There have been many comments about bullying over the years on various forums and I'vde always been confused about how people can vehemently say that someone was bullied when in my eyes they obviously weren't.

Thinking on it though it might be a generational thing and that the definition of bullying has changed over the years (hence the confusion).

So...when I was at school in the 80's examples of bullying would be...

Getting your head stuck down the toilet until you hand over some money.

Having your school bag thrown into a harbour.

Having your tie set on fire whilst still wearing it.

And of course getting punched a lot.

You never complained cause if you "told" you'd just get beaten up again for telling.

Nowadays I'm sure it would be called assault but back then you just got on with it as a fact of life.

So...to the younger (not that I'm old of course!) people in the forum, what does bullying mean to you now?

If you call someone "fat" and they are fat, is that bulling?

If someone is ginger and you point it out is that bullying?

If someone misses an open goal at football and you call then cr*p is that bullying?

I am genuinely keen to know as it might clear up a few misunderstandings on here.

Bullying is something that happens frequently, deliberately and by someone using their power, e.g. by being bigger, more important or there being more of them.

It's what they do to start hockey games.

http://www.bullyoffline.org/workbully/

If your really interested in knowing..........spend sometime reading this.......

Not sure "bullying" is an activity defined in law, but "harassment" very much so. Industrial courts have refined the definition down to specifics, and verdicts will depend on the definition.

Somebody can no doubt shed light on harassment.

There are many forms of bullying. In this case, it is making someone feel so uncomfortable about being voted for by the public, that they feel obliged to withdraw - as they have been told to do by so many people - in order to make things right.

It is nasty, horrible and uneccessary. Just because someone is a strong individual in their everyday life, does not mean that they don't feel immensely pressurised by a situation outside of their control.

What is bullying?

constant nit-picking, fault-finding and criticism of a trivial nature - the triviality, regularity and frequency betray bullying; often there is a grain of truth (but only a grain) in the criticism to fool you into believing the criticism has validity, which it does not; often, the criticism is based on distortion, misrepresentation or fabrication
simultaneous with the criticism, a constant refusal to acknowledge you and your contributions and achievements or to recognise your existence and value
constant attempts to undermine you and your position, status, worth, value and potential
where you are in a group (eg at work), being singled out and treated differently; for instance, everyone else can get away with murder but the moment you put a foot wrong - however trivial - action is taken against you
being isolated and separated from colleagues, excluded from what's going on, marginalized, overruled, ignored, sidelined, frozen out, sent to Coventry
being belittled, demeaned and patronised, especially in front of others
being humiliated, shouted at and threatened, often in front of others
being overloaded with work, or having all your work taken away and replaced with either menial tasks (filing, photocopying, minute taking) or with no work at all
finding that your work - and the credit for it - is stolen and plagiarised
having your responsibility increased but your authority taken away
having annual leave, sickness leave, and - especially - compassionate leave refused
being denied training necessary for you to fulfil your duties
having unrealistic goals set, which change as you approach them
ditto deadlines which are changed at short notice - or no notice - and without you being informed until it's too late
finding that everything you say and do is twisted, distorted and misrepresented
being subjected to disciplinary procedures with verbal or written warnings imposed for trivial or fabricated reasons and without proper investigation
being coerced into leaving through no fault of your own, constructive dismissal, early or ill-health retirement, etc

How do I recognise a bully?

Most bullying is traceable to one person, male or female - bullying is not a gender issue. Bullies are often clever people (especially female bullies) but you can be clever too.

Who does this describe in your life?

