Nothing like tier system at a wedding to work out who your true friends are eh? It's a sure fire way to let people know what level of importance you are to them.
Well, I think the OP is pretty disappointed so it's normal he is being a bit petty about what he did for his friend. I wouldn't attack him for that. I don't think in his place you'd all be so cool about it.
It's strange that this supposed friend decided not to invite OP (best friend) to the actual wedding ceremony but (based on what OP says) he invites somebody who's not that close to him... if the reasons were financial, I don't get why he couldn't leave out that other friend then and invite a closer one.
Someone said he might be having a wedding with just close family but again, why invite a "friend" then? Either you invite the whole circle of closish friends or you don't. You can imagine it's gonna cause problems.
I find big wedding ceremonies just a headache and not worth the hassle and the money anyway, since with most of the weddings I have been to, I found out the couple splitted soon after.
Nothing like tier system at a wedding to work out who your true friends are eh? It's a sure fire way to let people know what level of importance you are to them.
Nothing like tier system at a wedding to work out who your true friends are eh? It's a sure fire way to let people know what level of importance you are to them.
Spend the money it would have cost you to attend on professional help for your self esteem issues if it bothers you that much.
im getting married this year and despite my partner having a massive family they cant all come plain and simple. its our day so only close family and friends are coming. i dont want people i havent met or any plus one rubbish. i might be having less people at the wedding than the reception and thats the way its got to be. its great you can go at all so just enjoy it , the wedding venure was most likely small so what could they do. family take priority over friends.
im getting married this year and despite my partner having a massive family they cant all come plain and simple. its our day so only close family and friends are coming. i dont want people i havent met or any plus one rubbish. i might be having less people at the wedding than the reception and thats the way its got to be. its great you can go at all so just enjoy it , the wedding venure was most likely small so what could they do. family take priority over friends.
But OP said in his initial post that another friend was invited to the wedding ceremony instead, so this can't be the reason surely...
Well, I think the OP is pretty disappointed so it's normal he is being a bit petty about what he did for his friend. I wouldn't attack him for that. I don't think in his place you'd all be so cool about it.
It's strange that this supposed friend decided not to invite OP (best friend) to the actual wedding ceremony but (based on what OP says) he invites somebody who's not that close to him... if the reasons were financial, I don't get why he couldn't leave out that other friend then and invite a closer one.
Someone said he might be having a wedding with just close family but again, why invite a "friend" then? Either you invite the whole circle of closish friends or you don't. You can imagine it's gonna cause problems.
I find big wedding ceremonies just a headache and not worth the hassle and the money anyway, since with most of the weddings I have been to, I found out the couple splitted soon after.
It might be to do with not wanting kids at the wedding? So they didnt invite people to the day who they thought would moan about their child not being invited?
We didnt at ours, only had the flower girl/pageboy (close -ish relatives of mine) and no other kids- the venue wasn't appropriate for loads of kids running around.
It really irks me when people try and dictate and moan about how somebody wants their wedding day to work. People are different, want different things from their day and friends and family should respect that. If they don't then IMO they aren't actually a friend after all.
It might be to do with not wanting kids at the wedding? So they didnt invite people to the day who they thought would moan about their child not being invited?
We didnt at ours, only had the flower girl/pageboy (close -ish relatives of mine) and no other kids- the venue wasn't appropriate for loads of kids running around.
It really irks me when people try and dictate and moan about how somebody wants their wedding day to work. People are different, want different things from their day and friends and family should respect that. If they don't then IMO they aren't actually a friend after all.
That might be a reason... I was just saying the financial one doesn't seem likely to me.
Of course they can have the wedding the way they want and whatever you do, there is always someone that's gonna be unhappy... honestly, at my wedding (if I ever get to marry), I would want just my future husband
I know for my brother's wedding her entire family (including 22nd cousins 5 times removed) were invited but on our side it was only aunts and uncles and the rest of the guests were friends. Might seem unfair but our side of the family already outnumbered hers and it was already expensive enough for our side to travel to England for it.
I've a wedding in the next few months where I've been invited to the ceremony and the evening but not the breakfast. The bride to be feels horribly guilty about it because I'm travelling so far (I'm in Ireland, the wedding is in Coventry) but it's her day so I'm not going to let her worry about it, I'm just pleased I was invited at all.
