It strikes me as very bizarre. I've been to a few weddings or other dos where people ask for charity donations instead of presents, and I've never come across anything like this. I've generally chosen to donate privately, not including cash with a card, or if there is a box, stuck the money in separately anyway!
I'd be tempted to reply that I had decided in advance how much I was happy to donate, but seeing the boxes made me feel that my donation wasn't appreciated, and it would appear others felt the same.
To be honest, I think £50 is generous, whether for an actual wedding present or a charity gift. I don't think I've ever spent that much on a wedding present or donation, although I've spent much more in hotels and travel expenses. It's all very well giving a generous gift to a young couple starting out in the world, especially when it's from your home village and you can walk home to your own bed at the end of the night.
I suppose we should credit her for not asking for gifts when she's spend £8k on a dress, but you do wonder what motivated her to do the boxes. Realistically, most people will have prepared a cheque, or stuck cash in the card before they left the house, so it's not even a good tool for encouraging generous donations. Perhaps more to the point, why did no-one else tell her that it was a bad idea. Someone must have seen it and scratched their head!
One of the guests is annoyed I think ! I just got a cc saying basically she was happy to donate but could she get a receipt as she needs it for tax purposes! think it's all going to kick off now
Seems a bit churlish to hope for a tax rebate on what was supposed to be a gift, but I'm guessing (hoping) this is just a ploy to get a receipt without actually saying "I don't trust you".
Part of me does think it's maybe best left alone, as it would be awful for any bride to look back and think about how she offended people on her big day, but equally, she needs to realise why people were miffed. It's too late to pretend people weren't bothered by it.
I never said I agreed with 3 boxes, but why make a big deal out of it the young lady is in turmoi over her mom. Bit like a D.M story. Me I hope her mom dose ok feel for her.
It sounds like the person making a big deal out of it is the bride.
I'm sure she is in turmoil over her mum, but that should be all the more reason for her to be appreciative of the effort and support from her friends.
I never said I agreed with 3 boxes, but why make a big deal out of it the young lady is in turmoi over her mom. Bit like a D.M story. Me I hope her mom dose ok feel for her.
The bride is the one making a big deal, firstly by making three marked boxes, secondly by taking a tantrum over it at the wedding and thirdly by emailing people afterwards about it.
Your oarent having cancer doesn't give you the right to behave like a **** unquestioned
The bride is the one making a big deal, firstly by making three marked boxes, secondly by taking a tantrum over it at the wedding and thirdly by emailing people afterwards about it.
Your oarent having cancer doesn't give you the right to behave like a **** unquestioned
To be fair we don't know that it was the bride that organised the boxes - might have been a wedding planner or the venue.
The bride is the one making a big deal, firstly by making three marked boxes, secondly by taking a tantrum over it at the wedding and thirdly by emailing people afterwards about it.
Your oarent having cancer doesn't give you the right to behave like a **** unquestioned
BIB and you know all this for sure. Makes me lol one persons word. ;-)
BIB and you know all this for sure. Makes me lol one persons word. ;-)
What a ridiculous post. Why on earth would I spend the weekend at a wedding have something happen and lie about it Unlike some I don't come here regularly and make ridiculous threads on a daily basis or behave like a troll. When I got the email I was genuinely confused about how to reply and I think most people would be. I also did not say the mother of the bride was dying she has breast cancer and is getting treatment.
I'm just catching up with this thread and still waiting a response on the emails before I say anything more to her or reply to her myself. I've no idea why she put the signs on but her response makes me believe it was her idea and not the wedding planners and yes the mother was there but of course no one at our table raised the issue with her, you just wouldn't really.
ps I've been to three other weddings from uni people and always spent the £50 mark which is why my friend and I agreed that amount before we knew anything about the boxes if people read back through the thread they can see how we were asked for donations with the invite.
BIB and you know all this for sure. Makes me lol one persons word. ;-)
Yes one persons word who was actually there, you weren't.
Also if you might want to read threads properly before jumping in trying to guilt trip people and essentially calling them liars, as has been confirmed by the OP the mother isn't dying.
Yes one persons word who was actually there, you weren't.
Also if you might want to read threads properly before jumping in trying to guilt trip people and essentially calling them liars, as has been confirmed by the OP the mother isn't dying.
Thanks for that I think I'm a reasonably ok poster and and I certainly wouldn't come on line and make up some blooming story for attention !
Minnie I'd personally back off and wait till the dust settles when perhaps she will see things differently. Emotional day and all that.
