The only problem I can see in your post is that you put signing instead of singing, which is a very easy thing to do
I agree with you post though, in this day and age the wedding is important, in the past it was the person you were marrying and the marriage. Just because people can afford £12,000 for a wedding does not make it right.
Why is it not right?
My husband and I had an expensive wedding, and we're still going strong 7 years on. The wedding was important to us, and we both enjoyed it immensely as did our family/friends.
But, it was just one day, our marriage was/is a sight more important to us. I'm sure that is true for most married couples, expensive wedding or not, and whether it ultimately lasts or not.
I'm going to my friends mates wedding tomorrow. It says in the invitation that they would like a small contribution towards their honeymoon, not a gift.
A post box will be located in the main reception room.
Is £10 enough to give?
If £10 is alot to you and all you can afford, then yes £10 is enough to give.
I find gratuitousness distasteful. I consider spending a lot of money on things like weddings to be gratuitousness.
I am not going to argue this point, if you are happy to do this then that for you to decide.
Hands up realwales, I totally screwed up there, a brain fart of massive proportions, I'm not illiterate, but numeracy has never been my long suit, somehow I equated 1976 as your mother's year of birth.
I cannot apologise enough, I feel terrible at making a balls-up of this magnitude, please accept my most humble and sincere apologies.
Were it not for the fact that I live in central London, I would volunteer to be the village idiot, complete with dunce's cap as well.
Some weddings are really flashy. But if someone can afford it and they want to then why not? I think it's a shame that people spend themselves into debt though. It's just one day and the occasion is what's special.
I got married yesterday and it couldn't have been less flashy! £45 at the registry office and then we took our two witnesses for a Greek lunch and then spent the afternoon in the pub. I bought a lovely fifties style summer dress for £40 from my favourite shop. I'll wear it through the summer and I simply put a petticoat underneath it to add some wow factor. I made a bouquet to match using fake flowers from Ikea and stuck a flower hairband in my hair. Our witness took some snapshots on his digital camera and that's that. We did spend a bit on the rings as we had them made, but we decided that they were the things that would last forever. Food gets eaten, wine gets drunk, the day finishes but the rings are the everlasting symbol. But excluding those, we probably spent about £250 including my dress, lunch for the four of us and a few drinks.
We had a fabulous day! And luckily family etc all understood. We told our parents but other than that, we kept it a secret from everyone and we loved it.
If you don't like gaudy and flashy you can do what I did and elope to Vegas...
Which as everyone knows, isn't gaudy or flashy at all!
Still, I can talk, we were married in the Hernando County court house, 40 odd miles north of Tampa Fl., partly due to the fact that my wife's family, as much as I love them, are the biggest bunch of freeloaders in Christendom.
Aside from the rings, which we'd bought in Brussels, the entire day cost around $500.
Which as everyone knows, isn't gaudy or flashy at all!
Still, I can talk, we were married in the Hernando County court house, 40 odd miles north of Tampa Fl., partly due to the fact that my wife's family, as much as I love them, are the biggest bunch of freeloaders in Christendom.
Aside from the rings, which we'd bought in Brussels, the entire day cost around $500.
If the couple can afford it then how can it be wrong
If the couple can't and have to get into debt for it that's when it's wrong IMO
There is no issue with wealthy people having expensive weddings.
There are two issues:
1. People who are not wealthy are being drawn into a world of ever-rising expectations. The possibility of using a beautiful country mansion, at vast expense, can make the previous (sole) option for the secular of a registry office seem cheap and tawdry. And brides to be are bombarded with what seems to be an exponentially growing commercial sector of the economy. Not having a 'wedding beauty package' for you and your bridesmaids? How hideous will you all look? Surely your guests will think more of you if you have your reception in that elegant marquee than in the function room of your local pub? (Our local pub function room has been discontinued, after generations of hosting wedding receptions, because too few people were prepared to settle for their local pub these days.) Don't tell me you are not bothering with those elegant silk drapes on every chair?
2. They are becoming increasingly burdensome for guests. The stag/ hen weekend has become a bloated monstrosity, often costing many hundreds of pounds per guest. I don't know when this became a 'tradition', but I promise that a stag or hen night used to be just that - a night out. Wedding 'packages' are often at smart hotels, with guest rooms over £100; as a lot of these hotels are in the countryside, it may be a long taxi ride to any other accommodation. And those romantic wedding packages abroad can be worse, albeit for fewer people. I had a friend who was in floods of tears (not in front of the bride) because her daughter's wedding was on a beach in Florida and she couldn't afford to go. Of course she DID afford to go; who would not want to see their only daughter's wedding? But it was all on borrowed money, and a great worry to her.