I would be thankful to be invited even to the evening do, especially as you said you were such good friends. My 'best friend' of 20 years got engaged and married without even so much as an invite! I only found out she was getting married as a friend of a friend told me that she had been invited as a 'plus one' and I can't tell you how much that hurt. My friend had hardly been in touch since being in a relationship with this guy apart from a few Christmas cards (I think she kept her distance as I was single and therefore couldn't make up a foursome if we went out anywhere) We'd always talked about when we got married of course we'd be each others bridesmaids etc, though you know at the time it probably won't happen. Our mutual friends on facebook put photos on of the wedding, and surprise surprise, the bridesmaid was this girl she'd never particulalrly lilked as far As I'd been aware, but was part of the group of friends. Anyway, about 4 months after the wedding I bumped into said 'friend' and new hubby in town, and she spent half an hour telling me how wonderful her wedding had been, how it was only a very small intimate occasion (at this point I was starting to forgive her, fair enough, small, inexpensive, family only, far cry from the big extravagant wedding of her dreams) then she announced that she'd invited x,y and z from uni who she'd not seen for years, plus their new partners, so and so because they had invited her to their wedding, even ex boyfriend and his new partner, who she had taken years to get over breaking up with, and I had spent many a night down the pub counselling her over! All I could do was stand there and listen while silently seething!
At my wedding, there was only space for 35 guests each. I have a big family and if I'd invited one cousin, with their family, I'd have had to invite 5 cousins, each with partners and children and there wasn't room for everyone.
Luckily, two cousins I don't like very much couldn't come and so I was able to invite the ones I did like and grew up with. But it wasn't a nice position to be in. None of my friends were invited to the ceremony, because there was simply no room.
However, because they were friends (and potentially my cousins who care about me if I'd had to exclude them), they would not have bitched. They'd have accepted that there were good reasons that I simply couldn't invite them then joined us for the celebration afterwards. They certainly would not have compared notes on how much they'd spent on me compared to how much I'd spent on them, because that's not how life and friendships work.
Yes I have. I texted him last night. He says he feels really awkward about being invited knowing that the rest of the group of friends haven't been asked. He said it's put him in a really embarrassing situation and feels like whether he goes or doesn't go it's gonna upset either the rest of the group or the groom and he said it's not fair on him to have been forced into that dilemma.
He agrees that he should either have invited the whole group of mates or none at all but it's nothing to do with him. He said it's not gone down very well at all especially with the lad who had this guy as his best man as his wedding. Apparently he's totally fuming about not being asked then finding out he's invited another mate from our group who he's had less to do with than the rest of us.
Yes I have. I texted him last night. He says he feels really awkward about being invited knowing that the rest of the group of friends haven't been asked. He said it's put him in a really embarrassing situation and feels like whether he goes or doesn't go it's gonna upset either the rest of the group or the groom and he said it's not fair on him to have been forced into that dilemma.
He agrees that he should either have invited the whole group of mates or none at all but it's nothing to do with him. He said it's not gone down very well at all especially with the lad who had this guy as his best man as his wedding. Apparently he's totally fuming about not being asked then finding out he's invited another mate from our group who he's had less to do with than the rest of us.
I've been married twice. Both times all the (now ex) husbands and I wanted was a ceremony and a small reception with very close friends. No evening do at all. Neither time did I have a hen night (too ghastly can't bear them) and second husband didn't want a stag night in case he got chained naked to a seat on the night train to Glasgow.:eek: In retrospect ... if only he had....:D
The only aggro that arose was over husband #2 refusal to have a stag night.
I am happy to go to either breakfast or evening or neither. Frankly for me the evening event always feels like an anti climax - the main event of the day is over, the bride and groom are tired, probably most folks have had too much food and drink and really it's time to call it all a day.
The friend has so far refused to say where the ceremony is going to take place and that speaks absolute volumes to me - surprised the OP can't or won't take the hint.
People can do just what they like and invite only who they want. If the OP is so desperate to see the wedding, arrange to go round to see them when they are back from the honeymoon and watch the video. Take a few cans and some fish and chips with you and have a laugh with them.
Nothing like tier system at a wedding to work out who your true friends are eh? It's a sure fire way to let people know what level of importance you are to them.
At your wedding did you invite all your guests to every part of the day?
Yes I have. I texted him last night. He says he feels really awkward about being invited knowing that the rest of the group of friends haven't been asked. He said it's put him in a really embarrassing situation and feels like whether he goes or doesn't go it's gonna upset either the rest of the group or the groom and he said it's not fair on him to have been forced into that dilemma.
He agrees that he should either have invited the whole group of mates or none at all but it's nothing to do with him. He said it's not gone down very well at all especially with the lad who had this guy as his best man as his wedding. Apparently he's totally fuming about not being asked then finding out he's invited another mate from our group who he's had less to do with than the rest of us.
