Originally Posted by Maria~Sloan:
“A hippys wife hmmm
I don't know”
“A hippys wife hmmm
I don't know”
missisippi
The Stephanie Appreciation Thread (Part 5)
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a pie walks into a bar and asks the barman for a bag of crisps, the barman replys sorry we don't serve food in here
These are true statements what people actually said in the american courts;
attorney.... Are you sexually active?
witness....No I just lie there
Att...What gear where you in at the moment of impact
Wit...Gucci sweats and reaboks
Att...This myastenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Wit ....yes
Att...in what way does it affect your memory?
Witt....I forget
Att...You forget? can you give us an example of something you forgot?
Att....What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning
Witt...He said where am I Cathy?
Att why did that upset you?
Witt...My name is Susan
Att...Now Dr. isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep he doesn't know about it till the next morning?
Witt...Did you actually pass the Bar exam?
attorney.... Are you sexually active?
witness....No I just lie there
Att...What gear where you in at the moment of impact
Wit...Gucci sweats and reaboks
Att...This myastenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Wit ....yes
Att...in what way does it affect your memory?
Witt....I forget
Att...You forget? can you give us an example of something you forgot?
Att....What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning
Witt...He said where am I Cathy?
Att why did that upset you?
Witt...My name is Susan
Att...Now Dr. isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep he doesn't know about it till the next morning?
Witt...Did you actually pass the Bar exam?
Originally Posted by Jo Joyner_and_MUFC_fan:
“a pie walks into a bar and asks the barman for a bag of crisps, the barman replys sorry we don't serve food in here”
“a pie walks into a bar and asks the barman for a bag of crisps, the barman replys sorry we don't serve food in here
”
I like it...I've started something off here now
Originally Posted by Maria~Sloan:
“A stick aka Posh spice
”
“A stick aka Posh spice
”
Hahaha
Dammit you got it right, I wanted to deliver the punch line
Originally Posted by liverpool girl:
“These are true statements what people actually said in the american courts;
attorney.... Are you sexually active?
witness....No I just lie there
Att...What gear where you in at the moment of impact
Wit...Gucci sweats and reaboks
Att...This myastenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Wit ....yes
Att...in what way does it affect your memory?
Witt....I forget
Att...You forget? can you give us an example of something you forgot?Att....What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning
Witt...He said where am I Cathy?
Att why did that upset you?
Witt...My name is Susan
Att...Now Dr. isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep he doesn't know about it till the next morning?
Witt...Did you actually pass the Bar exam?”
“These are true statements what people actually said in the american courts;
attorney.... Are you sexually active?
witness....No I just lie there
Att...What gear where you in at the moment of impact
Wit...Gucci sweats and reaboks
Att...This myastenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Wit ....yes
Att...in what way does it affect your memory?
Witt....I forget
Att...You forget? can you give us an example of something you forgot?Att....What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning
Witt...He said where am I Cathy?
Att why did that upset you?
Witt...My name is Susan
Att...Now Dr. isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep he doesn't know about it till the next morning?
Witt...Did you actually pass the Bar exam?”
hahaha love this one
Originally Posted by Jo Joyner_and_MUFC_fan:
“lol same ere, i want liverpool girl to come back and tell us another joke”
“lol same ere, i want liverpool girl to come back and tell us another joke
”
Little boy asks Dad where Poo comes from? Dad explains.. food passes down oeusophagus to stomach where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal to extract protein before waste products descend via the colon & rectum to emerge as "poo" ...Blimey says the little boy.. so where the f**k does Tigger come from then??
Originally Posted by Holly Oaks:
“Hahaha
Dammit you got it right, I wanted to deliver the punch line”
“Hahaha
Dammit you got it right, I wanted to deliver the punch line
”
hahaha
Originally Posted by liverpool girl:
“Little boy asks Dad where Poo comes from? Dad explains.. food passes down oeusophagus to stomach where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal to extract protein before waste products descend via the colon & rectum to emerge as "poo" ...Blimey says the little boy.. so where the f**k does Tigger come from then??”
