(This is a fanfic, so it's for fun, NOT profit & I only own myself and completely made up characters. No infringments intendend.)


Rehearsals

Yummy! There's something about that screen cap where he has hand on the window. Can just see myself sneaking a listen by the room door, but he hears me & turns around saying "Hi Sweetie, any hugs going free?"
Then I'd say "Not free, no but sing 'Sun & Moon' with me & you MIGHT get a big HUGGLE!"
He’d laugh & say: “Oh that’s EVIL; you KNOW I’ll get in trouble for singing stuff I don’t need to rehearse!”
I’d ignore him & say: “Can you go & get John for me?”
“Sure baby, but why?”
“Because WHEN Zoë comes & has a go at us, I want you both to witness me ‘rearranging’ her make-up with my tyres. It’ll cost you both HUGGLES & the Telephone song!”

Being as obedient as his clone Lee of course goes & gets John who laughs calls me “Greedy” (like he did when we met) & agrees. With John acting as prompter; I very unsteadily start to sing Kim’s part with Lee as Chris. A couple of lines in I look up in surprise as I feel Denise’s hand on my shoulder. She beams at me, but then we hear woman’s footsteps. Knowing who it’ll be, she then goes & stands with her foot against the door so ‘the vocal coach’ can’t get in. Zoë arrives best trout face in place, ready to KILL Lee & John, but can’t do a THING! She just has to stand, watch & listen with John sticking his tongue out at her! Anyway when we finish singing I get a little kiss from Lee a la ‘Bad Day’ & a reward kiss on the forehead from John. When Denise moves Zoë comes bursting in, but she can’t say a word because the guys have already launched into ‘The Telephone Song’. She moves towards me but without so much as missing a beat, never mind blinking, John does his best ticked off Capt Jack pose & blocks her path.

Zoë turns on heel & stalks off but I don’t notice until after Lee & JOHN have finished their song & had their reward hugs. Then though I burst into tears. Denise asks me why but I can’t tell her; its Lee who realises why: “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine; what’s she going to do? Report me & remind Sir Andrew that she’s been behaving like the school bully? I think not. She’ll give me a rotten time for the rest of the week, but what’s new? I can beat ‘Ms. Tyler, never fear.”
He gives me another hug to quell my tears, but then realises John & Denise are still there & he probably just sounded REALLY bad. He turns round & starts to say: I’m sorry, I’m…”
John however stops him: “Lee mate, it’s ok; there was only was one person in this room just now being unprofessional, & it sure as hell wasn’t you. Let it go.”
“Thanks.”
“Just calling it like it as I see it; BUT you song will need to be BETTER THAN PERFECT for Saturday. Denise why don’t you two ladies go freshen up & we’ll see you later, ok?”
“Oh sure, ok. Come on Angel.”

Next thing Denise & I are in the Ladies, she’s helping me tidy up & she asks if I’d like some makeup. I politely refuse, saying I hardly ever wear it.
“Not even when you’re trying to impress someone?” she twinkles.
I shake my head: “Nope, gave up trying to find someone a while ago.
Denise laughs out loud: “Funny, from where I’m standing you’re ‘hooked’ honey!”
“’Hooked’? What do you mean? I mean we all know I adore John,”
She shakes her head in amused disbelief: “I wasn’t talking about John, (that’s hero worship), there were 2 guys in the room back there & like it or not, you’re face lights up like the sun when EITHER of them is anywhere near you; you’re smitten with Lee!”
“Denise, no; I tried so hard to be fair..!” I wail.
“I know, that’s what gave you away; each of us judges has our favourites (the whole country knows that), but as gopher you’re with all the lads more than anyone & you’ve never so much as hinted; don’t think I haven’t seen the way you stick close to John whenever ALW’s around, convinced you’ll get chucked out the minute he sees you. You couldn’t stand to be anywhere else & I’ll bet Lee’s at least part of the reason!”
“Oh no Denise, you don’t think Zoë will go to ALW & get me fired do you?!” I panic.
By now we are walking along a corridor & JOHN falls into step: “I’d just like to see her try sweetheart; Andrew would minus be 2 judges (at LEAST, I can’t see Bill being too thrilled either) & definitely 1 Joseph before you could say ‘curtain call’. Andrew’s FAR too smart to risk a national scandal & a flop! You might have to eat some humble pie, though.”
“Oh I can do that but what if…”
“If nothing; it’s not going to happen; on the billion to one shot it DID, all 4 of us would grab our things & high-tail it out of here, holding our heads high & singing ‘Grease Lightening’ at the top of our voices!” At this we all 3 ROAR with laughter.

Hearing the laughter Keith’s head appears around the next door: “Oh there you are AR; ALW’s looking for you. Wants to see you in rehearsal room 4 as soon as possible.”
My mouth goes dry & only John’s hand squeezing my shoulder helps me reply: “Ok Keith, thanks.”
As he disappears Denise pulls me into a hug: “Come on AR; the sooner you do this, the sooner we’ll know.”
We reach room 4 all too soon & John & Denise promise to wait for me outside. ALW lets me in, shuts the door & says: “Now AR, would you mind telling me why ON EARTH I’ve just had my strongest Joseph, walk in here & offer to ‘fall on his sword’, walk away, to save your job? What in the world is going on?!”
I try my best to hide my shock at this as I answer: “Well sir, it’s all my fault. I teased Lee into singing something that he didn’t need to rehearse, (which I KNOW was very, very wrong & I’m SO, SO sorry), Miss Tyler heard us & (rightly), got awful mad…”
ALW puts up his hand to stop me: “I see; you don’t like Miss Tyler much, do you?”
I look down, by now as red as Lee’s coat: “I have to work with Miss Tyler sir, but there are people here I’m closer to, yes.” I admit.
“I see & would I be right in thinking that you get along well with Mr Barrowman & Miss Van Outen?”
“Oh yes Sir, they are very kind to me, as are Mr Kenwright & the other Josephs, although I don’t know them as well.”
“Ok, now let me ask you a question & I want a very honest answer, alright?” I nod, mouth to dry to speak. “Why do YOU think you’re here, AR?” he asks.
“Well to act as a gopher, as much as I can, for the lads, er I mean the Josephs.” I stammer.
“&…” ALW clearly expects more.
“I don’t understand.”
“You my girl are the Joseph’s ‘reality check’; their link to life outside the bubble they’re in right now. That means working hard but having fun sometimes to. Do you think I haven’t heard the stories of you being ill with nerves before a show, or you making phone calls at 1am because Lewis has left his coat at the studio? Of you making sure that all the boys who go get reunited with anything they leave at the house? Bill told how you even had a Torchwood script John had left behind couriered from Cardiff! You’re not going anywhere unless you want to; you don’t, do you?!”
“Oh no sir, not at all! I be…” I stop short.
“You’re quite right, you DO belong here; though I’d stay out of Zoë’s path if you can. Now, you’d better go before that squabble to listen at the door outside turns violent!” he chuckles.
I go weak with relief: “Oh thank you Sir; I won’t let you down again!”
“You didn’t in the first place; now scoot; you have a Joseph to thank.” With that he lets me out & heads for a pile of paperwork lying on the piano.

Feeling faint with relief I zoom outside to a now beaming John & Denise. “Thank God!” I whisper, meaning it literally as they pull me into a group-hug. “I take you heard ALL of that?”
“We did,” Denise ‘twinkles’ “…so you better just go & do what you’re told; quick smart! Go on, shoo!” I’ll never be sure but I could swear I heard stifled giggles as I zoom away.

Rehearsal room 2 is still empty except for Lee, who is by now leaning on the warm-up bar, lyrics in hands frowning with concentration. For the second time that day he looks up & sees me waiting there: “Hey Angel. Hey, you ok, sweetie? You’re shaking!” He drops his lyrics to the floor unnoticed & hurries over.
“Lee, you didn’t have to do that for me; I don’t know what to say!” I manage.
“It’s alright; it’s one thing being told I’M rubbish but attempting to insult my friends is another level altogether; just for the record Lewis & Keith weren’t exactly thrilled either.”
“Thank you SO much; I have some idea how much Joseph means to you & you could have blown it all because of me!”
“Well I didn’t & you still have a job or we wouldn’t be having this conversation; now a hug & if want to pay me back you can take these…” (He picks the lyrics & hands them to me); “…you can take these & make sure I’m word perfect, ok?” I follow instructions to the letter.

2 days later I’m dropping the dry-cleaned coats back at Joseph HQ when Lewis opens the door & runs down to greet me: “Hi AR, alright? Look, I should warn you things are pretty down in there.”
“What? Why?” I ask, half expecting more sore throats or having to do yet ANOTHER morale ‘reconstruction’ job after a trail of disaster left by ‘Hurricane Zoë’.
“I don’t know the details but Lee & Kerry ‘called it quits’ last; something about her being offered a part in ‘The Woman In White’ I think.”
My heart turned over: “But Lewis, ‘The Woman in White’ is ONLY running on Broadway now!”
My companion went pale: “Ah right, I did wonder; Lee only said the name.”
I sighed; this was going to be rough. “Ok, thanks for the ‘heads up’. Help me get these inside can you?”
“Sure.”