I think big flashy weddings can sometimes cause problems that little ones dont and vice versa.
A couple i knew got married and the bloke was stressing the whole two years up to it because it had cost over 10k and they were always skint. The woman lost her job at one point but because things had been planned he had a lot of pressure on him to pay the bills and save to pay for the wedding stuff. It got to the point where it almost broke them up because he felt like he was just working a lot and didnt get anything from it. He hated the wedding and said at the reception that the 10k wouldve been much better used to pay off bills and part of the mortgage! They had a baby shortly after and now dont go out because they can barely afford to stay in! The woman is always moaning about having no money but thought nothing about blowing ten grand on a day.
On the other hand my male cousin was due to get married next summer and they had both agreed to a small wedding, no fuss. The day after he put a ring on her finger she went out and got a huge wedding dress and all the trimmings. A bit nearer the time she was asking on facebook for recommendations for limos, photographers, djs, etc all the things they had agreed not to spend money on. Unsuprinsingly the wedding was cancelled and the reason given was that they couldnt afford it. That suprised everyone because my cousin had said the plan was mid week marriage at a registary office with parents/grandparents only and then a pub meal for everyone at the wedding plus a few more family members. Given what they earn and the fact it was a year away that excuse didnt make sense. Its only come to light since planning it the woman had decided she wanted cars, castles, bridesmaids etc the works.
There is no issue with wealthy people having expensive weddings.
There are two issues:
1. People who are not wealthy are being drawn into a world of ever-rising expectations. The possibility of using a beautiful country mansion, at vast expense, can make the previous (sole) option for the secular of a registry office seem cheap and tawdry. And brides to be are bombarded with what seems to be an exponentially growing commercial sector of the economy. Not having a 'wedding beauty package' for you and your bridesmaids? How hideous will you all look? Surely your guests will think more of you if you have your reception in that elegant marquee than in the function room of your local pub? (Our local pub function room has been discontinued, after generations of hosting wedding receptions, because too few people were prepared to settle for their local pub these days.) Don't tell me you are not bothering with those elegant silk drapes on every chair?
2. They are becoming increasingly burdensome for guests. The stag/ hen weekend has become a bloated monstrosity, often costing many hundreds of pounds per guest. I don't know when this became a 'tradition', but I promise that a stag or hen night used to be just that - a night out. Wedding 'packages' are often at smart hotels, with guest rooms over £100; as a lot of these hotels are in the countryside, it may be a long taxi ride to any other accommodation. And those romantic wedding packages abroad can be worse, albeit for fewer people. I had a friend who was in floods of tears (not in front of the bride) because her daughter's wedding was on a beach in Florida and she couldn't afford to go. Of course she DID afford to go; who would not want to see their only daughter's wedding? But it was all on borrowed money, and a great worry to her.
Well written points.
I got married 16 years ago, aged 37. It was my first wedding and the total cost of it was £1000. My friend made my dress, it was lovely, another made the cake, another did the reception. We used a professional photographer as I knew (hoped!) that the only thing that would last would be the marriage and the photos! We got the rings from the Jewellery Quarter in Birmingham. Our honeymoon was in North Wales and my hen do was a meal at a local pub. Hubby went ten pin bowling for his stag do. We have made it to 16 years but like every other marriage, we've had our ups and down....and we still have the photos!
If you can afford an expensive wedding that's great, but I have seen friends of the bride panicking as they are expected to spend money on fancy hen parties that they can ill afford, but seemingly the bride can't see it.
Some weddings are really flashy. But if someone can afford it and they want to then why not? I think it's a shame that people spend themselves into debt though. It's just one day and the occasion is what's special.
I got married yesterday and it couldn't have been less flashy! £45 at the registry office and then we took our two witnesses for a Greek lunch and then spent the afternoon in the pub. I bought a lovely fifties style summer dress for £40 from my favourite shop. I'll wear it through the summer and I simply put a petticoat underneath it to add some wow factor. I made a bouquet to match using fake flowers from Ikea and stuck a flower hairband in my hair. Our witness took some snapshots on his digital camera and that's that. We did spend a bit on the rings as we had them made, but we decided that they were the things that would last forever. Food gets eaten, wine gets drunk, the day finishes but the rings are the everlasting symbol. But excluding those, we probably spent about £250 including my dress, lunch for the four of us and a few drinks.
We had a fabulous day! And luckily family etc all understood. We told our parents but other than that, we kept it a secret from everyone and we loved it.
