I'm with cobwebsoup, she may be an abuser. the best thing you can do is make sure you're there for him, dont let your friendship slip away.
Ya'll can laugh and joke at me all you like but domestic violence can sometimes be her hitting him and just because it's a man being hit doesnt make it a joke or ok. Men are less likely to reach out for help.
I'm with cobwebsoup, she may be an abuser. the best thing you can do is make sure you're there for him, dont let your friendship slip away.
Ya'll can laugh and joke at me all you like but domestic violence can sometimes be her hitting him and just because it's a man being hit doesnt make it a joke or ok. Men are less likely to reach out for help.
Thank you
The OP's friends girlfriend sounds like she could well be an abuser. Emotional abuse and being controlled can have horrific repercussions on a person, male or female. I know from experience that it's horrible being in a relationship with an emotionally abusive and controlling woman, it can be very difficult to reach out for help due to fear of being ridiculed, or considered weak. If I was in the same situation as the OP, I would try and talk to my friend, on his own, just to make sure he's okay.
I'm with cobwebsoup, she may be an abuser. the best thing you can do is make sure you're there for him, dont let your friendship slip away.
Ya'll can laugh and joke at me all you like but domestic violence can sometimes be her hitting him and just because it's a man being hit doesnt make it a joke or ok. Men are less likely to reach out for help.
Fekkin hell, another one on here that likes to jump the gun! We have no evidence of that whatsoever, just his mates interpretation of what she's like (and let's face it, he does sound a tiny bit jealous, he's even mentioned he's never had a girlfriend himself). What next? Diagnosing him with autism?!
This is something that has been bothering me for a while. Its quite a long story but its something me and my other friends do not know how to act on.
So basically, One of my friends had started seeing this new girl during the summer while alot of us were away on holiday to certain parts of the world. We were excited and happy for him because he hadn't been in a relationship for two years and was getting really depressed about it (Where as I haven't been in a relationship at all.). However since they started dating in July, we haven't been seeing him that much and when we do, we always notice several things in the relationship.
I'll share a few examples.
1) He isn't allowed out after 9:30 which is weird because they don't live together and she goes out on all nighters alot of time without him kicking off. If he stays out late, his girlfriend gets upset and argues with him on the phone. After that, he just stopped going out and went over to hers to do god knows what.
2) His Girlfriend is always very nasty to us and once got into a fight with one of my female friends. We don't know what her problem is but because of this, this causes a large rift with us and him and we can tell she is behind it. She tells him that we are bad influences on him and is trying to split him away from us. I still speak to him but he doesn't talk to alot of his friends anymore.
3) She's started recently telling him what to wear. He's not allowed to wear jeans or specific tops anymore. I also found out that she buys pretty much all of his clothes (Including his underwear which freaks me out). He looks differently and he doesn't see it as much, and says that he looks cute.
I guess you can probably figure out or come to the conclusion that his girlfriend is controlling him, in which me and my friends agree with. There's no sign of him breaking away and she continues to manipulate and control his life. I'm looking for advice on what I can do. He's a good friend of mine and too see his girlfriend just walk all over him and wrap him round her finger pisses me off :mad:
Any advice ? Has anyone been in this situation or in a controlling relationship themselves ?
If you're young and haven't seen this before I imagine it's worrying and you feel the need to 'help' your friend. However this is just typical insecure girl friend syndrome and it is extremely common. I'm 30 now and have seen this happen to mates on many occasion - and it can be completely random, friends who had many normal relationships before will suddenly find themselves 'whipped'.
There's nothing wrong with mentioning it to your mate, and if he is grown up he'll appreciate your concern and hopefully take it on board. However that's all you can do - in a fight between you and his gf you will lose every time. Eventually the relationship will breakdown (100% certain) and he'll want to be mates with you again so don't ruin your friendship over something you can't change.
Any advice ? Has anyone been in this situation or in a controlling relationship themselves ?
The best thing you can do is be a friend. As in letting him know you'll always be there for him if he wants to talk or have company. Don't make him feel bad about his girlfriend. Don't criticise his girlfriend to his face.
Express your concerns lightly if you want (don't mention his girlfriend; just say he doesn't spend much time with you and friends any more or something like that), but back off the instant he becomes defensive. If you try to criticise his girlfriend, he'll probably feel that it's not his girlfriend you're criticising. It's him or his judgement that you're criticising. If he doesn't react to your concerns well, say something like "Yeah, OK. You know better than I do, so I'm OK with it as long as you're OK with it, too."
All this is so that he wouldn't feel he can't talk or ask for help when he realises the relationship isn't working. Even when he criticises his own girlfriend, just listen and say "Really?" or anything to encourage him to talk more until he feels he can walk away from her for good or that he could trust you not to make him feel like a fool.
