He was stunned by the luxury inside the enchanted place (which was really the old trout Sharon Osbourne`s dressing room). Opulent velvet drapes lined the walls ..........numerous assorted puff ball dogs sat in large baskets quietly feasting on minced morsels of rump steak. They saw Rhydian and immediately surrounded him, yapping at his heels (as puff ball dogs do). Rhydian was not afraid for he loved dogs.................suddenly he heard a noise behind him - he turned round and there was the old trout herself wearing what appeared to be one of Ozzie`s black cloaks and in one hand was a large industrial strength hypodermic needle and in the other a litre bottle of Asda own lable vodka ..... "Rhydian.........hello - come to Momma" she purred. You are far too good for this competition and unfortunately you have to be exterminated.....HAHA" she said taking a large mouthful of vodka and wiping her mouth, smudging her vermillion lipgloss across her cheek (not a pretty sight)......

Rhydian was very calm about the whole thing and kept h is mind o n the song he wished to sing. However, S O did not think it suited his voice.
Listen to the mother now think of something else. Don't forget t his is the enchanted room and all things come true here well almost. Rhydian look around him a sthought this is not what I want.

Rhydian knew he was in danger and he had to think quickly...........desperate times called for desperate measures - "Sharon, my apologies for bursing in here but the sign on the door said GENTS" he said in his lovely soft Welsh accent, defly side-stepping a large pile of fluff ball doggie poo on the cream shag pile carpet, and kissing her cheek. "How lovely you look tonight" he said - taking in the vomit and vodka stains on her cloak, the make-up now a congealed black and red stripe running down her face. "My apologies for dusturbing you" and he turned to leave when suddenly ...................................

Rhydian ran to get out of the room. Faster and faster until he reached the pool. He then decided to go for a swin to cool himslef off. He had not realised that the press had followed him and that they were taking photos of him. He had already told t hem he did not want to strip off.

The old trout decided to join Rhydian in the pool and she staggered out still clutching the (now empty) vodka bottle and with the hypodermic needle hidden down her large black bra She threw off the vomit stained cloak revealing a large pair of big black pants with "I LOVE OZZIE" embroidered in red and said black bra concealing chicken fillets and the hypodermic needle. "Now boys" she slurred to the waiting press "I want you to take one of me and Rhydian cavorting in the water". Meanwhile Rhydian, embarrassed by the sight of the old trout and all the media attention, quickly leapt out of the water, covering his magnificent body in a soft white towelling robe ran for the door, only to be met by...........................

He ran quickly up the hill and into the fleld behind the house. The grass in the field was long and there were countless trees. Rhydian decided that he would be less conspicous in amoungst the grass that up a tree. However, he could hear the press trouncing up the path with SO shouting in the background for him to wait for 'Mamma knows best'. Rhydian had taken the towel and wrapped it aroung his lower half.
He lay still not knowing what was going to happen next.

Fortunately there was a lot of long grass and Rhydian was able to conceal himself..............unfortunately his hayfever was particularly bad and he sneezed. The old trout heard it and followed the sound until she found Rhydian crouching in the undergrowth (a very nice sight indeed) "Rhydian" she slurred "you can run from Momma but you can`t hide. She will always track you down" she cackled, breaking the top off a fresh bottle of Asda own brand vodka "I have a little something for you" she grinned, whipping out the concealed hypodermic industrial sized needle. But the vast amount of alcohol had taken its toll and she fell headlong into a muddy stream. Rhydian, seizing his opportunity sprinted out of the long grass, gripping the towel around himself to preserve his modesty. Suddenly he was hit from behind.........

but he merely flinched

(cue Rambo music as Rhydian turns around)

There was Louis Walsh's worst enemy. The 5 octogenarian Irish Women - the true image of West Life...

Rhydian did some Kung Fu moves like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lG3RN1KGY0

and prepared to battle the powerchair/zimmer frame tragedy of the real image of Westlife.

The 5 Irish Hags dressed in rags and stinking of Irish Whiskey smiled at Rhydian revealing black and rotting teeth.............their breath made Rhydian recoil and he backed away from them tentatively. One of the Irish hags pointed one of her long talons at Rhydian and ...................................

Rhydian spoke in C Major.

"Thou! And Your evils! Perishing the natures that we exude, DEMONESSES! For I am Rhydian... I the glory and the Lord of all brilliance... watch me shine you meagre fools and your stools and your key change standing... a dispicable monstrous insult to the vocal chords of our being... Revealeth to you I shall - THE POWER"

With this... he put out his hand and from it came a light...

The light just seemed to stream and cover the ground. As it did plants grew, his hand healing, which could turn the evil away. The five hags tried to run from the light of the hand, they were too late. Rhydians hand ensured that they were no longer a trouble to those around them. Their songs, their voices would no long wail and trouble populous.
Where the 5 had stood slime, a greenish colour, was all that was left of them. Rugby Kicks next time thought Rhydian that should do it.