Personally, to expect people to give a certain amount is insensitive, that's just me though.. peanuts to some could be monumental to others. I just don't like the idea of people feeling they've been labelled "the haves and have-nots".
Yeah agreed, it's inappropriate and ill thought out to put the cash amounts labelled in front of everyone.
Weddings are expensive at the best of times and whilst it's nice to give gifts to charity, I find it a bit surprising that anyone organising a collection especially at such a public event wouldn't have thought more carefully about it.
Sorry everyone finishing up work but I will reply again later and we decided on £50 before we knew anything about boxes. The note with the invite said "Donations to Cancer Research in lieu of gifts please, an area will be provided near the Treats table for you to make your donation". Next to the post boxes table was a treats table with choc fountain and fruit/things to dip in it and sweets and cupcakes.
Oh ok that's good so there wasn't a suggested amount with the invite. That's good.
Me too.
Never heard of such a thing.
I've had a grade two breast cancer with all the lymph nodes infected.
I certainly wouldn't have wanted it discussed at my sons wedding.
I hadn't even considered the mother's vew point, and you're correct it's not really about the mother, hope everything is going well regarding her illness.
Just leave it for now, if it escalates then you know you've stayed out of it, but I also do shamefully want to know updates
Why on earth would you bother having 3 separate boxes and labelling the amount!s? Maybe you can email back and ask her what on earth was going through her head.
I feel the best way to have gone if she wanted the donations made at the wedding ( God knows why ) is just for one box for all the envelopes to be deposited into - no names on the envelopes at all - why the big display of who gave what?
BIB and you know all this for sure. Makes me lol one persons word. ;-)
Why would you join a thread and lol and doubt where no reason for doubt is evident at all ? Because people didnt agree with your opinion ? You wernt even there ?? The OP was
She didn't deserve a penny if she spent £8000 on a dress!!! >:(
How disrespectful to ask for those amounts, what about those that couldn't afford £50!!! >:(
This is kind of a weird response. Spending a lot on a wedding dress, while not something I would do or encourage, doesn't preclude this woman from asking for charitable donations instead of gifts. It's actually fairly laudable and the fact that it is connected to her mum's illness makes it a nice personal request to make of guests to her wedding.
Of course the whole publicly placed post boxes with amounts written on is utterly crass and laughable and I am looking forward to the OPs updates on the meltdown brewing by email. Thanks OP for sharing the randomness! Just keep your head down and keep reporting back
If I was the mother of the bride I would have felt extremely awkward watching guests post envelopes in aid of me.
Personally I would have insisted that my daughter enjoys her wedding day and didn't make a fuss as it is her day after all, I can understand why she asked for charitable donations but I would never let any of my children do this.
This is kind of a weird response. Spending a lot on a wedding dress, while not something I would do or encourage, doesn't preclude this woman from asking for charitable donations instead of gifts. It's actually fairly laudable and the fact that it is connected to her mum's illness makes it a nice personal request to make of guests to her wedding.
If I was the mother of the bride I would have felt extremely awkward watching guests post envelopes in aid of me.
Personally I would have insisted that my daughter enjoys her wedding day and didn't make a fuss as it is her day after all, I can understand why she asked for charitable donations but I would never let any of my children do this.
It wasn't actually for the mother though was it? It was allegedly a donation to a cancer charity, because the bride's mother is currently suffering. They weren't angling for money to pay for her treatment.
This story beggars belief, tbh. Who would ever dream up such a ridiculous, hairbrained idea in the first place??! And what exactly was the purpose of having 3 separate boxes anyway? Was it to make it easier to quickly identify the more generous guests, by diving straight into the £100+ box first?
If this really happened, then it's proof, if any were needed, that money can't buy class.
Did she have the tables laid out accordingly, 50 quidders at the back, 100 in the middle and the most generous nearest the bride and groom?
This post just made me laugh. I could imagine Mark Jenkins from Channel 4's The Hotel as the party planner. The £500 guests would be in a special VIP roped off area, but there would be "Vol-au-Vents for everyone".
If you have never watched The Hotel, you won't have any idea what I am talking about.
Comments
I'd be tempted to reply that I had decided in advance how much I was happy to donate, but seeing the boxes made me feel that my donation wasn't appreciated, and it would appear others felt the same.
