Home› Archived Forums› General Discussion
Options

If your OH was ill would you put them in a nursing home?

dropoutdropout Posts: 625
Forum Member
✭✭
in General Discussion #1
If your OH was so ill that they couldnt look after themselves would you put them in a nursing home or would you look after them yourself?
«1

Comments

  • Options
    shirlt9shirlt9 Posts: 5,085
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #2
    I would look after any family member as long as I could..both my husband and I have agreed that if any of our parents need help in later life we will give it and that there would be aplace for them with us..so goes without saying I would care for my husband if he needed it.
  • Options
    kim1994kim1994 Posts: 7,332
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #3
    I would look after them myself but do know of one home locally that is fab if I could not manage
  • Options
    DavidCHDavidCH Posts: 2,026
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #4
    I think inevitably one would have to if one could not cope properly. Take a breather and reconsider.
  • Options
    AzagothAzagoth Posts: 10,169
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    #5
    I'd stick them under the garden, with the others.
  • Options
    Skip_TechSkip_Tech Posts: 2,881
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #6
    I bet you "dump them and find someone else" would be frowned upon

    is there no end to this liberal DS madness?
  • Options
    CXC3000CXC3000 Posts: 10,258
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    #7
    On average, how much does it cost (annually) to 'use' a nursing home ? :confused:
  • Options
    whitecliffewhitecliffe Posts: 12,194
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    #8
    I would actually ask them what the would want? If it was for me I would rather go to a nursing home (a nice one) than be a burden on my family. I certainly dont want to die and home and have my OH or family have to deal with that.
  • Options
    RAINBOWGIRL22RAINBOWGIRL22 Posts: 24,459
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #9
    Depends if I could cope or not??

    There is no sense in me being OH's main carer if I wasn't able to give him the required care?
  • Options
    alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #10
    CXC3000 wrote: »
    On average, how much does it cost (annually) to 'use' a nursing home ? :confused:
    It's about £50,000 a year depending on where you live. My OH would have no choice, he'd have to put up with me looking after him.
  • Options
    bossoftheworldbossoftheworld Posts: 4,941
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #11
    So long as I was fit and healthy enough I would look after my OH.

    I do think that you might be able to get something called 'respite care' for them about 2 weeks out of the year which I think you would have to take just to re-charge your batteries.
  • Options
    birdonawirebirdonawire Posts: 1,028
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #12
    Not my other half but my Father. I cared for him for six years up until his death. He was paraplegic and suffered 3 major strokes . I lost my home because I could not work, gradually lost any kind of social life I had, and pretty much had nothing when he died,

    I do not regret it at all, I am glad I was able to help him.
  • Options
    BluebelleBluebelle Posts: 1,411
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #13
    If I was able to provide the care he needed then I would.

    A nursing home would be the last resort.
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,748
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #14
    birdonawire wrote: »
    Not my other half but my Father. I cared for him for six years up until his death. He was paraplegic and suffered 3 major strokes . I lost my home because I could not work, gradually lost any kind of social life I had, and pretty much had nothing when he died,

    I do not regret it at all, I am glad I was able to help him.

    *hugs*

    I would be the same but can't think about it at all. I'm an only child and so close to my parents. i speak to them every day and see them as much as I can. I would care for them and it crushes me to think fo them suffering or geting ill.
  • Options
    SULLASULLA Posts: 149,789
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭✭
    #15
    I would like to give them the choice.:)
  • Options
    MidnightFalconMidnightFalcon Posts: 15,016
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    #16
    No way on this earth would I hand my OH over to the tender mercies of an uncaring state.

    My gran ended her days in one of those - it wasn't a good end.
  • Options
    KBBJKBBJ Posts: 10,266
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    #17
    whitecliffe wrote: »
    I would actually ask them what the would want? If it was for me I would rather go to a nursing home (a nice one) than be a burden on my family. I certainly dont want to die and home and have my OH or family have to deal with that.

    That's what my mum did. No point in being around people who aren't qualified to administer morphine when you need it.
  • Options
    kim1994kim1994 Posts: 7,332
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #18
    Azagoth wrote: »
    I'd stick them under the garden, with the others.

