I can see why you're hacked off with this. They're not close friends or family and you're not inviting them, they're inviting themselves. As someone else said it's a bloody cheek! I'd just tell them, every time they ask, that you're doing something else. They'll soon get the message. Your wife sounds lovely, but really, they are taking advantage of her good nature.
Well I think 4 long visits (12 days each ish) is a huge amount and a great liberty. It would drive me insane. They should be taking you out to posh meals every other day (though that would become a pain too). Do they eat with you, sharing cooking and shopping, the rest of the time? Do they do their washing? Watch TV with you?
Even for close friends or family that would be too much IMO. Have they become close friends over the course of the visits, or do they think they have?
I would want to say to them it's fine for them to stay a couple of times a year, for a few days or a week, and that you've enjoyed getting to know them better etc, but that in future you can't accommodate them so regularly or for so long.
Tell them you're sorry, it's not convenient, and tell them about AirBnB.com, myfriendshotel and couchsurfing.com - all ways of staying overseas cheaply and not in hotels. That's what I'd do if people kept descending on me for a free holiday!
We are acquainted with a couple, who while not being exactly our bosom buddies, we've know for quite some time.
Over the years we've met up perhaps twice annually, BBQs, mutual friends get togethers, that kind of thing.
Some time ago they bought an apartment in Greece, and moved there permanently, using the rental of their house in London to pay the mortgage on the place in Greece.
Toward the end of 2013 they emailed a request to crash at our place while they came over for a family occasion.
They couldn't use their London place, it had tenants, and for various reasons, staying with their respective families was a non-starter.
Naturally we agreed, we have a three bedroom house, two of the bedrooms being en-suite.
They came over, and while here took us out to dinner at a very good restaurant as a thank you.
Since then, they have come back two more times, always with a plausible reason that there was no alternative place for them to stay while here, and again, asking us to nominate any restaurant, and they'd take us there and pick up the tab.
Today another email arrived, the husband has a golfing week arranged in Morocco, and they want to stay a few days with us until he goes, then they'll return to Greece when he gets back to London.
Personally I've had enough and want to say no, but my wife worked with Anne when they were younger, and she is more of a softie than I am.
She has prevailed upon me to say yes one more time, but to pull up the drawbridge after that if I really wish to.
My first idea is to politely decline the free dinner out offer, to plant the seed as it were, but I'm unsure how to best do it diplomatically.
I've already told my wife that, offend or please, if they ask if we'd rather not have them over in future I'm going to tell them that they're right, as gently as I can.
After years of it being just us two in the house, where if I woke up and fancied some orange juice I'd wander down in a pair of boxers, now I feel that I have to brush my hair and wash the sleep out of my eyes in case someone is in the kitchen, the house is not your own it feels.
I think you need to chill out, its only a few days not a few weeks for goodness sakes. I'd imagine if they knew just how much you hated them coming they would gladly ask someone else, whereas they probably have the feeling you like them coming.
Maybe instead of viewing it as such a negative you should try to enjoy the company and have a few drinks and a laugh.
I think you need to chill out, its only a few days not a few weeks for goodness sakes. I'd imagine if they knew just how much you hated them coming they would gladly ask someone else, whereas they probably have the feeling you like them coming.
Maybe instead of viewing it as such a negative you should try to enjoy the company and have a few drinks and a laugh.
You might enjoy people who are not close friends or family using your home like a hotel, but I certainly wouldn't. TBH even close friends and family, would be pushing it to the extent outlined by the OP.
Just pretend your two spare rooms are now let out to lodgers. One of my "friends" told me I couldn't come visit (for a weekend) as she had a lodger. I later saw pictures on Facebook of the lodger (so she did exist) but also other friends staying over at her house while she had the lodger.
She's not a close friend and I've never questioned her about it. Sometimes people just don't want you there for whatever reason and they'll get the hint if you keep making excuses.
I think you need to chill out, its only a few days not a few weeks for goodness sakes.
Keep reading to the end of the thread, Steve.
