10. Before the boardroom he meets with sir alan and asks him, 'Dad can spare me another week?'

9. Brings Sir Alan kosher chicken after every task.

8. Thought he auditioned for Big Brother... and still thinks he's on it.

7. Sir Alan's waiting for his Pirhana pit under the boardroom floor to be made, then he can fire him.

6. Has been hired by Sir Alan to keep the women candidates entertained (See Link ).

5. He's Margaret Mountford's lost lost son.

4. He's there on a dare by Sir Alan's mates which was to get some random from the street and make him look like an idiot

3. Nop number 3, too busy throwing darts at his picture in the Sun

2. Was fired in week 2 but was too stupid to find the Taxi.

1. Is only competing for the part of Frances next series.

If you can think of any better ones, please say them and i'll replace mine with yours if they are better

He has some weird video footage of Sr'Alan.

i like your lol they are funny!

11) He has promised Sir Alan full sex if he wins

Don't let the bitterness take you over, learn from Raef and rise above it. You know it makes sense.

I'm too far gone. It's made a mockery of the series. What's the point of the show if the wrong person wins. The wrong person, factually.

As I have stopped saying to my kids, no one ever said life was fair.

That'd be an opinion methinks and since you don't know who wins how can you say it's the wrong person?

I think all this 'hot air' is catching

i'm not trying to hate on michael, i'm merely promoting his stupid behaviour, but most of all the fact that The Apprentice has candidates which clearly should have been fired a long time ago

oh take no notice - who cares what raef says - i like your thread and i only wish i had the imagination to think of a number 12

12. Michael actually thought he was taking part in the latest Andrew Lloyd Webber show to find the next Fagin for his production of 'Oliver' (provisional title: Fagin' It). He thinks he has it in the bag as only Raef seemed to have any previous theatrical experience but he just wasn't right for Fagin which is why Sir Andrew fired him last week. He's backing Claire for Nancy as 'she'd do anything' to get the role but is still wondering when Graham Norton is going to turn up.

beaut!

13. After lindi and jenny left, sir alan couldn't watch michael getting it on with anyone so he had no choice but to get rid of him... but then he thought wait.. helene is still there, and that is why he is still there... sir alan you old dirty bugger

Deleted - not relevant.

14. After the full sex with Sir Alan, he is going to have full sex with Nick Hewer, full sex with Margaret Mountford and full sex with Frances - after all, he is an escort - and that's why he is still in. Rafe was asked if he could provide the same, he dutifully declined.

This rings all too true. Why do you think Margaret has had a smile on her face for the last few weeks.

So what your saying, is that Michael has it in the 'bag'

Cut the euphamisms, simons a man whore.

x) Michael IS suralan due to an accident with a time machine that he built using an old Amstrad PCW8512, and firing him will cause a paradox that will cause the universe to end, a scary fact of which suralan is all too aware

LOL

That's some Tardis!

Lucinda has a TARDIS suitcase. There's no other explanation for the size of her wardrobe.

Would Michael actually be capable of full sex though? With anybody?

Probably not, he fouls up everything else!

LMFAO!!

I love this thread

i think sir alan is keeping him as some kind of community service. the streets are safer for us all with michael still in the Appretice house, rather than wreaking havoc elsewhere.