Jekyll & Hyde nature - vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target sees both sides
is a convincing, compulsive liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
uses lots of charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present; the motive of the charm is deception and its purpose is to compensate for lack of empathy
relies on mimicry to convince others that they are a "normal" human being but their words, writing and deeds are hollow, superficial and glib
displays a great deal of certitude and self-assuredness to mask their insecurity
excels at deception
exhibits unusual inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters or sexual behaviour; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or intimations of sexual harassment, sex discrimination or sexual abuse (sometimes racial prejudice as well)
exhibits much controlling behaviour and is a control freak
displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to acknowledge, value and praise others
when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression
often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully is oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen (and believe they are seen), and how they are actually seen
has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, trust and integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, distrust and deceitfulness)
when called to account, immediately and aggressively denies everything, then counter-attacks with distorted or fabricated criticisms and allegations; if this is insufficient, quickly feigns victimhood, often by bursting into tears (the purpose is to avoid answering the question and thus evade accountability by manipulating others through the use of guilt)
is also ... aggressive, devious, manipulative, spiteful, vengeful, doesn't listen, can't sustain mature adult conversation, lacks a conscience, shows no remorse, is drawn to power, emotionally cold and flat, humourless, joyless, ungrateful, dysfunctional, disruptive, divisive, rigid and inflexible, selfish, insincere, insecure, immature and deeply inadequate, especially in interpersonal skills
I estimate one person in thirty has this behaviour profile. I describe them as having a disordered personality: an aggressive but intelligent individual who expresses their violence psychologically (constant criticism etc) rather than physically (assault). For the full profile, click here; to see and be able to recognise the four most common types of serial bully,

What does bullying do to my health?

Bullying causes injury to health and makes you ill. How many of these symptoms do you have?

constant high levels of stress and anxiety
frequent illness such as viral infections especially flu and glandular fever, colds, coughs, chest, ear, nose and throat infections (stress plays havoc with your immune system)
aches and pains in the joints and muscles with no obvious cause; also back pain with no obvious cause and which won't go away or respond to treatment
headaches and migraines
tiredness, exhaustion, constant fatigue
sleeplessness, nightmares, waking early, waking up more tired than when you went to bed
flashbacks and replays, obsessiveness, can't get the bullying out of your mind
irritable bowel syndrome
skin problems such as eczema, psoriasis, athlete's foot, ulcers, shingles, urticaria
poor concentration, can't concentrate on anything for long
bad or intermittently-functioning memory, forgetfulness, especially with trivial day-to-day things
sweating, trembling, shaking, palpitations, panic attacks
tearfulness, bursting into tears regularly and over trivial things
uncharacteristic irritability and angry outbursts
hypervigilance (feels like but is not paranoia), being constantly on edge
hypersensitivity, fragility, isolation, withdrawal
reactive depression, a feeling of woebegoneness, lethargy, hopelessness, anger, futility and more
shattered self-confidence, low self-worth, low self-esteem, loss of self-love, etc

Thats some of it.............

Phew! Bet you wish you'd never asked.

Ok this is interesting...

What is bullying?

constant nit-picking, fault-finding and criticism of a trivial nature - the triviality, regularity and frequency betray bullying; often there is a grain of truth (but only a grain) in the criticism to fool you into believing the criticism has validity, which it does not; often, the criticism is based on distortion, misrepresentation or fabrication
simultaneous with the criticism, a constant refusal to acknowledge you and your contributions and achievements or to recognise your existence and value
constant attempts to undermine you and your position, status, worth, value and potential
where you are in a group (eg at work), being singled out and treated differently; for instance, everyone else can get away with murder but the moment you put a foot wrong - however trivial - action is taken against you
being isolated and separated from colleagues, excluded from what's going on, marginalized, overruled, ignored, sidelined, frozen out, sent to Coventry
being belittled, demeaned and patronised, especially in front of others
being humiliated, shouted at and threatened, often in front of others
being overloaded with work, or having all your work taken away and replaced with either menial tasks (filing, photocopying, minute taking) or with no work at all
finding that your work - and the credit for it - is stolen and plagiarised
having your responsibility increased but your authority taken away
having annual leave, sickness leave, and - especially - compassionate leave refused
being denied training necessary for you to fulfil your duties
having unrealistic goals set, which change as you approach them
ditto deadlines which are changed at short notice - or no notice - and without you being informed until it's too late
finding that everything you say and do is twisted, distorted and misrepresented
being subjected to disciplinary procedures with verbal or written warnings imposed for trivial or fabricated reasons and without proper investigation
being coerced into leaving through no fault of your own, constructive dismissal, early or ill-health retirement, etc

I personally wouldn't call any of that bullying. A lot is illegal under employment legislation. Other stuff I'd put down to not standing up for oneself. And the rest would be other people being wan***s.

That's illuminating though that bullying has indeed been watered down since my day.

Bullying is not recognised in law......

Yep, the figured out that not all people have thick skin.....