It's really tough to see someone in that kind of relationship, as it happened to my friends, but patience and support do go a long way. It saves friendship, too. Good luck, mate.
I see a few comments of people saying "Mind your own business", but If I was in the same boat as the OP, I would want to say something. Your friend may not notice now, but give it time, he will be more depressed than he was before the summer if she continues to act the way she does. If she is kicking off at you specifically, tell her in private to respect what your friend wants. It seems to be all about her.
Don't make any trouble but tell your friend you are there for him.
OP - Word of advice don't ever criticise his girlfriend, don't ever tell him you don't like or trust her or that she is changing him. He will just tell you to F off and you will just push him closer to her and alienate him from you. Also don't tell him what you have told us here because whilst to you it is concern to him it's jealously and interfering, he needs to do this on his own and you just need to be there for him.
A friend once told me my partner was no good and a liar and would just treat me badly and was changing me. Well lets put it this way 10 years later we are talking marriage and children and I don't see that friend anymore
OP - Word of advice don't ever criticise his girlfriend, don't ever tell him you don't like or trust her or that she is changing him. ...........
Not only that, what many people forget is - if they break up, don't criticise her or call her names. because two weeks later they could be back together again ....
Again thanks for the advice. Its that we all see it, and he has no clue. If he does know then he'll likely get out because he always says that he's not the type to be walked over by a girl, and yet the exact thing is happening.
The truth is that some men just like being bossed around and kept under the thumb - even though they'll always deny it.
If he is happy in his relationship then just leave them to get on with there lives. Each persons relationships are differant. People do change when they are in a relationship. What you might like or think is right does not make what ever is going in there relationship wrong.
If he is happy in his relationship then just leave them to get on with there lives. Each persons relationships are differant. People do change when they are in a relationship. What you might like or think is right does not make what ever is going in there relationship wrong.
Oh sorry, my psychic abilities must have failed me:rolleyes:
Seriously, why do you feel the need to be so cocky and rude in pretty much every thread you venture into? Your username may be based on someone who thinks they're above everyone else, doesnt mean you need to act like it. You've said your bit, no need to keep going on.
Seriously, why do you feel the need to be so cocky and rude in pretty much every thread you venture into? Your username may be based on someone who thinks they're above everyone else, doesnt mean you need to act like it. You've said your bit, no need to keep going on.
Just because you don't agree with me doesn't make my opinions any less valid. And I wasn't aware there was a limit to how many times you could contribute to a thread, is this a new forum rule? Is there a reason why you want to take the thread off topic?
This is something that has been bothering me for a while. Its quite a long story but its something me and my other friends do not know how to act on.
So basically, One of my friends had started seeing this new girl during the summer while alot of us were away on holiday to certain parts of the world. We were excited and happy for him because he hadn't been in a relationship for two years and was getting really depressed about it (Where as I haven't been in a relationship at all.). However since they started dating in July, we haven't been seeing him that much and when we do, we always notice several things in the relationship.
I'll share a few examples.
1) He isn't allowed out after 9:30 which is weird because they don't live together and she goes out on all nighters alot of time without him kicking off. If he stays out late, his girlfriend gets upset and argues with him on the phone. After that, he just stopped going out and went over to hers to do god knows what.
2) His Girlfriend is always very nasty to us and once got into a fight with one of my female friends. We don't know what her problem is but because of this, this causes a large rift with us and him and we can tell she is behind it. She tells him that we are bad influences on him and is trying to split him away from us. I still speak to him but he doesn't talk to alot of his friends anymore.
3) She's started recently telling him what to wear. He's not allowed to wear jeans or specific tops anymore. I also found out that she buys pretty much all of his clothes (Including his underwear which freaks me out). He looks differently and he doesn't see it as much, and says that he looks cute.
I guess you can probably figure out or come to the conclusion that his girlfriend is controlling him, in which me and my friends agree with. There's no sign of him breaking away and she continues to manipulate and control his life. I'm looking for advice on what I can do. He's a good friend of mine and too see his girlfriend just walk all over him and wrap him round her finger pisses me off :mad:
Any advice ? Has anyone been in this situation or in a controlling relationship themselves ?
Seriously, why do you feel the need to be so cocky and rude in pretty much every thread you venture into? Your username may be based on someone who thinks they're above everyone else, doesnt mean you need to act like it. You've said your bit, no need to keep going on.
I totally agree with this comment.
Everytime I see that Christian Grey comment it's either an unhelpful, unfunny remark or a rude dig at someone. What is the point in coming on advice threads if you're just going to give unhelpful, stupid advice?
I think these two replies are very harsh, there's no need for it. The OP is clearly worried about his friend and with good reason. I've had a similar ex girlfriend to the one you're describing OP and it's emotional abuse, which can sometimes be worse than physical abuse. Talk to your friend if you're concerned about him, when she's not around though.
not harsh at all unless you`re a very sensitive little flower.
