Here goes nothing then 
Please be kind I am not good at this
Starring Ricky G as David Brent
Co-starring Dirk Benedict as Cousin Arthur Brent
Also Co-starring all the office crew actors,
Scene name: Cousin Arthur, born to dance
David calls his staff together for a meeting on the Friday to remind them of the Annual Office party the next day and expects them all to be there. He also tells them his Cousin Arthur from Montana, USA is staying at his for the week and will be popping into the Office Party.
When he gets home he feeds his two cats Cleo and Carole, who seem to have formed an obsession with Arthur in the short time he has been there, rubbing themselves against his legs and jumping on him at every opportunity
The next day, and David and Arthur are first at the Party. David puts Arthur to work getting everything prepared
Arthur: So when do I get to meet your staff then David?
David: They will be along soon Arthur. Now remember, don't go trying to show off and then make a fool of yourself, as it reflects back on me their very highly respected Boss. You can't sing or dance, like me, so best you just stand in the corner most of the night for your own good, less embarrassing for you then.
Arthur gives David a confused look, but as he is a guest decides to comply.
Arthur: Whatever you say cous'. Will you be singing or dancing?
David: Oh yes, my staff expect it of me. They practically beg me to give them a song and my dancing is quite legendary round these parts now.
Arthur: Reallyyyyy! Geez your staff most think you are so wonderful. It must feel great to have so much respect from them
David: They do and they respect me for being a good boss and so down to earth, none of your up your own **** pompous attitude from me Arthur. So a friendly word of advice in your ear if you don't mind....
Arthur: No of course I don't David
David: .....Maybe you shouldn't say too much at the party, just lay low, so none of your pompous attitude problem comes out if you get my drift.
Arthur: Righto David, consider me told...
David interrupts Arthur
David: See there you go, that is exactly what I am getting at, the sound of sarcasm and attitude in your tone Arthur. I know you don't mean to be that way, but you are. I do feel a bit of sympathy for you, you can't help it if you lack my talents and charisma with people, it's not something you can learn, you either just have it or you don't. All said with a believing smile planted on his lips
Arthur looks on slightly confused as to what he has done or what his attitude is supposed to be
Arthur: Okies David. Maybe best I do stand in a corner and say nothing much then? I don't want to go upsetting your staff and yourself.
The Office Staff start to arrive almost one after the other and the party soon gets going. many of the staff much to David's noticeable annoyance keep asking after Arthur and trying to chat to Arthur, at which point David intervenes each time
David: So Arthur, do you want to help yourself to some food, whilst I get you a lemonade.....
Arthur: I would rather have a whisky if you don't mind, David as this is a party
David: ....Please don't interrupt, Arthur. You will be drinking lemonade or cola. It's best we both set an expected example for my staff and stay as sober as we can....
Arthur: But they aren't my staff Dav....?
David: .....Please don't interrupt, Arthur. See this is exactly what I mean about your attitude. Now get some food and go sit in that furthest corner there and I will bring you your drink. See how I look after you whilst you're here Arthur I am hospitality inpersonified You are lucky to have such an unassuming helpful cousin as me
Arthur: What are you going to have to drink then David?
David: A whisky of course.... And with that David saunters off to the bar, leaving Arthur's mouth agape, just looking on in pure astonish and bewilderment.
Arthur: Thanks for bringing me to your Office party David
David: I am that kind of guy, no thanks needed Arthur. Now you stay right there why I do one of my expected and much anticipated party pieces. I will just go up on stage, grab a mike and launch into some Elvis, 'a a aha' I already have the look I've been told, just Elvis's looks couldn't quite match mine David attempts and fails miserably to do a lip corner curl So you stay right there Arthur, and don't attempt to step on my blue suede shoes David winks as he says this to Arthur, as he thinks he has said a funny
Arthur: I'll be waiting David, don't you worry. Go give them hounddogs the biz
David launches into an awful renedition of TeddyBear. Arthur sees a piano in the corner and decides as everyone is obviously ignoring Davids awful performance that David needs help, so he goes and sits at the piano and starts playing, accompanying David in his song. David looks daggers at Arthur, but the Office Staff are transfixed by Arthur's excellant piano playing and one of the Office women drapes herself across the piano in an attempt to draw Arthur's attention. By now David is furious and when the song ends returns to where Arthur is at the piano
David: Why did you make a spectacle of yourself like that. I am never going to live this down now, my staff were so embarrassed by you.
