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If a loved one died on your birthday...


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Old 24-01-2008, 16:53
Tumbleflumps
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...would you still celebrate it in the usual way or would you not bother?

My Mum died on my sister's birthday and she still wants to celebrate it, whereas, if it happened to me, I wouldn't feel right celebrating my birthday and would probably celebrate it at another time.

What would you do?
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Old 24-01-2008, 16:54
Eternal Life
 
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My grandad died on my Mums birthday and she still celebrates her birthday but also visits my Grandads grave. your birthday is your birthday.. I don't see why you shouldn't celebrate it.
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Old 24-01-2008, 16:55
Neale
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Probably something lowkey to remember the person who passed away. Wouldn't do a big celebration of anything like that.
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Old 24-01-2008, 16:56
louisa320
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My granga died on my birthday, and my dad died on my mums 60th birthday......We still celebrate the same as before.
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Old 24-01-2008, 16:57
Boom
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Difficult situation that one I must admit. It must really tarnish the birthday. But looking at things positivly it can be used to celebrate the life of the loved one as well.
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Old 24-01-2008, 16:57
My name is URL
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yeah why not - celebrate their life!

also would they want you to not celebrate?
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Old 24-01-2008, 16:58
DaisyBumbleroot
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remember your sister is celebrating her birthday, not your mams death.

Probably something lowkey to remember the person who passed away
she will always have private moment i am sure to remember your mam, but life moves forward
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Old 24-01-2008, 16:58
Malc London
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If they died on Christmas day, would you still celebrate Christmas?

(taking Jesus as read)
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Old 24-01-2008, 16:58
RAINBOWGIRL22
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My Mum actually gave birth to my sister on the day her mother died

Many years later there is actually some poetic justice to it and my Mum has always been glad of having something to celebrate rather than mourn on that particular day!
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Old 24-01-2008, 17:00
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I would.

A loved one is exactly that. They would have wanted you to be happy on your birthday.

Especially your mother - she gave birth to your sister on that day and it was prob one of the happiest days of her life. I am sure she would want your sister to be happy also.
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Old 24-01-2008, 17:01
Tumbleflumps
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My Mum would still want us to carry on and celebrate but I just couldn't. It hit me hard, as I was close to my Mum and still find things hard now four years on, especially to be happy on the day she died.
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Old 24-01-2008, 17:04
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My Mum would still want us to carry on and celebrate but I just couldn't. It hit me hard, as I was close to my Mum and still find things hard now four years on, especially to be happy on the day she died.
I am so sorry you feel like that.

I am sure if you explain it to your sister that you can't spend her birthday with her but wish her a fantastic day. I am sure she will understand.

People cope and deal with grief in different ways. Let your sister enjoy her birthday and don't give her a hard time, she deserves to enjoy her birthday - I am sure she is thinking of your mother as much as you are.

You have every right to feel the way you do. I am sure she will understand.

best wishes
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Old 24-01-2008, 17:10
artnada
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Tumble - we've been answering your thread in the Advice forum.

Some good advice in there.

Take care. x
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Old 24-01-2008, 17:20
jen0607
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Not quite the same as what you are asking, but the last time I saw my Grandad alive was on my 22nd birthday.

I still celebrate it, because that's what he would have wanted, but last year I did take a few moments to think about him.
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Old 24-01-2008, 17:22
Neale
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but life moves forward
oh I agree, but I don't celebrate my birthday much anyway and I wouldn't be thinking of the person who was gone constantly throughout the day. I don't think any less of anyone who wants to let their hair down in similar circumstances. Tis just my feelings on it is all
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Old 24-01-2008, 17:23
Hogs Head
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My cousin (my Mum's nephew) died in a terrible tragic car crash two years ago - knocked the whole family for six, and Mum says she can't celebrate her birthday like she used to which I think is a shame. She's worried that her brother (the father of the boy who died) won't like it that she's celebrating while he's grieving his death for another year. I'm sure this isn't the case but thats the way she sees it.
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Old 24-01-2008, 17:27
Stephanie2007
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My mum's best friend died at christmas, and she still celebrates christmas - she goes to her grave every year. But it has been a few years. IMO the day would not be the same but i guess it depends on the person.
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Old 24-01-2008, 17:29
Jimmy Connors
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My sister gave birth to her daughter the same day our Mum died. Niece was delivered at 6pm and Mum died at 6.30pm in the same hospital.

It's not a day that I like to think about tbh, but I do celebrate the birth and remember Mum's death on that day every year.
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Old 24-01-2008, 17:44
MarzBar85
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Maybe you should look at getting bereavement councelling?

Yes it was sad to lose your mum, but life goes on. It's hard because you're expecting it to be a sad day, and your sister would probably get annoyed because by refusing to go out and celebrate with her, you are breaking up your family gatherings.
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Old 24-01-2008, 18:04
LeChiffre
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I wouldn't be able to celebrate on the day itself if someone close to me had died on that day. I would probably just have my birthday celebrations a few days before/after.
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Old 24-01-2008, 18:29
ice cream
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yeah why not - celebrate their life!

also would they want you to not celebrate?
I agree.
It's an awful situation to be put in, but think of what they would've want you to do. It's your birthday, they would be happy if you enjoyed yourself rather than be miserable on what is meant to be a joyous day. I wouldn't do a massive celebration, but just a small, quiet one to celebrate their wonderful life that they lived and the boundless amounts of happiness they spread.
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Old 24-01-2008, 18:51
SULLA
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I would have to cancel the bumps as you need 4 people to do it properly.
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Old 24-01-2008, 18:54
Collette
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My Granny died a few days before my mum's birthday and was actually buried on the day. For a good few years my mum hated her birthday, wouldn't accept cards or gifts and generally just spent the day (and days around it) being really upset which obviously my sister and I as kids found really hard to understand.

In the end it was her dad (my Granddad) who had a massive row with her about it and said she was being unfair to her family by not acknowledging that we wanted to help her celebrate the day - it took a while but eventually she did come to terms with her mum's death (which I imagine was the biggest part of it) and these days we are allowed to buy her cards and pressies

I think grief is a really personal thing and there is nothing about it that can be classed as right or wrong - if it helps your sister to celebrate her birthday and remember her mum then really it isn't anyone else's business. If you don't want to be a part of that celebration then that's fair enough too and your sister should understand
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Old 24-01-2008, 18:54
jigsawjake
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not the same thing but sort of a related dilemma - i know w girl whose birthday is september 11th and she hasnt celebrated in several years, and says she cant when everyone is remembering the terrible events of that day.
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Old 24-01-2008, 18:56
ice cream
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This topic has provoked a question from my mind.

What would your birthday wish be on that day?
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