Welcome back to maritime mirth and Housemate Hijinks as we set sail again on the tempestuous tide of the Jolly Mesostim and the arrival of Captain Tickle aboard the "Controversial" - assuming we get past customs that is...
Keelhaul a Contestant (revisited)
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Missed the first thread because of work. Here's to a bon voyage to KC revisited, and the continuing voyages of the Controversial. Looking forward to the antics of the unique Captain Tickle and his motley crew - including bosun Ray and his inseperable companion Seaman Staines (acknowledgements to Captain Pugwash). Will the dastardly Camoron be joining them, or will he be too busy collecting gopher wood to build an Ark?
" Arrrrr, Capn Tickle, where be your buccaneers ? "
" They be on the side of me buccin 'ead "
Arrrrrr
" They be on the side of me buccin 'ead "
Arrrrrr
Quote:
“Originally posted by swingaleg
" Arrrrr, Capn Tickle, where be your buccaneers ? " ”
“Originally posted by swingaleg
" Arrrrr, Capn Tickle, where be your buccaneers ? " ”
I be a newcomer 'ere Midshipman swing, so I be a bit worried bout repeating things that have mysteriously disappeared with the Marie Celeste.
But, shiver me timbers, can we make Cam walk on water or just the plank?
On second thoughts, is Cam a plank already? Answers carved on a piece of driftwood please.
Quote:
“Originally posted by tally
I be a newcomer 'ere Midshipman swing, so I be a bit worried bout repeating things that have mysteriously disappeared with the Marie Celeste.
”
“Originally posted by tally
I be a newcomer 'ere Midshipman swing, so I be a bit worried bout repeating things that have mysteriously disappeared with the Marie Celeste.
”
Welcome aboard, Mistress Tally ( oo er Matron !! )
If'n thee needs to read up on thee pirate history, I beg ye to study 'ard upon the Keelhaulin A Contestant ( Dec'd ) and Whatever happened to.........threads
They both be on this 'ere page
Arrrrrrr !!
Arrrrr.....It's good ter see the Jolly Mesostim afloat again...fair warms me heart..so it it does...arrrrr.......
“Let go fore and aft!!” shouted the Captain
“Eh” replied all the crew. The Captain sighed, hefted his parrot to his other shoulder, he had a choice of 3, parrots I mean, not shoulders, and shouted:
“Oh for heaven’s sake untie them ropey bits at either end!”
“Oh” once more the chorus of now enlightened (but simple) crew shouted back .
“Look, we be hoved to by “The Controversial” skippered by none other than that lanky sea dog, Long Jon Tickle! Ha harr “(gobs chewed baccy onto deck, the deck sizzles, the baccy eats through the mdf, er, oak and starts on the decks below (in a thinly veiled nod to Alien)..I digress...
The purser pipes Long Jon aboard, the crew salute the swarthy Captain, some clutching brand new toasters, others garden hoses. Jon was a popular mariner it would seem.
“Hello! Captain Mes! Where’s that sea-tossed Camoron then I have a present for ee!!”
“Ee be clapped in irons Jon, ee be getting on I’s wick no less Hah harrr”
“Well, I’ll have a word with him later. Meanwhile I bring gifts. For you Captain, I bring..” (wait for it...)
“Nautical Tomato Plants”
“Eh” replied all the crew. The Captain sighed, hefted his parrot to his other shoulder, he had a choice of 3, parrots I mean, not shoulders, and shouted:
“Oh for heaven’s sake untie them ropey bits at either end!”
“Oh” once more the chorus of now enlightened (but simple) crew shouted back .
“Look, we be hoved to by “The Controversial” skippered by none other than that lanky sea dog, Long Jon Tickle! Ha harr “(gobs chewed baccy onto deck, the deck sizzles, the baccy eats through the mdf, er, oak and starts on the decks below (in a thinly veiled nod to Alien)..I digress...
The purser pipes Long Jon aboard, the crew salute the swarthy Captain, some clutching brand new toasters, others garden hoses. Jon was a popular mariner it would seem.
“Hello! Captain Mes! Where’s that sea-tossed Camoron then I have a present for ee!!”
“Ee be clapped in irons Jon, ee be getting on I’s wick no less Hah harrr”
“Well, I’ll have a word with him later. Meanwhile I bring gifts. For you Captain, I bring..” (wait for it...)