Inside the house all seemed quiet, Keith who was sitting on the sofa reading, looked up as I entered the room: “Oh hi. You heard?”
I nodded: Yep, these coats need hanging though, more than my life’s worth, never mind my job, if they get torn.”
Keith took his own & Lee’s coat: “I’ll hang Lee’s on his bedroom door & knock to let him to let him know its there.” So saying he disappeared.
I sat there for a minute feeling awkward. Somehow it didn’t seem right to talk about the show just then but it dawned on me that Lewis & I didn’t have anything in common. Oh he was talented in his own way & a good kid, but that was it, he was a kid. In the end I settled for safe ground: “Any chance of a tea? I’m parched.”
“Oh yeah, sure, milk & sugar?”
“Yeah please; white with two & not too full, in a mug if you can.”
“No problem. Everything’s so much easier to find since you had that cleaning team in while we were on last week’s mission; thanks.”
“My pleasure, couldn’t have you lot getting busted by JOHN again, could I?”
“Guess not; you work as hard if not harder for John than you do for us; you do know you’re ‘backing the wrong horse’ there right?”
It was a good job Lewis hadn’t handed me my tea yet or I’d have ended up wearing it. I burst out laughing: “Oh Lewis; I’d have to be blind, deaf, mute & galatically stupid not to know THAT! John started out a hero of mine & now he’s like a favourite cousin or something. I do love him to death but NOT like THAT, ok?”
Lewis blushed: “Oh ok, sorry, I was just making sure.”
“That’s alright sweetie; I appreciate the gesture & the laugh; are there any biscuits to go with this tea?”
“Not on my shelf no…”
“I have some chocolate chip cookies if you like those.” Lee’s voice behind me makes me jump again.
Last edited by AngelRose : 09-07-2007 at 19:57

I turn & almost hear my heart break. Lee looks absolutely wrung out & it’s all too obvious he’s stopped crying & tried to pull himself together in order to come downstairs. From the look in his eyes he knows I know. “Hi Lee.” I say hoping my voice holds steady. I notice he has his Joseph coat draped over his arm. “The coat ok?” It seemed best to stick to business.
“There’s a torn stitch in the left sleeve.” His voice sounds dull & tired.
I couldn’t help but worry about his upcoming song; he’d lost enough, to lose ‘Joseph’ to… my heart shivered at the thought. But shaken to the core by what I’m sure as hell not going to admit I’d just realised, I fight to hold myself together: “Sorry, I’ll have it seen to right away.” I take it & turn to go.
Lewis however stops me: “AR relax; it won’t make any difference for the 5 minutes it’ll take you to drink you your tea. You need to look after yourself to you know.”
I sigh. This is going to be the longest cup of tea in my life, but Lewis is right & anyway I’m actually thirsty: “Ok, thanks.”

Lying Lee’s coat carefully flat on the sofa I cross to the kitchen table. By now, he’s behind me, reaching across to put a plate of cookies on the table. Instinctively, as I would do with any friend, I tip my head back & reach behind me to squeeze his hand in thanks. As soon as I do it though, I almost wish I hadn’t; the pain & unshed tears in Lee’s nearly beat me. I do squeeze his hand in thanks but now mostly because I just can’t trust my voice. He squeezes back but can’t look me in the eyes. To my surprise Lewis chooses this moment to show some unexpected silent insight. He gets up & retrieves 1 of my stash of straws from a kitchen drawer & pops it in my mug. It doesn’t sound like much, but he’s realised I was too upset to lift my drink. I decided then & there that although I now COULDN’T want him to be Joseph, I did like him & want him to have success in whatever ELSE he did. Keith I was still unsure about, he was too far under Zoë’s wing for my liking.

I finish my tea (being sure to take at least one cookie), hug both Lee & Lewis goodbye, call up the stairs to Keith, pick up the red coat & go outside to call first my cab & then Denise: “Hi AR, what’s up?” The tears I’ve being fighting finally engulf me. “Hey Angel, what’s wrong? Shh, shh, don’t cry; calm down & tell me what’s happened?” she asks alarmed.
“Oh Denise, I’ve got a God awful feeling that I’m either in love, in trouble or both!” I sob.
Denise sighs heavily: “Ok, it’s alright honey. Where are you now?”
“Outside the Joseph house.” I sniff.
Denise thinks for a second: “Well, if it’s who I think it is we need to get you out of there pronto. It is him, right?”
“Yes.” I say in a small voice.
“Ok; listen, I want you to meet me outside Fiorelli’s Diner, across from the Noel Cowerd Theatre in an hour; do you know where that is?”
“Yeah, I’ve been there with my parents.” I reply.
“Good, ‘because this requires chocolate. Hang in there Angel darling; we’ll soon have you sorted out.” With that she signs off, BUT forgets to close one line on her mobile before opening the other & I just can’t stop myself listening: “John, its Denise. Find the nearest working TARDIS, I need you back here NOW. No, the boys are fine as far as I know but ‘the penny’s dropped’ for Angel & she’s a mess; throw a Diva fit if you have to, but our girl needs a hug from her hero…” Unable to take any more I hang up.

I spend the next few minutes waiting for my cab & praying that none of the boys (particularly Lee) wander down the front steps before it arrives; thankfully they don’t. In the cab I try to unscramble my brain. What the HELL just happened?! How could Denise & John have known before I did? I sigh; at least they were on my side & I had a horrible feeling I was going to need all the backup I can get; after a detour to drop the coat off for repairs, I make straight for Fiorelli’s. Denise meets me at the door: “Angel, Darling!” We hug & I cry again. Once Denise has soothed me a little we go inside & she lines me up a cappuccino & a huge piece of chocolate cake. After letting me take a bite or two she asks: “So, what brought on this sudden attack of common sense then?”
“Lee splitting up with Kerry I guess, but PLEASE don’t call it ‘common sense’; it’s the most insane thing I’ve ever done! Insane, mindless & UTTERLY pointless!” I groan.

Denise looks up surprised: “Hang on, rewind a second, Lee & Kerry have split up?! What happened?!”
“According to Lewis, Kerry got offered Broadway, The Woman in White; they must have agreed she should go. I know it’s true though, I’ve see Lee; mess doesn’t even come close, he’s ruined!”
Denise sighed heavily: “Can’t blame Kerry, but the timings hell. As for the irony of it being one of Andrew’s shows…” her voice faded out. I hadn’t thought of that. I force myself to take another bite of cake even though I now feel quite ill. Silence reigns for a minute or to then Denise asks: “So what are you going to do now?”
“Get the hell off the fence & make damn sure he wins; it’s all I can do.” I reply.
Denise reaches for my hand: “No darling, I meant what are YOU going to do now?”
“Me? I told you; make damn sure he wins, then sit back & wait for myself to get over this, don’t worry I’ll live, I’ve had enough damn practice.” I sigh.
“Sweetheart, no; don’t talk like that; you didn’t do anything to cause this, we’ll look after you.”
I try to explain: “I know you will & please don’t think I don’t love you for it because I do, really, but you’d do better looking AT me than after me.” I sigh.
Denise doesn’t say anything contrary now; she knows I won’t believe her anyway & her eyes fill with tears. She blinks them away & says: “Come on, are you finished? Let’s get you out of here.”
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“Oh don’t worry, nowhere work related; just somewhere you really need to be. Trust me.” Too numb to do anything else I follow her out of the café.

The cab ride to wherever we’re going is almost silent but Denise keeps her hand over mine the whole way; even the cabbie stays uncharacteristically quiet despite it being clear that he recognisees Denise. A short time later we arrive at a large city centre hotel. I look up, uncertain, frightened even. Although Denise’s hand on my shoulder IS a comfort I can’t help but wish it were really John’s. A stab of guilt fills my eyes with fresh tears, but Denise just smiles, understanding: “Almost, Angel, you’re almost safe.” She goes up to the reception desk & speaks to the receptionist: “Excuse me please, myself & my friend are expected…”
The receptionist smiles: “Ah yes Miss Van Outen; suite 647, go on up; I’ll ring ahead. I was told to tell you to charge anything you need to the suite.”
“Thanks; come on Angel.”
The lift is empty, so I turn to her & ask something that I’ve been wondering about all the way over: “Denise, should I quit?”
She looks shocked: “Oh no Missy, no you don’t; no way! You’ve done NOTHING & think what it would do to ALL the boys to lose their ‘reality check’ now? You’re not going anywhere! Don’t you let ALW hear you talking like that; he’ll hit the roof; you already have his backing remember? Ah here we go, 6th floor.” Soon she signals that I should knock on the door of Suite 647.

