This guy clearly has an issue with "picking his moment" and therein lies the issue.
Offer her a massage, run her a bath, or even make it a bit more blatant and suggest some some quality time? But make the bloody effort, don't just grope her on the sofa why she isn't expecting it or ask her if the fancies sex when she is just in from the gym!
Yep that was my exact thought earlier. If he had an extra column with items such as "Ran her a bath" "Told her she looked beautiful" "Massaged her neck/shoulders" then perhaps people might have a bit more sympathy that he is at least trying to spark the mood in her rather than just expecting her to open her legs when he fancies it.
You'd hear, he can't satisfy his wife etc... she's entitled to seek it elsewhere, he's a failure in bed etc etc... he must be gay... he's selfish... he must be cheating..
I really can't imagine a scenario where a bloke is repeatedly refusing to sleep with his wife, despite being perfectly able to, and all these folk jumping up and calling the woman a rotter for asking him.
Agreed, do you reckon they would be shouting "I bet she's crap in bed, she's probably fat, she needs to seduce him better, she needs to make him feel special and act like a porn star"
No.......course not
The world can someone be sexist against women in many areas, but sex is where women hold all the power in the end. That's why you won't hear this scenario anywhere near a much the other way around, because men don't need all the "bells and whistles", which sometimes can be detrimental in cases such as this.
Yep that was my exact thought earlier. If he had an extra column with items such as "Ran her a bath" "Told her she looked beautiful" "Massaged her neck/shoulders" then perhaps people might have a bit more sympathy that he is at least trying to spark the mood in her rather than just expecting her to open her legs when he fancies it.
Haha, I also thought this.
I think he might have done these things before the spreadsheet but once he decided to make this everything was out the window. He no longer wanted to even have sex, it was all about proving how much he got rejected.
By the spreadsheet I think some of you are probably right, he literally came in the room with his wang out, said "you want some" "no" one tick on the spreadsheet.
I can imagine he didn't even enjoy the sex the times he did get it.
3 times in 6 or 7 weeks, the guy is lucky as shit. I don't think I have even had sex 3 times in the past 6 months, my wife rejected my advances so much that it got me depressed.
Also, who the **** waits until the next day to shower after going to the gym?
You can download a thing called Open office online for free if you don't have Microsoft Office already. A good old pen and paper will do the trick too though.
In my experience men and women are very different when it comes down to wanting sex. If I am in the middle of doing something/feel unattractive then I do not want to have sex. I can't think of any normal situation where my husband would not want sex in preference to what he is doing.
Spreadsheet man seems a bit clueless. Once sex becomes an issue in a relationship you have a problem. If a woman starts thinking 'all he wants is sex' then it's very difficult to get back to a more balanced place.
Sex is not an obligation. Ever. For anyone. In any situation. Ever.
Male or female. If you don't want to have sex you say no. Simple. Married. Single. In a relationship. Sex is not an obligation. Ever.
Sex is something both participants should 100% want. If they don't. It shouldn't happen. You should never feel obligated to have sex with someone just because you married them. Because quite simply, it's not an obligation. Ever.
The fact that his wife obviously didn't want it and he kept harassing her makes me think that she's far better off without him. He might as well buy a blow up doll if it's just to offload his sperm - which is what it sounds like to me.
Glad I'm not the only one who thinks the bloke comes across as a complete arse. The amusing thing is he's probably highlighting what a crap lover he is by the fact he clearly begs for it every night and only gets it on rare occasions. Maybe he needs to look at what he's doing in the sack or perhaps how he's treating his wife outside of the bedroom rather than making a spreadsheet and posting it on the internet.
No, I think it's his poor sense of timing - and not be able to read his wife well - that causes the main problem.
If she makes it clear that she's not in the mood to have sex after gym or when watching TV, it's safe to assume it's not a good idea to approach her for sex during those times. It's also obvious that she's self-conscious about her body, which suggests she needs assurance that she's not as unsightly as she believes she is.
And yet, this guy approached her during the 'wrong' time again and again and again. Either he's not bright or he just doesn't care. Either way, they clearly have a communication issue and they both aren't making an effort to sort it out. He doesn't want sex when she's in the mood and she doesn't want sex when he's in the mood. They need to communicate to resolve this.