Now you are trying to make the best man feel uncomfortable and put him a terrible position so he's talking about not being best man? If he felt that strongly about it he would have refused to be best man - now the whole thing is being spoilt for him.
Whatever is the matter with you - let it go or you'll be losing all the rest of your friends too.
...it's not gone down very well at all especially with the lad who had this guy as his best man at his wedding. Apparently he's totally fuming about not being asked then finding out he's invited another mate from our group who he's had less to do with than the rest of us.
I find this a bit odd tbh. I must admit, if I had someone as my BEST MAN and that person didn't invite me to their wedding, I'd be proper pissed! I find that more strange than the bit about not inviting you.
At your wedding did you invite all your guests to every part of the day?
Apart from my wife's work colleagues and one or two people who were on my college course who we invited to the evening do. None of whom were either family nor friends, just acquaintances. ALL of our friends came to our wedding and the few guests who came in the evening were aware that it was friends and family only for the daytime. We didn't pick and choose which friends or relatives were good enough for certain parts of the day. ALL were invited.
Now you are trying to make the best man feel uncomfortable and put him a terrible position so he's talking about not being best man? If he felt that strongly about it he would have refused to be best man - now the whole thing is being spoilt for him.
Whatever is the matter with you - let it go or you'll be losing all the rest of your friends too.
No, he meant (and I meant) HIS best man at the OP's wedding, not the wedding in question.
Frankly for me the evening event always feels like an anti climax - the main event of the day is over, the bride and groom are tired, probably most folks have had too much food and drink and really it's time to call it all a day.
Yes, that's exactly what I was saying upthread. I think an evening party sounds great in the planning but on the day, by evening, the wedding party themselves are usually over-tired or over-refreshed (or both) and the party is an event too far. It takes skillful handling to make the new arrivals feel part of the celebrations of the day and too often the bride and groom simply don't bother.
Now you are trying to make the best man feel uncomfortable and put him a terrible position so he's talking about not being best man? If he felt that strongly about it he would have refused to be best man - now the whole thing is being spoilt for him.
Whatever is the matter with you - let it go or you'll be losing all the rest of your friends too.
That fm wasn't talking about the grooms best man. The grooms best man is someone we don't know. He was talking about my friend (the one who was MY best man at MY wedding) The one who's got the invite.
I'm not making anyone feel uncomfortable. He told me this is how he feels. When he accepted he assumed everyone one else in the group would be there too only to discover they haven't been invited. It's not me who's got a problem with him going. I've got a problem with not being invited to the ceremony. Personally I don't care that my other mate has been invited too. It's not his fault the rest of the group didn't get an invite. My gripe is with the groom not anyone else.
Maybe I'm wrong but when it comes to friends I don't filter them into which ones are more important to me than others and which ones deserve better attention. To me they are just all my friends. I guess with some people it doesn't work like that.
Maybe I'm wrong but when it comes to friends I don't filter them into which ones are more important to me than others and which ones deserve better attention. To me they are just all my friends. I guess with some people it doesn't work like that.
Not wrong necessarily... but that sounds to me as if you have a lot of acquaintances and few close friends. It's not a question of some deserving more attention than others - normally there are simply some we feel closer to and trust more than others. They're on our wavelength so we're more instinctively comfortable with them. That's natural differentiation and if you call it filtering into tiers, so be it, but it's rare in life that a big group of friends are all privy to the same level of comfort and trust.
Perhaps (and this is a general observation not directed at you particularly, OP) the over-use of the description of "friends" on Facebook and the like has blurred the line between real, in for the long-haul friends and simple acquaintances.
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That's how your mind works, clearly!
It's strange that this supposed friend decided not to invite OP (best friend) to the actual wedding ceremony but (based on what OP says) he invites somebody who's not that close to him... if the reasons were financial, I don't get why he couldn't leave out that other friend then and invite a closer one.
Someone said he might be having a wedding with just close family but again, why invite a "friend" then? Either you invite the whole circle of closish friends or you don't. You can imagine it's gonna cause problems.
I find big wedding ceremonies just a headache and not worth the hassle and the money anyway, since with most of the weddings I have been to, I found out the couple splitted soon after.
Maybe he is trying to tell you something.
Or you think he is
Spend the money it would have cost you to attend on professional help for your self esteem issues if it bothers you that much.
Yeah, it sounds like this friend isn't this close friend after all and maybe OP wrongly supposed they were kind of best mates.
But OP said in his initial post that another friend was invited to the wedding ceremony instead, so this can't be the reason surely...
