in brackets)
I cant sleep tonight, I don’t know why I but I feel like shite,
And I cant close my eyes, without seeing a chuffin Kraft cheese slice.
Processed cheese, what have they done,
That bloody Philadelphia tastes like
(Come into the chorus with us now!)
Why is it always Dairylea,
When in the contract it stipulated Brie?
Why is it always Dairylea,
We’ve got some nice red wine in,
I was looking forward to dining.
I want Emmenthal, nice fresh Edam in a waxy red ball,
Cheddar, Gruyere,
Red Leicester, Double Gloucester,
Camenbert,
Wensleydale, we haven’t got,
This primula cheese spread just tastes like
('Snot what you want really is it?) No.
Why is it always Dairylea,
When in the contract it stipulated Brie?
Why is it always Dairylea,
We’ve got some nice red wine in,
I was looking forward to dining.
Oh where did the blue cheese go?
They couldn’t be arsed to visit Tesco
(And shop for a range of excellent fresh cheeses from their delicatessen counter, for surprisingly reasonable prices)
Why is it always Dairylea,
When in the contract it stipulated Brie?
Why is it always Dairylea,
We’ve got some nice red wine in,
I was looking forward to dining.
Why is it always Dairylea, why is it always Dairylea
Oh noo.