Arthur: Geez sorry David, I just thought I was helping you out.
David: Well you weren't, and when I tell you to stay in the corner I mean stay in the corner. This is my Office Party and I don't need you causing me embarrassment with my staff. Understood Arthur?
Arthur: Sorry David
David: You stay here and I will see if I can repair some damage with my excellant dancing skills.
David gets up to dance to 'Another One Bites The Dust' and commands an audience from his staff, as he thinks he is the bees knees on the dance floor. His staff look on in wide mouthed amazement.
http://img159.imageshack.us/img159/456/jgdance2ku5.gif
Then one of the staff women goes to ask Arthur for a dance to the next song 'Dirty Dancing' Arthur reluctantly refuses, saying David has told him to stay out the way in the corner. The woman sidles up grabs Arthur and says no-one puts Arthurbaby in the corner and pulls him onto the dance floor. David is not amused when he sees what has happened. Especially when Arthur launches into some Dirky Dancing which apparently is all the rage in the clubs now. All eyes are now on Arthur, everyone bar David loving Arthur's Dirky Dancing and all giving it their own go. When the song finishes, David marches Arthur back to the table, but not before a few of the women and a couple of the blokes have slipped Arthur their phone numbers
David: Come on Arthur, we are going before you can cause me any more emarrassment with my staff. Couldn't you see how appalled they were with your dancing, they couldn't take their eyes of you in embarrassed astonishment. And didn't I tell you to stay in the corner.
Arthur: I think they liked my dancing, David. It's something I call Dirky Dancing. You would be surprised how popular it's become in the clubs And I was dragged on the floor by one of your women staff. I could hardly refuse could I, and have it reflect back badly on you?
David: Never mind your Dirky Dancing. I suppose it's not your fault you're not as goodlooking or talented as me and lack my charisma. But you have to accept that's just the way it is, and that I know what's best for you whilst you are staying here in England. So come on let's be getting home before you have a chance to embarrass me further.
Arthur: I'm ready, let's get going then David Anyone would think you can't wait to see me back on that plane to Montana.
And with that Arthur, before following David out the door , turns, winks
and blows a kiss as David's staff are looking on adoringly
Please be kind I am not good at this Starring Ricky G as David Brent
Co-starring Dirk Benedict as Cousin Arthur Brent
Also Co-starring all the office crew actors,
Scene name: Cousin Arthur, born to dance
David calls his staff together for a meeting on the Friday to remind them of the Annual Office party the next day and expects them all to be there. He also tells them his Cousin Arthur from Montana, USA is staying at his for the week and will be popping into the Office Party.
When he gets home he feeds his two cats Cleo and Carole, who seem to have formed an obsession with Arthur in the short time he has been there, rubbing themselves against his legs and jumping on him at every opportunity
The next day, and David and Arthur are first at the Party. David puts Arthur to work getting everything prepared
Arthur: So when do I get to meet your staff then David?
David: They will be along soon Arthur. Now remember, don't go trying to show off and then make a fool of yourself, as it reflects back on me their very highly respected Boss. You can't sing or dance, like me, so best you just stand in the corner most of the night for your own good, less embarrassing for you then.
Arthur gives David a confused look, but as he is a guest decides to comply.
Arthur: Whatever you say cous'. Will you be singing or dancing?
David: Oh yes, my staff expect it of me. They practically beg me to give them a song and my dancing is quite legendary round these parts now.
Arthur: Reallyyyyy! Geez your staff most think you are so wonderful. It must feel great to have so much respect from them
David: They do and they respect me for being a good boss and so down to earth, none of your up your own **** pompous attitude from me Arthur. So a friendly word of advice in your ear if you don't mind....
Arthur: No of course I don't David
David: .....Maybe you shouldn't say too much at the party, just lay low, so none of your pompous attitude problem comes out if you get my drift.
Arthur: Righto David, consider me told...
David interrupts Arthur
David: See there you go, that is exactly what I am getting at, the sound of sarcasm and attitude in your tone Arthur. I know you don't mean to be that way, but you are. I do feel a bit of sympathy for you, you can't help it if you lack my talents and charisma with people, it's not something you can learn, you either just have it or you don't. All said with a believing smile planted on his lips
Arthur looks on slightly confused as to what he has done or what his attitude is supposed to be
Arthur: Okies David. Maybe best I do stand in a corner and say nothing much then? I don't want to go upsetting your staff and yourself.
