Obviously the application of fake tan would not take up ALL my time (although I would insist on a daily streak inspection), and so I selflessly would be available to stand in for Claudia on ITT if required. I am already practising saying "you're so sweeeet", "star jumps" and "crashing on". Unfortunately I am SO 2006 and still sport a fringe, which I am not sure I could grow out in time. Any ideas?

I could also not guarantee that I would not strangle any 'celebrity' guests who are there merely to plug their latest efforts and who have patently only watched SCD once (a copy of the latest show having been hurriedly biked over by their agents as soon as the booking was agreed).

There is also the distinct possibility that a certain previous winner may be booked to appear more often than is absolutely necessary.

Any empty tums out there as the cheffy is doing some to die for stirfry's.

Also got the homemade burgers on the go, no buns just stacks of burgers and veggies.

Is it too late to join in, only I feel I have many skills that will be vital to the smooth running of SCD. For example, years of switching lights on and off at home will give me a headstart in running the lighting department, whilst my ability to randomly wave around and hit simplistic instruments like the tambourine, maracas and triangle will stand me in good stead when applying for a position in the band. I also feel confident enough in my maths skills to be able to add up the judges scores and express it as a mark out of 40.

Hubby is a whizz with all things engineering & electrical so I'm volunteering him to help out with the lighting.
I'm sure he will be shining those spots on Flavia & Lilia a lot. He quite likes Alesha, so will probably do her some lovely lighting too .

I too would like to apply for the baco foil job - being some what smaller than Tess I would save lots of money for the bbc 'costume' department. Whilst we're at it eliminate all the taller competitors for costing too much money to attire. All suitable toned men could go topless waxed and tanned by the various specialists who have already volunteered their services.

These measures should therefore save enough money to keep the likes of Bill Turnbull on the sofa in the mornings.


After all they seem to have been cutting costs on some of the female pros costumes for a few years and poor Letitia Dean has definitely got the remnants!

I'd like to apply for the "spare pair of hands" position - and am ready and willing to apply them anywhere (whether they're needed or not ) and PROMISE to warm them up first.
Am happy to be a volunteer of the PASO squad, think its a great idea fern.

Citizens, I have to say I am thrilled with the response. So many people prepared to give up their time to keep our Saturday nights pink and sparkly. I have carefully considered all CVs and am pleased to announce the following list of successful candidates. In a few places people have more than one job, but I'm sure we can work out the logistics of this.

Presenter1 – TonyBlair (in wig)
Presenter 2 – PeachUK (very huggy and squeezy), Angua and takseem.
(Now you may be thinking how can we have 3 presenter 2's. Well, all 3 ladies applied so eloquently I simply couldn't decide, so we will spread the load. One can do the interviews, one can so the "Sunday" show and commiserations, and one can do the dancing, intros, and "keeeeeep dancing".)

Judge 1 – EmilyIRE (Darling!)
Judge 2 – claire2281
Judge 4 – SCD_Angel’s friend with Allo Allo accent

Floor Manager - Macheather
Sound – Fern3
Camera Team
– HANN4H
– swnymor1963

Lighting
– spider9 (Spotlights)
– jacquiann’s hubby
– Karura

Singers
– jacquiann
- Miah
Band
– flugella (trumpet)
– Miah (kazoo)
– hiua6c (clarinet)
– mcflea (guitar)
– Karura (percussion)

Booker of Celebrity Acts – Mel G

ITT presenter - Mel G

Wardrobe and Makeup
- xSCD-loverx
- Frodora
– hiua6c
– TonyBlair’s biker friends
- Mel G (tanning)

Catering - The Lady Boz (with James Martin)
Bar Manager – nancy1975

Score Mathematician – Karura

Security
– hiua6c
– jive bunny (keeping Billy Zane and Brendan apart)

Medical Team
- flugella
- swnymor1963
- bluebluecow (massage)
- NOZ (warm hands)

PA to the Professional Dancers - VikkiKaplinsky
James’ assistant – dancingfan
Dresser for Ian & Matthew - mcflea

Cleaner – Cally’s Mum (sounds marvellously efficient)

We are still missing the following
Judge 3 (Head Judge)
Announcer
The band is looking a bit thin
Personal assistants to various dancers
Ticket allocation
Hairdressers
Perhaps another medical person (someone who doesn't specialise in teeth or horses)
Band leader
Maintenance (the "slamming" door keeps coming off it's hinges)

Keep those CVs coming, PASO needs you!

