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Weekend Away but OH's friends boyfriend has died.
daniel halliday
Posts: 863 Forum Member
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ok this is my and the OH's weekend away, we are going to London, fancy hotel,tkts to the SCD show at the bbc, shops ect, well i guess you get the drift,
now i have planned it to perfection and it has cost a lot of money, even though we are insured cancelling would still mean we lost some money, now here comes the dilemma or so the OH thinks so, her friends boyfriend died and we heard the funeral is Saturday, now the friend was around tonight piling on the pressure for the OH to stay up here and be with her at the funeral and be there for her all weekend,
i know how upsetting death is and i'm not unsympathetic but after she went away the OH told me we have to cancel as it is unfair to expect her friend to deal with this on her own, i said no to cancelling as she has other friends and plenty of family around to be there for her, anyway all hell broke lose when i said well i'm going, she has stormed off calling me a monster,i'm not a monster and i always tell her how much i love her,
i'm sorry he's dead but its our birthdays this weekend and we have not had a holiday/short break together for three years because of work,and the last time we were due to go away for a weekend her friend go upset about it and took an overdose, now the only way i would cancel if it was either of our families who had sadly passed away, certainly not for a friend's OH,
now i have planned it to perfection and it has cost a lot of money, even though we are insured cancelling would still mean we lost some money, now here comes the dilemma or so the OH thinks so, her friends boyfriend died and we heard the funeral is Saturday, now the friend was around tonight piling on the pressure for the OH to stay up here and be with her at the funeral and be there for her all weekend,
i know how upsetting death is and i'm not unsympathetic but after she went away the OH told me we have to cancel as it is unfair to expect her friend to deal with this on her own, i said no to cancelling as she has other friends and plenty of family around to be there for her, anyway all hell broke lose when i said well i'm going, she has stormed off calling me a monster,i'm not a monster and i always tell her how much i love her,
i'm sorry he's dead but its our birthdays this weekend and we have not had a holiday/short break together for three years because of work,and the last time we were due to go away for a weekend her friend go upset about it and took an overdose, now the only way i would cancel if it was either of our families who had sadly passed away, certainly not for a friend's OH,
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She's not doing it for a friend's OH - she is doing it for HER FRIEND - you obviously have no concept of what that means - and I don't have time to explain it to you
You sound very selfish.
Her friend has lost her boyfriend. Have some sympathy! You can re-arrange the trip to London.
"... and the last time we were due to go away for a weekend her friend go upset about it and took an overdose, "
Am I understanding this right ?
Your OH's friend took an overdose because you and your OH were going away for the weekend ????
I can see why your OH is upset though because if she doesnt go she doesnt want her friend to think she isnt really a friend etc...
As another poster said i think if you insist on going she is not going to enjoy herself and will feel guilty, not only that but all the time she is with you she will think your extremely heartless.
As another poster said you may find yourself dumped.
A little compassion is needed from you IMO.
no i'm not selfish, a trip which is to celebrate her birthday and mine which was also to coincide with a trip in a hot air balloon over leeds castle in kent where i was going to propose to her,
yes we were going to new york for a xmas shopping trip, as she was having major probs with her best friend,my oh was under pressure from the moment we started dating to dump me because her best mate hated me and still does with a passion, anyway she took an overdose and as the love of my life was feeling guilty i decided to cancel the trip so she could be with her, that trip cost us both almost two grand,
the oh's sister and parents tried to talk to her and make her see that she deserves to be happy an enjoy her trip away, my oh has been through hell because of her best friend since they were teens, both her and i have done everything we can to help and no matter what me and the oh has is worth fighting for and while i would never say its me or the best mate, i can say with all honesty that her friend would say the opposite,
if you read my previous post you will understand why i want her to come, i dread to think whats going to happen if the relationship lead to marriage, her best friend will not like that either,:mad:
Gawd, I'd hate to be in your gf's shoes....if you go, your gf feels like crap, if she stays you get pissed off, and she still feels bad!:(
If that's not possible, then I think cancellation of the trip is the only way around it. Yes, you'll lose some money, but at least you'll still have your girlfriend, & there's nothing to stop you proposing to her another time. Although you want to make it a special occasion, it doesn't have to be full of frills & fancies to be memorable. If she wants to be around to support her friend when she needs her most, you'll have to accept that. Money comes a very poor second to compassion, & if the money's worrying you it will cost you less than £50 to get a bottle of her favourite wine in or some champers & some flowers & propose at home.
Seriously though its a tough one. You can understand your girlfriend wanting to be there for her friend, but you're going to loose a lot of money if you cancel. Must be annoying if your friend mucked up your trip before a well.
even though i was really peeved with the oh, i would never hold it against her or make her feel guilty about any decision she makes,i would support her no matter what, its sad to reveal this but my oh is her only real friend because of the spitefull nasty behaviour to others in the past, i really wish there was another female who could have a word,
sadly i checked the small print but the insurance does not cover cancellation due to death unless its immediate family, i agree regarding money and compassion, i was going to say we can try and postpone it until during the argument the oh uttered 'melanie has said to tell you the trip is to be cancelled because she wants me with her at the funeral' how would anyone react to that?
I'm guessing that any family will be there too, to support their relation?
that made me smile, thanx
annoying yes,frustrating as hell also, but if she feels she needs to be with her then i guess thats what will happen, i know i could never go without her, some good news i meant to tell you all, i'm not required to attend the funeral or better still the friend prefers i don't go,
My OH & I are going away on a really good trip next year & we haven't been able to go on such a holiday in years, partly because of finances but also my health. We'll be in the same position cancellation-wise, so we've already agreed between us that unless something happens to one of us or direct family or serious damage happens to the house, we won't be cancelling it whatever other people think. You & your OH could have been facing the same decision about your wedding, your honeymoon, moving house. You need to talk to each other.
yes she has family not that would do any good as they have a similar nature and as bad a reputation as her so its best to keep as far away a possible from them, the oh is home again now and in bed so i'm going through to talk to her, she said her mum reminded her off all the selfish things and lies the friend has uttered about her over the years and its time that amanda (the oh) puts herself and her future first,
but because i love her i am going to try and move things and re arrange the flights ect and if needs be lie so she does not lose out,
I don't understand why she feels such loyalty to a friend who talks badly about her anyway. She sounds more like a user than a friend to me.
You seem to be making her choose between you.
Choices like that never end well.
Insist she sticks to your plans, and she will resent you. Cancel your plans and you will resent her. Not a good situation.
Personally, I'd be inclined to cancel the plans in a show of support for my partner. SCD will be around for years (and if you don't show up early enough, there is no guarantee you'll get in anyway), funerals tend to be a one off:o
We hope so anyway!!!
I never heard of funerals being held on a Saturday though is that a new thing or a religious thing?
I personally think you should cancel and as much as you much as you are fuming inside, try to supportive and understanding.