It might be to do with not wanting kids at the wedding? So they didnt invite people to the day who they thought would moan about their child not being invited?
We didnt at ours, only had the flower girl/pageboy (close -ish relatives of mine) and no other kids- the venue wasn't appropriate for loads of kids running around.
It really irks me when people try and dictate and moan about how somebody wants their wedding day to work. People are different, want different things from their day and friends and family should respect that. If they don't then IMO they aren't actually a friend after all.
That might be a reason... I was just saying the financial one doesn't seem likely to me.
Of course they can have the wedding the way they want and whatever you do, there is always someone that's gonna be unhappy... honestly, at my wedding (if I ever get to marry), I would want just my future husband
I've a wedding in the next few months where I've been invited to the ceremony and the evening but not the breakfast. The bride to be feels horribly guilty about it because I'm travelling so far (I'm in Ireland, the wedding is in Coventry) but it's her day so I'm not going to let her worry about it, I'm just pleased I was invited at all.
What a hoot, ha ha.
Luckily, two cousins I don't like very much couldn't come and so I was able to invite the ones I did like and grew up with. But it wasn't a nice position to be in. None of my friends were invited to the ceremony, because there was simply no room.
However, because they were friends (and potentially my cousins who care about me if I'd had to exclude them), they would not have bitched. They'd have accepted that there were good reasons that I simply couldn't invite them then joined us for the celebration afterwards. They certainly would not have compared notes on how much they'd spent on me compared to how much I'd spent on them, because that's not how life and friendships work.
Yes I have. I texted him last night. He says he feels really awkward about being invited knowing that the rest of the group of friends haven't been asked. He said it's put him in a really embarrassing situation and feels like whether he goes or doesn't go it's gonna upset either the rest of the group or the groom and he said it's not fair on him to have been forced into that dilemma.
He agrees that he should either have invited the whole group of mates or none at all but it's nothing to do with him. He said it's not gone down very well at all especially with the lad who had this guy as his best man as his wedding. Apparently he's totally fuming about not being asked then finding out he's invited another mate from our group who he's had less to do with than the rest of us.
Yeah, but does he know why?
The only aggro that arose was over husband #2 refusal to have a stag night.
I am happy to go to either breakfast or evening or neither. Frankly for me the evening event always feels like an anti climax - the main event of the day is over, the bride and groom are tired, probably most folks have had too much food and drink and really it's time to call it all a day.
The friend has so far refused to say where the ceremony is going to take place and that speaks absolute volumes to me - surprised the OP can't or won't take the hint.
People can do just what they like and invite only who they want. If the OP is so desperate to see the wedding, arrange to go round to see them when they are back from the honeymoon and watch the video. Take a few cans and some fish and chips with you and have a laugh with them.
At your wedding did you invite all your guests to every part of the day?
Now you are trying to make the best man feel uncomfortable and put him a terrible position so he's talking about not being best man? If he felt that strongly about it he would have refused to be best man - now the whole thing is being spoilt for him.
Whatever is the matter with you - let it go or you'll be losing all the rest of your friends too.
I find this a bit odd tbh. I must admit, if I had someone as my BEST MAN and that person didn't invite me to their wedding, I'd be proper pissed! I find that more strange than the bit about not inviting you.
Apart from my wife's work colleagues and one or two people who were on my college course who we invited to the evening do. None of whom were either family nor friends, just acquaintances. ALL of our friends came to our wedding and the few guests who came in the evening were aware that it was friends and family only for the daytime. We didn't pick and choose which friends or relatives were good enough for certain parts of the day. ALL were invited.
No, he meant (and I meant) HIS best man at the OP's wedding, not the wedding in question.
To me too.
That fm wasn't talking about the grooms best man. The grooms best man is someone we don't know. He was talking about my friend (the one who was MY best man at MY wedding) The one who's got the invite.
I'm not making anyone feel uncomfortable. He told me this is how he feels. When he accepted he assumed everyone one else in the group would be there too only to discover they haven't been invited. It's not me who's got a problem with him going. I've got a problem with not being invited to the ceremony. Personally I don't care that my other mate has been invited too. It's not his fault the rest of the group didn't get an invite. My gripe is with the groom not anyone else.
Maybe I'm wrong but when it comes to friends I don't filter them into which ones are more important to me than others and which ones deserve better attention. To me they are just all my friends. I guess with some people it doesn't work like that.
Perhaps (and this is a general observation not directed at you particularly, OP) the over-use of the description of "friends" on Facebook and the like has blurred the line between real, in for the long-haul friends and simple acquaintances.