“Nautical Tomato Plants”
Just then attention was diverted to a pathetic shambling figure leaning on the capstan - wooden leg, hook, eyepatch - it was none other than self-proclaimed Ship's Jester, Geordie Regan
" Arrr " said Cap'n Tickle, " what happened to that poor wretch "
" Arr tis a sad story " said Bosun Ray " he lost his leg to a shark so he did. He lost his hand to a crocodile and he lost his eye to a piece of grit "
" A piece o' grit ? " said the Cap'n
" Arrrr " said Bosun Ray " twas the first day he had his hook "
" Arrr " said Cap'n Tickle, " what happened to that poor wretch "
" Arr tis a sad story " said Bosun Ray " he lost his leg to a shark so he did. He lost his hand to a crocodile and he lost his eye to a piece of grit "
" A piece o' grit ? " said the Cap'n
" Arrrr " said Bosun Ray " twas the first day he had his hook "
Captain Mesostim’s parrot stifles a hearty laugh, looking at the hapless gadgee with one leg., the gadgee, not the parrot.
“Why aye man tho but canny lad divvin fuss me hand an that divvin nurtice it wuz a huke like, man. Afore woh nurticed had ma eye oot!”, said the comedy-striped Tyne-sider.
The Captains exchanged knowing glances, tropical fruit and Pirates of the Caribbean Top Trumps cards, ok, not the last items, but certainly the glances.
“Ship’s Jester Regan!”
“Aye Captain!”
“ Do us that one legged dance thing”
“Yous terkin the p*ss man?” said Regan, pointing to his missing leg, or rather, where his missing leg would have been. If it hadn’t have been missing. Pet.
“Oh throw him in the dungeons with that other pest, and if he starts taking his clothes off you can put his head in the ship’s shark tank.”
“What happened to the Robert Newton accent Captain?” queried Midshipman Iain, never one to miss a semantic chance to once more endanger his life.
“You lad, er, you ship's dog swab Regan ha harr be a danger to shippin so ee be! Bosun Ray! Put ee down that appendage and throw this ligger, er lugger in the dungeons too. Ha harr!”
By now the ship’s plimsole line was getting dangerously low owing to all the lard stowed in the ship’s belly, Camoron that is. It seems that the redoubtable Captain Tickle has a solution...
“Why aye man tho but canny lad divvin fuss me hand an that divvin nurtice it wuz a huke like, man. Afore woh nurticed had ma eye oot!”, said the comedy-striped Tyne-sider.
The Captains exchanged knowing glances, tropical fruit and Pirates of the Caribbean Top Trumps cards, ok, not the last items, but certainly the glances.
“Ship’s Jester Regan!”
“Aye Captain!”
“ Do us that one legged dance thing”
“Yous terkin the p*ss man?” said Regan, pointing to his missing leg, or rather, where his missing leg would have been. If it hadn’t have been missing. Pet.
“Oh throw him in the dungeons with that other pest, and if he starts taking his clothes off you can put his head in the ship’s shark tank.”
“What happened to the Robert Newton accent Captain?” queried Midshipman Iain, never one to miss a semantic chance to once more endanger his life.
“You lad, er, you ship's dog swab Regan ha harr be a danger to shippin so ee be! Bosun Ray! Put ee down that appendage and throw this ligger, er lugger in the dungeons too. Ha harr!”
By now the ship’s plimsole line was getting dangerously low owing to all the lard stowed in the ship’s belly, Camoron that is. It seems that the redoubtable Captain Tickle has a solution...
Where is the lovely Iain lately? perhaps he has another job as Cameron's bodyguard/personal assistant.
OI dont know where ee beee...er..
Sorry!! Still in Cap'n Bligh mode!!
No I haven't seen him lately, Grim
Still I have heard musical accompaniment aboard the Mes' so
maybe it's him playing the Orkadian....
(groan!)
Sorry!! Still in Cap'n Bligh mode!!
No I haven't seen him lately, Grim
Still I have heard musical accompaniment aboard the Mes' so
maybe it's him playing the Orkadian....
(groan!)
Arrr...the Orkadian eh? Well...sez I....It's sure beats Seaman Jade playing the Mouth Organ.....Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
Quote:
“Originally posted by Mesostim
Arrr...the Orkadian eh? Well...sez I....It's sure beats Seaman Jade playing the Mouth Organ.....Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... ”
“Originally posted by Mesostim
Arrr...the Orkadian eh? Well...sez I....It's sure beats Seaman Jade playing the Mouth Organ.....Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... ”
*jaw drops*
now where did I put that broom
*sweeps up Mesostim's rather the worse for wear halo*
LOL!
As one the ships crew started to sing...........
'Twas on the Good Ship Mesos,
By god you should have see'd us,
The figurehead young scoundrel, Fed
He failed those tasks to tease us.
Chorus:
Jon went diggin' in the riggin,
Jon went diggin' in the riggin,
Jon went diggin' in the riggin,
There was nautic' all else to do
That captain, yonder Tickle,
His hosepipe wasn't little,
He didn't have to walk in sh*t,
No thanks to an Orkney Prick'l.
