Living Together and Bills....

nickyislady_t · 08/12/10 - 12:22

I've lived on my own for just under 4 years now but recently my boyfriend moved in with me.
Now this is the 1st time I've lived with someone and I'm not sure how to work out bills.
My mum has quite a bit of money invested in my house (she paid my deposit) so I'm not sure how to work it as, god forbid, if he and I split up then I dont want him to be entitled to any of my mums money.

Does anyone know how these things work if your not married? Also should I take rent from him or open some sort of joint account so he's contributing to the bills straight out of his wages?

[Deleted User] · 08/12/10 - 12:36

My boyfriend takes £400 a month off me. It's his mortgage and he's on a more a year than me. I don't contribute to bills, more to just the mortgage. He can manage fine with out my money so sets it aside as "spending money"

We both decided to have Virgin Media so part of that £400 is for that.

Dont open a joint account, ever.

[Deleted User] · 08/12/10 - 12:39

For bills like heating etc just pay half each - for the mortgage, if half the mortgage is about the same as average rent then he should just pay half to you - AFAIK this doesn't entitle him to half your house as he's just renting from you

[Deleted User] · 08/12/10 - 12:41

a joint account is acutally a good idea, you can still have your seperate accounts also.

For example, each of you put £500 in the joint account every month and use that for household expenses.

The rest in your OWN account is your own money.

nickyislady_t · 08/12/10 - 12:43

Thats great thanks guys.
i was thinking of taking about £500 from him which would cover some of the bills but as sahalouise has said i'd rather just keep this to one side for a rainy day.
I'll sit down tonight and work it out

Achtung! · 08/12/10 - 12:53

Haven't you / don't you speak to each other about these practicalities?

nickyislady_t · 08/12/10 - 12:58

Achtung! wrote: »

Haven't you / don't you speak to each other about these practicalities?

Yes we have:
His suggestion was for the bills to go out of my account (as usual) and then he would add me onto his account so we can use his wages as spending money
My suggestion was that he pay me rent each month of about £400(ish)

both seem quite reasonable but i just wondered what other people do as this is my first time of living with someone but my main worry is my mums money in the house.
i'm just not sure what rights couples have to each others assets if they arent married and they split up.

[Deleted User] · 08/12/10 - 13:09

nickyislady_t wrote: »

Yes we have:
His suggestion was for the bills to go out of my account (as usual) and then he would add me onto his account so we can use his wages as spending money
My suggestion was that he pay me rent each month of about £400(ish)

both seem quite reasonable but i just wondered what other people do as this is my first time of living with someone but my main worry is my mums money in the house.
i'm just not sure what rights couples have to each others assets if they arent married and they split up.

If it's in your name he can't demand anything if you split up. If you also ask him to leave he has to and can't refuse.

RAINBOWGIRL22 · 08/12/10 - 13:10

My OH gets paid cash / cheque and it depends on the length of the job as to when he is paid. Sometimes he can be waiting a few months (until a job is finished) other times he gets a weekly wage... So it's easier for me to pay the bills and he just pays me a set amount each month (which is his half the monthly rent / bills)

Shopping we do a weekly online shop so I factor that into his monthly bills too.

It's not ideal {not knowing when he is getting paid :eek:} but it's very rare he wont get anything until job is finished.

We've lived together - with only the occasional money argument - for 3 years now so it works for us.

OP, it's not his house but as he is living there I would suggest her pyas half the mortgage / bills each month for the duration he is there. Simple and fair!

RAINBOWGIRL22 · 08/12/10 - 13:15

Achtung! wrote: »

Haven't you / don't you speak to each other about these practicalities?

Indeed - this probably should have been agreed before he moved in

nickyislady_t wrote: »

Yes we have:
His suggestion was for the bills to go out of my account (as usual) and then he would add me onto his account so we can use his wages as spending money
My suggestion was that he pay me rent each month of about £400(ish)

both seem quite reasonable but i just wondered what other people do as this is my first time of living with someone but my main worry is my mums money in the house.
i'm just not sure what rights couples have to each others assets if they arent married and they split up.

I would personally work out the bills / what you want him to pay towards mortgage (do a nice Excel spreadsheet) then sit down and go through it all with him. Get him to agree a monthly amout that he will pay to you to cover all these bils and Bob's your uncle.