The Office Staff start to arrive almost one after the other and the party soon gets going. many of the staff much to David's noticeable annoyance keep asking after Arthur and trying to chat to Arthur, at which point David intervenes each time
David: So Arthur, do you want to help yourself to some food, whilst I get you a lemonade.....
Arthur: I would rather have a whisky if you don't mind, David as this is a party
David: ....Please don't interrupt, Arthur. You will be drinking lemonade or cola. It's best we both set an expected example for my staff and stay as sober as we can....
Arthur: But they aren't my staff Dav....?
David: .....Please don't interrupt, Arthur. See this is exactly what I mean about your attitude. Now get some food and go sit in that furthest corner there and I will bring you your drink. See how I look after you whilst you're here Arthur
I am hospitality inpersonified You are lucky to have such an unassuming helpful cousin as me Arthur: What are you going to have to drink then David?
David: A whisky of course.... And with that David saunters off to the bar, leaving Arthur's mouth agape, just looking on in pure astonish and bewilderment.
Arthur: Thanks for bringing me to your Office party David
David: I am that kind of guy, no thanks needed Arthur. Now you stay right there why I do one of my expected and much anticipated party pieces. I will just go up on stage, grab a mike and launch into some Elvis, 'a a aha' I already have the look I've been told, just Elvis's looks couldn't quite match mine David attempts and fails miserably to do a lip corner curl So you stay right there Arthur, and don't attempt to step on my blue suede shoes David winks as he says this to Arthur, as he thinks he has said a funny
Arthur: I'll be waiting David, don't you worry. Go give them hounddogs the biz
David launches into an awful renedition of TeddyBear. Arthur sees a piano in the corner and decides as everyone is obviously ignoring Davids awful performance that David needs help, so he goes and sits at the piano and starts playing, accompanying David in his song. David looks daggers at Arthur, but the Office Staff are transfixed by Arthur's excellant piano playing and one of the Office women drapes herself across the piano in an attempt to draw Arthur's attention. By now David is furious and when the song ends returns to where Arthur is at the piano
David: Why did you make a spectacle of yourself like that. I am never going to live this down now, my staff were so embarrassed by you.
Arthur: Geez sorry David, I just thought I was helping you out.
David: Well you weren't, and when I tell you to stay in the corner I mean stay in the corner. This is my Office Party and I don't need you causing me embarrassment with my staff. Understood Arthur?
Arthur: Sorry David
David: You stay here and I will see if I can repair some damage with my excellant dancing skills.
David gets up to dance to 'Another One Bites The Dust' and commands an audience from his staff, as he thinks he is the bees knees on the dance floor. His staff look on in wide mouthed amazement.
http://img159.imageshack.us/img159/456/jgdance2ku5.gif
Then one of the staff women goes to ask Arthur for a dance to the next song 'Dirty Dancing' Arthur reluctantly refuses, saying David has told him to stay out the way in the corner. The woman sidles up grabs Arthur and says no-one puts Arthurbaby in the corner and pulls him onto the dance floor. David is not amused when he sees what has happened. Especially when Arthur launches into some Dirky Dancing which apparently is all the rage in the clubs now. All eyes are now on Arthur, everyone bar David loving Arthur's Dirky Dancing and all giving it their own go. When the song finishes, David marches Arthur back to the table, but not before a few of the women and a couple of the blokes have slipped Arthur their phone numbers
David: Come on Arthur, we are going before you can cause me any more emarrassment with my staff. Couldn't you see how appalled they were with your dancing, they couldn't take their eyes of you in embarrassed astonishment. And didn't I tell you to stay in the corner.
Arthur: I think they liked my dancing, David. It's something I call Dirky Dancing. You would be surprised how popular it's become in the clubs
And I was dragged on the floor by one of your women staff. I could hardly refuse could I, and have it reflect back badly on you?David: Never mind your Dirky Dancing. I suppose it's not your fault you're not as goodlooking or talented as me and lack my charisma. But you have to accept that's just the way it is, and that I know what's best for you whilst you are staying here in England. So come on let's be getting home before you have a chance to embarrass me further.
Arthur: I'm ready, let's get going then David
Anyone would think you can't wait to see me back on that plane to Montana.And with that Arthur, before following David out the door , turns, winks
and blows a kiss as David's staff are looking on adoringly
And little Tommy Watson's flea circus ................. awwwwwwwwwww 
”
. I'm watching Midsomer Murders at the mo 