I’m only partly surprised when John opens the door: “John! I mean, I heard Denise, but, but how, so fast?!”
“Come in Angel, come in.”
Here Denise speaks up: “Right Angel, now you’re safe I have to go check on the boys; I’ll be back later, ok?” With that she leaves.
“But John, how?!” I ask, bemused.
He grins: “Let’s just say I now Eve Myles & Naoko Mori SERIOUS birthday gifts.”
“But Scott, if you’re down here surely you should be with him?”
A 2nd grin: “Oh don’t worry, my darling other half is up to his eyes in designs for some new Manchester tower block, won’t notice a thing; he does send his love though. Now, are you going to stop ‘fudging the issue’ & give me a hug?” I do hug John of course & the tears come in torrents. He just lets me sob for a while & then starts to soothe me: “My poor, brave baby. Its ok, you’re safe here; let it go, let it out. Let me guess, it was alright while Lee was ‘unattainable’ because you could kid yourself you were JUST ‘doing the right thing’ but now the safety net’s gone, huh?”
I nod into the hug: “When did you know?” I ask.
“Well, I had my suspicions when your eyes were coat green after the first staging run through of ‘Bad Day’ but ‘Sun & Moon’ proved it. How else would you have known he’d played Chris without doing SOME research? Besides, only someone who really knew their theatre stuff would pick ‘Sun & Moon’ & ‘The Telephone Song’ over ‘Last Night of the World’. I knew there could only be one reason. The question is what do you do now?”
I pull back from the hug: “Like I told Denise, do my job & wait for my heart to heal; my only option.”
John looks surprised: “Oh really, ‘cause from where I’m sitting you’ve got two options; option one, give in like you just said, or option two, do your job & wait for HIS heart to heal.”
I am incredulous: “John, you know I love you, I really, really do but PLEASE don’t tease me on this, and I mean it.”
“I’m not teasing you Angel, you’re hurting, why would I do that?!”
“Ok, so maybe you don’t mean to, but for a bright guy you don’t use your eyes very much, do you?”
“HUH?”
“Ugly great wheels & even uglier biology? You can’t pretend not to have noticed!”
John staggers backwards a step in shock: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, ‘even uglier biology’; I’m not having that! You ACTUALLY think you’re ugly?!”
“Don’t think it, know it.”
“Ok, I don’t want a fight so we’ll leave aside just HOW plain WHACKED out wrong that is for now & concentrate on Lee. You KNOW the guy, could you REALLY have fallen for him if he was just a shallow, self-serving loser?!”
“He’s not!” I yell, angry now.
“I know, so he’ll see what we do; a bright, bubbly, adoring woman who sometimes goes through HELL to do her job, but NEVER quits!”

Lewis told me later what happened at Joseph house. Here’s how it must have been: Denise STORMED into the house stood in the living-room & yelled: “Right you sorry, selfish, blinkered lot, if your coats mean ANYTHING to you, get here, NOW!” Surprised to hear Denise doing the yelling instead of Zoë, all the boys dropped whatever they’re doing & came running: “What’s going on?” Ben’s the first to arrive.
“That’s what I want to know. I’ve just left Angel. I left her in a state of near TOTAL nervous collapse; if I hadn’t left her with John (whom, I might add, I had to call back from CARDIFF), I’d be SERIOUSLY worried for her sanity, so this BETTER be good; what the HELL is going on?!”
By now everyone had arrived. “I thought she looked tired when she left earlier, I made her stay awhile but she said she was fine.” Lewis said.
“Of COURSE she’s going to SAY she’s fine; she’s protecting you lot! She’s been driving herself into the ground for you; God knows why though when you’ve been treating her like the ‘Invisible Woman’!”
“What’s happened?!” Lee asked
“Well, actually YOU’RE what has happened, but that’s not the point right now the point is Joseph’s a play; it’s meant to be fun, for ALL of us, not torture! Do you know why Angel can’t be on the studio floor on Saturday nights?!”
“Her chair & the wires?” Daniel spoke up.
“We could get around that if need be; the REAL reason is she gets so ill with terror for you selfish bunch of idiots that John has Scott sit with her for fear she’ll pass out or choke! Try thinking about next time you’re about to whine just because you can’t hit a high note! Get your heads out of the clouds boys! GROW UP!” With that, she’d left, slamming the door.

Meanwhile, back in the hotel suite I was TRYING to explain: “John, even if you were right, you can’t SEE any of those things!”
My friend sighed: “Can’t I?! I told you only a smart woman would have done that research, I can feel your loyalty every time you hug me, your smile keeps us all going, but I can tell you all ‘til I’m blue in the face, it won’t matter until you LET yourself believe it!”
“How can I ever do that? I’d hurt too much.”
“Can it hurt any more than you’re hurting now? You’re tearing yourself apart.” John pointed out.
“Maybe, but this a hurt I know how to bare. I wouldn’t know how to bare hoping. I’d be scared.”
“So this about fear? Don’t you think EVERYONE gets scared when they fall in love?! You’re not the only one, believe me.”
“It’s normal?” I’m surprised.
Seeing the anger is past now, John moves closer & starts to unstrap me from my wheelchair: “Let me lie you down? You’re exhausted.”
“Ok.” I’m too drained to argue.

The living-room at the Joseph House was (so I’m told), a very dark & gloomy place just then despite the odd splash of colour generated by a stray coat lying here & there. Lewis tells me it was Daniel who spoke up first: “We’ve all been a bunch of near-sighted, selfish jerks, huh?” he said.
“Yep.” Ben agreed. “I can’t believe I even saw her struggle with a pop pack the other day & pretended not to ‘just in case’; what a prat! She must have been in agony, going by what Denise said.”
“We should get her some flowers or something; let the others know to.” Lewis suggested. “I’ll do that if you like.” Silence had been taken as agreement.
“You know, don’t you, she actually knows her musical theatre history inside out? THAT’S what REALLY ticked Zoë off I bet; Angel had just goaded me into singing ‘Sun & Moon’ with her & John & I into ‘The Telephone Song’ when Zoë came barging in.” Lee explained.
“HUH?” Craig was lost.
“‘Miss Saigon’ numbskull.” Ben supplied helpfully.
“Oh yeah right, sorry.” Craig blushed.

Keith spoke next & what he said shocked everyone: “Yeah that’d be right, we’re trying to learn & we have to PLEAD for so much as a note from John, Angel the GOPHER, only has to bat her eyelashes, he goes all ‘Capt. Jack’ charming & she & ‘Golden Curls, done it all before’ over there get a free concert… If we didn’t know…”
Keith never finished his sentence for Lee was on his feet, JUST ABOUT being held back by Craig & Lewis: “SHUT UP you arrogant little… Think what you like of me & John but don’t you EVER...!”
“Oh look boys, I’ve hit a nerve, what was it? ‘Golden Curls’? ‘Capt Jack’? Or..?” Keith sneered.
Lee struggled again but the other boys hold him fast: “Get that spiteful, stupid, childish **** out of here before he costs me my coat; I’ll lose it fair & square to any of you lot but NOT him!”
By now Daniel & Craig had Keith by shoulders & were frogmarching Keith out the door. A couple of seconds later Lewis heard the front door slam so hard it rattled. Next Lewis saw his two friends return: “He’s gone he WON’T be back before dark.” Craig said, “He’ll run to Zoë of course.” Lee snorted angrily.
“Doesn’t matter, she lost her credibility when tried to go for Angel. He’s bloody lucky we didn’t rehearse the ‘pit’ scene.” Daniel added, his reputation as a nice guy giving extra impact to his words. “Should we find AR?”
“She’s safest with John until we know just what Keith or Zoë will try to pull next; he’ll bring her back if she’s well enough.” Lee was sure of that if nothing else.
No-one was overly surprised apparently when a bottle appeared out of nowhere.

After settling me on the bed John grabs a blanket & covering me with it lies down beside me. By now I’m so badly swollen & shaking so violently that even the little I have to move to snuggle into his side is agony. He realises but sensing that now is not the time to react, simply puts his arms around me: “Shh, try to relax; you know that you’re one of about 4 females on the planet Scott wouldn’t kill for this?” Even now he can’t resist a little gallows humour. I chuckle, despite everything: “I’m flattered; let me guess, your sister, your niece, me &…”
“Suran.”
(I’d forgotten that former co-star Suran Jones was one of his best friends). “Oh yeah, course, you’ll have to introduce me someday.”
“Sure, you love Denise you’ll love Suran, fair & dark versions of each other those two; give us a chance to have a dinner-party, I love dinner-parties.”
“Deal.”

