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Things self-serve check-outs say

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 21,093
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    Never Nude wrote: »
    I love it when it shouts out excerpts from War and Peace

    I prefer Adrian Mole.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 21,093
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    decobelle wrote: »
    The co-op self serve are the worst, they don't print receipts so you have to wait for some slow witted 97 year old co-op employee to stop gassing with Doris about the bingo and stroll over to give it to you. Seems pointless!

    Off topic, this is things checkouts SAY not receipts and ageism.
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    swingalegswingaleg Posts: 103,301
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    Never Nude wrote: »
    I love it when it shouts out excerpts from War and Peace

    Not so good when its bleeping out with 'Price check - Giant Pile Cream'

    :eek:
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    decobelledecobelle Posts: 4,717
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    Off topic, this is things checkouts SAY not receipts and ageism.

    Sorry should have opened with 'please see operator for your receipt'. That's what it says :)

    Edit I'm pretty sure they don't read extracts from Adrian Mole either but I'm not the pedantic type ;)
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    bluebladeblueblade Posts: 88,859
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    Welcome, please scan your first item

    Approval needed

    Please wait for assistance (usually checking item weight issue)

    Insert cash or touch, pay with card

    Insert cash or select payment type

    Please fully insert your card in the reader, or swipe your card on the side of this monitor, if your card does not have a chip

    Select cashback amount

    Please remove your card from the reader

    Please take your change, notes are dispensed below the scanner

    Thank you for using the fast lane
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,682
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    "Please ask for assistance" nooo I don't want to :(
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 21,093
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    decobelle wrote: »
    Sorry should have opened with 'please see operator for your receipt'. That's what it says :)

    Edit I'm pretty sure they don't read extracts from Adrian Mole either but I'm not the pedantic type ;)

    That's the joke isn't it? They say sod all except the same few phrases.
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    NerdyMageeNerdyMagee Posts: 127
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    My favourite is "Please take your change, notes are dispensed below the scanner."
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    AchtungAchtung Posts: 10,480
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    I swear one of them said "Do you come here often?" to me once.
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    John259John259 Posts: 28,588
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    "I've just picked up a fault in the AE-35 unit. It's going to go a hundred percent failure within 72 hours."
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    EStaffs90EStaffs90 Posts: 13,722
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    I'm just waiting for the time they say, "I'm sorry Emily, I'm afraid I can't do that".
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4,095
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    husted wrote: »
    "Unexpected item in the bagging area"

    Argh!

    And it's always the edge of your coat!
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    monkeydave68monkeydave68 Posts: 2,421
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    or all checkout staff will soon be on the dole because the T1000 checkout is better lol
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    linnyloulinnylou Posts: 18,770
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    blueblade wrote: »
    Welcome, please scan your first item

    Approval needed

    Please wait for assistance (usually checking item weight issue)

    Insert cash or touch, pay with card

    Insert cash or select payment type

    Please fully insert your card in the reader, or swipe your card on the side of this monitor, if your card does not have a chip

    Select cashback amount

    Please remove your card from the reader

    Please take your change, notes are dispensed below the scanner

    Thank you for using the fast lane

    I never hear that. I guess our Tesco non-express don't want to mislead customers.

    'Please scan your Clubcard'
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,780
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    'Please take your change' um no I was gonna leave my £2 there actually...

    'UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA' is the worst though argh!
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    TrollHunterTrollHunter Posts: 12,496
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    NerdyMagee wrote: »
    My favourite is "Please take your change, notes are dispensed below the scanner."

    I wish mine said that. As the coins and the notes are dispensed in separate areas, I once forgot to pick up the note. D'oh.
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    royllsroyceroyllsroyce Posts: 1,163
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    Here is me in Tesco last week
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-cV68JmpiI

    Here is Alan Carr's take on the checkouts
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CArdgLSboPc

    Bill Bailley
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-wbXeMVAjo
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    d0lphind0lphin Posts: 25,370
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    Not what they say, but it drives me mad if you can't find the item you're buying on the screen. I had awful trouble finding a cucumber.
    It wasn't under salad, so I thought well it's techincally a fruit so I'll try that, but no. Eventually I had to call the assistant over and it was classed under non-weighable items:rolleyes::mad:
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    Bulletguy1Bulletguy1 Posts: 18,429
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    One in my local Morrisons is forever telling me to "please put the item in the bag".......when it's already in the bloody bag. :confused:
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    Paul237Paul237 Posts: 8,657
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    "Thank you for using the farst lane" always makes me want to say "you're welcome for using the farst lane". Even though it doesn't make sense.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 73
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    Place item into bagging area

    *places item*

    assistance required
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    Home FarmHome Farm Posts: 464
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    Scotty2012 wrote: »
    I always select "I have my own bag" on the M&S ones. (I don't really have my own bags) eeeee I'm a right bugger :eek:

    Me to I ent paying for their bags If I can get em free:D
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    wur86wur86 Posts: 10,494
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    "Did you bring any of your own bags?"

    Yes, mother-in- law and daughter .
    Next question please.
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    November_RainNovember_Rain Posts: 9,145
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    or all checkout staff will soon be on the dole because the T1000 checkout is better lol

    I'm half- expecting one to ask "are you John Connor?" one of these days. :D
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    MrQuikeMrQuike Posts: 18,175
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    or all checkout staff will soon be on the dole because the T1000 checkout is better lol

    Let me put it this way, monkeydave68. The T1000 series is the most reliable self-serve check-out ever made. No T1000 check-out has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.
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