You are clearly somebody who understands what a wedding is about. Sounds like a lovely day and I wish you all the happiness in your married life.
I remember one year when I went to two weddings. The first was a flashy affair; huge reception in a hotel at Land's End. Vast dining room, lots of speeches etc. Fireworks in the evening, although everyone was so pissed by then that only about six people saw them.
Second was in Liverpool. A Catholic service that was very long but quite moving. After that we all piled into a hired double decker bus that took us to a country hotel where we had an informal lunch in a marquee, followed by music and dancing. In the evening, there was a hog roast, which was a lovely touch.
The latter was far more enjoyable and I remember much more about it. The couple were relaxed, everyone was chatty and friendly. People forget weddings are supposed to be fun.
I've had two, the first one cost £13000 and involved guests and things, the second one cost £10000-ish and didn't involve guests as we poked off to Vegas on our own and then had a three week honeymoon in Cuba.
Thankfully we haven't been invited to any weddings for years, I don't enjoy them, find them boring and expensive. The last one we went to cost us nearly £1000 in total and that was just as guests as it involved a weekend away for us.
I got married in 1983. My dress cost £20. We went to the registry office by random cars, came back to our flat and had a homemade reception. Richer friends hired the village hall. Lots of sarnies, cake, alcohol, then out of there in a couple of hours. I went to a wedding last year and we were the first guests to leave. After 13 hours. It was exhausting. Wedding in the morning, then travelling 15 miles to a posh hotel (why? There was an empty village hall yards from the church), then hanging around, one drink paid for, more hanging around, several more hours hanging around, a meal, lengthy speeches, more hanging around (some guests had hotel rooms so they could go up and rest DURING the reception, it was so gruelling) then, 'the bride and groom's first dance', then a few more hours hanging around, then 'cutting the cake'...
It was just one long gruelling, exhausting nightmare designed with lots of longeurs, so you'd have to buy booze from the hotel bar to keep going.... it could all have been done in 2 hours tops.
I see nothing wrong with people having a flashy wedding. I've been to a few and they were delightful! My wedding cost approx £2k, with 25 guests and it was great. Each to their own, but all this inverted snobbery is just as distasteful as the weddings you so despise.
I agree with the OP really, though of course it is up to each individual couple. I'm really seeing it from the perspective of a guest. Thankfully I don't get invited to many weddings anymore, because I probably wouldn't be able to afford it.
As for my own wedding 25 years ago, it cost about £1000 and that included a free bar in the evening. The marriage didn't last but that had nothing to do with the cost of the wedding.
In the extremely unlikely event of me ever getting married again my preference would be for a basic registry office wedding with immediate family as guests, followed by a pub lunch. I wouldn't even bother with a wedding dress or a bouquet or any of that sort of stuff.
Comments
Why is it not right?
My husband and I had an expensive wedding, and we're still going strong 7 years on. The wedding was important to us, and we both enjoyed it immensely as did our family/friends.
But, it was just one day, our marriage was/is a sight more important to us. I'm sure that is true for most married couples, expensive wedding or not, and whether it ultimately lasts or not.
If £10 is alot to you and all you can afford, then yes £10 is enough to give.
oi hands off
Exactly, why not?
If the couple can afford it then how can it be wrong
If the couple can't and have to get into debt for it that's when it's wrong IMO
Personally I see it as a huge waste of money. I'd rather put it towards a house or a car or something practical.
I am not going to argue this point, if you are happy to do this then that for you to decide.
Ha ha it's OK, no problem
Congratulations! It sounds like a wonderful day!
You'reSHITTING us.
Which as everyone knows, isn't gaudy or flashy at all!
Still, I can talk, we were married in the Hernando County court house, 40 odd miles north of Tampa Fl., partly due to the fact that my wife's family, as much as I love them, are the biggest bunch of freeloaders in Christendom.
Aside from the rings, which we'd bought in Brussels, the entire day cost around $500.
I was attempting irony.
There is no issue with wealthy people having expensive weddings.
There are two issues:
1. People who are not wealthy are being drawn into a world of ever-rising expectations. The possibility of using a beautiful country mansion, at vast expense, can make the previous (sole) option for the secular of a registry office seem cheap and tawdry. And brides to be are bombarded with what seems to be an exponentially growing commercial sector of the economy. Not having a 'wedding beauty package' for you and your bridesmaids? How hideous will you all look? Surely your guests will think more of you if you have your reception in that elegant marquee than in the function room of your local pub? (Our local pub function room has been discontinued, after generations of hosting wedding receptions, because too few people were prepared to settle for their local pub these days.) Don't tell me you are not bothering with those elegant silk drapes on every chair?