Silence reigns for a few minutes then John speaks up: “You asked me earlier if being scared was normal; what do you think ‘normal’ is baby?”
“Well, like you.”
Here John laughed out loud & I could feel him trying not to move too much & cause me more pain: “Oh Angel, thank you sweetie; you don’t know how much that means, but sadly, there’s an awful lot of people in this world who’d say I’m anything BUT normal!”
“Yeah, but that’s just prejudiced rubbish, we both know that.” I said hugging him. I’m rewarded with a kiss: “Thanks kid. So, who else is ‘normal’? Come on, ‘enlighten me’.”
“Well someone like Bill or Stacey.” (Stacey was the assistant floor manger whose job it was to ferry messages between Scott & I & John on Saturday nights.)
Another laugh: “Having as much money as Bill is ‘normal’?! Don’t we all wish! At least you had the good sense not to say Andrew I guess; I’d have had you certified for that! So, come on then, what’s so normal about Miss Stacey Granholm?”
“Well, you’ve seen her; you picked her to help us out. She’s nice, she’s efficient, and our room’s a better set-up than the official green-room…”
“UGH! It had better be!” I can sense John pulling a face. “I’ll be having words otherwise. Go on.”
“Stacey’s pretty, take it from me half the boys are dead keen to go out with her; Ben told me so, the half that already ‘gone’ on Denise anyway.”
“So if being pretty is normal remind me again why you’re apparently not?” he asks.
“Well she can hold her own head up all the time for a start.” I sigh. “& she’s so confident; bet she doesn’t get stressed, never mind swell up & shake like a leaf when she does.”
John sighs: “So, just let me get this clear in my head, the ONLY difference between you & her is that as far as you KNOW she doesn’t have any physical struggles, is that all? It’s like I’ve been telling you, the physical stuff only matters to ANY of us now because you’re overdoing things & worrying yourself into the ground about people who can, & SHOULD, believe it or not, still do some things for themselves! The hours you’ve been putting in would exhaust ANYONE; take it from me! As for confidence, everyone’s confident in the environment they know & trust, believe me. I bet outside a studio Stacey can be a wreck at times, I’d be worried about her if she wasn’t.” He hurried on before I could interrupt. “Don’t you DARE go telling me that you haven’t got any confidence; it won’t wash; I saw you last week helping Ben & Daniel out in rehearsals, you knew EXACTLY what you were doing & you did great. Andrew sees that to; we heard him say so, remember? So any more ‘reasons’?” I shake my head. “Good. Right, now I’m going to let you into a big secret then you’re going to get some sleep, ok?”
“Ok.”
“Normal does not exist; it’s not real. It’s an idea & nobody can BE an idea, it can’t happen. I’ll remind you often as you like but the sooner you learn to believe that the better. Now, miss, sleep.”
I try to look up: “I will for a lullaby.”
He chuckles: “How did I KNOW that was coming? Ok, what do you want to hear?” his laboured sigh is as fake as his smile is genuine.
“’Anyone Can Whistle’?” I ask timidly
“Wow! You really do know your stuff don’t you? Ok, it’s been a while but I THINK I remember the lyrics…‘Anyone can whistle, that’s what they say… easy,…”
The lullaby must have worked for I remember no more after that.

Denise filled me in on what she did after leaving the Joseph House. She did what a lot of women seem to do in crisis, she went shopping. Having grabbed a few things she thought we might need she rang John’s mobile: “Hey how’s Angel?”
“Not great, don’t know how she’s going to make it TO never mind THROUGH Saturday without sedation at this rate; I had to sing her to sleep in my arms. How did you go with the boys?”
“Well, I tore them off a strip & a half; really gave them ‘what for’; I think they’re in shock.”
“Good they deserve it; she’s a mess, totally worn out, I’d suggest a long holiday if I didn’t going now would destroy her.”
“Poor Darling! Did she mention Lee?”
“No, not really, but she seems convinced she’s ugly.”
“What?!”
“I know, but it seems VERY deep-rooted, we’ll have to go carefully.”
“Well, I got a few things for a bit of a makeover to cheer her up but maybe that’s not such a good idea, might give out the wrong idea.”
John apparently thought for a minute: “There MIGHT just still be a way for that to work, if we pitch it right Where are you now?”
“In a cab near Whitehall, why?”
“Then, do me a favour & swing by the ‘Dress Circle’ theatrical CD place in Covent Garden on the way back will you? A makeover ITSELF won’t help but a lesson in how to be ‘Pop-u-lar’ just might!”
“On it; see where you’re coming from to. Listen, I’ve got to go; Ben’s trying to get through on the other line. I’ll be as quick as I can. Bye.”

The next thing I remember is waking up alone in a strange hotel room. I would have panicked but the very first thing I saw was John’s jacket, left in my eye-line deliberately to reassure me. “John?!”
“I’m here Angel. How are you feeling?” He was by my side instantly.
“Honestly? Sore; I could use a bath. How long was I asleep?”
“About 21/2 hours. Here.” He handed me my glasses & my mobile. “Here, phone your helpers; have them come over & help you have a bath. We can have the hotel Concierge rent any kit you’ll need.”
“Not at seconds notice surely?” I ask.
“Give this lot half an hour & you’d be sitting on diamond-encrusted wheels; they’re the best in the city, that’s why we brought you here. You’ll need to be specific, but then give them, oh 15 mins & you’ll have it; guaranteed.”
“Thanks.” I start to dial & then stop. “John?”
“Yeah?”
“I have PA’s like you ‘showbiz’ types not helpers, helpers makes me sound helpless, ok?”
He blushed but couldn’t resist teasing me: “Yes Mam! Get you, ‘Miss Thing’! Going all Diva on me now?”
I couldn’t let him get away with that & I didn’t: “Oh that’s rich, coming from Mr ‘Pink Feather Boa & fur stilettos’!”
(As I knew it would the light of memory shone in his eyes as he thought back to a certain backstage VT for ‘The Sound of Musicals’) “Man; you’re good; I can’t get a THING past you, can I?!”
I shake my head: “Nope; quit while you’re losing darling!!” I laugh.
He holds up his hands & grins: “I surrender. Welcome back Angel!”

I was still in the bathroom when Denise arrived back at the Suite; again she ‘filled in the gaps’ for me later. Apparently John’s first words to her when he opened the door to her were: “My God, you look like you’ve seen a ghost, what’s wrong?!”
Having asked where I was & been ‘told’ with a nod towards the bathroom she’d whispered: “Put this on & turn it up, we’ve got a BIG problem!” (Though all I knew at the time of course was that the first notes of the ‘Wicked’ soundtrack came drifting through the bathroom door). “Ok start talking.”
Denise had sighed: “You know Ben rang earlier? He called to say that the other lads have kicked Keith out of the house!”
“What?! WTF?!”
“He goaded Lee into going for him, but Lewis & Craig held Lee back.”
“I don’t get it; Joseph means EVERYTHING to Lee, what the HELL could Keith say to make him risk it all?” John asked puzzled. Denise had explained, starting the lecture & ending with the bottle.

“Damn it; we’ll need to sit on this before the press get it! Where’s Andrew?” John had asked.
“At Glinborne I think, why?” Now it was Denise’s turn to be bemused.
“BECAUSE if Zoë tries to use this to oust Angel or smear her in the press, Andrew’s the only 1who can make bloody sure she never so much as teaches an out of tune church choir again, that’s why.” He spat.
“But that’s…”
“It’s low, yeah, but Zoë crossed the line when I had to move; I HONESTLY thought she was going to slap Angel. Stay with Angel, tell her I love her, I’ll be back later.”
“But where are you going?”
“To fill Scott & our lawyer in just in case, find Bill, do the same & send him to the House to calm the boys, then find & contain ‘the threat’. God, its days like this I’m 100% American!” he sighed
“But what do I tell Angel?!” Denise cried.
“Distract her with the ‘makeover’ as best you can, but when she asks tell her I needed to go & see Scott & then Bill about the show; that’s the bones of the truth at least; if all else fails, you’re an actress, so act!” With that he was gone.

The next that I myself knew of anything was when there was a knock on the bathroom door: “Almost done John!” I called.
“It’s Denise honey; just letting you know I’m back. Are you dressed yet?”
“Oh hi, just starting, why?”
“In that case, dry off & just grab this…” Her hand appeared around the door holding a fluffy, white hotel dressing-gown.
“Ok why?”
“Just indulge me alright?”
“Yes Miss.” Hence a couple of minutes later I emerged. “Hi! What’s going on? Where’s John?” I asked.
“Just nipped home to see Scott & then meeting Bill about something to do with the show I think. His EXACT words were ‘Stay with Angel, tell her I love her, I’ll be back later.’” Denise smiled. “You look a bit better.” She said hugging me.
“Amazing what a good blub, a hug, some sleep & a bath can do. John’s got a cheek though; telling ME I’M overdoing things & then chasing round half the County himself”
“Well, you know John…” Denise chuckled, “… I swear he was the role model for the Energiser Bunny!” We both rolled up at that. Once some decorum had been restored Denise thought of something: “Angel, when did you last eat?”
“Er, breakfast & that cake I think.”
Denise looked down at her watch: “But it’s almost 6pm! We must get you something or you’ll fade away; you decide what you want & I’ll call room service.”
“Room service, isn’t that expensive? I’ll get dressed & we’ll go out.”
Denise shook her head: “Sorry no can do; you have lessons this evening young lady!”
“Lessons, what do you mean?” I was lost.
“You’ll see soon enough IF you’re patient. Now what do you feel like to eat? John’s bill & he’ll scold both of us if you don’t eat properly.” My friend warned.
“Well do you think ‘Capt. Jack’ would approve of a jacket potato & salad?” I grinned.
“Oh I think so as long as we have something MUCH more fun for dessert.”
“Would strawberries & cream count do you think?”
“Oh I expect so, but best add chocolate sauce though, just in case!”
“Good plan that woman!” Just then there was a knock at the door. “Who can that be?”

