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Holiday - Parents
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I dont think there is anyway to deal with this without upsetting either my husband or my parents, which I do not want to do, but thought that people might have some thoughts about how to diplomatically handle this.
My husband and I booked a holiday for later this year, just us and our child. We often holiday with my parents, which is lovely, but we really felt some time just us would be good. We have already had a two week holiday with my parents last month.
My parents have just told us that they have booked a holiday, fifteen minutes from where we are staying at the same time. They knew where and when we were staying.
They are already talking about meeting up in the day and even having my child stay with them a couple of nights, which we would not want (the point is to spend time with our child as my husband works long hours). My husband is really fed up about it as he was really looking forward to family time and now feels this has been intruded on.
I dont want to upset my parents by not meeting them on holiday but at the same time understand what my husband is saying.
We have only ever had one holiday alone and we were really looking forward to the freedom of choosing when and where we go each day without having to accomodate others. As we are all staying in the same area my husband now feels it will be less relaxing as we will always be looking out for them and having to keep an eye on our phones in case they call us.
I tried to compromise by saying we could just meet my parents once of twice during the holiday but my husband still feels this is an intrusion on his time. I dont want to upset my parents by saying we dont want to meet them, they are old and wont be around forever.
I cant really see a way to keep everyone happy. Any ideas??
My husband and I booked a holiday for later this year, just us and our child. We often holiday with my parents, which is lovely, but we really felt some time just us would be good. We have already had a two week holiday with my parents last month.
My parents have just told us that they have booked a holiday, fifteen minutes from where we are staying at the same time. They knew where and when we were staying.
They are already talking about meeting up in the day and even having my child stay with them a couple of nights, which we would not want (the point is to spend time with our child as my husband works long hours). My husband is really fed up about it as he was really looking forward to family time and now feels this has been intruded on.
I dont want to upset my parents by not meeting them on holiday but at the same time understand what my husband is saying.
We have only ever had one holiday alone and we were really looking forward to the freedom of choosing when and where we go each day without having to accomodate others. As we are all staying in the same area my husband now feels it will be less relaxing as we will always be looking out for them and having to keep an eye on our phones in case they call us.
I tried to compromise by saying we could just meet my parents once of twice during the holiday but my husband still feels this is an intrusion on his time. I dont want to upset my parents by saying we dont want to meet them, they are old and wont be around forever.
I cant really see a way to keep everyone happy. Any ideas??
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Put up with a crap hoilday this time. Next time you book a holiday, don't tell your parents about it until its too late for them to try and ruin it for you.
Or tell your parents that whilst you are happy to see them, your husband isn't, the holiday is as much to get away from them as it is to get away from home, and even though its too late for them to cancel, you don't want to see hide nor hair of them while you are away.
That way, they might get the message...
If they are fifteen minutes away, chances are if you escape from your hotel every morning nice and early they won't be able to find you. Just don't have your mobiles switched on during the day.
I went on holiday in 2010 with my principal family members and we kept seeing them everywhere, so it was difficult as you couldn't really escape. We did have a lot of fun.
You have to stick with your husband on this I think. Maybe compromise with HIM and agree on just one outing with your parents instead of the possible two that you have already suggested.
I didnt tell them that we wanted to be alone, that would have been insensitive given we were on holiday with them for two weeks last month - they may have felt we hadnt enjoyed their company. It just never occurred to me that they would do this - I would never book somewhere so close to another family member unless they asked me to. I would assume if they wanted me on holiday with them they would have invited me in the first place. I am sure my husband will agree to one outing, but I just know my parents will want more and see it as a snub if we dont see them more often. Very awkward.
I think your parents are being selfish to be honest and should learn that sometimes they are simply not needed
Tel them OP , why not ? We all need to hear the truth now and then .Tell them you need time out alone with your child and hence the holiday without them .Meet them one day , sort it out before you go and the rest is yours to do as you please
You are stuck in the middle of a difficult situation. You will have to use all your diplomatic skill to get everyone to agree a compromise without anyone taking offence.
Alternativly tell your parents when you arrive you are all ill with something horrible and very contagious:D
I don't see why ?? " Oooh we had a lovely time with you and dad but we've got a chance of another holiday and it will be lovely to get away again, just the three of us "
You can't just avoid them once you're there - going off early hoping to miss them, as someone said earlier. That would just be sooo obvious and very rude. And what would you say in the evening, every evening - "ooh we just forgot you were here"
Personally, I think you should just be straight with them and tell them you want some family time on your own. I think it would be very unreasonable of them to object to that given that you have already spent a two weeks holiday with them just very recently. And if they really do take offence at something so reasonable, well then so be it, frankly.
Thanks for the advice but it would break their hearts to ever think they are not wanted. They have been insensitive but that does not outweigh any of the other amzing things they do everyday for us. They are old, not in the best health and to be hurt like that.... just no.
Thats not to say I value their opinion over my husbands, its just that I can be more upfront with him. However I know how much this holiday means to him which is why i am stuck on how to handle this.
Thats fair enough , you know your parents better than any of us . I just know that I would far prefer mine to tell me rahter than be a source of discomfort between a man and wife
I am not saying its easy , but I would prefer to know and not do it again .
I dont know how old they are but to be honest with you they have really over stepped a boundry IMO I dont think you can turn back the clock now , but you need to send out a message for the next time
Edit: It's hardly that is it? Just tell them you want to be with your husband and child
If they aren't in the best of health then something along the lines of 'we wouldn't want to intrude. You both do so much for us that you deserve a good break to yourselves. We'll be fine and come and see you for a little while one day while we're there. But I want you to go and enjoy YOURSELVES. We will be fine and in fact time to just the three of us would be good'.
Why would they see each other in the evening any more than they'd see each other through the day? They're fifteen minutes away. Just make sure the family are away from their hotel for the evening meal before the parents turn up.
Well at the end of the day you have to choose whose needs come first. And if you give in on this, what will you do next time they want to intrude on a private day out / holiday ? You won't ever be able to tell them what you are doing in case they want to come too.
OK and what do they say at the end of the holiday - after the parents have called the police cos their family have disappeared off the face of the earth and they start sending the divers out to search the high seas.
This could be part of the answer. Tell them how much you both appreciate them and how important this rest is for them. That tempting as it would be you want them to totally relax and enjoy a quiet time and that you will meet up with them only once or twice. And that this would also give you and your family some quality time also.
What the OP ought to say to them now before they actually go on holiday:- "We are sick to the back teeth of you interfering with our lives. Didn't the fact that we booked a holiday and didn't invite you, give you the slightest inkling that we want to get away from you, you insensitive, interfering busybodies?"
I think if you don't want them to have your child overnight you need to explain to them that your husband doesn't feel he sees them enough and wanted to make up for it on holiday by being around for bedtime each night, or something similar.
But it might be nice for you and your husband to have a couple of nights out on your own on holiday, would he not feel that way? If he saw it as a benefit to you and him, he might be more favourable towards a couple of days out with them.
I hope you can work it out.
Sounds like a plan
Thats not quite true thou, but thanks anyway!
Have you no siblings who would be around back at home ?
And now you are going to be worrying about their health and won't be able to bloody relax anyway.
That is what I would use as got a similar situation myself but over my parents wanting to look after the kids over the summer hols so I can save my hols and I have used the above.