There was an old man called Bruce,
Whose comments turned my face puce.
He used to be quite funny,
But now he's in it for the money.
Perhaps strictly needs a re-spruce.

I am impressed with the fact it is 12:14 am and I wrote that.

The Castle is getting some flack
For allowing his bum to point back
In the Tango with Ola
His back looked quite hollow
And his trousers rode into his crack



(couplets in the middle don't rhyme properly, I know, but it was all I could do at this stage)

HAHA, Yours beats my limerick!

You have to respect Gary Rhodes
When he speaks of holes around toads
But the thought he could thrive
With a dance like the jive
Is a myth he quickly explodes

Andrew's hopes, on the Tango he's pinning
But he's ruined his chances of winning
With that mad Funky Chicken-
The judges looked stricken.
Marc Bolan - in grave - must be spinning

*I actually really like Andrew, so I'll be sorry if he goes "tonight"

Great limericks for the new series. Keep limericking!

Though sadly his counting disgraces
And Gary is put through his paces
As Bruno might say
Such a flat souffle
And Karen pulls one of her faces.

I was terribly worried becoz
According to rumours the foz
Danced round the floor
And straight out of the door
But ‘twas just a red herring - it was

Because Craig and Bruno and Len
Said “We’d like to see you again,”
And Arlene said “God,
I’d pine for the bod, -
Come back and I’ll give you …………
So to Gary adieu, cheerio
I know it’s a bit of a blow
But the jive didn’t inspire
The stove didn’t fire
So it’s back to the kitchen you go.

Strictly Come Dancing's the tonic
(Though bruce's jokes really are chronic)
It makes me so happy
It's just so toe-tappy
This series is simply iconic!

The celebs are all great on their feet
And have managed to pick up the beat
The judges are mean
The audience keen
And Matt Cutler is just so so sweet!

Tom's fancy steps have impressed
As has mark foster's nice chest!
And austin's great moves
And raw talent proves
That this series is simply the best!

On Mondays the losers are expected
To sit with Claudia, looking dejected
But Gary said "Bye,
I'm escaping to Dubai"
Leaving poor Karen feeling totally rejected

thanks winenroses for bringing this thread up. In a nice way! Crashing on!

Austin’s biceps are pretty impressive
Though he does seem a trifle obsessive
Seems he’s pinning his charms
On those muscular arms
But I think it’s a little excessive.

There was a soap actress called Jelly
Who longed to dance like Gene Kelly
Her salsa was flaky
Her costumes are shaky
But gosh, it makes jolly good telly

Came Saturday and regrettably
The victims were Darren and Jessie
Though she gave it her best
When it came to test
Her QS was a little bit messy

The lady called Mrs Small
Is the luckiest girl of all
Cos she dances with Brian
So of course she´ll be flying
He´d make you feel ten feet tall

This ladys first name is Heather
Shes often compared to the weather!
Cos shes strong like a gale
Glides like a sail
And is smooth and classy like leather

Despite this, the judges are mean
They don´t seem all that keen
But with Bri at her side
Theres no need to hide
After all shes the Salsa Queen!

There was a young lady called Winkle
Whose face was wholly a crinkle
She shouts and she bawls
She screeches and crawls
I wish she'd go for a tinkle.

As Len Badman now says what he thinks
So the spirit of SCD sinks
Thinks he knows wot's wot
But sadly does not
Despite winning smile and those winks.

Let Anton get feet under table
On ITT shows he is able
He knows that while
Len says 'fannying', its style
Give him head judge not nice-to-see-you label!

He knows how the dance music works
And though some people don't like his quirks
As a judge he drops that
And puts on serious hat
And a very astute mind in there lurks.

A limerick should really be fun
I'm quite aware this is not one.
Blame it on Len
And I'll improve if/when
We replace him with due-break Anton.

Len's comments made Brendan's mouth foam
He stormed off and found Kaplinsky alone.
With no cameras in site,
And with all his power and might
He gave poor Natasha a fright.

Dear John is always so sunny
And his samba is certainly funny
As seen on ITT
It is definitely
Like Winnie the Pooh high on honey!

While I'm still trying to actually write a Strictly limeric (it's harder than I imagined, especially compared to some of the standard on here (don't call me a suck up )), I have created this REALLY random one about Len for the time being (I call it practise, you'll call it a mess)

There once was a Strictly jugde called Len.
One day he bought a glitterball hen.
Oh no, came with it bad luck
For this dancing queen hen could not cluck.
And so Len sent it back and didn't mark it a ten.

Terrible, right?
Me thinks the hen could've done a better job of writing that

It was different. I enjoyed it.

The 3rd and 4th line in a limerick are meant to be shorter as in:

There once was a fella from Cork
Who swallowed three colours of chalk
When he went to the loo
It was red white and blue
Not quite like the usual sort.

In this there are 8 syllables in the 1st, 2nd and 5th line which rhyme together - 6 syllables in the 3rd and 4th which also rhyme with each other. You don't have to stick rigidly to the number of syllables. As you can see I didn't do this in the Dear John limerick, but the general rhythm is as shown above.

You can have 9 or 10 syllables in the 1st 2nd and 5th line as well, and 5, 6 or 7 in the 3rd and 4th, so don't let me put you off.

Keeeeep limericking.

There once was an old coot named Len
Who was born in sometime back when
But he ain't got a clue,
Though the dance may be poo,
He'll still smile and give it Sev-HEN

Ignazio's limerick is an example of 10 syllables in the 1st 2nd and 5th lines.

Like the coot and hen reference mimi.

too much credit there winenroses.... purely coincidental.

Or subliminal.