Denise went to the door, opened it & laughed: “Not who sweetie, what; half the flowers this side of Chelsea & I think I can safely say they’re from the lads.” She stepped back to let the first of several bell boys into the Suite. I soon saw what she meant. Forget-Me-Not’s from Lewis, irises from Daniel, freesias from Chris C, each boy had sent flowers the colour of ‘their’ coat. Of course as soon as I realised I began to scan the blooms. “Looking for these?” Denise teased gently laying a huge bunch of blood red carnations in my lap. I’m ashamed to admit that my heart dropped when I saw that Lee’s flowers WEREN’T roses, but as ever, Denise understood: “Never mind Angel; someday. Hey, what’s this?” something was peeping out from the sea of scarlet. Several of the bouquets had come with little notes so I looked down expecting to see another & indeed there was one, but this one was attached to something. I gasped: “Oh my!” I gently eased the note free & gave it to Denise to open for me. She did so without reading it & gave it back to me. By now though I was admiring the beautiful crescent moon shaped brooch, encrusted with the Austrian crystals that I collect now lying on my lap.
“Wow,” Denise said “what does the note say?” she asked.
I read it out to her: “My Dearest ‘Moonbeam’, be well & come back soon, I missing my hugs & my duet partner! Lots of Love, Lee X’
“’Moonbeam?’” Denise asked puzzled.
“Miss Saigon’, Kim is the moon to Chris’ sun, remember?” I reminded her.
“Of course.” Denise smiled. “Now, food Miss.”

Whilst Denise & I were eating (& she as she admitted later was thanking her lucky stars for the extra distraction of the flowers), Lee was sat alone in the window seat of the Joseph House watching the daylight begin to fade, listening to ‘Paint It Black’ on his MP3 player trying to learn the lyric & in his own words later: “Starting to wipe the slate clean.” His musings were partly interrupted by Ben holding a mug of coffee to him. He’d taken it with a nod of thanks & half-smiled as the younger guy had taken the other end of the window seat, headphones in himself & his own lyrics in his hand. They’d stayed like that until there was not enough natural light left to allow them read any more & then Ben silently offered Lee a hand to help him to his feet & they’d both gone up to their rooms. To look at it nothing had happened, but Lee knew ‘got your back mate’ when he saw it.

“Done?” Denise asked brightly as I pushed my empty dessert bowl away.
“Yep, time for ‘class’ now?” I ask.
“Indeed it is Angel. Now, go over by the dressing-table, close your eyes & count to 100 SLOWLY, ok?” Denise demanded.
“What, why?”
“Just do as you’re told Missy, or do you want me to make have to annoy ‘Capt. Harkness’?” Denise ‘threatened’.
I rolled my eyes: “Sheesh! Talk about bossy! Ok, ok. 1, 2, 3…”

I’d reached about 60 when there was another knock on the suite door. Before I could even peep I heard: “Ah, ah, young lady; if I can’t have you looking yet, eyes shut or a blindfold!”
“Alright, alright, I get the message; 67, 68…”
The next minute I heard several people moving around me & only Denise’s touch & my faith in her kept me from opening my eyes in panic.
“Angel, don’t jump ok? I’m just going to reset the CD player & where are those numbers? Nice & loud… 96…”
The soundtrack stuttered for a second, but by now I was so curious I didn’t dare stop my countdown: “…98, 99…”
“100!” We both said together.

I FINALLY opened my eyes & there on the dressing table in front of me was EVERYTHING I’d seen on Denise’s dressing-room dressing-table before a show & a LOT more besides. As the last verse of ‘Dancing Through Life’ reached my ears Denise beamed at me. “I know you like perfume so I thought I’d get you a few to try along the way.”
“A FEW?! But Hon, there must be 20 different kinds here!” I gasp.
Denise shrugged: “26; I wasn’t sure what you’d like so I got one of each. There’s some costume jewellery in that box, doubt you’ll be needing that now though!”
Before I could reply however she put her finger to her lips to silence me. She didn’t want to miss her cue. Soon the room was filled with her sweet, clear voice (with mine hiding underneath) as a lesson in being ‘Pop-u-lar was dispensed:

“Whenever I see someone
Less fortunate than I
(& let's face it - who isn't
Less fortunate than I?)
My tender heart
Tends to start to bleed
& when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need…”

As Denise sang she & the ladies from the hotel’s beauty spa began to weave their magic. It’s only looking back on it now that I can see how subtly & slowly it was all done. The carnations had somehow mysteriously found their across the room into my eye-line & my new brooch, lying in its padded box was the nearest thing to hand. First to be put to me was the choice of a nail varnish colour; something Denise knew I did wear sometimes, for she had helped me apply it in the past. Next perfume & earrings, both of which I’d wear most days anyway. Then came the part when I silently vowed to throttle John, for only he had been told of my love for designer shirts yet 3 were laid out on the bed for me to inspect & choose from. I did so with a laugh. The next things were my dressy trousers & smart but comfy boots ‘magically materialising’ from home & the bit I dreaded, makeup.

“I’m not sure…” I said picking up an eye-shadow, “… I mean I’ll never be able to do it myself after all.”
“Well Angel, anything you feel comfortable with is just fine; no pressure. Take your time.” Denise reassured me.
“I’ll think about it, ok?” I asked
“Sure; no problem. We’ll leave them here for now, ok?”
“Leave it here? But surely after tonight…”
“After tonight, we’ll see. John’s busy now but I’m sure he’ll have ideas of his own. Meanwhile I think I know something you’ll be VERY sure about!” So saying she picked up my brooch.
“Oh yeah Hun, you KNOW that!” I laugh as she pins it on.

John was busy alright; busy being furious, furious & VERY worried. A quick visit home had given him the ‘all clear’ from a super unimpressed Scott to do whatever he had to & put the family lawyer on standby, a phone call or two had pinned Zoë down to a ‘Loose Women’ photo-shoot across town (so at least she was ‘trapped’ & could be dealt with later if required), his main problem now was finding the AWOL yellow Joseph BEFORE ALW or the press got hold of the potentially explosive story and the **** REALLY hit the fan!

Where would he go right now if he were Keith?! Of course he knew from experience that the young Scot wouldn’t have had time to get home, but that didn’t exactly help much. With Zoë out of reach, alone in a strange city, where COULD the boy have gone? John thought hard & he DIDN’T like the first answer he came up with one little bit! Was it possible? Would Keith be tolerated?! If so it would one hell of a coup for ‘the other side’ not to mention a FANTASIC ratings stealer! Great then he could add the BBC to the ever increasing list of monkeys on the ADWD team’s back!

Thinking fast, he reached for his mobile: “Suran, honey hi, it’s John. You ok? Good. Not great actually; I need a huge, urgent favour. Thanks. I need to know, as fast as you can if there’s anything going on over at ‘Grease Is The Word’ & I’ll spontaneously combust if I go within a mile of the place. Long story; short version, Keith’s gone AWOL & he’s out to cause trouble not only for the other Joe’s but also a very good friend of mine and I HAVE to find him and stop him BEFORE Andrew hears or it’s all going to go straight to Hell in a hand-basket! Ok darling, talk in a minute, bye.”

What seemed like hours but could in reality have only have been minutes later Suran rang back with an update: “John, hi. Sorry no go; my spies tell me it’s quieter than their advanced sales over there and THAT’S saying something! Now, what the HELL is going on, I thought ‘Dream’ was sitting pretty?!”
“We were and to the outside world we still are, if I find can Keith before he finds the press.”
“What’s he done?!” Suran asked. A few minutes later, she was wishing she hadn’t: “Nice kid!” she said sarcastically.
“Yeah, tell me about it!” John sighed heavily. “Point is though, if he hasn’t ‘defected’ what HAS he done?!”
“Well, is there anyone else he could turn to; someone he met on a ‘Mission’ maybe?”
“Hmm, a Mission, I don’t think… Suran that’s IT! Thanks, talk later!” With that he was gone.

I looked at my reflection & smiled cautiously. It looked back at me wide-eyed. I’ll never know quite what spell Denise and her team cast but though I could still see all the ‘wonky’ things I hate about my looks but somehow they’d faded into the background. Of course the glittering of my new gift was distracting me to. My hand went to it “It’s beautiful!” I breathe.
“Yes…” Denise agreed. “It’s a beautiful gift & you look beautiful.”
“Thanks.” I blushed. “Where are the freesias? I love the smell of those.”
“On the coffee-table, is that ok?” She asked.
“Fine.” I looked around the suite. “I’m staying here tonight you say?”
“Yes, why?”
“Well, I have to go thank the boys and I’ll need to get a cab back here, right?”
To my surprise Denise looked panicked: “That’s not a good idea Angel.”
“What; why?!” I’m lost.
“Well, it’s getting late…”
“Denise, it’s not even 8:30pm; it’s not ‘Mission’ day tomorrow & I won’t distract the boys for long; I swear.” I plead.

John said a prayer for calm as he waited for someone on the other end of the line: “Come on, come on mate, pick up!” he muttered.
Sadly though the phone rang & rang until John realised with a sinking feeling that he only had one choice left. He rang home. Scott answered on the third ring.
“Hi; it’s me. This is about to get messy; my spare blackberry is on my desk, can you send me everything you can find on there on the Joseph School?”
Scott had of course done so. All John could do then was flick through everything & pray that what he was looking for would be there.