“Little boy asks Dad where Poo comes from? Dad explains.. food passes down oeusophagus to stomach where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal to extract protein before waste products descend via the colon & rectum to emerge as "poo" ...Blimey says the little boy.. so where the f**k does Tigger come from then??”
hahahaha
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in their pints, one in each.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEVING B*STARD!!!"
Originally Posted by Maria~Sloan:
“hahahaha
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in their pints, one in each.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEVING B*STARD!!!"
”
“hahahaha
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in their pints, one in each.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEVING B*STARD!!!"
”
Brill!!!
Originally Posted by Maria~Sloan:
“hahahaha
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in their pints, one in each.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEVING B*STARD!!!"
”
“hahahaha
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in their pints, one in each.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEVING B*STARD!!!"
”
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies.
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two sl*ts."
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies.
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two sl*ts."
Paddy asks Murphy if he wants any fags brought back when he goes on holiday.. Murphy says yes, cheers mate get me 200 benson. 2 weeks later paddy comes back home, sees Murphy in the pub & says I got your fags you owe me £62.50.... for f**ks sake said murphy where did u go on holiday....paddy says ..Butlins???
Originally Posted by liverpool girl:
“Paddy asks Murphy if he wants any fags brought back when he goes on holiday.. Murphy says yes, cheers mate get me 200 benson. 2 weeks later paddy comes back home, sees Murphy in the pub & says I got your fags you owe me £62.50.... for f**ks sake said murphy where did u go on holiday....paddy says ..Butlins???”
“Paddy asks Murphy if he wants any fags brought back when he goes on holiday.. Murphy says yes, cheers mate get me 200 benson. 2 weeks later paddy comes back home, sees Murphy in the pub & says I got your fags you owe me £62.50.... for f**ks sake said murphy where did u go on holiday....paddy says ..Butlins???”
hahahaha the paddy jokes are the best
love them!
Okay i cant really remember this that well and it is rubbish but oh well lol.
There was this boy and he has slurred speach / found pronouncing words difficult anyway one day his mother sent him to the shop for a few items, she said can you go to the shop and get me a cream bun , washing up liquid and a clock.
So the boy said okay and he firstly went into the bakers and said " can i have a bum please " so the baker gave him his bun
He then went went to the jewlers and said i have a c*ck please and he was given clock
Finaly he went to londis and said " can i have some lickit please and he was given some washingup liquid.
On his way home he was stopped by a man who said " excuse me do you hav the time please? "
And he replied " yes hold my bum and lickit while i get my c*ock out "
There was this boy and he has slurred speach / found pronouncing words difficult anyway one day his mother sent him to the shop for a few items, she said can you go to the shop and get me a cream bun , washing up liquid and a clock.
So the boy said okay and he firstly went into the bakers and said " can i have a bum please " so the baker gave him his bun
He then went went to the jewlers and said i have a c*ck please and he was given clock
Finaly he went to londis and said " can i have some lickit please and he was given some washingup liquid.
On his way home he was stopped by a man who said " excuse me do you hav the time please? "
And he replied " yes hold my bum and lickit while i get my c*ock out "
Please ensure your posts are on-topic and constructive.
If you wish to exchange jokes you may find the Chatter forum a more appropriate place to do so.
Thanks
DSFS
If you wish to exchange jokes you may find the Chatter forum a more appropriate place to do so.
Thanks
DSFS
3 men in a sauna american a japanese and an irishman hear a bleeping sound, the american pressed his arm & the bleep stopped. Sorry that was my pager, I have a microchip in my arm. A phone rings, Japanese man puts his palm 2 his ear. Sorry that was my mobile, I have a micro chip in my hand. Irishman not wanting to be outdone, went to the toilet, came back with toilet paper hanging from his bum. The others stared at him. Ah b'jesus will u look at that, I'm getting a fax!
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