When the hags were creating trouble , Rhydian began singing Another One Bites the Dust. Miraculously, the room shone, the hags and the little animals were gone..everything was, yet again, beautifull and pure.
An angelic sound raised us all up and , whilst we watched entranced, Rhydian started looking for Somebody To Love.
At that point, the scene was interrupted by adoring female fans (and not only) screaming their undying love for their Master of Singing..

Then Rhydian decided to go to Sainsburys. You see, he realised he had been swiping his nectar card for so long, he never redeemed his vouchers.

It had been a long time since he'd last been to Sainsburys. He walked in the door, admiring the smell of the flowers strategically placed by the door. Then he noticed someone staring at him. Did he know them? This person was giving a good impression of a goldfish .. and then shouted "Rhydian" Suddenly, out of nowhere everyone in Sainsburys, including the man on the fish counter still with a wet haddock in his hand, rushed towards him.

What should I do now, thought Rhydian.

Rhydian began to sing, they stopped in their traces entranced by the voice of this angelic person.
Women were swooning and tears were rolling down their faces.
Once again Rhydians voice had saved the day. The fish that had been carried was now on the floor and the man had slipped on it. The bakers w ere waving their french sticks in tune to the music. Oh this was wonderful. Rhydian said he could not stay and therefore started to move towards the door when ...................

......who should appear down the alcohol aisle stocking up on her weekly home label vodka but the old trout herself, still embarrassingly wearing the vomit stained black cloak, and with a clean layer of vermillion lipgloss "Rhydian" she slurred (because once again she was inebriated).......come to Momma - where have you been". Thinking on his feet (as always) Rhydian made a dash for the..............

alcohol section. The old trout wavered between looking at her objects of desire and the bottles of booze. Rhydian's pecs it had to be. She ran towards him, but in her rush, she failed to notice the dead fish on the floor, and slipped. Rhydian looked at the old hag on the floor and felt an emotion he had never felt before .......

Then Rhydian met his nemesis in Sainsburys, the Louis Walsh Frozen Food department attack squadron with ninja style Garlic Baguettes and throwable frozen pizzas.

Rhydian armed himself with a Super mop and a collection of Crumpets.

approached her with trepidation and gently lifted the apparent unconscious old trout off the floor and laid her gently on top of the frozen vegetable cabinet. Suddenly she sprang to life and whipped out from under her vomit stained cloak the industrial sized hypodermic needle and plunges it into poor Rhydian`s magnificent torso........

Rhydian had never felt this feeling before he wondered what it meant. Did he fancy this woman as she lay there or was it a feeling of sadness for he knew she fancied him. It had become obvious that the craving of t his woman had become out of control and knew no bounds. Rhydian had not realised how the urges of this woman had greatly begun to ruin her life. She wanted PHantom of the Opera played daily. He could not understand why until now with her laying surrounded by smelly fish French sticks. She had grabbed at his torso, I want to see your chest she said.
Rhydian wanted to get away. He knew she would follow him therefore he had to think were he might go that she could not follow him...........................

Rhydian was beginning to feel a bit schizophrenic. He seemed to be going in three different directions at the same time. Suddenly he felt a pain in his chest. Her looked down and realised what had happened. The old trout had stuck a needle in him and he was beginning to feel the effect of whatever drug it was. He began to feel more and more drowsy. He stumbled and stuck a hand in the freezer compartment to keep himself upright. He found a packet of fishcakes in his hand. Through the drugged haze he remembered having seen Louis and his 5 hags, but was that a hallucination?

"Louis", he whispered, his normally strong voice becoming weaker and weaker.

"Help me. I need ................"

He needed divine bunny type intervention and so it came in the form of beaming light from the skies -

Then Rhydian met his nemesis in Sainsburys, the Louis Walsh Frozen Food department attack squadron with ninja style Garlic Baguettes and throwable frozen pizzas.

Rhydian armed himself with a Super mop and a collection of Crumpets.

It seemed as though he had been here before...

The super mop looked particularly super but the crumpets were a little crumby. He was beginning to think he would never escape, without help. He glanced over to the vegetable section, where a large sign said "World in Onions". Where had he heard that before? Just then he felt something soft touch his ankle. He looked down. How bizarre. There was a small fluffy bunny hopping up and down.

and then!...

he smiled as he saw this small, cuddly creature bouncing up and down, wanting to be stroked. A smile broke out upon his elf like face as he bent down to stroke the fur of this wonderous creature, "my my arent you just so cute" he mutted to himself, as his long and slender fingers slide into the soft hair. The bunny feeling the heat and the softness of his touch shudderd and began to stroke it's self against his leg...



sorry best i could do..lol

poo furry beat me to it! lol