    :D:D what others:eek:
  • Options
    Madridista23Madridista23 Posts: 9,422
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #19
    birdonawire wrote: »
    Not my other half but my Father. I cared for him for six years up until his death. He was paraplegic and suffered 3 major strokes . I lost my home because I could not work, gradually lost any kind of social life I had, and pretty much had nothing when he died,

    I do not regret it at all, I am glad I was able to help him.
    *Doffs Cap* to birdonawire. I too looked after an elderly parent - for 23 years. It was only the last 11 months of her life that she was in a care home as she had become so frail, it wasn't safe for her to be at home by herself - even with the carers coming in 4 times a day. Sadly, mum left us in July at the ripe old age of 96. I am glad i was able to help her, even though our relationship deteriorated as a result of the strain the caring situation caused. For the last 11 months of her life, i grew to love her again and there isn't a day goes by when i don't think about her, and i would give anything just to be able to see her again one more time. :cool:
  • Options
    kim1994kim1994 Posts: 7,332
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #20
    Skip_Tech wrote: »
    I bet you "dump them and find someone else" would be frowned upon

    is there no end to this liberal DS madness?

    Not sure if I would describe it as liberal madness but I agree that people are made to feel guilty even if they consider using a home. However, if you manage to get a good home the care could be better than you could give at home. I think it would depend what the condition was in reality, I think looking after someone with dementia is extremely hard work especially when the individuals cannot even be left long enough for the carer to have a bath. there is little support for people in this position and there will be less with the proposed cuts
  • Options
    fizzycatfizzycat Posts: 6,120
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #21
    It would depend on how much I could cope with whatever illness he had and what support was available to help me care for him at home.

    I'm disabled so it would be impossible if he needed any lifting or even any support in walking as he's over a foot taller than me and could easily tip me over. I couldn't keep him at home if doing so was a risk to both of us.

    Having said that, I can't imagine how I could ever live apart from him.
  • Options
    kim1994kim1994 Posts: 7,332
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #22
    KBBJ wrote: »
    That's what my mum did. No point in being around people who aren't qualified to administer morphine when you need it.

    a relative or unpaid carer can administer morphine if able without any official training. There are also systems in place for paid carers to administer morphine and other medications if needed in peoples homes
  • Options
    skunkboy69skunkboy69 Posts: 9,506
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #23
    Absolutely not.Thats whats wrong with this generation.They only care about themselves.My grandmother took in her father in law until he died aqnd my mother did the same.I nursed my grandfather for two years until he died.Theres nobody more important than your family yet people dump them in homes for other people to look after.I truly think it's awful and inhumane.
  • Options
    KBBJKBBJ Posts: 10,266
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    #24
    kim1994 wrote: »
    a relative or unpaid carer can administer morphine if able without any official training. There are also systems in place for paid carers to administer morphine and other medications if needed in peoples homes

    Ancient Mum wouldn't have accepted it from a family member, and I wouldn't have allowed some of the paid carers to do it, unfortunately. One was great; the others, not so much.
  • Options
    You_moYou_mo Posts: 11,334
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    #25
    skunkboy69 wrote: »
    Absolutely not.Thats whats wrong with this generation.They only care about themselves.My grandmother took in her father in law until he died aqnd my mother did the same.I nursed my grandfather for two years until he died.Theres nobody more important than your family yet people dump them in homes for other people to look after.I truly think it's awful and inhumane.

    The other side is it means having to give up work, and becoming a welfare 'scrounger' that this forum loves to belittle.
  • Options
    BarbellaBarbella Posts: 5,417
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #26
    skunkboy69 wrote: »
    Absolutely not.Thats whats wrong with this generation.They only care about themselves.My grandmother took in her father in law until he died aqnd my mother did the same.I nursed my grandfather for two years until he died.Theres nobody more important than your family yet people dump them in homes for other people to look after.I truly think it's awful and inhumane.

    Well, my mother didn't nurse her parents, and her parents didn't nurse their parents...because they died younger and before they needed long term care.

    And my MIL didn't nurse her parents, and her parents didn't nurse their parents...becuase they died younger and before they needed long term care.

    My mum is in sheltered housing and has said that she is happy to go into a home should the need arise. The last thing she wants is me to be her carer. She is a proud woman and values the relationship we have and does not want it to be changed in the way it would should she need nursing.

    My MIL on the otherhand - well, all SHE thinks about is herself and I tell you, it'll be a cold day in hell before I give her a bed bath.

    My OH on the other hand, I would do anything for.
Sign In or Register to comment.