The first mate's name was Shah,
He was prone to toss too far,
He'd wrap in a blanket and really w*nk it,
trying to make it land in a jar.
Now second mate, young Sissie,
She wasn't the slightest prissy,
she could kick legumes across wardrooms,
no wonder they called her 'Hissy'.
Cap'n Tickle's first squeeze, Justine,
She'd sell her soul, she was just mean,
with the second mate, on nerves she'd grate,
Then Tickle, he weren't so keen.
The engineer was aptly, Scott,
wasn't sure if he was hot or not,
They nailed his all upon the wall,
'Cos over their mirror he'd squat.
The cabin girl, the cabin girl,
A saucy little Steph,
was off her face, so she gave chase,
but Cam preferred the chef.
The bosun's name was PJ,
By god he loved a BJ,
No sooner did Jade, her kebab displayed,
Go down, it was 'ankers away.
The third mate's name was Sandy,
his kilt came in quite handy,
he could lift it up, for a giddy-up
whenever Jade had a shandy.
The steward's name was Paul,
He tried to give Helen his all,
but with that cracker, he rolled more than 'bacca,
So Cap'n Meso declared a keelhaul.
The cook his name was Gos,
By god he was such dross,
He fed the crew on bread&butter stew,
and dangled his lumps in the sauce.
The ship's dog's name was Paddy
but the crew renamed him baddie,
he cocked his leg up every keg,
he was a dirty little laddie.
But now I end this serial,
through sheer lack of material,
I wish I'd read more like this thread,
not nit-picking or gladiatorial.
'Twas on the Good Ship Mesos,
By god you should have see'd us,
The figurehead young scoundrel, Fed
He failed those tasks to tease us.
Chorus:
Jon went diggin' in the riggin,
Jon went diggin' in the riggin,
Jon went diggin' in the riggin,
There was nautic' all else to do
That captain, yonder Tickle,
His hosepipe wasn't little,
He didn't have to walk in sh*t,
No thanks to an Orkney Prick'l.
The first mate's name was Shah,
He was prone to toss too far,
He'd wrap in a blanket and really w*nk it,
trying to make it land in a jar.
Now second mate, young Sissie,
She wasn't the slightest prissy,
she could kick legumes across wardrooms,
no wonder they called her 'Hissy'.
Cap'n Tickle's first squeeze, Justine,
She'd sell her soul, she was just mean,
with the second mate, on nerves she'd grate,
Then Tickle, he weren't so keen.
The engineer was aptly, Scott,
wasn't sure if he was hot or not,
They nailed his all upon the wall,
'Cos over their mirror he'd squat.
The cabin girl, the cabin girl,
A saucy little Steph,
was off her face, so she gave chase,
but Cam preferred the chef.
The bosun's name was PJ,
By god he loved a BJ,
No sooner did Jade, her kebab displayed,
Go down, it was 'ankers away.
The third mate's name was Sandy,
his kilt came in quite handy,
he could lift it up, for a giddy-up
whenever Jade had a shandy.
The steward's name was Paul,
He tried to give Helen his all,
but with that cracker, he rolled more than 'bacca,
So Cap'n Meso declared a keelhaul.
The cook his name was Gos,
By god he was such dross,
He fed the crew on bread&butter stew,
and dangled his lumps in the sauce.
The ship's dog's name was Paddy
but the crew renamed him baddie,
he cocked his leg up every keg,
he was a dirty little laddie.
But now I end this serial,
through sheer lack of material,
I wish I'd read more like this thread,
not nit-picking or gladiatorial.
Marge
Arrrr-haaaaa....Marge...that be a fine shanty to warm a seamans sails when the fog rolls in from the briney.....or something...har..harrrrrrr
HA harrr!
and more ha harrrrss!! That was soooo funny!!
MARGE!!!
I reckons ee's fit fer promotion for that Shanty ha harrr!
and more ha harrrrss!! That was soooo funny!!
MARGE!!!
I reckons ee's fit fer promotion for that Shanty ha harrr!
Ha Harr Marge me beauty!
Ee gets the bestest accolade for filthy forays into maritime mirth!
The Old Jamaicee award
Rich darrrrrrrrrrrk chocolate
Choc full of raisins
Laced with Jamicee Rum
And don’t ee knock it all back at once!!
Ha harr!
That was very funny. I got Mr Moo to read it this morning too and we larrrrfed together!!
Ee gets the bestest accolade for filthy forays into maritime mirth!
The Old Jamaicee award
Rich darrrrrrrrrrrk chocolate
Choc full of raisins
Laced with Jamicee Rum
And don’t ee knock it all back at once!!
Ha harr!
That was very funny. I got Mr Moo to read it this morning too and we larrrrfed together!!
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