He's an immature, passive aggressive and cowardly dick, though, for creating this spreadsheet, giving it to her when she's on a work trip, and refusing to respond to her calls and emails. He probably has had enough, but still doesn't give him a right to be so snivelling about it.
Marriages have droughts, they have rough times and smooth. There's no need to throw in the towel just because of this! Do vows mean anything these days?
I find it quite strange discussing a couple of strangers sex lives We obviously don't have all the facts, we don't know how much effort has previously been made on either side. It should never have been made public to be frank.
looking at that spreadsheet, reckon that is pretty standard for most long term relationships.
The lads in our office (mostly dads in long term relationships) did a similar spreadsheet tallying up on how many times we got it. It run for about a year. I think out of about 10 people only one of us made it into double figures . I admit it was probably a bit disrespectful to our other halves but it did at least make us realise that we were not alone with not getting it very often. Also a feeling that the grass isn't always greener.
looking at that spreadsheet, reckon that is pretty standard for most long term relationships.
The lads in our office (mostly dads in long term relationships) did a similar spreadsheet tallying up on how many times we got it. It run for about a year. I think out of about 10 people only one of us made it into double figures . I admit it was probably a bit disrespectful to our other halves but it did at least make us realise that we were not alone with not getting it very often. Also a feeling that the grass isn't always greener.
I''m not married or in a long term relationship but I never want to get to that stage! I expect after having kids it's harder but I will remind myself I owe it to my single self
A lot of people are hammering the bloke.....as always with these stories the sheer lack of additional context makes it hard to truly take sides.
I would like to quickly comment on people saying all this bloke wants is a place to dump his load. At first I'm sure he's just frustrated he can't get his wrongs off, but after a while that frustration turns to sadness as you start to realise your partner doesn't want you. No matter how stupid this bloke is being in going about discussing this with her, the realisation she doesn't want him will cut him many times deeper than anything you lot are saying about him.
It also gives a huge amount of power to her and for blokes it can be really unsettling having no idea what you're 'permitted' to do that day. There's probably some huge relationship issues going on behind all this. I've heard first hand from many girlfriends (not lovers!!) they enjoy having the say and getting it on the terms they want. One of my male friends is besides himself with upset and hurt because his other half has completely gone off sex. He's left there with no way back from it, he'll never leave it seems (because leaving somebody for the lack of sex is frowned upon) but he's desperately unhappy. You ask him these days and it's not the sex he craves, it's just being wanted by his Mrs.
The fact that his wife obviously didn't want it and he kept harassing her makes me think that she's far better off without him. He might as well buy a blow up doll if it's just to offload his sperm - which is what it sounds like to me.
That's harsh. Maybe he just wanted physical intimacy? Either way they should break up now.
I think he might have done these things before the spreadsheet but once he decided to make this everything was out the window. He no longer wanted to even have sex, it was all about proving how much he got rejected.
By the spreadsheet I think some of you are probably right, he literally came in the room with his wang out, said "you want some" "no" one tick on the spreadsheet.
I can imagine he didn't even enjoy the sex the times he did get it.
This guy clearly has an issue with "picking his moment" and therein lies the issue.
Offer her a massage, run her a bath, or even make it a bit more blatant and suggest some some quality time? But make the bloody effort, don't just grope her on the sofa why she isn't expecting it or ask her if the fancies sex when she is just in from the gym!
I guess it might depend on whether that's the sort of stuff he used to do but he's become too lazy to do it any more.
Course, OTOH, if they previously used to shag like rabbits, at any opportunity, then you can understand why he might be a little confused and bitter about the fact that their relationship has reached a point where she'd rather watch re-runs of friends rather than have sex.
looking at that spreadsheet, reckon that is pretty standard for most long term relationships.
The lads in our office (mostly dads in long term relationships) did a similar spreadsheet tallying up on how many times we got it. It run for about a year. I think out of about 10 people only one of us made it into double figures . I admit it was probably a bit disrespectful to our other halves but it did at least make us realise that we were not alone with not getting it very often. Also a feeling that the grass isn't always greener.
