Originally Posted by nonsuch:
“CBB5 2007
On a memorable day, quite early in Jan
there was a rousing welcome for the A-team van.
A man stepped out, Dirk Benedict, by name
the house awaited, CBB5 was the game.
His first words were "let the torture begin"
in retrospect - how prophetic of him !
Ten other housemates were already in,
an assorted lot, all wanting to win.
Then Shilpa, Danielle, Cleo and Jo,
all waited in line while Dirk said "hello"
Dirk, though, was heard to utter "oh frack"
He'd just discovered that Malone was a "hack"
Even so, life went smoothly to start
there was Leo to talk to and Ken played his part,
but, trouble was brewing - Big Brother had plans,
Jade Goody arrived and waved to her fans.
Upstairs and downstairs separated the group,
Malone questioned all, she was after a scoop.
Shilpa was the object of Dirk's hot desire
alas, Dirk was the spark that lit Cleo's fire.
Ken found the Goody's were his worst nightmare,
"I'd like to leave now" he said from the chair.
Donny wouldn't be at their beck and call,
so with the help of Ian, he climbed over the wall.
Words Dirk said to Leo caused some offence,
A silence followed that made the atmosphere tense.
Leo went mute and Dirk said "oh no
look what I've done - I've ruined the show".
To Shilpa's relief, Jackie was told she must go
but that still left the evil, Jade, Danielle and Jo.
Whisky-Gate passed and the stock cube row too
tho' worse was to come, chicken bones down the loo!
Big Brother got used to Leo's frequent rants;
but this time he warned them, he was leaving over pants.
He used a broom to break out, then attacked a guard,
Dirk took the news of Leo's departure, very,very hard.
Then Big Brother decided after Leo's quick scoot,
that it really was time C. Malone got the boot.
She scurried to Fleet Street to type up her bile,
She needn't have bothered, she was thought of as vile.
All was not well and the coven started to dwell
on their evil actions that had made Shilpa's life hell.
Their first thoughts were to cover their backs
Jade said "don't worry, my agent will deal with the hacks".
Meanwhile,Jermaine coped with the house in his own quiet way,
he kept to his fast and up to the last, regularly went to pray.
Ian's reward for a task was a face mask which really made his day;
seeing his joy, Dirk then exclaimed "so.. - you really ARE gay".
There were many sweet moments between Shilpa and Dirk
but, the differences between them, meant this couldn't work.
"Yes, he's sexy" she said "but - also too old"
Dirk picked up her drift and sat out in the cold.
Cleo quickly saw her chance and came up with a scheme;
she got Tiara to molest Dirk - only Ian thought it mean !
"Get your fat ass off the couch" Dirk was heard to say.
On hearing that, Cleo decided that Dirk would surely pay.
With Jade gone, the coven had their evil way;
making Dirk's life a living hell, would really make their day.
What they could never have realised as eviction day loomed;
the public had decided - they were well and truly doomed!
Danielle and Jack had somehow missed the nomination.
This caused dismay to one and all and didn't please the nation.
But, two of Dirk's tormentors were now to get their due;
Davina to Cleo and Jo - the public have voted and it's up for both of you.
Danielle wept tears of self-pity, Jack too thick to catch on
that his handouts from Jade Goody, were virtually all but gone.
The voters got their way on the final night and the crowd were set to boo
Davina here - Danielle and Jack - I don't envy either of you
The final four were now a cert, the public let out a sigh;
whatever the order the four left the house, their public profile was high.
Ian couldn't contain his excitement when Davina called his name;
The resulting cheers were music to his ears and a reward for playing the game.
Now Dirk was told to say goodbye - "oh, you poor kids" was his reply,
a hug for JJ and Shilpa too - while Dirk fans wiped a tear from their eye.
Dressed in black, Dirk took one look back then headed for the door,
The crowd went wild and we all smiled - how could we want for more?
Shilpa and JJ quietly waited for Davina to announce the winner.
Both deserved to be there - they'd both cooked and washed up after dinner.
"Kindness is strength" were the last words Jermaine spoke on Big Brother
Shilpa made her victorious exit and then frantically searched for her mother!
.................................................................................................”
Brilliant
*