I am not keen on the idea of you paying all the bills / mortgage and his account being used for 'spending money'. I am not sure about others but bills tend to outweigh what people would class as 'spending money' :eek:

[Deleted User] · 08/12/10 - 13:19

RAINBOWGIRL22 wrote: »

I am not keen on the idea of you paying all the bills / mortgage and his account being used for 'spending money'. I am not sure about others but bills tend to outweigh what people would class as 'spending money' :eek:

It works out I pay half the mortgage (£300) and £100 to whatever my boyfriend wants to pay with it (bill wise)

I said spending money as that's how he deems it to me - he pays the bills out of his wage and the money i give him is added on top of the money he has left over after bills i.e. money he can spend on whatever. He bought the house and had all the bills prior to meeting me and it was him that set the amount. It was only £250.00 when I first moved in and obviously we've talked and now it's £400 which is fine.

We've said if we ever buy together then thats when everything will be halved.

RAINBOWGIRL22 · 08/12/10 - 13:24

sahalouise wrote: »

It works out I pay half the mortgage (£300) and £100 to whatever my boyfriend wants to pay with it (bill wise)

I said spending money as that's how he deems it to me - he pays the bills out of his wage and the money i give him is added on top of the money he has left over after bills i.e. money he can spend on whatever. He bought the house and had all the bills prior to meeting me and it was him that set the amount. It was only £250.00 when I first moved in and obviously we've talked and now it's £400 which is fine.

We've said if we ever buy together then thats when everything will be halved.

I was talking to the OP, as she said her partner suggested she carry on paying all the bills / mortgage from her account and use his money as 'spending money'

I think it is better to have an amount agreed and paid every month as it is fair, transparent and makes life easier.

I couldn't imagine having to ask my OH for 'spending money' (not that OP said this is how her partner proposed the arrangement would work)

DaisyBumbleroot · 08/12/10 - 13:36

Dont just decide to charge him x amount, sit down with him and work it out together so that its fair on you both.

I would say
- you need to pay more toward the mortgage as its your house and he is entitled to nothing if you split up. He still needs to make a contribution for the roof over his head so Id say charge him 1/3 of the mortgage.

- the other bills should be split down the middle really, unless on of you significantly earns more than the other. If he earns 50% more than you, he should pay 50% more of the bills, but if its not that much difference then split it. And both your names should be on all the bills too

- the joint account idea is the best way, have a standing order for each of your amounts go into the joint account and the bills come out. That way you keep your spending money and he keeps his. My husband and I hve had this arrangement for about 7 years now and it works fine. If there is spare money in the joint we either put it away (in another acount or my dads!) for holidays, house repairs aor we just get a takeaway with it.

- if either of you are worried about the money joint account, make it so that neither of you can take money out without both signatures.

[Deleted User] · 08/12/10 - 13:36

Please, please please go see a solicitor and have a co-habitation agreement drawn up. They aren't complicated, they don't cost much and, if things between you do ever go wrong you are protected. It will state who pays what and how, what rights maybe assigned to what assets if you split and generally clarify exactly what is what.

Should you both split up then you bf could attempt to make a claim for financial recompense from you, it really isn't as simple as saying 'my house I financied it'. Since your mum also has money invested in your house you should have the agreement drawn up to protect her money - even if you don't want it, protect your mum

If you do split up, regardless of who's name the place is in life can get very messy, very unpleasant and very expensive to fix.

nickyislady_t · 08/12/10 - 13:52

it's a bit of a long story of why it wasnt all agreed before he moved in (i wont bore you with that) but originally him starying with me was only meant to be temporary.
sailor11 thanks. i was wondering if i could get legal papers drawn up to protect my mums investment. i may call around and see what can be done.

i know this all seems a bit morbid (talking about splitting up etc) but i'm just trying to do whats best for my mum as it's quite a bit of money.

munta · 08/12/10 - 14:14

One thing to get clear. He has no right what so ever to any equity in your house unless you choose to put him on your mortgage. Your mums money is totally safe. The only thing you need to consider is day to day bills and anything that you may purchase together as a couple.

DaisyBumbleroot · 08/12/10 - 14:18

nickyislady_t wrote: »

i know this all seems a bit morbid (talking about splitting up etc) but i'm just trying to do whats best for my mum as it's quite a bit of money.

its not morbid, its being sensible, you never know whats round the corner. He needs protecting as well and be treated fairly also. Even if you do split up it will help to avoid things getting nasty for both of you.

The Vixen · 08/12/10 - 14:30

I had a house in joint names, when we divorced I could have gotten an occupation order on the property to put him out even though he half owns it.

They are also putting in new laws so that if you are the victim of domestic violence that is men or women, the perpetrator can be put out of the house for a month.

You're in a stronger position as it is all in your name but TAKE NOTHING FOR GRANTED.

I nearly lost use a part of my garden that I own is on the deeds because our laws are totally mental.

Seriously check it out!

munta · 08/12/10 - 14:35

The Vixen wrote: »

I am not so sure about that. The law is so often a complete ass. I'd check with a family law solicitor first, forewarned is forearmed.