“You’d be better off ringing them Angel, really.”
Denise’s words sounds reasonable but this time I smelt a rat: “What’s going on; has Sir Andrew banned me from the House? Have I done something wrong?!”
“No Angel, you haven’t done anything wrong; Sir Andrew’s very pleased with you, so are we judges & you only need to look around you to see what the boys think.”
I did so & something began to niggle at the back of my mind but I couldn’t form what it was yet: “Then I’ll go to them. How else can I thank them properly? Besides, if I don’t go now Lee will think I’m an ungrateful wretch & he may well never notice me as a woman, but I’d HATE him to think that!”
I grabbed my phone & began to dial but to my horror Denise snatched it from me. Now I KNEW there was something wrong:
“Ok, I want the truth, I want all of it & I want it NOW! What’s happening?” I demanded. Then the cause of the niggle dawned on me: “Denise, is it something to do with why there are no yellow flowers; something to do with Keith?”
Denise slumped down on the bed, her eyes filling with tears:
“Keith isn’t the man we thought he was Angel… there’s been an argument…” and so the whole story came tumbling out.

John sighed with relief as the information he needed was sent to his main blackberry. He sent Scott a thank you text and used a phone number to find an address; his stomach churning. This was all getting a bit real-life ‘Torchwood’ investigation for his liking. Still, he knew he had no choice if he was put things right as fast as possible. He hailed a cab with the words:
“Hi, listen, get me here…” he showed the address, “… safely in 30 minutes& I’ll double whatever’s on the clock, ok?
The cabbie looked surprised:
“Alright! Oh, I mean yes Sir Mr Barrowman.” His smile faded slightly when John shut the little Plexiglas window between them but swiftly returned when he remembered the extra cash.

“What?! But why?! I’ve never been anything but ABSOLUTELY fair to Keith, you said so yourself! Why would he say such a thing? Could Zoë have put him up to it? You can’t have failed to notice that she carries him around on her hip, practically!” By now I was MAD. Then my stomach lurched in horror: “Oh MY GOD; is Lee ok; was he hurt?!” I cried.
“He’s FINE Angel, I swear; Ben promises me there’s not a scratch on him!”
I’d already grabbed my mobile & was reaching for my jacket:
“Well, don’t just stand there woman; it’s either help me or try & stop me & I warn you not even John would survive the second option, so I REALLY wouldn’t risk it if I were you! Get moving!”
Denise sighed, followed me out & locked the Suite.

John sat in the back of his cab willing it to move faster & brooding. He’d never said anything to anyone (not even Scott), but something had been nagging at the back of his mind on & off since Joseph School. Sure, Joseph School had been a struggle at times & he TOTALLY understood why Bill had called Andrew in; it was Andrew’s choice of how to play it that had irked him. Didn’t Andrew think that he, John, was good enough to teach the part, why rehire him then; and why call in an ex-soap-star who’d only done one thing, even if Donovan HAD played the part before?! How come, though they were good enough for the ‘Maria’s’, suddenly his years & years of school, even more years of hard work in musical theatre, his talent AND the Grand Dame of the West End as a mentor counted for so little when it came to ‘Dream’?! By the time he pulled up at what he hoped to God was the right place, John’s eyes were glittering with suppressed rage!

I battled with myself all the way back to the Joseph House. Even though I trusted both Denise & Ben my heart was still hammering with both fear and nervous tension. I was TRYING to remember that I was meant to be being professional but somehow it just DIDN’T seem to be working; the thought of any of the boys hurt or fighting over me let alone it being Lee made me feel sick to the pit of my stomach. If opening night had needed to be postponed! Suddenly a thought struck me:
“Denise, get me Daniel; the LAST thing we need is a photographer’s stake-out if Keith’s given the location away. Oh my God! Where IS Keith?! I COULDN’T face him yet!”
“John’s taking care of that now.” Came the reply
“Oh Thank God!” I sighed, relief flooding through me.
Denise gave me a thin-lipped, nervous smile:
“You have total faith in John.” It was a statement of fact.
“Don’t ever tell him but ‘undying loyalty’ is the phrase I’d use. Now, Daniel…”

Standing in Jason Donovan’s family-room while the other man went to fetch the now tracked down yellow Joseph, John wondered how the HELL t o play this? Giving into the furious betrayal he felt & knocking the little toe-rag into next week might make himself feel better now but in the long run, that wouldn’t help anyone least of all Angel. So by the time the younger man had appeared by the ex-Joseph’s side John had his best theatrical ‘mask’ in place:
“Hi. I wanted to see that you were ok.” He said.
Keith shook his head with a kind of bitter yet triumphant look on his face:
“No you didn’t, you chased me down to check that I haven’t ‘blown the whistle’ & I’m not going to sue.”
“Yeah well, that to. So are you?”
“I’ll see; whatever serves me best I suppose. Maybe if I lose…” Keith smirked.
John swallowed past the lump of pure rage in his throat & tried not to let the little idiot goad him into anything stupid:
“Your contract says you have to stay in the Joseph House unless you get knocked out.”
The young Scot shook his head:
“Nope, I checked; my contract says you people need to know where I am, you will; Jason says I can stay here. You’ll see me for anything in my contract, the rest of the time I’ll be here. Oh, & don’t you worry, I won’t even give your precious Angel the time of day…maybe.”
John balled his fists but affected to ignore the bait:
“I’ll have your stuff sent here then; give us a list tomorrow, that way we can follow it to the letter.”
He would later be pleased to have thought of that, stealing accusations would be the LAST thing anyone needed, but for now John just wanted this over. He moved towards the door with Keith’s parting shot of :
“Oh, by the way, I’m REALLY working on my diction; I’m sure Jason will be a HUGE help!” ringing in his ears.
John said no more, turned on his heel & strode off; stopping only to text Denise & buy himself & Scott a bottle of brandy on the way home

Denise looked reluctant, by as instructed dialled my friend’s mobile number and handed me my mobile.
“Thanks sweetie. Oh hi Daniel, it’s Angel. Oh yeah mate, it’s nothing, I’m fine, just a little fit of the wibble-wobbles. Thanks for the flowers though. Listen, I’m on my way; I heard you guys need sorting out. How’s Lee?”
For the second time that day I was praying that my voice sounded steadier than I felt. I could tell Daniel’s answer of:
“He’s had better afternoons but I’m sure he’ll be ok.”
Was meant to mollify me but liking Daniel as I do I bit back a sigh:
“Daniel, do me a favour will you please? Have a sneaky peak out of the front window & check that poor Denise isn’t about to get swamped by ‘shutter-bugs’ will you?”
“I’m standing there now & nothing’s changed, we’re still a ‘secret location’ as far as I can tell, except I think I’ve just seen you come around the corner.”
“Yep, you have; see you in 5 & remember the House rules, no-one’s to come to the door, alright?”
“Yes M’Lady; ok, bye.”

What I wouldn’t know until MUCH later was that Ben had been standing by Daniel’s side:
“How is she?” he’d asked.
“Best guess? Pretending she’s fine but really frantic out of her mind with worry.” Daniel sighed
“Damn!”
“Yeah, I know. Come on, Saturday night’s going to be a snip after this acting job. You call the others, I’ll see what I can do about the atmosphere of the place, ok?”
“Sure.”

“Angel, are you SURE you’re ok to do this?” Denise asked as the cab slowed.
“Ok course; it’s my job.”
“Ok, but just promise me one thing alright?” Denise pressed
“That depends what it is.” I replied.
“Earlier you said you weren’t going to be neutral anymore; promise me you’ll stick to that & just be yourself? No-one will think less of you, I promise!”
I let out a nervous laugh:
“Oh don’t you worry about that; right now I feel about as neutral as a vat full of acid!”
“Glad to hear it!” Denise chuckled: “Let’s do this, huh?”
All I could do was nod.

Having been buzzed in we went straight into the living-room. I didn’t see Denise slip away to join the others in the kitchen. Lee was off the sofa and crouched beside me in a second:
“Angel, are you all right?! We heard you were ill!”
“I’m fine, now; but let me look at you!” I took his face in my hands: “Are you hurt?!” I panicked.
“No, I’m fine; he didn’t touch me & I didn’t touch him, more’s the pity!” he growled.
“Oh don’t! When I think...”
“Then don’t think, just give me a hug.”
I did & this time I didn’t fight the urge to snuggle close to him. He spoke first:
“God, that’s better, I needed that! Are you SURE you’re ok? Should you be resting; seeing a doctor?!”
“Lee, I’m ok, I promise; John & Denise treated me like a Princess or something.”
He cracked a small smile:
“And so they should; we’ve all been over-working you; we’re SO sorry! Did you get the flowers?”
“Oh yes, they’re incredible; the Suite looks like a florists! And the brooch, thank you it’s exquisite!” I leant back to prove I was wearing it.
“is it right for your collection?” he asked anxiously.
“It’s perfect, but you shouldn’t be spending your money on me; any of you. “
“Shh, no more of that; you’re smiling again, ‘Mission Accomplished’!”
“And it’s not even a ‘Mission Day’!” I laughed.
He groaned: “I left myself wide open to that one didn’t I?”
“Just a bit! Where are the others?”
Suddenly we both seem to realise we were alone in a house full of people & got embarrassed:
“I’ll go & see.” He grinned nervously.