Oh, I am. I am. I scare the cats quite to death!!!!

And - oh my goodness. I got the job!!!!


Maybe they need to eat something???

Where are those caterers!!!???


As well as my innate skill in cleaning, I could also double up as personal assistant to some of those lovely dancers (particularly the boys). It is, after all, what I have been doing as an actual job of work for the past (ahem!) years and, if I do say so myself, my talents in that area are second to none (as various bosses can attest!).

I know, I know. it's a tough job. But somebody's got to do it!!!

(As you can also all see, modesty is just one of my many attributes, but, if one doesn't blow one's own trumpet, one tends to fade into the background. Not that I'm able to actually play a trumpet, you understand. I'm not auditioning to be in the band! )

And ... I do know someone who is very good at planing doors and building things .... (my skills in DIY lie in the 'painting' and 'tiling' variety and I don't suppose there'd be much call for them with this .... or would there??? .

If you're stuck, that is (behind that dratted door ....) But I'm sure there'll be other volunteers for that job!

PeachUK, do I have to shave your legs or will you do them yourself?

Also, I have been practising forgetting peoples names, bumbling my speach, interrupting people, cracking bad jokes and then trying to explain them.

I am having a problem with the wig. The only one I can find that looks good on me is a Shirley Temple wig....willl that do?

My mates want to know whether you want them to use their own lipsticks and make up or will they be supplied?

Our army has very limited funds, so please supply your own wig. If you look like Shirley Temple, it will all add to the entertainment value.

That all depends on what shade of lipstick Bikers are wearing these days.

Can i apply for a position? I dont mind what, as long as it gets me into the same area as Brendan

Oo Oo can I be hairdresser to the male pro dancers pllllllllllllleassssee!I have magic fingers and masses of hair gel!

As yet Brendan doesn't have a dresser. Are you qualified?

Oh yes very much!! I consider myself to be knowledgeable about fashion and have a passion for sequins And very patient whilst people try things on

Ooooooooooooooooh can I be head judge, please!!! I can say "you did a really good job" just like Len, and if Bruno decides not to join the strike, I'd be very good at hitting him over the head with my paddle everytime he leapt out of his seat with excitement!!!!

Curtsey to Fern! The cheffy and moi are delighted to be of service. We are standing to attention, Ma'am.

Now, girlies, if your star has a hissy fit, tantie or sulk, just send 'em out to the Winnebego and the cheffy will soothe the troubled brow with a slice of their fav cakey and a frothy coffee. After all, he's been there, so the sympathy will be on tap!

Tonights special, served after the show, will be announced asap.

OK ....we need to add another role to the list..and this one costs money..

Someone has to standby with a web enhanced mobile phone to send the spoiler through as the results happen.

Don't forget, there are 60 million people out there in the UK droooooling for the result live..

Or how about we save the Beeb some money re: the web enhanced mobile and just broadcast the results LIVE on Saturday night as they happen? Wow, what a radical idea! Do you think the SCD masses might approve of that move?

What a wonderful offer! There's nothing I'd enjoy more than sipping a latte while someone else is shaving my legs! hehe

Peach
x

Oh.. and I'm picking out dresses to wear right now!

I've got some baco-foil if you're running short.

May I apply for the position of bottom pincher (males only). As I will have had first hand knowledge I can report back to Arlene on the tightness of each contestants buttocks.

In addition to the hair gel I've brought all my brushes and combs..plus a fab hairdryer and teasing comb

I hadn't even thought of this idea...it's cosmic.

Lets tell the BBC and see if they will move the Sunday show to Saturday night live

Your not like Marge's sisters in the Simpsons are you???

Hi.
I'd like to apply for job of Geth's stylist-I think it'd be great to make him look even more gorgeous.
Also I'd love to be judge 3 instead of just sitting screaming at the TV.