Many give the first 30 minutes to an hour free of charge.

You may not be sure of it but it is a fact. The OP does not need to worry one bit.

The Vixen · 08/12/10 - 14:36

sailor11 wrote: »

Please, please please go see a solicitor and have a co-habitation agreement drawn up. They aren't complicated, they don't cost much and, if things between you do ever go wrong you are protected. It will state who pays what and how, what rights maybe assigned to what assets if you split and generally clarify exactly what is what.

Should you both split up then you bf could attempt to make a claim for financial recompense from you, it really isn't as simple as saying 'my house I financied it'. Since your mum also has money invested in your house you should have the agreement drawn up to protect her money - even if you don't want it, protect your mum

If you do split up, regardless of who's name the place is in life can get very messy, very unpleasant and very expensive to fix.

Fantastic advice!!!!!!!!!!!

The Vixen · 08/12/10 - 14:40

munta wrote: »

You may not be sure of it but it is a fact. The OP does not need to worry one bit.

I would really urge the OP to get some legal advice.

Let's say they are together for say 6 years and split. He then says he has paid his £400 for the MORTGAGE not RENT for the last 6 years and she has nothing in writing.

I know from experience nearly having lost land I OWN to a next door neighbour because they lied and said they had driven over it for so many years. Honestly it's an ass.

I'd urge her to seek legal advice from a family solicitor and with the first 30 mins or hour free, what's to lose?

Apart from equity in her house of course.

What name?? · 08/12/10 - 15:10

Do not open a joint account. It is a hassle anyway and it means that as he will then be able to claim that he is contributing towards the mortgage as what he is contributing towards is ill defined. Just charge him half the bills and what you would charge for a flat mate as you don’t want him to get rights over your home. It is a good idea to put it in writing so that it is clear that you never meant him to get any equity in your house and he knew that but I can see how that is difficult to bring up in conversation. However it is worth mentioning especially if he doesn't have a property of his own.

munta · 08/12/10 - 15:17

What name?? wrote: »

Do not open a joint account. It is a hassle anyway and it means that as he will then be able to claim that he is contributing towards the mortgage as what he is contributing towards is ill defined. Just charge him half the bills and what you would charge for a flat mate as you don’t want him to get rights over your home. It is a good idea to put it in writing so that it is clear that you never meant him to get any equity in your house and he knew that but I can see how that is difficult to bring up in conversation. However it is worth mentioning especially if he doesn't have a property of his own.

On the contrary. A joint account, if used for shared bills only, makes a clear and important distinction between day to day expenses and the mortgage. Any rent would be paid directly to the OP.

nickyislady_t · 08/12/10 - 15:23

Thanks everyone.
i'm definitly going to get some legal advice and see if i can get something drawn up which states that he has no rights to the equity in the house if we split (or even if we dont)

to be honest it looks as though we are going to get married in the next couple of years which would mean that we will buy another house which is bigger and in both our names and we can give my mum her money back but no-one knows what will happen in those two years between us do they?
Also we have spoken about my mums money and he has said that he would never try to get access to that but like people have said above, these things can get messy if/when they happen.

Punkchick · 08/12/10 - 17:48

I think there has been some great advice on here. I have been through the same thing. When my OH and I bought our house we had a legal document drawn up because I put down a £40,000 deposit out of my own money, so the document bascially states that in the event of a break up I will receive the % my deposit represented and any money left over will be split. You can have a similar agreement drawn up to say that the house is soley yours and he has no claim to it.
We split all the bills 50/50 and always have regardless of who earnt what. We have a seperate account which we transfer £800 each a month into, and that pays for all the bills etc. Then whatever is left over in our seperate accounts is our own to do with what we want. We call it our joint account but it is in fact only in my name, and my OH has never had a problem with that. I am the one who keeps on top of the finances anyway. He is so laid back about it all that if I ever need anymore to cover other expenses like holidays etc. I just log into his bank account online and transfer it to mine. But we have been living together for 12 years now so there is an increased element of trust.
Just sit down together and discuss how you are going to work it out, and how you can protect your house. Be open and honest with each other or it could come back to bite you.

Kaz159 · 08/12/10 - 18:17

My OH moved in with me just over 5 years ago. We split all bills and food 50/50. I track .the spending and he transfers what he 'owes' each month to my bank account when he gets paid.

His name is not on my mortgage and we don't have a joint back account (learnt the hard way with a joint account).

I have made a will (drawn up by a solicitor) to ensure he can remain in the house should I die before him. This stops my family selling the house and effectively making him homeless. I'm sure they wouldn't make him homeless though!

Hey there!

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