Five minutes later I found myself propped up on the sofa between Ben and Daniel, with Lewis acting as drinks waiter. Craig was making us all giggle with a silly song from his old cabaret act and Lee was curled up by my feet looking for all the world like:
“Some purring, contented, over-grown witch’s cat.” as Denise would describe it later. (Needless to say she only got out of that comment alive thanks to my ‘Wicked’ make-over).
Anyway, she chose that moment to arrive back from taking a call outside:
“Well, that was John. He said Keith’s staying at Jason’s house for the rest of the run; he’ll be around for contract stuff though.” Her voice dropped.
“All I can say is he’d just better stay out of my way or I won’t be responsible for what might happen!” Lee fumed.
Without thinking what I was doing I reached down & stroked his shiny, black curls:
“No darling, I won’t have you, ANY of you, losing your dream because of me; is that clear?”
“But Angel…” he protested.
“But nothing; besides I have my own little revenge in mind.” I grinned.
“Angel, the boys aren’t the only ones under contract, remember?” Denise warned.
“Relax Denise, it’s not a sack able offence, nor is it in any way illegal. It’s just a way to ensure that Keith NEVER underestimates or dismisses me again, that all.”
She looked doubtful but Ben was already speaking:
“What is it Angel?”
“Well, this might sound weird but have you all got, or can you get hold of, a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt and some smart black, boots?”
“I guess so, why?” Daniel asked.
Ignoring his question for a second I turn to Denise:
“Denise sweetie, you get off home, you’re shattered. The lads can put me in a cab now it’s dark & I can have my PA’s on standby at the suite. I sent one of them home to get some stuff anyway. So go on; ok?”
“But…”
“Denise, will you PLEASE trust me & treat me the adult I am? You’ve seen what I’ll go through for this lot & I have NO intension of blowing it for Keith’s misguided foolishness; its just better you don’t know until it happens, that’s all. PLEASE?”
“Well ok; but if I didn’t know you wouldn’t dare disappoint John…”
“EXACTLY Honey, so ‘Scoot’! Daniel dear, see Miss Van Outen safely out will you?”
“Of course M’Lady.” He said with a twinkling smile & a fake bow.
No sooner was Daniel on his feet and offering Denise his arm than Lee leapt into his place to stop me sliding off the sofa. No sooner had Denise left the room than Lewis asked:
“What’s going on; why the clothes?”
I, however, waited for Daniel’s return before answering:
“Because you my beloved ‘Israelites’ are going to play ‘The Sharks’ to my ‘Maria’!”

An hour or so later, plans made, I faced the prospect of the LAST thing I wanted to do, namely leaving. I asked to be sat back in my wheelchair, trusting Craig and Lee to lift me. The sensible thing for my heart-rate would have been to ask Daniel to help Craig, but I just COULDN’T make myself do it. Who knew how precious & rate opportunities for Lee’s hugs would be & I wasn’t going to risk losing such a gift-wrapped one! “How should I do this Angel; I don’t want to hurt you.” Lee asked concerned.
“You won’t, don’t worry, just do as I say. Now Craig, you take my legs; under my knees is best.”
“Like this?” he asked.
Perfect. Now Lee?”
“Yep?”
“Take your watch off please? They can scratch.”
He did so & tossed it to Ben:
“Ok, so now what?”
“Stand behind me that’s it; now, put your hands under my arms. Alright, now I cross my arms, you put your hands over top of mine & you both lift together when I say ‘3’, understood?”
“Yep.”
“Understood.” Craig grinned.
“Good; now knees bent & backs straight, settle your holds, brace & 1, 2, 3!”

The next thing & knew I was safely back in my chair, instructing Craig & Ben on the finer points of applying my foot straps & my knee brace. Then I heard a cough behind me:
“Ahem, Angel I’m still here.”
I bite back a laugh: “Oh I’m sorry darl; did I forget to mention that the top guy is trapped until I let him go? How silly of me; thing is, that usually costs a kiss.”
Lee laughed merrily:
“Ooh Angel, you’re good, sneaky but DAMN good!”
I tipped back my head & he ‘paid the price of freedom’.

That night I didn’t get much sleep but that was because I was not only still on a ‘high’ about the plan but I couldn’t get the kiss out of my head either. Next morning I ate hurriedly, dressed in ‘costume’ pinned on my brooch & headed rapidly for the Joseph House. When I got there however, I found out that I wasn’t the only one who’d been scheming, for to my surprise, Rob & Anthony greeted me in the hallway:
“Hi Angel, we heard you could use a couple of burly ‘door-men’, ok?” Rob grinned.
“Ooh perfect!” I squealed, noticing that they were in ‘costume to. “How are you both?”
“Oh we’re fine;” Anthony beamed “we brought along 1 or 2 ‘props’, hope you don’t mind?” He moved aside to reveal a radio/mp3 player.
“Love it!” I laughed. “Benjamin, where are you boy?! I see your fingerprints on this skulduggery!”
“I confess, guilty as charged!” Blushing scarlet he appeared from the living-room. “It was just too tempting to resist!” he laughed.
“You’re learning kid, you’re learning!” I turn & head into the living-room. “Right boys; places. A couple of times from the top. Anthony, music, you on the left, Rob you take the right. Ben just for that, you can count us in.”
“Yes M’Lady; and, 5, 6, 7 8…”

By the time we reached the rehearsal rooms I could barely breathe with nerves; if Daniel hadn’t offered to follow on behind with me in my cab, instead of with the others in the people-carrier, God alone knows what sort of mess I would have been in! All the same though as we piled out onto the pavement, I ran a few last minute checks & as I noticed something else special I ‘hauled Ben over the coals’ again: “Benjamin, Benjamin, Benjamin; I love you dearly but will you NEVER learn?”
“Well, it’s like my Dad always says ‘If you’re going to do something you might just as well do it properly’!” he laughed into his reward hug.
“Don’t be too rough on the kid Angel; I wouldn’t have missed this for the world & anyway, SOMEONE had to make sure that Zoë & Keith got here before you lot!” John’s infectious laugh made us all laugh. “Now where should stand, oh & don’t worry Denise has ‘the unsuspecting audience’ in place.”
“Thank you darling; beside Lee on my left will do. Fine, you know the deal right?”
John nodded:
“Yep, oh yeah, & just for the fun of it Scott’s already in place with the camera.”
I let out a squeal of delight:
“Brilliant! Alright let’s do this thing! Rob, Anthony ready?”
They nodded their hands already on the first set of double doors.
“Lewis, you ready with that music?”
“Say the word Angel”
“Ok then, positions, remember your timing. ‘Break a leg’ guys. Lewis, crank it up. Benjamin, if you please?”
“Yes M’Lady; and, 5, 6, 7 8…”

Denise tells this next bit of the story so well I think I’ll let her describe it:
“Even though I had some idea of what was coming, the first burst of noise came as a bit of a shock, I hadn’t expected anything so loud. Then I recognised the song and could help but laugh. ‘You Really Got Me’ fit the circumstances PERFECTLY! A millisecond later I understood just why John had warned me to keep Zoë & Keith in sight of the open door of rehearsal room 1. There, steaming down the corridor in perfect time as though they owned the place (which of course they did), singing at the tops of their voices, all dressed identically, came John & the boys with Angel right there, front and centre. The message couldn’t have been louder or clearer if they’d taken out a full page, banner headline ad in ‘The Stage’ It ‘read’: ‘This is how it is & this is how it’s STAYING! Take us on, if you dare!’

I couldn’t help myself, I barged past the open-mouthed Zoë & flew down the corridor to join them; slotting in beside Daniel. It reminded me of a ‘Red Arrows display, all planned to a t. Craig, Ben Daniel & Lewis stood each at a corner of Angel’s chair. Anthony & Rob were the left & right ‘wing-men’ respectively, with John at her left hand & Lee right behind her, where he would have been had she needed a push, his arms draped casually over her shoulders! It was priceless!

As we reached the door of Rehearsal Room 1 I heard Zoë yell:
“Andrew, do something!”
“That’s SIR Andrew to you Miss Tyler and ‘do something’ about WHAT exactly? All I see is a ‘run through’; the song IS a group number, after all.” The smile said it all.
Zoë let out a squawk of rage, but trapped, as she was with the group between her and the only door, she was absolutely powerless & she knew it! She turned to Keith for support but he was merely standing, dumbfounded with shock, leaning on the windowsill for support. To my horror it was Jason who moved but John was too quick for him & in front of Angel in a flash. He said nothing but shook his head; Jason wisely backed down.

By now though, the song had finished, if not the routine. Each of the boys on the outside kissed Angel on the cheek & strode away, still marking time in their heads. I followed Daniel & got a hug for my pains. Then came John’s turn. Checking that a grinning Bill was keeping an eye on a now beyond the now THUNDEROUS Jason & that Scott was still filming he gave Angel his now trademark kiss on the forehead. Last of all was Lee. Angel tipped her head back in what was clearly one last choreographed move, in anticipation of her kiss. What I don’t think she expected was the kind of kiss she got. Expecting a peck, I’m sure I heard her gasp after what I can only describe as ‘full on romantic number’.”

oooohhh wicked add hunnie, love this Lee kissed Angel now that will piss off Zoe!!

will catch up with this when i get back from holiday

Wow, this gets better every time!