To be honest, I think £50 is generous, whether for an actual wedding present or a charity gift. I don't think I've ever spent that much on a wedding present or donation, although I've spent much more in hotels and travel expenses. It's all very well giving a generous gift to a young couple starting out in the world, especially when it's from your home village and you can walk home to your own bed at the end of the night.
I suppose we should credit her for not asking for gifts when she's spend £8k on a dress, but you do wonder what motivated her to do the boxes. Realistically, most people will have prepared a cheque, or stuck cash in the card before they left the house, so it's not even a good tool for encouraging generous donations. Perhaps more to the point, why did no-one else tell her that it was a bad idea. Someone must have seen it and scratched their head!
Seems a bit churlish to hope for a tax rebate on what was supposed to be a gift, but I'm guessing (hoping) this is just a ploy to get a receipt without actually saying "I don't trust you".
Part of me does think it's maybe best left alone, as it would be awful for any bride to look back and think about how she offended people on her big day, but equally, she needs to realise why people were miffed. It's too late to pretend people weren't bothered by it.
It sounds like the person making a big deal out of it is the bride.
I'm sure she is in turmoil over her mum, but that should be all the more reason for her to be appreciative of the effort and support from her friends.
The bride is the one making a big deal, firstly by making three marked boxes, secondly by taking a tantrum over it at the wedding and thirdly by emailing people afterwards about it.
Your oarent having cancer doesn't give you the right to behave like a **** unquestioned
To be fair we don't know that it was the bride that organised the boxes - might have been a wedding planner or the venue.
BIB and you know all this for sure. Makes me lol one persons word. ;-)
What a ridiculous post. Why on earth would I spend the weekend at a wedding have something happen and lie about it
I'm just catching up with this thread and still waiting a response on the emails before I say anything more to her or reply to her myself. I've no idea why she put the signs on but her response makes me believe it was her idea and not the wedding planners and yes the mother was there but of course no one at our table raised the issue with her, you just wouldn't really.
ps I've been to three other weddings from uni people and always spent the £50 mark which is why my friend and I agreed that amount before we knew anything about the boxes if people read back through the thread they can see how we were asked for donations with the invite.
Yes one persons word who was actually there, you weren't.
Also if you might want to read threads properly before jumping in trying to guilt trip people and essentially calling them liars, as has been confirmed by the OP the mother isn't dying.
Thanks for that I think I'm a reasonably ok poster and and I certainly wouldn't come on line and make up some blooming story for attention !
Personally, to expect people to give a certain amount is insensitive, that's just me though.. peanuts to some could be monumental to others. I just don't like the idea of people feeling they've been labelled "the haves and have-nots".
Sit back and wait.
Weddings are expensive at the best of times and whilst it's nice to give gifts to charity, I find it a bit surprising that anyone organising a collection especially at such a public event wouldn't have thought more carefully about it.
Oh ok that's good so there wasn't a suggested amount with the invite. That's good.
I hadn't even considered the mother's vew point, and you're correct it's not really about the mother, hope everything is going well regarding her illness.
Just leave it for now, if it escalates then you know you've stayed out of it, but I also do shamefully want to know updates
I feel the best way to have gone if she wanted the donations made at the wedding ( God knows why
How disrespectful to ask for those amounts, what about those that couldn't afford £50!!! >:(
Why would you join a thread and lol and doubt where no reason for doubt is evident at all ? Because people didnt agree with your opinion ? You wernt even there ?? The OP was
She emailed the op asking where she could return the money to in a fit of pique.
This is kind of a weird response. Spending a lot on a wedding dress, while not something I would do or encourage, doesn't preclude this woman from asking for charitable donations instead of gifts. It's actually fairly laudable and the fact that it is connected to her mum's illness makes it a nice personal request to make of guests to her wedding.
Of course the whole publicly placed post boxes with amounts written on is utterly crass and laughable
Personally I would have insisted that my daughter enjoys her wedding day and didn't make a fuss as it is her day after all, I can understand why she asked for charitable donations but I would never let any of my children do this.
No, she's got it all wrong. ;-)
It wasn't actually for the mother though was it? It was allegedly a donation to a cancer charity, because the bride's mother is currently suffering. They weren't angling for money to pay for her treatment.
If this really happened, then it's proof, if any were needed, that money can't buy class.
This post just made me laugh. I could imagine Mark Jenkins from Channel 4's The Hotel as the party planner. The £500 guests would be in a special VIP roped off area, but there would be "Vol-au-Vents for everyone".
If you have never watched The Hotel, you won't have any idea what I am talking about.