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Old 08-06-2008, 17:33
*Em*
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This is a bit of an odd one, but, what should I write in a letter to my very recent ex who's just been sent to prison?

He just called me for the first time since he was sentenced on Thursday and I've said i'll write him a letter and he asked for me to send some pics.

I don't really know what to write though, I want to tell him all about what I've been upto and what my lil boy has been doing etc, etc but at the same time, I don't want to rub it in about how wonderful life on the 'outside' is - even though, in some ways it'd do him good to make him realise that getting in trouble isn't the way forward.

Is it normal to ask someone in prison what they've been upto? Is there much for them to do...

He's in a 23 hour lock up at the moment so I imagine there can't be much for him to do, I just want to give him a bit of light relief from what must be very, very long boring days! I think it would possibly have been easier to write it if we'd still stayed together as I could've told him how much I miss him etc but at the moment I don't really think it's appropriate...?

Any help appreciated please.
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Old 08-06-2008, 17:37
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I've written a few times to a mate inside before, just would say what i've been up to outside and ask how he's managing and what things have been like inside.
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Old 08-06-2008, 17:38
AbsoluteHush
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I think tell him what you've been up to, and how you've been spending your time. He knows he's missing out, but he wants to be included in your life too. Ask him how he's coping, how he feels now. Maybe get your son to draw him a few picture, as well as sending photos?
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Old 08-06-2008, 17:58
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Perhaps you could also talk about stuff that he will also have seen, like what's been on TV or in the papers.
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Old 08-06-2008, 18:00
DaisyBumbleroot
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This is a bit of an odd one, but, what should I write in a letter to my very recent ex who's just been sent to prison?

He just called me for the first time since he was sentenced on Thursday and I've said i'll write him a letter and he asked for me to send some pics.

I don't really know what to write though, I want to tell him all about what I've been upto and what my lil boy has been doing etc, etc but at the same time, I don't want to rub it in about how wonderful life on the 'outside' is - even though, in some ways it'd do him good to make him realise that getting in trouble isn't the way forward.

Is it normal to ask someone in prison what they've been upto? Is there much for them to do...

He's in a 23 hour lock up at the moment so I imagine there can't be much for him to do, I just want to give him a bit of light relief from what must be very, very long boring days! I think it would possibly have been easier to write it if we'd still stayed together as I could've told him how much I miss him etc but at the moment I don't really think it's appropriate...?

Any help appreciated please.
im sure he'd appreciate a bit of filth
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Old 08-06-2008, 18:04
*Em*
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Perhaps you could also talk about stuff that he will also have seen, like what's been on TV or in the papers.
I thought that this would be a good idea but didn't know if he'd get the option of watching tele, or not?

We both enjoyed Big Brother last year so if he can watch it again this year it would help for the next couple of months of writing, although, in the long run it won't help.. until next year of course.

Thanks for the other ideas, it would help a lot if he wrote the first letter then it gives me an idea of what he's happy to hear about...

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Old 08-06-2008, 23:02
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Don't mean to be nosey but what is he in prison for?
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Old 08-06-2008, 23:09
simonp820
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Don't mean to be nosey but what is he in prison for?
I know you say you don't mean to be nosey but that is pretty nosey
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Old 08-06-2008, 23:10
SuperFool
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I know you say you don't mean to be nosey but that is pretty nosey
I know
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Old 08-06-2008, 23:23
magnificent
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How long is he in for? Is he your childs father?

If you want to write just say what's in your heart..........
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Old 09-06-2008, 08:40
Rainbows
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I have been going through this exact thing and I wrte a thread about it not too long ago - they do (well at wormwood scrubs anyway) get tv for 50p a week! You can ask him about the food and the gym - maybe ask if he is playing football. I know my ex enjoys it when I tell him not in too much detail about life on the outside world - any mutual friends etc etc or what I ahve been up to. Remember if he asks for photos you cannot send photos that have him in the picture - prison rules as I found out!
If you wanna talk some more PM me as I found i hard at first specially with him being an ex but its all gravy now.
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Old 09-06-2008, 09:15
tuppy26
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To be honest (ive been in prison) write aload of old crap, because its not really whats in the letter, its the fact you have bothered, I used to write about 4 pages of A4 back out and believe me there wasnt that much to do in prison, but I just used to prattle on and on about aload of ole twaddle, and people would send back the same, its the most up lifting feeling inside to receive post, and also send stamps in aswell as they are allowed to receive them as stamps are always handy to have.
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Old 09-06-2008, 10:00
stirlingguy1
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Remember if he asks for photos you cannot send photos that have him in the picture - prison rules as I found out!
.
Why is this?
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Old 09-06-2008, 10:14
Rainbows
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Can I send photographs of myself or the children?
Yes, but do remember that prisoners are not allowed photographs of themselves, and that includes family snapshots that include them. Photographs of an explicit or pornographic nature would not be allowed.


Source: http://www.prisonersfamilieshelpline...ticlecode=9253

I did call and ask but they just said it is prison rules. I am not sure why though - seems sad as I wanted to send one to my ex of him and his niece and couldnt!
If anyone knows please tell me!
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Old 09-06-2008, 10:32
*Em*
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How long is he in for? Is he your childs father?

If you want to write just say what's in your heart..........
He's looking at about 6 years, he hasn't had the sentencing yet though, he'll be having that on Friday, this week.

No, he's not my child's father, he's my ex who I've been with on and off for 3.5 years. We've always remained good friends and only actually split up for the final time 2 weeks ago. It's really difficult to know what to write.