Bill was the next to give me a hug: “Well done kid!” he whispered.
“Thanks.” I blushed at both the compliment & at what I knew he (& everybody else in the room) has just seen.
As Bill moved back I noticed that now that the routine had finished Rob & Anthony were carefully keeping themselves between the knot of people around me and where Jason was standing. John and Scott were watching the film over (or at least avoiding eye contact with anyone) & after a look at me for approval Daniel & Denise were trying to bring Keith out of his clear case of shock. I heard Lee mutter darkly & put my hand back to calm him & stop him doing something stupid. He seemed to get the message but sighed. Next it was my turn for a test of whether or not I could hold my temper, as Zoë marched over:
“Stay the HELL out of my rehearsal room lady!” she snarled.
I nodded, taking a deep breath. I had the ‘moral high ground’ & I reminded myself that I needed to keep it:
“As you wish Miss Tyler; just one thing?”
“Oh, & just what might that be?” she asked sarcastically.
“Stay the HELL out of my Green Room, understood?!”
“Perfectly. Lee, solo; now!” she barked.
Lee squeezed my hand & wordlessly left. I sighed; I didn’t to be genius to see that he’d be in for an even rougher few weeks & I suddenly felt very guilty.

The next to leave the room was Sir Andrew (although I didn’t realise why until much later). It was Craig who came & knelt down beside me:
“You ok Angel?! You did great! Never you mind Zoë; we’ve all decided we’re only taking technical stuff from her now. Did you see Scott? He could hardly film for laughing! You’re a triumph!”
“Oh Craig, it REALLY was fun & I’m glad we did it but well, I’ve (hardly) any fear of Zoë but you boys…” I sighed.
“It won’t be easy, we know that, but think of it this way if we can survive her the critics will be a breeze!” he grinned.
I tried to smile & let out a sigh of relief as Jason left the room. It was only then that John came over.
“Hey girl, look at this; you are FIERCE, FIERCE, FIERCE!” he laughed.
As ever his smile was infectious even when I was TRYING to be miserable!
“Ok then, let’s see.” I grin.
“Err, Angel..?”
I look up & see Keith. I sigh:
“Look Keith, I PROMISE you I don’t hate you or anything, but if I talk to you NOW, I may well say something we’ll both regret. Give me time, ok?”

With that the boys scattered to work on their own songs. I chatted with Rob & Anthony, aware that it must have been hard for them to be back in the ‘Joseph’ setting in the circumstances. They seemed fine though; so fine in fact that they very sweetly insisted on taking me out to lunch. Denise having promised to tell everyone where I was so that they wouldn’t worry, I was soon enjoying lunch in one of my favourite Italian restaurant chain. We were interrupted several times by people wanting autographs but the boys didn’t seem to mind at all; it was quite clear in fact that they were LOVING all the attention! It made me cry with laughter when one laughter when one little girl, assuming I MUST be famous to be spending time with Anthony and Rob, insisted on having my autograph to!
“Go on, you’re a star to us after all!” Rob pressed.
“But my place is in the wings.” I say, signing anyway to oblige such a sweet little thing.
Anthony chuckled: “Oh I think by now it’s a bit more ‘central’ than that Angel; you belong where you were this morning, slap, bang in the middle of things…” here he lowered his voice to a whisper,”…beside the red Joseph!”
I could say nothing & was merely forced to blush instead.

The very first thing that I noticed when Anthony & I got back to the rehearsal studios (to my delight Rob had been forced to rush off to a meeting with a potential agent), was that there suddenly seemed to be a few unfamiliar faces around. It was Bill I asked about it as he just happened to be the first friendly face that I recognised:
“Hey Bill, what’s up with all the extra ‘bods’? is Sir Andrew casting the main show already?”
“Hey kid; yeah that’s started but not here. Andrew’s decided the boys should only practice to live music from now on, and for live music you need live musicians.”
“Makes sense I suppose & who am I to argue with a ‘Lord of the Realm’, but why now all of a sudden?” I was puzzled.
“Think about it.” Was all Bill said, before wandering off whistling ‘A Pharaohs’ Story’.
I looked at Anthony but he just shrugged: “Beats me.” He said. “Anyway, where are you meant to be?”
“Room two with Lewis and Craig and I’m already late.”

It was John who came up with the answer later that as I was saying so long before he returned to Cardiff until the following Saturday morning (it being Wednesday):
“One, it’s true, it’ll be good for the boys & two, with a set of eyes and ears in every room Andrew can ‘control certain things’ without even being there and avoid the production self-destructing; now remember what I said, stay at the Suite, take it easy in ALL respects & have Scott call the set if it’s an emergency, otherwise email me, ok?”
“Ok, listen, thanks again for the Suite, it’s…”
“Shh, it’s fine; scoot before ‘You know who’ starts spreading rumours you’ve quit, go on.”
“See you then.”

Stealing or engineering hugs from Lee seemed to take up quite a bit of the next couple of days, even though I did somehow manage to keep my job under control to. Again, looking back, it’s only now that I can see that I was not the only one doing a spot of ‘engineering’. Whenever Lee was working with Zoë I was a nervous wreck even though one of the boys (more than likely Ben), tended to appear by my side as if by magic. I soon became extremely fond of Mr. Ellis, knowing that he was funny & likable. Despite that though, I had worries that I didn’t feel that I could share with any of the boys. It was only when I with Lee that the niggling doubts left me. His hugs were warm but if ever it felt as though a kiss might be ‘on the cards’ I bolted as fast as I could.

Early on the Friday morning, when ‘Team Joseph’ were still at the rehearsal studios, before the usual chaotic en masse move to the BBC studio however, it was Daniel who rested a hand on my shoulder. I jumped because I had my back to the door, staring out of the window with my MP3 player on. Fond of Daniel too I grinned at him, but I was alarmed to see a worried frown on his usually cheerful face. I saw his words rather than hearing the as the ‘Wicked’ soundtrack ‘arrived’ in ears:

Hands touch, eyes meet/ Sudden silence, sudden heat/ Hearts leap in a giddy whirl/ He could be that boy/But I'm not that girl:
“Don't dream too far/ Don't lose sight of who you are/ Don't remember that rush of joy/ He could be that boy/I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal/ To the land of what-might-have-been/ But that doesn't soften the ache we feel/ When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb/ She who's winsome, she wins him/ Gold hair with a gentle curl/That's the girl he chose/ And Heaven knows/ I'm not that girl:
Don't wish, don't start/ Wishing only wounds the heart/ I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl/ There's a girl I know/ He loves her so/I'm not that girl.”

“Why are you crying?” Daniel’s lips read.
Surprised, I put my hand to my cheek & yes it was wet; I’d been crying without even realising it. I stopped my player & took it off: “I didn’t know I was.” I admitted.
“What on earth were you listening to?” My friend asked.
I told him & he dropped to his knees to hug me, clearly knowing the lyrics: “Oh dear Angel, why are you torturing yourself? You don’t need to you know.”
“I don’t?” I said doubtfully.
All Daniel did was to hug me again & help me dry my eyes before Lee could return.

The studio was the usual mad whirl of lights sound & people & I was soon distracted by seemingly having to be in eight places at once. How any of the lads EVER remembered their lines in such a pressure cooker I will NEVER know! One of them, Daniel I think, once told me that he found studio rehearsals ALMOST more stressful than the live shows & if you ask me he might very well have had a darn good point. All that stopping, starting & hours of waiting around made my nerves raw & I wasn’t’ even appearing on the TV! The boys changed to of course; Saturday’s were the day that the end of the Joseph road always arrived for 1 of them. As you might expect, each of the contestants reacted to the pressure differently; Lee being notorious for using up nervous energy by doing press-ups. I was caught up with & focused on my job, but that didn’t stop me from ‘enjoying the view’ once; I mean how was it my fault that Ben needed a lyric run-through & the two were sharing a dressing-room?!

Hi hun, just caught up me loves it as always such a cute story, hope u add more soon

love abi xx

Hope all is well with you AR and that you do not have writers block looking forward to the next instalment.

In ‘The Joseph Zone’ as ever before a show Lee didn’t really notice me very much that Saturday but I had learnt better than to expect him to; besides I had my hands full dodging Keith & Zoë without actually looking as though I was dodging anyone. Keith & I had progressed to smiling tentatively at each other if we met but hadn’t really talked about anything yet, & despite my plea for tolerance Lee would still growl under his breath & shoot filthy looks at the young Scot whenever the two were in the same room.

The only mercy that I was grateful for on that score was that Mr Donovan hadn’t dared to show his face again. In a way it was his all too evident dislike of me which I found the hardest to understand. I detested Zoë because she’d hurt the two guys I cared about the most, so it was hardly a surprise that the feeling was mutual for she obviously thought nothing of my taste. Keith I now saw as merely a frightened kid lashing out because he was as yet badly out of his depth trying to swim with the grown-ups (odd how I never saw Lewis like that even though he was technically the youngest of all) but with Jason I just couldn’t see what I had possibly done to offend him. As ever I’d been polite (to the point of being gently teased about by my friends), when we’d first met I deliberately HADN’T gushed about his soap opera past (despite being tempted), fearing it may upset him if he thought he was known for just one thing. Then the thought struck that that may have been my fault, not pandering to his over-sized ego. Well, the one-time heart-throb was all out of luck there I decided, I never had been able to stomach puffed-up self importance & I sure as heck wasn’t’ about to start now; sure he’d get the respect due to him as a human-being & as an associate of my boss (just as Miss Tyler did), but that was it. Still, why bothered me.