2. They are becoming increasingly burdensome for guests. The stag/ hen weekend has become a bloated monstrosity, often costing many hundreds of pounds per guest. I don't know when this became a 'tradition', but I promise that a stag or hen night used to be just that - a night out. Wedding 'packages' are often at smart hotels, with guest rooms over £100; as a lot of these hotels are in the countryside, it may be a long taxi ride to any other accommodation. And those romantic wedding packages abroad can be worse, albeit for fewer people. I had a friend who was in floods of tears (not in front of the bride) because her daughter's wedding was on a beach in Florida and she couldn't afford to go. Of course she DID afford to go; who would not want to see their only daughter's wedding? But it was all on borrowed money, and a great worry to her.
A couple i knew got married and the bloke was stressing the whole two years up to it because it had cost over 10k and they were always skint. The woman lost her job at one point but because things had been planned he had a lot of pressure on him to pay the bills and save to pay for the wedding stuff. It got to the point where it almost broke them up because he felt like he was just working a lot and didnt get anything from it. He hated the wedding and said at the reception that the 10k wouldve been much better used to pay off bills and part of the mortgage! They had a baby shortly after and now dont go out because they can barely afford to stay in! The woman is always moaning about having no money but thought nothing about blowing ten grand on a day.
On the other hand my male cousin was due to get married next summer and they had both agreed to a small wedding, no fuss. The day after he put a ring on her finger she went out and got a huge wedding dress and all the trimmings. A bit nearer the time she was asking on facebook for recommendations for limos, photographers, djs, etc all the things they had agreed not to spend money on. Unsuprinsingly the wedding was cancelled and the reason given was that they couldnt afford it. That suprised everyone because my cousin had said the plan was mid week marriage at a registary office with parents/grandparents only and then a pub meal for everyone at the wedding plus a few more family members. Given what they earn and the fact it was a year away that excuse didnt make sense. Its only come to light since planning it the woman had decided she wanted cars, castles, bridesmaids etc the works.
Well written points.
I got married 16 years ago, aged 37. It was my first wedding and the total cost of it was £1000. My friend made my dress, it was lovely, another made the cake, another did the reception. We used a professional photographer as I knew (hoped!) that the only thing that would last would be the marriage and the photos! We got the rings from the Jewellery Quarter in Birmingham. Our honeymoon was in North Wales and my hen do was a meal at a local pub. Hubby went ten pin bowling for his stag do. We have made it to 16 years but like every other marriage, we've had our ups and down....and we still have the photos!
If you can afford an expensive wedding that's great, but I have seen friends of the bride panicking as they are expected to spend money on fancy hen parties that they can ill afford, but seemingly the bride can't see it.
You are clearly somebody who understands what a wedding is about. Sounds like a lovely day and I wish you all the happiness in your married life.
I remember one year when I went to two weddings. The first was a flashy affair; huge reception in a hotel at Land's End. Vast dining room, lots of speeches etc. Fireworks in the evening, although everyone was so pissed by then that only about six people saw them.
Second was in Liverpool. A Catholic service that was very long but quite moving. After that we all piled into a hired double decker bus that took us to a country hotel where we had an informal lunch in a marquee, followed by music and dancing. In the evening, there was a hog roast, which was a lovely touch.
The latter was far more enjoyable and I remember much more about it. The couple were relaxed, everyone was chatty and friendly. People forget weddings are supposed to be fun.
I swear to God that that crossed my mind, but like a prat I dismissed it and ploughed on.
Sorry!
Ah, can there be anything more ironic than a Frenchman and an American in an irony contest?
Bastard!
Thankfully we haven't been invited to any weddings for years, I don't enjoy them, find them boring and expensive. The last one we went to cost us nearly £1000 in total and that was just as guests as it involved a weekend away for us.
It was just one long gruelling, exhausting nightmare designed with lots of longeurs, so you'd have to buy booze from the hotel bar to keep going.... it could all have been done in 2 hours tops.
You disappoint me, Mr epicurian. I was hoping for a more stereotypical response like 'limey son-of-a-bitch' from yourself and 'con' from J-F.
As for my own wedding 25 years ago, it cost about £1000 and that included a free bar in the evening. The marriage didn't last but that had nothing to do with the cost of the wedding.
In the extremely unlikely event of me ever getting married again my preference would be for a basic registry office wedding with immediate family as guests, followed by a pub lunch. I wouldn't even bother with a wedding dress or a bouquet or any of that sort of stuff.