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How do I tell him my real age???


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Old 22-03-2008, 11:45
Ameri
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Not me, actually, but someone very close to me, has been going out with a 24 year old boy for a couple of months.

When they met she told him she was 29, she is actually 33.

She does look young for her age (she has a cute, baby face, and a lovely slender figure).

She is terrified of him finding out how old she really is. She is almost 10 years older than him. They have had several discussions about honesty and how important it is to be upfront about everything, but she still is unable to tell him the truth in case she loses him, not just for being almost 10 years older, but also for being dishonest.

She worries about this all the time. Any ideas on what she should do? I know people will say "just come clean and tell him" - but how does she do it?

Any thoughts?
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Old 22-03-2008, 11:48
firefliesuk
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Personally I don't think that age gap is a big deal. If it was the guy who was older no-one would think anything of it so why should it matter if the woman is older (I guess that's a whole other discussion!). If she thinks the relationship is turning into a serious one then she has to tell him. She should just say she was worried about his reaction. The longer she leaves it the worse it will be when she does tell him and it's not good for the relationship for her to be constantly worrying that he will find out. I mean imagine if he found out from someone else. That would be even worse
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Old 22-03-2008, 11:51
rwould
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The important thing is that she tells him. If he is attracted to her it will be less of an issue, especially as it can be understandable why someone would mask their age.
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Old 22-03-2008, 13:07
Neale
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No idea how she should do it, but in my opinion she must do it, and the sooner the better. For me the dishonesty is worse the longer that it continues and "I couldn't think of a way to tell you" is a cop-out answer - if it's important then you find a way, even if it is said straight to the point.
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Old 22-03-2008, 13:13
Charlie Coo
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Personally I don't think that age gap is a big deal. If it was the guy who was older no-one would think anything of it so why should it matter if the woman is older (I guess that's a whole other discussion!). If she thinks the relationship is turning into a serious one then she has to tell him. She should just say she was worried about his reaction. The longer she leaves it the worse it will be when she does tell him and it's not good for the relationship for her to be constantly worrying that he will find out. I mean imagine if he found out from someone else. That would be even worse
I agree, the only thing that could be an issue is that as she is in her 30's he might get scared by thinking she wants the whole marriage children thing (I know it's only been a couple of months but it could freak him) She's got to tell him and be prepared to lose him I'm afraid.
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Old 22-03-2008, 13:14
stvn758
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If she were a he he'd be slated, wouldn't he.
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Old 22-03-2008, 13:14
Dramatic Star
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Not me, actually, but someone very close to me, has been going out with a 24 year old boy for a couple of months.

When they met she told him she was 29, she is actually 33.

She does look young for her age (she has a cute, baby face, and a lovely slender figure).

She is terrified of him finding out how old she really is. She is almost 10 years older than him. They have had several discussions about honesty and how important it is to be upfront about everything, but she still is unable to tell him the truth in case she loses him, not just for being almost 10 years older, but also for being dishonest.

She worries about this all the time. Any ideas on what she should do? I know people will say "just come clean and tell him" - but how does she do it?

Any thoughts?
Perhaps if she had been straight with him in the first place, the age gap may not have been an issue. Shes not made it easy for herself by not telling the truth.
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Old 22-03-2008, 13:18
GoofyGal
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My advice is not to tell him. IF its not an issue with them and they love each other why say it wasn't the truth. Its just a little white lie after all. So she is 4 years older...so what? But he might not like it and it would ruin it where it could end for all other sorts of reasons but he might blame it on her for this little white lie. I wouldn't, just stick with it, A man doesnt have to know "everything" you know.
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Old 22-03-2008, 13:25
1971
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Tell him asap it will be harder and worse the longer she leaves it.
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Old 22-03-2008, 13:47
firefliesuk
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My advice is not to tell him. IF its not an issue with them and they love each other why say it wasn't the truth. Its just a little white lie after all. So she is 4 years older...so what? But he might not like it and it would ruin it where it could end for all other sorts of reasons but he might blame it on her for this little white lie. I wouldn't, just stick with it, A man doesnt have to know "everything" you know.
Not telling your age is hardly a white lie imo. What happens if they decide to get married? Her date of birth would be on the marriage certificate
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Old 22-03-2008, 13:51
GoofyGal
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Not telling your age is hardly a white lie imo. What happens if they decide to get married? Her date of birth would be on the marriage certificate
But they are not getting married yet. I doubt the topic of age is on their conversation all the time. Then she can just go along and pretend she had told him in first place. You know act cool about it. If she says it now and says oh btw I lied to you its gonna come out worse. My opinion though.
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Old 22-03-2008, 14:04
firefliesuk
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But they are not getting married yet. I doubt the topic of age is on their conversation all the time. Then she can just go along and pretend she had told him in first place. You know act cool about it. If she says it now and says oh btw I lied to you its gonna come out worse. My opinion though.
We'll agree to disagree then! I think it will come out worse the longer it's left!
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Old 22-03-2008, 14:14
hugsie
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But they are not getting married yet. I doubt the topic of age is on their conversation all the time. Then she can just go along and pretend she had told him in first place. You know act cool about it. If she says it now and says oh btw I lied to you its gonna come out worse. My opinion though.
Even a small lie can destroy a relationship. Is she going to not have birthday parties, or will she celebrate her thirtieth again
to keep him in the dark? What will happen if he finds out from someone else? The subject of the lie is not an issue, but the lie itself could end the relationship. She cannot lie about t forever so the sooner she comes clean the more chance he will take it well. IMO
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Old 22-03-2008, 14:20
firefliesuk
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Even a small lie can destroy a relationship. Is she going to not have birthday parties, or will she celebrate her thirtieth again
to keep him in the dark? What will happen if he finds out from someone else? The subject of the lie is not an issue, but the lie itself could end the relationship. She cannot lie about t forever so the sooner she comes clean the more chance he will take it well. IMO
I agree... surely it would be a lot worse if someone else accidentally let slip her real age
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Old 22-03-2008, 15:48
maimou
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I think that since their age gap doesn't pose any real life issues or moral difficulties (they are both adults after all) it doesn't really matter. I guess the fact she lied might be looked on in a bad light (although who doesn't ever lie about something - and it is a white lie because it wasn't said to harm anyone), but I'd just say let it go for now.
The only real issue could be if they stay together a long time and real life stuff might get in the way (like if he doesn't want kids in the semi near future but she does).

