Pictures on the menu is a given, I also think huge menus are a bad sign, can't see how the quality control can be high when there's 30 main courses.

Any more?

you see gordon ramsey shouting at the chef.

they try and put two obviously bad ingredients together that really wont work! eg chilli and chocolate! urgh!

lok at the faces of the people dining - are they relaxed, seem happy, place seems lively, waitresses seem happy?

Does it look clean as you go in?
Do they have any "local newspaper taste test" articles in the foyer?

Is it easy to get a table on a saturday or valentines day?

Is the lighting down so low you cant see what is on the plate?

Do you see people fo that type eating there?Alwass a good sign.eg Chinese in chinese restaurants, italians in italian restaurants, etc.

Try telling the Mexicans that Chilli and Chocolate don't go together.

you go round to where the bins are and see lots of ready meal packaging, or rats.

If you see a Brake Bros lorry in the restaurant car park.

If people have a lot of food left on their plates. It either means huge portions or bad food. Or if people are shouting and fighting, usually a good signal.

That's a classic combination in mexican cooking.

Agree with both of these. I'm also suspicious if the menu is a hotch potch of different cuisines that bear no relation to each other, like Lasagne, Thai Green Curry and Lamb Tagine. For god's sake, just pick one cuisine and do it properly.

Actually, I'm all for very little choice at all on restaurant menus, I'm happiest with only two or three options for each course. I know that makes me a bit odd

The rats throw themselves onto the traps

... there's no one in the restaurant.
I wont go into a restaurant new to me that has no one else in there.

The first thing I look for are flies. Then I look to the cutlery and then the plates.

Then I sniff the food. If I have a salad I look for caterpillars or green fly.

You can never be too careful!

A lot of the restaurants where we live are now signed up to this scores on the doors rating and take aways too. Any with less than 3 stars I give a wide berth to. http://www.scoresonthedoors.org.uk/clients.php

spotting chavs in the kitchen

The toilets are a dead give away to me!!!

I've never had a nice meal in a place where the toilets are not clean....

Half a dog in the freezer, or a bottle of the chefs piss in the fridge... seriously, both have been found in restaurants local to me


Have you tried it though? I had a fantastic chilli in a restaurant owned by a mate and couldn't put my finger on why it was so good when he was asking how it was at the end of the meal. When he told me there was chocolate in it it did make sense. Obviously don't use a Milky Bar however!

If the toilet isn't clean, I don't trust that the kitchen is clean either.

Not necessarily. We were walking past a curry house in Soho, it looked packed but the manager came out and promised he'd find us a table. And of course that was why it was packed: every time a group of suckers stopped to look in, he'd rush out and talk them into eating there.

The food was fair quality, the staff were horrible (bullying diners into choosing from the more expensive balti menu instead of the main one with the more interesting dishes) and the bill was way over the top.

So a full restaurant isn't always a good one.

When the place stinks soon as you walked in!

Laminated menu's.....

When the toilets are dirty - it's a no brainer really if the restaurant can't clean their toilets then it imo it often follows that the kitchen will be dirty too.

Well if it stinks only when you walk in, are you sure its the restaurant?

Spotty faced teenagers serving you, who can't speak a word of English;,even though they are born, raised and taught here. Food appearing before you in cardboard boxes and tasting like said cardboard box.

Sorry this was the McDonald's thread wasn't it?

a squashed cockroach on the stairs

Unless you are in the Birmingham Balti Triangle where some of the best curries are chosen from laminated menu's that are underneath a perspex table cloth