My heart tells me that it's a good thing that he's in there so for me to tell him that I'm sorry for him etc etc would all be a bit of a lie... the only thing I wish I could write is that it's a shame he didn't think of all these consequences when we were falling out about it all.

I have been going through this exact thing and I wrote a thread about it not too long ago - they do (well at wormwood scrubs anyway) get tv for 50p a week! You can ask him about the food and the gym - maybe ask if he is playing football. I know my ex enjoys it when I tell him not in too much detail about life on the outside world - any mutual friends etc etc or what I ahve been up to. Remember if he asks for photos you cannot send photos that have him in the picture - prison rules as I found out!
If you wanna talk some more PM me as I found i hard at first specially with him being an ex but its all gravy now.
Thanks for this. When I spoke to him yesterday he said that he didn't have a job at the moment so, whether he'll get to watch tele, I don't know - I can only ask, I suppose.

As for the pics, that's ridiculous. Dunno how I'll get any of his lil boy that don't have him in them - would cutting them be okay?



To be honest (ive been in prison) write aload of old crap, because its not really whats in the letter, its the fact you have bothered, I used to write about 4 pages of A4 back out and believe me there wasnt that much to do in prison, but I just used to prattle on and on about aload of ole twaddle, and people would send back the same, its the most up lifting feeling inside to receive post, and also send stamps in aswell as they are allowed to receive them as stamps are always handy to have.
This is exactly what my Mum said. She was almost certain that he'd just appreciate anything.

As for the stamps, I'd already thought of that as he mentioned that he didn't have any, thanks.

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Old 09-06-2008, 10:34
Harry-Haddock
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i sent in pictures of me and my parter both together and he got them, what cat prison is he in?
i know they say it's not allowed but they do get through.
as for what to write, i'd just waffle on about anything and everything,
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Old 09-06-2008, 10:43
stirlingguy1
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Maybe its because prisoners could make forged ID out of pics of themselves!?! Otherwise I dont know. Any offers?
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Old 09-06-2008, 11:04
Rainbows
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My pictures got put in a box which he is allowed when he comes out. The only one that got through was of me by myself. hmm suppose some prisons are different but just thought i should let OP know in case he didnt recieve them. Also OP you know that you can send him money - I think its 20quid maximum.
If you babble or draw pictures and stuff etc it passes the day for them when they read it as well so try and make it long.
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Old 09-06-2008, 11:17
merrybiscuit
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When my bro was in we wrote about big brother and the housemates, and tv. He watched alot of it!

But even if he doesn't have acess to a TV you could always say which housemates are your favourite and why etc...

I agree with the above post that its more to know that someone cares enough to write a letter then whats in it.

Don't worry about giving too much information, my brother was made sane by the fact i didnt write anything weird like my mother did when he was in. Like I am so sad you're in there etc... Just normal stuff that if you were to write a letter or email you may include seemed to work for my bro
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Old 10-06-2008, 09:14
*Em*
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Maybe its because prisoners could make forged ID out of pics of themselves!?! Otherwise I dont know. Any offers?
Yeah, my Mum said it's probably for that reason as well. It's a shame cause I've some lovely ones of me, him, his Son and my Son.

Well, I've written the letter and posted it yesterday with a few stamps, envelopes, a couple of pics and some money. Is it a straight forward process for him to receive it, will he get it today? (1st Class... providing Royal Mail get it there on time).

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Old 10-06-2008, 09:25
tuppy26
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Basically, what will happen is the prison will receive it and they do open it to make sure nothing untoward in there (when he gets to open prison they tend to open it in front of you), they will then log the fact you have sent money and stamps and add the money to his canteen (what he gets to spend on his stuff each week) and then he will receive everything else...........if for any reason they can not give him the piccies or something they will explain that to him, also if in the future you do send bigger stuff then the chances are he will have to sign for it i.e. clothes etc which usually happens once a week at weekends (again when in open prison different procedures)..........

Certain prisons give out post at different times i.e Newhall in West Yorks was at lock up at lunchtime, where as Doncaster YOI tend to get it in the evenings...........but as long as royal mail are doing there job properly then no reason why he shouldnt get it today

Edit * Reason for metioning them 2 prisons are they are the two main ones you goto whilst awaiting sentancing (In The Yorkshire area). (Also I know the procedures in them)

Last edited by tuppy26 : 10-06-2008 at 09:29. Reason: awful spelling and added something
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Old 10-06-2008, 12:01
*Em*
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Basically, what will happen is the prison will receive it and they do open it to make sure nothing untoward in there (when he gets to open prison they tend to open it in front of you), they will then log the fact you have sent money and stamps and add the money to his canteen (what he gets to spend on his stuff each week) and then he will receive everything else...........if for any reason they can not give him the piccies or something they will explain that to him, also if in the future you do send bigger stuff then the chances are he will have to sign for it i.e. clothes etc which usually happens once a week at weekends (again when in open prison different procedures)..........

Certain prisons give out post at different times i.e Newhall in West Yorks was at lock up at lunchtime, where as Doncaster YOI tend to get it in the evenings...........but as long as royal mail are doing there job properly then no reason why he shouldnt get it today

Edit * Reason for metioning them 2 prisons are they are the two main ones you goto whilst awaiting sentancing (In The Yorkshire area). (Also I know the procedures in them)
Thanks for this info. It'll be useful for next time I send ought.

He's actually in Armley at the moment.
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