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Why can't women be nice to each other?
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OK - usually I'm not one to be bothered about things like this, but there's a girl at work who says things which make me feel about the size of an ant.
I can't work out yet whether she's just REALLY insensitive or whether she's meaning to be nasty/bitchy.
She has asked me several times what my dress size is (I'm very happy with my size). She's small herself, though not skinny. She asked me my size again today, and then said something along the lines of "Really? Are you sure? You're not a bigger size than that?? ".
I hate that a silly throwaway comment like that could bother me so much but it did. It's not just that - she'll laugh at things I say with scorn, basically to try to make me look stupid. I've come across other women who do this (almost exclusively to other women). Why??? I really like the company of other women, but often I find myself despairing at how a small minority of women can make such barbed and hurtful comments towards each other.
This person is not someone I'd normally be friends with, so outside work I wouldn't even give her a second thought, however, I want to get on at work without getting into any bother - I find myself being really short with her in case I get into a conversation and she belittles something I say.
I can't work out yet whether she's just REALLY insensitive or whether she's meaning to be nasty/bitchy.
She has asked me several times what my dress size is (I'm very happy with my size). She's small herself, though not skinny. She asked me my size again today, and then said something along the lines of "Really? Are you sure? You're not a bigger size than that?? ".
I hate that a silly throwaway comment like that could bother me so much but it did. It's not just that - she'll laugh at things I say with scorn, basically to try to make me look stupid. I've come across other women who do this (almost exclusively to other women). Why??? I really like the company of other women, but often I find myself despairing at how a small minority of women can make such barbed and hurtful comments towards each other.
This person is not someone I'd normally be friends with, so outside work I wouldn't even give her a second thought, however, I want to get on at work without getting into any bother - I find myself being really short with her in case I get into a conversation and she belittles something I say.
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Workplace conversation is fine as long as it doesn't extend to unnecessary intrusion into your personal life - which her comments appear to be.
She sounds like a horrible person. I would speak to her as little as possible and don't show that her remarks upset you. She'll get bored and probably move onto someone else.
Can't be doing with thinly veiled little digs.
This is also why I prefer the company of men !
Some people are just vile, men as well as women.
I just ignore people like that, have they nothing better to do than nose into my business?
If she gets into talking like that, just quickly change the subject and hopefully she will soon get the message.
Just a theory though, don't kill me girls
I'm with you on this one!
She'll lose interest in goading you if you stop reacting to what she says.
You say she is small, she is clearly obsessed with her own size and is projecting it on to you.
Well that's my pop-psychology anyway. I would just keep conversation to a minimum if it was me.
Can you be nice to other women? If the anser is yes you should have added the word some to your thread title. Unless you think your exception to the rule, the only 'nice' women on the planet.
I have just had a very bad year all of last year with female after female upsetting me and hurting me, being vile to me and stopping me from being part of their cheap "group" because, and I quote, they "don't like me coming with them cos all the men talk to me and that includes their boyfriends" I mean wtf?
I have depression this year due to a lot of very bad things happening to me last year from women who I thought were my friends (and family in some instances) I am now stuck in the house all the time because I am so heart sick of people being horrible to me and upsetting me that I don't want to venture out amongst them for a long time. I am sick of having my feelings hurt, I don't do it to other people.
MrsBambi, honestly, do not put up with these constant jibes from this woman, don't let her belittle you and make you feel bad. You don't have to go off it at her, but if you show that you aren't going to put up with it then she might not be so keen to keep on jibing you. Its horrible. Hope you get it sorted soon. Honestly, she is acting like someone out of school, its quite pathetic!
you're right. if there's anything a woman hates on her patch, it's another woman.
To be honest I don't care anymore if I have friends or not, I'm beginning to think I am better off without most of them as they caused me nothing but stress and upset. Its been really horrible.
I agree - although I'm still not totally sure if she's doing it to deliberatley be nasty or if she's someone who doesn't think before they engage their gob. It's lucky that I'm happy with how I look - I don't spend hours obsessing over it every day as she clearly does. She's got a nice figure, but I don't think she looks any better or worse than me.
The thing is, I hate to say it but I tend to agree with you - in general I prefer the company of men too. On the other hand, I'd hate to be considered as one of those girls who can't get on with other girls and who is deliberately stand-offish towards them. Didn't confront her as such but was very blunt with my response ("yes, I am sure").
Don't worry - I won't! I have plenty of lovely friends who are girls - as I said, she's not really the sort of person (let alone girl) that I'd be friends with.
Aw, you should dress however you like! I hate the idea of age restrictions - I still plan to shop in Topshop when I'm a granny.:D I just don't get the obsession with actual dress sizes - they're just a number after all. I have a range of about 3 dress sizes in my wardrobe - I just buy whatever fits.
That's what I've been doing - though I must admit it's hard not to react.
I've been keeping it to a minimum, then I felt a bit bad (as though I was being a tad rude), so got into talking about weather, which then somehow led on to her asking me about my dress size again and then disputing the size I had told her. I agree - she seems quite passive-aggressive.
Come on - you know what I meant - semantics. Obviously I didn't mean all women. I don't think I'm in any way above her, I just don't want this kind of silliness at work.
Personally, I find that most women don't hate each other but it pleases you to think that, carry on. I find that being unpleasant is a personality thing, not a gender thing, As exemplified by men who come onto these threads to bitch about women. A few do it, most know it's crass generalisation.
I know and I don't blame you, she sounds like a nightmare but is it really fair to ask ''why can't women be nice to each other?'' on the basis of this bitch?
Some men can be right arse holes but you never get people tarring them with the same brush.......Umm ok perhaps you do, but thats not fair either!
I just hate this notion that some people have (ironicly it's ussually other women) that all women are bitches. It's just not true.
I'm really sorry to hear what you had to go through, Bobbii. I don't think what I have encountered at work is anything like what you put up with - I still don't know her well enough to know if she's being deliberately mean or if she's just someone who is obsessed with size.
As many FMs have said, not all women are like those bitchy girls who upset you.
Yeah - I definitely get what you mean. To be honest I was in two minds about what to call the thread because I didn't want any "women are all bitches" connotations - which is what has seemed to have happened!:o
On reflection, it really should have been "some people". I certainly know men who have belittled others in a very similar passive-aggressive manner.
I think I mentioned women because talking specifically about dress sizes is something only women would really know - men don't generally know precisely what size a woman is. (Though apparently, I don't know my own size either according to my colleague!)
Do you easily show your reactions on your face? If you do, she may have quite easily read you and believe her nosiness has upset you.
I think all females are capable of being bitchy towards another female, some know when to pull it in and some get off on bitchy comments.
Don't discount the possibility that she is a brainless goon!!!
I love all my friends, family and other loveable people who cross my path. Incredibly, a lot of them are women. Most, in fact.