Thanks ben4321 - -

It is an emotive subject, but, I think, a crucially important one. There has been some research into negative and positive ways of parenting, and from what I understand, the more positive you can be with your child, the happier and more fulfilled adult they will become. From the experience of having an overly critical father and mother who physcially punished me, I made a conscious decision not to make the same *mistakes* with my children.

Research has shown that a child is likely to receive 460 negative 'strokes' each day from parents and teachers with only 75 positive or supportive 'strokes'. The negative strokes can be a comment - "don't be silly." / "you are very naughty" / "you look ridiculous" or a slap/smack - and the positive strokes can be praise such as "what a beautiful picture" / "you make me so proud" / "your new gothic eyemake up is very artistic" or a hug/stroke of the hair. The research suggested that the balance should be nearer four times more positive 'strokes' than negative - when sadly the reality is six times more negative strokes than positive I just think we need to try and remember to reward children for good deeds , rather than focus on punishment for bad deeds. The best reward is praise from someone you love/respect and it can do wonders for self esteem. I truly believe that if the smackers of the world put four times as much effort into praising their kids, they wouldn't have to smack them as often - and we'd all be happier!

If I have offended you, Lyn, then I also apologise.

I've read about the stroking theory too, Jeanie, and it's entirely valid. And adults do like the odd positive "stroke" too!

Exactly (assuming that was ment sarcastic)

If you can not smack an adult you cant smack a child.

I got beaten when I was young with belts 6 feet long bamboo sticks and smacked. All are shite there is no difference.

I understand bringing up children is difficult, thats why I dont have any.

But you dont beat children as you dont beat anyone else.

Originally posted by ben4321


I received quite enough of a proper upbringing, thank you. Enough to know that hitting a child is wrong - whatever the reason. There are plenty of ways to teach children "right and wrong". I obviously had very enlightened parents and I'm grateful.



Well said Ben - I totally agree. Hitting someone else is
wrong in any shape or form. I respect my children too much
to hit them.
Why did you feel the need to apologise to Lyn in a later
thread ? You are entitled to your opinion. You are not
exempt from a view because you do not have kids.
We all leave ourselves open to criticism by even posting
our views in such a public area.
One day, ( if appropriate ) it sounds as if you may make a
calm and kind parent.

Thank you ben.
I'm sure you understand I am not a child beater.
It all got a bit heated did'nt it.
I'm sure if you do ever have children you will find your own way of bringing them up the same as the rest of us long suffering Mom's and Dad's LOL