Picture it - a bunch of losers competing for the title of least desirable! On a spreadsheet...
Did they pin it on the wall so the whole building could see it?
I''m not married or in a long term relationship but I never want to get to that stage! I expect after having kids it's harder but I will remind myself I owe it to my single self
it's pretty much inevitable. Over time you learn to adjust, and i certainly don't think it is worth throwing away a committed and loving relationship over it.
The lads in our office (mostly dads in long term relationships) did a similar spreadsheet tallying up on how many times we got it. It run for about a year. I think out of about 10 people only one of us made it into double figures .
A year? Surely you mean a week or, at the very worst, a month?
As for the spreadsheet guy in the newspaper article - it's his fault for not persevering hard enough. No red-blooded male gives up after the initial rejection.
A year? Surely you mean a week or, at the very worst, a month?
As for the spreadsheet guy in the newspaper article - it's his fault for not persevering hard enough. No red-blooded male gives up after the initial rejection.
I guess it might depend on whether that's the sort of stuff he used to do but he's become too lazy to do it any more.
Course, OTOH, if they previously used to shag like rabbits, at any opportunity, then you can understand why he might be a little confused and bitter about the fact that their relationship has reached a point where she'd rather watch re-runs of friends rather than have sex.
This highlights an interesting difference between men and women. My first thought is if I'm watching something on TV that's what I want to do at that particular time. It would be inconsiderate of my husband to ask me to stop watching (using this as an example) and have sex. What I would interpret that as is him saying 'I know you are doing something you want to do but I want to do something else so you need to stop now'.
If my husband was watching something on TV and I wanted sex but I didn't ask him to stop watching the TV he would be upset. To him nothing trumps sex.
My thoughts are if you are in a relationship you need to try to get the balance right. You can watch TV (or whatever your thing is) and have sex. It's not like you are dating and only see each other twice a week or whatever.
Picture it - a bunch of losers competing for the title of least desirable! On a spreadsheet...
Did they pin it on the wall so the whole building could see it?
Surely they would just start a thread on DS. That seems to happen pretty regularly.
She isn't obliged to have sex with him, but at the same time, if they have completely different sexual needs then maybe their relationship isn't going to work.
Pretty much this. Even in a relationship, people don't owe each other sex but if he's highly sexed and she's not and it's such a big deal to them, they'd be better off without.
Picture it - a bunch of losers competing for the title of least desirable! On a spreadsheet...
Did they pin it on the wall so the whole building could see it?
Did you drop in from Mumsnet?
being a loser and not being desirable doesn't come into it. It's more to do with loss of sex drive after having kids and not having the energy, which is understandable. Hey i am not complaining about it. It's one of those facts of life that people have to learn to live with.
Comments
Yep that was my exact thought earlier. If he had an extra column with items such as "Ran her a bath" "Told her she looked beautiful" "Massaged her neck/shoulders" then perhaps people might have a bit more sympathy that he is at least trying to spark the mood in her rather than just expecting her to open her legs when he fancies it.
Agreed, do you reckon they would be shouting "I bet she's crap in bed, she's probably fat, she needs to seduce him better, she needs to make him feel special and act like a porn star"
No.......course not
The world can someone be sexist against women in many areas, but sex is where women hold all the power in the end. That's why you won't hear this scenario anywhere near a much the other way around, because men don't need all the "bells and whistles", which sometimes can be detrimental in cases such as this.
Haha, I also thought this.
I think he might have done these things before the spreadsheet but once he decided to make this everything was out the window. He no longer wanted to even have sex, it was all about proving how much he got rejected.
By the spreadsheet I think some of you are probably right, he literally came in the room with his wang out, said "you want some" "no" one tick on the spreadsheet.
I can imagine he didn't even enjoy the sex the times he did get it.
You can download a thing called Open office online for free if you don't have Microsoft Office already. A good old pen and paper will do the trick too though.
Spreadsheet man seems a bit clueless. Once sex becomes an issue in a relationship you have a problem. If a woman starts thinking 'all he wants is sex' then it's very difficult to get back to a more balanced place.
The fact that his wife obviously didn't want it and he kept harassing her makes me think that she's far better off without him. He might as well buy a blow up doll if it's just to offload his sperm - which is what it sounds like to me.