J-F, my advice stands: you simply say that you'll be happy to host them for a night or two occasionally but longer or more frequent stays don't suit you. Be pleasant, but don't be drawn into a discussion about it. If they ask why, just say it isn't convenient. Don't lie - I never understand why people think lies like 'decorating' or 'lodgers' is easier than the truth.
Then suggest - as already posted by Frankie_Little - that they try airbnb or similar site for convenient, cheapish accommodation.
You might enjoy people who are not close friends or family using your home like a hotel, but I certainly wouldn't. TBH even close friends and family, would be pushing it to the extent outlined by the OP.
Its just a few days and his wife clearly wants them to stay. And how do you make close friends if the reaction is always so negative and cynical.
As it stands they might be able to go and stay with them if they wanted to.
And that is on top of a visit of three weeks and two of two weeks
As to going and staying with them in Greece the OP has already said he would not
OP - grow a backbone. Tell your wife it is upsetting you and that you do not want them here, and then tell the freeloaders the same.
Exactly. If it was an occasional weekend, it would be different, but this appears to be regular lengthy stays. It would drive me mad, even if the people staying were family.
These visitors have brass necks. You are being taken for a ride. Basically they think they have found a very cheap billet back in Blighty. One meal per visit is nothing. 4 visits since Sept and almost two weeks at a time??!!
Make May the last time, and reduce it to 5 days. Make up an outlandish excuse if you have to if you cannot bear to be honest about it. They probably won't believe the excuse but it does not matter. You want the situation to stop. Only you can end it, they will keep on coming if you don't. It never ceases to amaze me how people have the nerve to take advantage of other people, nor how many people put up with stuff in fear of offending those who are being the chancers! Like Nike says, just Do It!
I would enjoy their company, and the nice lavish meal out. Putting up friends costs nothing and should be a pleasure!
If you really think they are not friends but taking the P, then just refuse their next request.
Feeding people for 12 days can cost quite a lot, not to mention extra use of gas, electricity etc. Personally it would be my worst nightmare and I'd probably resort to putting itching powder in their bed!
And that is on top of a visit of three weeks and two of two weeks
As to going and staying with them in Greece the OP has already said he would not
OP - grow a backbone. Tell your wife it is upsetting you and that you do not want them here, and then tell the freeloaders the same.
But if it's not upsetting his wife and she does want them there, what then? It's her house too and her friends. Maybe she see's them as friends who she looks forward to spending time with.
Does she? Or is she just too polite and nice to say no? I'm not sure which.
OP, are they continuing to make up plausible reasons for not getting hotels, or are they just slipping into a "well we did it last time" routine?
She's too easy going to say no.
They both divorced in order to get together, and their respective families are not too happy about that, the only ones that are okay about it, Anne's brother, and Anne's son, do not have the room for them in their respective houses.
As you can imagine, it's not easy, it's a diplomatic juggling match.
My wife is too easy for her own good, she sees no bad in anyone, (except in me sometimes.)
She once drove her father's friend to Whitstable because he missed his last coach.
I was back in France at the time, but I went bananas when she told me.
I don't want her to see me as a Victorian husband, saying it's my way or no way, that is emphatically not me.
I think that she is seeing this situation a bit clearer now, and recognising that I'm not an ogre, and perhaps that she's been too much Mrs Nice Girl.
Maybe she just enjoys their visits more than you do?
Well I think 4 long visits (12 days each ish) is a huge amount and a great liberty. It would drive me insane. They should be taking you out to posh meals every other day (though that would become a pain too). Do they eat with you, sharing cooking and shopping, the rest of the time? Do they do their washing? Watch TV with you?
Even for close friends or family that would be too much IMO. Have they become close friends over the course of the visits, or do they think they have?
I would want to say to them it's fine for them to stay a couple of times a year, for a few days or a week, and that you've enjoyed getting to know them better etc, but that in future you can't accommodate them so regularly or for so long.
But easier said than done.
They don't eat with us, they'll eat out, so no cooking or shopping.
Anne will use the washing machine and dryer, they'll watch TV with us, but rarely.