Also, I'm a little disappointed to see Christian_Grey getting bullied on here by people who don't even bother to read his opinions.
Getting bullied? Haha surely you must be joking? Have you actually read this thread? And there's being bossed around and then there's being controlled - two different things and the latter is a serious issue.
Comments
Ya'll can laugh and joke at me all you like but domestic violence can sometimes be her hitting him and just because it's a man being hit doesnt make it a joke or ok. Men are less likely to reach out for help.
Thank you
The OP's friends girlfriend sounds like she could well be an abuser. Emotional abuse and being controlled can have horrific repercussions on a person, male or female. I know from experience that it's horrible being in a relationship with an emotionally abusive and controlling woman, it can be very difficult to reach out for help due to fear of being ridiculed, or considered weak. If I was in the same situation as the OP, I would try and talk to my friend, on his own, just to make sure he's okay.
Fekkin hell, another one on here that likes to jump the gun! We have no evidence of that whatsoever, just his mates interpretation of what she's like (and let's face it, he does sound a tiny bit jealous, he's even mentioned he's never had a girlfriend himself). What next? Diagnosing him with autism?!
If you're young and haven't seen this before I imagine it's worrying and you feel the need to 'help' your friend. However this is just typical insecure girl friend syndrome and it is extremely common. I'm 30 now and have seen this happen to mates on many occasion - and it can be completely random, friends who had many normal relationships before will suddenly find themselves 'whipped'.
There's nothing wrong with mentioning it to your mate, and if he is grown up he'll appreciate your concern and hopefully take it on board. However that's all you can do - in a fight between you and his gf you will lose every time. Eventually the relationship will breakdown (100% certain) and he'll want to be mates with you again so don't ruin your friendship over something you can't change.
The best thing you can do is be a friend. As in letting him know you'll always be there for him if he wants to talk or have company. Don't make him feel bad about his girlfriend. Don't criticise his girlfriend to his face.
Express your concerns lightly if you want (don't mention his girlfriend; just say he doesn't spend much time with you and friends any more or something like that), but back off the instant he becomes defensive. If you try to criticise his girlfriend, he'll probably feel that it's not his girlfriend you're criticising. It's him or his judgement that you're criticising. If he doesn't react to your concerns well, say something like "Yeah, OK. You know better than I do, so I'm OK with it as long as you're OK with it, too."
All this is so that he wouldn't feel he can't talk or ask for help when he realises the relationship isn't working. Even when he criticises his own girlfriend, just listen and say "Really?" or anything to encourage him to talk more until he feels he can walk away from her for good or that he could trust you not to make him feel like a fool.
It's really tough to see someone in that kind of relationship, as it happened to my friends, but patience and support do go a long way. It saves friendship, too. Good luck, mate.
Don't make any trouble but tell your friend you are there for him.
A friend once told me my partner was no good and a liar and would just treat me badly and was changing me. Well lets put it this way 10 years later we are talking marriage and children and I don't see that friend anymore
This. If he's happy so be it.
Not only that, what many people forget is - if they break up, don't criticise her or call her names. because two weeks later they could be back together again ....
I'm going to ignore Christian Grey's comment. I suffer from Aspergers Syndrome and I find him quite ignorant.
The truth is that some men just like being bossed around and kept under the thumb - even though they'll always deny it.
That is true. But there is being bossed around and then there is just pure manipulation and controlling behavior.
Like I said, he's a good friend and I'm concerned for him. I am no way obsessed as my friends are also alarmed about it too.
Oh sorry, my psychic abilities must have failed me:rolleyes:
Spot on
Seriously, why do you feel the need to be so cocky and rude in pretty much every thread you venture into? Your username may be based on someone who thinks they're above everyone else, doesnt mean you need to act like it. You've said your bit, no need to keep going on.
Just because you don't agree with me doesn't make my opinions any less valid. And I wasn't aware there was a limit to how many times you could contribute to a thread, is this a new forum rule? Is there a reason why you want to take the thread off topic?
It sounds like a story line in coronation street!
Say something - Could end up with you and your friend not speak or cause problems for him.
OR
Don't say a thing - Maybe just text him if you know he will be by himself. Maybe keeps friend ship going.
I totally agree with this comment.
Everytime I see that Christian Grey comment it's either an unhelpful, unfunny remark or a rude dig at someone. What is the point in coming on advice threads if you're just going to give unhelpful, stupid advice?
Deal.
Also, I'm a little disappointed to see Christian_Grey getting bullied on here by people who don't even bother to read his opinions.
not harsh at all unless you`re a very sensitive little flower.
Getting bullied? Haha surely you must be joking? Have you actually read this thread? And there's being bossed around and then there's being controlled - two different things and the latter is a serious issue.