I just don't think I'd be annoyed if I found out my partner was a bit older than they'd originally said, it isn't a big deal.
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Old 22-03-2008, 16:01
Simon1984
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Easy, use your mouth....then midway through the session tell him your real age, I'm sure he won't be too fussed.
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Old 22-03-2008, 16:22
sarahcs
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Easy, use your mouth....then midway through the session tell him your real age, I'm sure he won't be too fussed.
Midway? I'd leave it a little longer so he couldn't care even if he wanted to.
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Old 22-03-2008, 16:36
Simon1984
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Midway? I'd leave it a little longer so he couldn't care even if he wanted to.
Good point, although if the OP (Sorry her friend) is not very good at sucking up to her boyfriend then i'd still suggest to go with my original idea.
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Old 22-03-2008, 16:48
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Perhaps if she had been straight with him in the first place, the age gap may not have been an issue. Shes not made it easy for herself by not telling the truth.
It's probably not as simple as that. When you look much, much younger than you are mistakes like this happen all the time. I look so much younger than I am that even when I tell people my age they don't believe me! (I know she said 29 but if she looked over 30 there wouldn't have been room for error in the first place.)

If she's happy with a 24 year old (I know I wouldn't be because they're on a completely different wave length as far as life experience goes but hey ho each to his own) and she thinks she does or probably does want kids then she'll have to tell him. There's no getting away from the biological clock issue.

If she's happy with his 24 year old view of the world and she knows she doesn't want kids then there's no need to tell him. The only difference age makes is how you feel (or maybe not in her case) and the quality of your eggs. If she wants him to find out she could just leave her passport lying around and hope he reads it. If it's clear she doesn't want kids then he won't be bothered about age either. Let's just hope he isn't really 19 and was adding on a few years to make him sound grown up!

My mother and aunt (who also had the genetic (mis)fortune(?) to look considerably younger than their years never bothered to correct even close friends (though they did tell their respective partners) about their real age. I find I have to because I do find younger people are at a completely different place in their life from me. I get seen as being too outspoken/confident for a 24 year old so I find giving my real age helps people to understand me a bit better (ie I have seen a bit more of life then they expect from looking at me).
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Old 22-03-2008, 17:30
JasonWatkins
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can never understand why age is such an issue for some people.

maybe some people have a certain opinion of themselves and feel that age is important to maintaining some kind of .. i dunno .. external status or something.

i dunno .. all foreign to me ..
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Old 22-03-2008, 17:54
hugsie
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I think she is worried because this person has spoken to them about how important honesty is, rather than because the age thing is a big deal. It seems to me not the age that is the problem, but the fact that they sat and discussed honesty and rather than mention her silly white lie than she kept quiet. It than became about the lie, rather than about how old she is.

Personally, I do not give hoot how old someone is.
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Old 22-03-2008, 18:25
robinsbatman
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OP, I wouldn't be surprised if your friend's boyfriend suspects she's older than she's let on, & got her on the subject of honesty to see if she'd take the opportunity to tell the truth. She really needs to speak up because, if he keeps talking about honesty & she keeps hiding the truth, he'll more angry about her lying & not taking the opportunities he gave her to speak up than the age difference itself.

Lies about age usually do get discovered/revealed in the end, & all the behaviour to hide the real age is pressure I think she could do without. Does she plan to never let him see any application forms that might have her date of birth on it, to never let him speak to any organisation on her behalf, never let him see her passport etc? What happens if she gets sick & he has to pass on her medical info, & then it's found not to match with her existing medical records?
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Old 22-03-2008, 18:30
bic
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It really depends on if they are having lots of great sex or not.
He is a 24 year old male.
If she's going to tell him, my advice would be for her to tell him just after the next time he...arrives.
If the sex was good he won't care.
She'll have unburdened herself.
He won't be listening anyway.

Make him a roast sunday lunch for complete absolution.
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Old 22-03-2008, 18:50
DirtySexyMonkey
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Tell him when he's about to come. Or tell your "friend" that.
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Old 22-03-2008, 18:56
Cassini
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You mean sort of 'yes, yes, oh god yes I'm 33'
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