Anne has offered to pitch in with the ironing, but I'm fussy about my shirts and always do them myself.
I think that they think we've become closer, but the reverse is true.
This situation ends in May, they just don't know it yet.
Comments
Even for close friends or family that would be too much IMO. Have they become close friends over the course of the visits, or do they think they have?
I would want to say to them it's fine for them to stay a couple of times a year, for a few days or a week, and that you've enjoyed getting to know them better etc, but that in future you can't accommodate them so regularly or for so long.
But easier said than done.
I think you need to chill out, its only a few days not a few weeks for goodness sakes. I'd imagine if they knew just how much you hated them coming they would gladly ask someone else, whereas they probably have the feeling you like them coming.
Maybe instead of viewing it as such a negative you should try to enjoy the company and have a few drinks and a laugh.
You might enjoy people who are not close friends or family using your home like a hotel, but I certainly wouldn't. TBH even close friends and family, would be pushing it to the extent outlined by the OP.
She's not a close friend and I've never questioned her about it. Sometimes people just don't want you there for whatever reason and they'll get the hint if you keep making excuses.
J-F, my advice stands: you simply say that you'll be happy to host them for a night or two occasionally but longer or more frequent stays don't suit you. Be pleasant, but don't be drawn into a discussion about it. If they ask why, just say it isn't convenient. Don't lie - I never understand why people think lies like 'decorating' or 'lodgers' is easier than the truth.
Then suggest - as already posted by Frankie_Little - that they try airbnb or similar site for convenient, cheapish accommodation.
Its just a few days and his wife clearly wants them to stay. And how do you make close friends if the reaction is always so negative and cynical.
As it stands they might be able to go and stay with them if they wanted to.
And its hardly a hotel environment!
Since when has 12 days been a few days ?
And that is on top of a visit of three weeks and two of two weeks
As to going and staying with them in Greece the OP has already said he would not
OP - grow a backbone. Tell your wife it is upsetting you and that you do not want them here, and then tell the freeloaders the same.
Happens a heck of a lot...
Make May the last time, and reduce it to 5 days. Make up an outlandish excuse if you have to if you cannot bear to be honest about it. They probably won't believe the excuse but it does not matter. You want the situation to stop. Only you can end it, they will keep on coming if you don't. It never ceases to amaze me how people have the nerve to take advantage of other people, nor how many people put up with stuff in fear of offending those who are being the chancers! Like Nike says, just Do It!
Does she? Or is she just too polite and nice to say no? I'm not sure which.
OP, are they continuing to make up plausible reasons for not getting hotels, or are they just slipping into a "well we did it last time" routine?
If you really think they are not friends but taking the P, then just refuse their next request.
Feeding people for 12 days can cost quite a lot, not to mention extra use of gas, electricity etc. Personally it would be my worst nightmare and I'd probably resort to putting itching powder in their bed!
But if it's not upsetting his wife and she does want them there, what then? It's her house too and her friends. Maybe she see's them as friends who she looks forward to spending time with.
She's too easy going to say no.
They both divorced in order to get together, and their respective families are not too happy about that, the only ones that are okay about it, Anne's brother, and Anne's son, do not have the room for them in their respective houses.
Maybe she just enjoys their visits more than you do?
I agree.
Fair play we have a bloody miserable bunch in this country.
Yes your home is your castle, but its not normal to not want people to visit.
Sounds like OP isnt used to any visitors!
They don't eat with us, they'll eat out, so no cooking or shopping.
Anne will use the washing machine and dryer, they'll watch TV with us, but rarely.
Anne has offered to pitch in with the ironing, but I'm fussy about my shirts and always do them myself.
I think that they think we've become closer, but the reverse is true.
This situation ends in May, they just don't know it yet.
If I've given that impression I apologise.
She wants it stopped now just as much as I do, she just doesn't want to upset anyone when we do it.
Steve, I think that neither you nor nafanny "get it", but I sincerely appreciate both your interest and input.
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/98271408/welcome-mat-the-you-again-unwelcome-mat?