No, I think it's his poor sense of timing - and not be able to read his wife well - that causes the main problem.
If she makes it clear that she's not in the mood to have sex after gym or when watching TV, it's safe to assume it's not a good idea to approach her for sex during those times. It's also obvious that she's self-conscious about her body, which suggests she needs assurance that she's not as unsightly as she believes she is.
And yet, this guy approached her during the 'wrong' time again and again and again. Either he's not bright or he just doesn't care. Either way, they clearly have a communication issue and they both aren't making an effort to sort it out. He doesn't want sex when she's in the mood and she doesn't want sex when he's in the mood. They need to communicate to resolve this.
He's an immature, passive aggressive and cowardly dick, though, for creating this spreadsheet, giving it to her when she's on a work trip, and refusing to respond to her calls and emails. He probably has had enough, but still doesn't give him a right to be so snivelling about it.
Pretty much this....
I find it quite strange discussing a couple of strangers sex lives
The lads in our office (mostly dads in long term relationships) did a similar spreadsheet tallying up on how many times we got it. It run for about a year. I think out of about 10 people only one of us made it into double figures
I''m not married or in a long term relationship but I never want to get to that stage! I expect after having kids it's harder but I will remind myself I owe it to my single self
I would like to quickly comment on people saying all this bloke wants is a place to dump his load. At first I'm sure he's just frustrated he can't get his wrongs off, but after a while that frustration turns to sadness as you start to realise your partner doesn't want you. No matter how stupid this bloke is being in going about discussing this with her, the realisation she doesn't want him will cut him many times deeper than anything you lot are saying about him.
It also gives a huge amount of power to her and for blokes it can be really unsettling having no idea what you're 'permitted' to do that day. There's probably some huge relationship issues going on behind all this. I've heard first hand from many girlfriends (not lovers!!) they enjoy having the say and getting it on the terms they want. One of my male friends is besides himself with upset and hurt because his other half has completely gone off sex. He's left there with no way back from it, he'll never leave it seems (because leaving somebody for the lack of sex is frowned upon) but he's desperately unhappy. You ask him these days and it's not the sex he craves, it's just being wanted by his Mrs.
My 2ps
That's harsh. Maybe he just wanted physical intimacy? Either way they should break up now.
I don't imagine she did either.
I guess it might depend on whether that's the sort of stuff he used to do but he's become too lazy to do it any more.
Course, OTOH, if they previously used to shag like rabbits, at any opportunity, then you can understand why he might be a little confused and bitter about the fact that their relationship has reached a point where she'd rather watch re-runs of friends rather than have sex.
Picture it - a bunch of losers competing for the title of least desirable! On a spreadsheet...
Did they pin it on the wall so the whole building could see it?
it's pretty much inevitable. Over time you learn to adjust, and i certainly don't think it is worth throwing away a committed and loving relationship over it.
As for the spreadsheet guy in the newspaper article - it's his fault for not persevering hard enough. No red-blooded male gives up after the initial rejection.
Er at what point do you give up then?
No a lot of the time really does mean NO!
This highlights an interesting difference between men and women. My first thought is if I'm watching something on TV that's what I want to do at that particular time. It would be inconsiderate of my husband to ask me to stop watching (using this as an example) and have sex. What I would interpret that as is him saying 'I know you are doing something you want to do but I want to do something else so you need to stop now'.
If my husband was watching something on TV and I wanted sex but I didn't ask him to stop watching the TV he would be upset. To him nothing trumps sex.
My thoughts are if you are in a relationship you need to try to get the balance right. You can watch TV (or whatever your thing is) and have sex. It's not like you are dating and only see each other twice a week or whatever.
Surely they would just start a thread on DS. That seems to happen pretty regularly.
Pretty much this. Even in a relationship, people don't owe each other sex but if he's highly sexed and she's not and it's such a big deal to them, they'd be better off without.
Did you drop in from Mumsnet?
being a loser and not being desirable doesn't come into it. It's more to do with loss of sex drive after having kids and not having the energy, which is understandable. Hey i am not complaining about it. It's one of those facts of life that people have to learn to live with.